it's taking over me

i am my own worst enemy

i am hopelessly lost in my own head

my words are so hollow and dead

hands over mouths

hands aroundyour neck as the gasps become howls

you are so cold and alone

you can search but you will never seek your home

crawl right into my face

its such a dead empty place

crawl right out from the inside

forced out by a sou...

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Lemme collect these shambles, ones scattered in the name of cards ungambled.

Battles that left me rattled. Pieces that never fell together.

 Realisations gone to tatters. Memories forgotten, altogether.

These pieces of armor unfused forever.
 Energies wasted in mindless splendor, with ideals crafted in inks without matter.  

These caricatures of youth, wasted in canvas of unwritten ...

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Who Am I? And where do I belong?

Where do I go right? Where did I go wrong?

Was it real or fake love I was shown all along?

Am I really that mentally tough & strong?

If I fail, Will I momentairly freeze or stay froze?

Will I dig up a pile of dirt in my back yard & find a bunch of diamonds & gold?

Or am I to die a failure, lonely, & old?

This the type of mindset the old me was ...

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Narcissus creatures surround me.
Vultures, pecking at my serenity.
Testing my resolve.
Threatening to consume me.
Daring me to break free,
from a doomed mentality. 

Do I close my eyes to injustice
permeating our atmosphere,
like The Great Smog?

No.

I spread my Phoenix wings.
Rise above the toxic darkness.
Bring forth healing light.
Spread peace, kindness, love.

Never give up ...

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She's gone again, I dont know where

Her nightly walks a bit of a mystery,

I wonder if there's some fancy man

After all, she has a bit of a history

If I had any sense, I'd try to follow her

Difficult to think its come down to this,

Yet we dont communicate anymore

To be fair, it was never married bliss

A copper at the door with bad news

They've found a woman in t...

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The first time

Is a pin prick

To unstitch

Your skin

To feel yourself

Begin

You search your being

You are it:

Coursing through yourself

The second time

You search inside

A stranger

Behind the corner shop

You find where he begins

Adrenaline!

But come back,

Stinking of rot

Void of thought

To feel what?

What are you searching for?

To begin ag...

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Some time ago
My skin turned wooden
My feet moulded into one
Foot
I slipped
And smudged the painted grid
On the marble floor
Another time I fell
And did not stop
I rolled right off the board
It was not a conscious decision
To spectate rather than participate
But it happened
As it does to many
Who give up on giving
When you undertake solely seeing
You relinquish being
But not feeli...

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[ ] Even through the deep pain, shame, regret & great sorrow.

[ ] Keep well living there is always a tomorrow.

[ ] Fight! Go towards the light, not the dark road.

[ ] We know the burden is heavy on you & has a strong hold.

[ ] And it's not and easy thing to defeat or let go.

[ ] Beware of your health it's taking on a great toll.

[ ] I can feel the negative vibratio...

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The sounds of the ocean waves crashing as if they were  talking to me saying , " Breathe, be free."

The sound of the wind whispering in my ear, break your chains, run, run,run, don't you dare look back

My eyes closed, my heart beating fast, wondering when will the world stop spinning round and round

When will my light be free to shine

When will my soul be freed  from yours

When will...

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i DONT belong 

i don’t belong here

i don’t belong anywhere. 

i belong alone .

i belong dead.

no one understands me.

i go in groups and try to talk but nothing useful comes out. 

i try to get people to like me but no one ends up liking me. 

im insane.

im so far in my own mind i can’t connect with anyone around me.

i hate myself. i hate who i am.

why c...

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The sun was supposed to save me
Erase the dark
Outside and inside

I waited patiently
and I was determined
Trusting my everlasting assumtion
That that thing will come
Take the pain away

It would just take time

The time of waiting
Biding in the dark
The aching anticipation in the cold
All of a sudden
Seems oh so sweet

Once the alleged change appears

But nothing changes

...

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A simple note to explain doesn't seem long enough
To bring on one sheet my final feelings and thoughts

Why am I doing this and what lead me here?
It wasn't just one event and the timing wasn't near.

I'd start when I was younger but who can remember that far back?
Unfortunately I do with every panic and anxiety attack.

You'd probably start to see why by the time I finished 10th grade
B...

