(with acknowledgements to Cubby Broccoli)

We’ve a new allotment holder

Just retired from MI6

Wears a Beretta on his shoulder

Calls our lady members “chicks”

Drives a silver coloured DB5

He won’t get much in that

When he has to transport compost

From his Docklands penthouse flat

He takes his Martini shaken,

In his shed he keeps a score

Of days spent with psych...

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At age 80 Harrison Ford makes another adventure movie

I guess the storyline is acceptable

Although, Indiana Jones can now only enter caves

If they are handicap accessible

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we used to go to the pictures, file out

deaf and stunned by what we'd seen

it never faded, the novelty, no movie

lacked a technicolour king or queen

now life's a film the thrills have died

every day's a banal double feature

screen stars ten a penny its routine

the vision of a monstrous creature

its no fun when you've seen it before

appetites jaded expectations ...

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Back to the Future is exciting and great!!
It is one of the biggest movies to date.
It is clever, funny and really sublime,
As we watch Marty McFly travel in time.

By Doc Emmett Brown, Marty is assisted.  
As he goes back in time the plot becomes twisted
When he stops his parents from getting together,
Marty almost reaches the end of his tether.  

This means he is nearly erased from ex...

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Movies take us to a wonderful place, 
One which may be slow or very fast paced. 
They can make us smile and can make us laugh. 
They can be set in the future or set in the past.

There are action adventures with lots of fighting, 
Which can be gripping and very exciting. 
Or do you prefer ones of love and romance? 
Or ones that are full of music and dance?

And then there are those who l...

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I’ve watched you turn your back on me time and time again, I thought you could only rewind movies.

I was living in one you never wanted to be apart of and yet I continued filming you and you kept hiding. 

Now i’m stuck pressing rewind on a bunch of blank movie tapes. Because of you I fucking hate going to the movies.

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Waiting in hot anticipation

It's been too long

Since our paths did cross

I may need to brush up

Before the main event

Eight months and counting.

Mr Grey will see you now!

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(This isn't quite right but here goes . .)

Action!

Now there’s a word I’ve longed to say

Let me be a film director just for a day

I’d bathe my sets with natural light

And keep my close ups tight

I’d cast a beautiful girl as my star

and keep her key light bright

She’d be in all my master shots

And I’d fade the soundtrack in soft

Action!

(Dissolve shot of Within...

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a well-spent ninepence

was all it took

to leave a headscarfed mother

in some chattering queue

for luncheon meat

or lardy cake

and step inside the transport

taking us

to Planet Zog

Or Dead Man’s canyon

via Keystone or some cartoon city

where,

fortified with Mojos

and Mambo juice

in strange shaped cartons

we’d jostle for the back r...

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