In the grate, the shivering flames
hungrily wrap their lips around logs
The boards above me creek
my wife haunting somewhere
the baby's hands reach out
wave before its sleeping eyes

The wind is howling...

The smiles on our faces as we galloped down the aisle
making sense of scattered photograph moments
but I can't remember why
can't think of anything but waiting
and doing everything...

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Rip off the band-aid, get it over with
I never thought it would come to this
Clear mind, clear eyes
Walking straight, no more lies

Don't rely on me and I won't let you down
You can't count on me, I'll only let you down
Don't reach out for me, I'll only let you drown

These feelings are getting harder to fight myself
Pulling teeth to admit I need some help
It's cutting deep on the webbi...

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I see creatures in the dark

Are they monsters?

They whisper

Reflection

I whisper lie

And they whisper truth

I open my eyes

When did the tears come?

I lay awake, dreaming of light

All I see are shadows

The creatures wait

I hear screaming in the dark

Is it me?

I want to say monster

But instead I close my mouth

Can anyone hear?

My sound is trappe...

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Tell me how am I supposed to end this?
This feeling in my stomach, is it endless?
I can't say that any of this makes sense,
but this has got me feeling apprehensive.

In my brain all I get is emotional feedback.
It always makes me take a few steps back.
I don't know what's wrong with my brain.
I can feel the static flow through my veins.

I'm trying to end the ringing in my ear.
A sound...

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When I try to sleep, I remember all my fears,
And every mistake I've made in the past five years.

My heart feels heavy, alone in a crowded room.
Suffocating claustrophobia, will this be over soon?

This is exhausting, trying to win this fight.
Hand over mouth, nothing's felt so right.

I'm running out of breath, I can't make this climb.
Chasing down the clock, seems I'm out of time.

...

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I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.
That's all I can say for now.
You're selfish, you're heartless and nobody wants you around.

Why would anyone ever like a selfish cow like you.
An inconvenience, a burden and a terrible person to be, too.

I wish I could forgive you but I can't stand your sound.
You're pathetic, you're ugly...please just don't come around.

You can cover your ears and ...

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Up swings
Low swings
Irritable swings
Whenever the bell rings.
Time to change so soon?
Oh thankyou for the gloom
Its not like I needed mental room
I'll just listen to your tune.
Is it time for bed,
Or are you not done yet?
This endless strain of thoughts
Feeling like I'm making a case In front of the courts
Barely awake, but barely conscious?
You'll wish you'd had your bedroom blessed
...

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It's hard when you're always lying,
Always hiding the way you feel.
Losing your sight on truthful words,
Forgetting what is real.

It's hard when you forget to laugh
And you're scared that someone might see.
Hoping no one saw your face,
As you struggle to remember how to breathe.

It's hard to pretend you're happy,
And you're terrified someone might ask.
It's becoming harder every day;
...

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You think you rule this whole damn town
But I can tell you for sure, I'm stealing the crown
You may have won before, but I won't back down
I deserve to finally be free now.

You walk with attitude, like women in heeled shoes
But it doesn't take a genius to know you haven't got a clue
You fought well though, so don't feel blue
When you see the tables turning, against you.

You think you r...

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I'm running away scared 
But trying to find the light
They hurt me too hard.
Standing here from this height
If I had the courage to do it
I could float among the stars
My chest forming in a pit, I sit.
I'm broken in two halves.

How did I get here?
I truly tried to fight it
Even kept denying it
I can't even hide it

I'm shaking but holding on tight 
The ledge is sturdy but it's high...

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Performing an intrusion

                     Could damage the illusion

                                           Leading to the forgone conclusion

                                                                                   That I might just lose you.

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Its 2am
I'm lying on the bathroom floor again
Heavy breathing, I got pills in my hand
Shaking and waiting for the sandman
To take me to sleep so you can understand

This is not a claim to fame
Only an attempt for you to remember my name
When you see me in the headlines saying "He wasn't okay"
Oh you miss me now? Ain't that a shame.

I'm not coming back, there is no replay
You can't tak...