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I struggle without hands

Have no mouth, to speak of

And my eyes avert.

I itch and blotch, 

And the radiance of the sky

Illuminates my sheer loneliness.

Darkness can't come soon enough

'Though I fear my blanket will

one day

become the soil of my grave.

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Somebody famous once said 

That people aren’t afraid of being dead

They’re afraid of being forgotten

Whilst their bodies decompose smelling rotten

That is a lie

I know because I spy

People are afraid of the unknown

Afraid of what they haven’t been shown

No one knows what happens for sure 

Just know when you die their is no door 

Like when you’re asleep for hours witho...

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Where am i?

I ask my mindless brain as I disassociate

I disassociate to the point that everyday feels the same

Everything i do blends into one giant blob of nothingness

Nothing matters. Does it? 

It doesn’t. Nothing has ever mattered.

That's why we alter our state of reality.

We alter it to feel something out of all the nothingness.

We take the shot. We take the h...

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Is there a poem or song to describe the melancholy that washes over me, unexpectedly? 

One to suppress or express, dark desires 

to put myself first, at all costs. 

Let my needy family

fend for themselves,

betray those that have betrayed me, 

including my own body. 

Throw my arms up in despair,

one more time, 

or... 

take a deep breath, 

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Why did this happen?

Why did we go a drought?

Why the hell did you hurt me?

Why the heck didn’t I say ouch?

Why didn’t you just tell me you hated the way I laugh?

Why couldn’t I tell you I hated you because you cheated in the past?

Why did you talk to me like a dumb dog?

Why didn’t I tell you that your pride was too strong?

Why didn’t you say, “ I never ...

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You stuck your fingers up me and didn’t even know my name

You grabbed my ass and blamed it on the drink in your hand

You kissed my neck and pulled me into you

I was yours for the night---that one night.

I was too drunk and you knew. Yet you kept going

You kept going down on me further and further.

My bra somehow came off and you began to suck

I didn’t know what was going ...

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Possible trigger warning - depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide.

I've played in bands for most of my life, and in the last 15 years or so, I've written a few lyrics that have been based on my experiences of trying to get through difficult times. I tend to do comedy stuff with poetry and serious stuff with lyrics. I don't think of my lyrics as being poetry, but the band I'm in does have o...

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How happy would I be
When the sky would be black,
Thinking about the time,
Shaking my legs.
Jump off or burn off 
Nothing I could be sure off.
Giving you a big smile,
Now even you can't see me, faking off.

You thought you saved me,
Grabbing me before I could fell
You dare to intrude my will
Now I am trapped in this hell.

If only you could hold my hands before
Then you won't have t...

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Would you still love your daughter if she was like me?

Would you give her love and affection?

Even if she was yelling and screaming and being mean?

Or would you turn a blind eye and just say 

"Oh, she just wants attention!"

And ignore her cries for help.

Would you still love your daughter if she was like me? 

Would you kiss and hold her and tell her everything will be alright?

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As I stare out this window

down to the little people of the world 

I wonder and wish 

what if i was the beautiful tall girl with the blonde curls?

can I see into her soul?

by staring out this tear streaked window?

can I have her life?

and trade her these frightening memories that float around in limbo...    

shes so radiant and thin

Everything that I am sadly not

she ...

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i invite you in my life to feel something again

to turn my numbness into happiness;

you are my happiness 

you make me my happiest

no one loves me as much as you do.

day in and day out i consume your love and affection.

soaking up every last bit. the feeling of feeling something for someone again excites my soul.

feeling anything is so hard these days.

but then i a...

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You don’t know about the anger and rage

Which has mutated and grown with age

Only let loose when I engage 

In the booth or on stage

Normal people are able to contain and control 

(We’re all a bit psycho)

But normal people hold it in their subconscious 

Only coming out in hallucinations when they’re unconscious 

Grown with time the rage has become monstrous 

Constantly li...

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Wake up,

Do the bathroom thing,

Do the breakfast thing,

Do the bathroom thing again,

Do the commute thing,

Do the work thing,

Do the commute thing again,

Do the dinner thing, the family thing, the needful thing,

The friend thing, the hobby thing, the health thing,

Do the evening bathroom thing,

Do the self-education thing,

Do the good-night thin...

