humourous (Remove filter)
A Dog And A Frog On A Spoon
a dog and a frog
who stood on a spoon
and went round the town
in their dressing gown
said the dog to the frog
oh lets spoon to the moon
so they jumped up and down
and the spoon left the ground
look look oh look at the moon
how truly exciting said the dog
spoon spoon we went on a spoon
would you believe it said the frog
to the moon to the moon
t...
Sunday 20th October 2024 7:17 am
Old Woodbeard
argh
the wooden pirate
with a real leg
‘pon his left shoulder
not a parrot but a peg
argh
his ship inverted
sailed ‘neath the wave
and in his treasure chest
was a craggy cave
argh
he roared with rum
empty barrels were full
his flag was white
black bones and skull
argh
the flag though ripped
caught on his hook
but not for a hand
...Friday 18th October 2024 8:29 am
Darn Owl Not Barn Owl
I swallowed an owl
I didn’t mean too
it flew in when my mouth was open
as I stood admiring a flowery garden
its feathers tickled making me cough
and scoff
a lot
panic and shout
and a little while later
then the darn thing flew out!
Thursday 17th October 2024 7:26 am
The Crazy World Of The Fruit And Veg Folk
mr onion with his mad mad hair
miss pepper with her smoothen skin
mrs lemon looking so so fair
master cauliflower’s complexion
the long long nose of sir carrot
the red red face of dame tomato
the velvet touch of lady apricot
the rustic charm of lord potato
father pumpkin’s autumn face
grandma asparagus’ spring fingers
mother strawberry’s summer grace
gran...
Tuesday 15th October 2024 7:23 am
To Sea You See
I packed my worth on a dinner plate
and walked afar out to sea
you see
I reached an odd little island
shaped like a banana and pea
you see
I met a blue polka dot creature
with a hot pot of honey and tea
you see
I was poured a mug and we talked
such a charming and wise pigmy
you see
I realised the hour was late
better get back to home said ...
Monday 14th October 2024 2:51 pm
Ostrich Learning To Swim
an ostrich learning to swim in the sea
his neck like a stick floating vertically
swirling and rounding
and bobbing a wave
an invisible hand stirs a big cup of tea
Sunday 13th October 2024 9:45 am
Shrew In A Shoe
o shrew in a shoe
shoo shoo
but he wouldn’t go
chew through the shoe
shoo shoo
chewed from heel to toe
nurse a poor tum
shoo shoo
he belched and was ill
greedy old shrew
shoo shoo
you’ve eaten your fill
find a new home
shoo shoo
one you can’t chew
its pair you jump to
shoo shoo
o shrew in a shoe
Monday 7th October 2024 7:26 am
Old Bazzam - The Gallu-Gallu Ghost
begroan the ghoul who floots the floor
it sidles wodely rombles
and seen by some who vallacate
the hotel rooms it froodles
midnight is the time they say
the gallu-gallu grumbles
shrumbling in the corridors
and shrooning down the stairalls
intriguers flock from far and foyle
to witness Old Bazzam
and stay a night at their behowl
to see the ghoul then scram
...Sunday 6th October 2024 11:04 am
Something Oddly Familiar About This Nonsense
“Abe, easy Dee, effigy, eight chives, Jake, ale, Em,
any hope, peak you, arrest a ewe, feed other ewe”
ex-wife said
she certainly SPELT it out!
he then went on to reCOUNT
“When, too, furry forks, fave socks sieving, eat known tin”
and there was something oddly familiar about it all
when ex-husband and ...
Saturday 5th October 2024 7:33 am
Lists
there's something intrinsically poetic about lists…
1.
bread (wholemeal)
twelve eggs
solar panels
occasional frogs
corporate lawyers
steam
2.
onions (red)
tomatoes (finely chopped)
garlic (four cloves)
fireman's ladder (aluminium)
disparity (secretly hidden)
mildness (abundant)
gluttony (almost definite)
mozzarella (abridged)
3.
clean sink
dirty sink
point un-necessar...
Friday 4th October 2024 7:18 am
The Bug Chronicles - A Field Guide To Creepy Crawlies
the spider
he, with cotton in his bottom
for the silken manufacture
dressing flies he likes to capture
in the evening wear for dinner
oh the spider, what a spinner
the wasp
he, with a pin for a sting
and the flailing arms he causes
people run like wild horses
from their summer barbecues
oh the wasp, such afternoons
the ant
he, having friends in the thousands
how the picnic blanke...
Thursday 3rd October 2024 6:56 am
The Ravenous Witch
the ravenous witch
famished with greed
tummied and toothed
in scoops could she eat
pickles and pockles
and piggy trough trays
gorging, gullooging
and munching for days
she went picking parcels
and morsels of stuff
jiggleberries, hockleberries
but never enough
apples and hopples
pebbles and pears
the horribliest fruit
even one covered in h...