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You try to escape the demons

But they latch on way too tight,

Their claws digging into my body

And mind, with all their might.

Fighting is exhausting,

It physically and mentally drains.

But still I endure it, hoping

One day I will finally escape the pain.

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Every moment to fear,

Forever holding back internal tears.

Life- so complicated,

forever indecisive.

The world too big, too scary,

my mind so full of queries.

Never certain, never happy,

each decision could be deadly.

An escapes impossible,

every outcomes implausible.

Sinking under water,

Always being taken for a martyr.

The pain runs so deep,

Barely able to ...

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My hands is where it starts

The heat of the fire

Ignited there

My fingers betrayed me

Now with a mind

Of their own

They torment me

Driving me insane

Slowly

My heart starts to race

A speed my body isn’t

Prepared for

My blood runs everywhere

With a temperature

Way too high

They torture me

Crippling my movements

Immediately

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I rely on sleep

It’s the only thing

To keep thoughts at bay

Hours when my mind

Releases its grip

That strangles my sanity

Now, in its own

Sick and twisted way

Keeps sleep at bay

My mind is evolving

Tightening its grip

And slaughtering my sanity

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I have recently read
That pain is the hardest
Situation a human can
Try to explain.

If that’s so,
Is fear considered 
To be pain?

Does pain have to
Be a broken bone?
A head ache?
A tight chest?
A burn?

Is pain not
The anxiety of waiting
For everything to fit?
Is pain not
The force of trying 
to piece together 
two completely different
puzzles to become one? 

I can never...

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your toothy grin
is only cotton
trying to blow down this brick
house I have crafted

you were included in the blueprint
until I started changing 
the locks 
and now you're waiting for
an open door

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It’s almost as if you’ve been 
reborn.

The moment 
you can take a breath
without feeling yourself
drowning.
Cement is no longer
running through your veins
slowing every movement,
because now it is only gravel.
Your head is now 
not filled with buzzing static,
and instead 
the distant sound of 
electric storm clouds.
Enraged fire 
replaces the
sleeping snow.

You are finally se...

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Walls

White walls

They’re closing in

I’m trapped between

Smooth

Unbreakable

Perfect

Walls

Closing

No doors

No windows

No glimpse of life

Outside of these

Walls

They’re moving slowly

Closer to me

Ensnaring

Moving to kill

Walls

Try to break them

Rigid

They will not yield

Walls

Suffocatin...

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my anxiety is a burden I can no longer carry

bones and muscles this weak were not designed for this 

I was not born for this 

like the ocean, my anxiety washes over me 

soaking each tissue of my being 

forever drowning without being able to come up for air

I am not defined by my mental health

or by the tremurs or leaks that escape from my body 

but often sometimes...

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She has dark days and dark nights, and bright days and starry skies. He was diluting the darkness into brightness. But then he became annoyed at her darkness and started to see it all the time even when it wasn’t there. He would poke and prod for it, he was finding boxes of darkness that didn’t exist until he started creating them and suddenly she had more to carry than she realised. He was shouti...

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Don't call it a comeback
My depressions been here for years
I still smoke myself to sleep
And calm my anxiety with 3 or more beers

It's just goes to show
That I should stay in my lane
I stare at the bottom of an empty bottle
Just to focus on something other than pain

I knew it'd come back
I knew it was too good to be true
Depression isn't a state of mind
It's something that controls...

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25/10/11

So unpredictable.

So sharp and so cunning

Is the pain that run through me,

Hideous yet so stunning.

I want to keep it here, 

I want to feel it's cold aching

Blood spilling from me

My heart is still breaking

What if I want it to stop?

Please, leave me alone!

It'll be there. Waiting.

For me to decay down to bones. 

Maybe that's what I wa...

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Put on my pants
Put on a show
Fake a smile
No one will know

Don't show weakness
Fake my emotions
Bury my anxiety
Just go with the motions

I gotta play fast
Need to sing out of tune
Because don't you know
Punk Rockers Don't Sing The Blues

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