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This is the way the world ends,

This is the way the world ends,

This is the way the world ends,

Not with a bang, but a #hashtag.

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Seeing the beautiful sky,

From my dead eyes.

Wondering the beauty in the holy night,

Dark was the only colour which helps me to hide.

Hiding my sadness my sorrows my fear my cries,

Trying my best to keep the face with smile.

My hobbies,my joy, my emotions were becoming day by day a bit fewer,

Now I am just existing in the world, can't even face myself in the mirror.

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How are you?

A question worth a thousand answers 

A thousand possibilities summed into one

Fine

Somewhere in between the good and the bad 

Between the lines 

Of the lies 

Fine -

Just fine.

By Faith Olajuyigbe, author of Words of Faith

For poetry and more visit: https://www.wordsoffaith.co.uk

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Panic setting in

For reasons unknown everything is unsettling

I wished I could kick my heels and disappear

But, instead, he appears

Through the haze his face is clear

I fight the urge to will him near

Oh God, did he sense my fear

Or my emotions churning and my tears near

How does he do it, what exactly does he hear

Me quietly praying, daring him to care

My vulnerabili...

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Am I making an impression...

Do I leave you bewildered with every expression...

Do you look forward like I do to our weekly sessions...

Or are my scribbled musings akin to aggression... 

An unbecoming, pathetic vie for attention...

I find you delightful and have a genuine fascination...

I am curiously eager, feelings bordering on intoxication.

But, apparently in therapy t...

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As I love,
So I wish to be loved,
As I care,
So I wish to be cared for,
As I tolerate,
So I wish to be tolerated,

I could go on.........

But all these are simply words,
Words with elusive meangs,
And vague interpretations,
And no meaning at all to those who choose not to listen,

To write about love means nothing,
To talk about love means nothing,
Love is an action, a reaction,
...

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She walked into this world,
Smiled, and parted her thighs,
Loving passion of death,
Burning the flesh to cinders,

Come to me,

Desire has weakened my spirit,
Her words have broken me,
Echos carry deep, dripping with the sex,

Be with me,

Pain and love are one,
The blood-soaked arousal of an evil servant,
The consumate act, the ultimate submission,

Fuck me,

And in the end it ...

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Negativity is not always overtly depressive,

Positivity is not always overtly happy.

Negativity eats away, piece by piece.

It hides in the banal.

Its disguised by layers of colour,

Noise, applause.

Negativity is drip fed, unnoticed.

The bland

The ordinary

The acceptable

Even the comfortable.

Negativity keeps you in your place,

Convinces you

How...

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It’s a walking numbness, a dull pain  
that sometimes presents itself in waves. 
It slowly builds, and one day, every few weeks it explodes. 
I can’t bring myself out of bed. 
The rolling tears subside for a moment only to build again and again. 
The world outside, and the family inside, doesn’t exist, only what’s happening right here. 
Only this pillow, only this blanket, only the thoughts ...

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Profound sadness 

clouds my view 

at a quarter til two. 

I don’t understand why 

my muse avoids me like the flu, 

when a simple poem or song will do. 

Wise words to help me understand

why true love passed me by

in this lifetime.

Why wrong choices,

that felt right at the time,

left me alone in this abyss

where my better self

silently bears witness

to my shr...

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Thunderstorms
Running through my head
Rumbles getting louder
Scared things might be said
Hide away in a closet
Because the sound is so loud
Hide from the truth
Because the truths not allowed
Thunderbolts they are striking
Flashbacks of a lad
A childhood in silence
Adolescence was sad
But storms they get stronger
They gain strength with time
The rain is now pouring
I’ve a hurricane m...

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Pain exists inside the heart

That mourns the missing day

Emptiness, holding all that’s lost,

Fingers white, grasping air, slipping away

Darkness surrounds all we see, 

Shadows stolen from what could have been

Extinguish a flame, smoke filling our souls

As expectance is hidden and unseen 

Embers remain in the sorrowful ash

As the wind lifts up the light of our e...

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I planted some seeds
I watched them grow
They got stronger each day
They are flowers now
The petals are vibrant
They’ve come to life
They blow in the breeze
They reach up to the light
Independent and free
They stand so tall
Bask in the sun
From the early morn
As the night time comes
They go to sleep
Until the next new dawn
And the little birds tweet
Then they rise again
Looking pr...