Wednesday 2nd October 2024 7:02 am
Gulp! What Did You Swallow?
gulp!
ahurr ahurr ahurr
“I swallowed a cricketer”
he shouted with a cough
but, we asked, in a joking scoff
“do you not mean a cricket?”
then to our amazement
and in the very next minute
he regurgitated a bat!
which promptly flew back to its cave
and that, it seems, was that
Monday 30th September 2024 7:10 am
At At
there is a place at at at
it is by by by
which is near near near
not too far from from from
you can get there via via via
and to be honest it is nice to stay at at at
it’s up to you really
but if you do stay at at at
you might visit visit visit
from there go to to to
then, if time, see see see
not so scenic as as as
reminded me of of of
but again it’s up...
Sunday 29th September 2024 7:16 am
The Parrot Cooked A Dinner
the parrot cooked a dinner
the dinner he cooked was a carrot
when the swan burst into song
and the thrush told him to hush
the starling asked for more food
more food he asked for starving
when the owl then sang out loud
and the crow told him to go
so a meal of interruption
ruined this fine carrot luncheon
then all was quiet, nothing heard
u...
Friday 27th September 2024 7:12 am
The Donkey Set The Table
the donkey set the table
but the table set was wonky
when the crane brought the game
and the mice brought the dice
the horses cooked the food
and the food they cooked in courses
the deer brought the beer
and the koala brought the cola
so an evening full of fun
promised fun for all the evening
then the tiger turned up later
but unfortunately...
Thursday 26th September 2024 7:29 am
The Hapless Toad
the hapless toad
who croaked a verse
and moved the trees around him
did sway the branches
sway the leaves
at the most profound of meaning
and too did cry
the birds above
at so beautiful a stanza
and soon to history
rose the toad
recited oft' thereafter
Tuesday 24th September 2024 7:42 am
Why Things Happen
The splash changed the course of the universe
as the fish startled in his round of the pond.
Why are you here? asked the fish.
I fell in, cried the rat, wearing water he donned.
Why did you fall in? again from the fish.
I just fell in, just fell in, that is all.
But why, you could have fallen several ways
but you fell in here so why into this pool?
I lost my balan...
Friday 1st January 2021 10:05 am
My bad!
Foolhardy was I
And deceived by my eyes
Forgot all that glitters
Isn't gold;
Too late I realized
True beauty lies inside
My handsome prince
Turned out to be a toad!
Wednesday 11th September 2019 3:33 pm
Huh???
I'm really not fond of verbosity;
(Although the ex-hubby may not agree!)
Why use many words if you need a few?
A common expletive has only two!
Physicians use words we don't know;
Perhaps to soften the blow.
An attorney-at-law, we recuse:
He intends to mislead and confuse!
Politicians know not what they say;
But they're voted-in, anyway!
Him in the pulpit, I think I'l...
Monday 2nd September 2019 8:11 pm
Shell-Shocked!
(With apologies to Aesop!)
“Hurrah!" cried Tortoise, after the race;
“Now, who's the one, with egg on their face!"
Gloating and boasting; self-praising was he;
Failed to notice, a Lamborghini!
No time for life to, flash before his eyes;
Tortoise met with a speedy demise!
Hare hopped on by, with more swag than before:
“Tortoise won the battle, but I won the war!"
Thursday 29th August 2019 1:51 pm
Mother Knows Best
A mother summoned her kids, all three:
“Now, listen to me -carefully;
Your cellular phones, will have to go!
THEY CAUSE CANCER, don't you know?
Numerous studies have recently shown,
RF waves come through a phone!
Now give them here, without delay;
You'll be thanking me for this, one day."
Silly kids, to get so upset!
She frowned, as she lit a cigarette.
Monday 26th August 2019 4:50 pm
Heartbreak and Toothache
An unhappy marriage is like a bad tooth;
At first you ignore the obvious truth:
Something is wrong; it's causing you pain,
But you have no time to consult your brain.
So you take a pill -or have a drink or three,
Hoping to relieve your agony;
But the pain escalates until one day,
You realise it's not going away;
You're gripped with a feeling of horror and fear,
It can't ...
Saturday 17th August 2019 3:51 pm
HELL, NO!
Two apes having a head-to-head:
"It's friggin' absurd!" one of them said,
"Eight million species inhabit this earth,
Balancing nature and proving their worth;
But look at those creatures that are called 'man':
Ruining our planet as fast as they can;
They've polluted our air and poisoned the seas;
Their revolting habits cause death by disease!
Some of them perish with nothin...
Friday 16th August 2019 6:35 pm
To The Past
{To The Past}
Here's to my
past for the
one's who
thought they
knew me well
I can actually
say to you that
you can kiss my
ass and please
go straight to
hell for the
last and final
damn time
©Tina Glover All Rights Reserved/ One_Pissed_Off_American_Ghost_Writer 2017 but posting here on February 26,2018
Tuesday 27th February 2018 3:40 am
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