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I don't want to hurt no more
I don’t want to cry
Don’t want to curse no more
Don't want to live this lie
Inside I feel I’m dying
The pain it hurts so bad
I feel I’m losing control
Every day I feel so sad
I’ve felt this way for a lifetime
Thought I’d mastered how to cope
But the pressures getting heavy
Feel I’m living with false hope
Thought talking would help to free me
But I feel I’v...

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Nuts 

Sometimes

Bolts 

Maybe 

Screws or

Long nails.

Metric 

Or standard 

Eventually they will all rust and fail.  

American rides &

Forgein whips 

Sounding their mating call 

Rotary 

Not 

Piston,

“What you mean my man? 

Those zippy things have it all”

“Don’t you wana see me, as I Race to  understand? 

On how to treat a woman. 

Even though I ...

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Lost boy, find your way home
Reach out your arms
You’re no longer alone
Lost boy, please don’t be scared
There’s a safe place waiting 
You just need to get there

People may judge you
And that is OK
If they have a problem
We can keep them at bay
Thoughts and feelings are normal
Its everyday life
The future is yours
So keep that in sight

Lost boy, why are you afraid
It’s not your ...

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I am sad. 

I am worthless. 

I am unlovable. 

Nobody loves me.

I do not deserve to be loved. 

I don't matter. 

I have no matter.

The world would be a better place without me. 

 Nobody cares whether I'm dead or alive.

I wish I were dead. 

-depression

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Temptation looms endlessly,
Dwarfing my little mind,

Making no sense of my sordid little ways,
Consumed by all,

For is it just a passing breeze,
Or the rock that has me be,

Is there life in what I am today,
Or what I am yet to be,

The heart does not know,
Oh, how very little it knows,
Of that which it gives the body and mind to,

The torment of the flesh is but a whimper,
To t...

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And so the bastard sings........

His cruel deformities an abomination to those who set our standards,
It is a vicious, stinging blade that cuts him down in the street,

And the vermin watch, their cocks in their hands,
As the bastard falls, crying,
The gushing blood flows into the lifeless streets,
Glowing rivers of virility,
Washed into the gutter,

I took her hand, to take her away...

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As a child
Friends knocked the door
Eagerly excited
You were waiting for
To hear the question 
As it left their mouth
Asking your parents 
If you were coming out

As a child 
We’d run around
No care in the world
And acting the clown
Getting dirty
And playing in mud
Making as many adventures
As we possibly could

As a child
I was building a wall
To keep me safe
And ca...

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Here I stand, a broken man
Trying to cope the best I can
Guys are not supposed to cry
We’re macho with our heads held high
But alone I feel a shivering wreck
With mixed up thoughts and mass regrets
Regrets that I just can’t be me
Regrets of the false man you see
Each tiny thought I try to dissect
But each tiny thought then becomes a threat
A threat that I might be exposed
Exposed to tho...

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Like a scared child in the shadows
Lurking to find what’s right
Strange feelings overtake me
And my chest is feeling tight
Why does it feel abnormal
Why does it seem so strange
I don't have one attraction
I have multiple in my range
Why does it sound so dirty
In an homophobic head
Why do I feel so troubled
By what others might have said
Is it them who have the problem
Or am I running ...

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Crumbling all around you
Your world falling apart
Life seems to be dealing cruel blows
And your wondering where to start
From the moment you start hiding
Things go from bad to worse
The damage is occurring
And your causing yourself hurt
On the outside you are smiling
But on the inside there is pain
To the world your seeing sunshine
But all you see is rain
Behind the dark clouds lurks y...

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Nobody knows me,

Not even myself

I meet people everyday

I talk , I laugh , I smile

Others say that I lie.

I’m complicated, orphic

 hard to understand

Just like the way we don’t know                                                                                                                      what happens in between the oceans.                         

I’m an...

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Inside I’m breaking, I’m aching, in falling apart
The mess in my head is a real work of art
I’d unravel this mess but where would I start
Picked away at the seams bit by bit, part by part

The confusions, delusions
I just think what I have
But then thinking and sinking
I start to feel sad
Then with sadness there’s madness
And then I feel bad
These confusions, delusions are driving me ma...

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