Casino dreams
Maybe today Ill see the reason why
 I sit at this machine hoping to be amused
 like free spins will pay out
 and only to lose
I swear this casino 
has only brought me to the deep end
So quick to say fuck it,
and what i would have never pursed
why cant i just refuse?
My mind is too gone, its all been consumed
Broken, bitter and used 
Sell us dreams, 
and we sell you...

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Rip off the band-aid, get it over with
I never thought it would come to this
Clear mind, clear eyes
Walking straight, no more lies

Don't rely on me and I won't let you down
You can't count on me, I'll only let you down
Don't reach out for me, I'll only let you drown

These feelings are getting harder to fight myself
Pulling teeth to admit I need some help
It's cutting deep on the webbi...

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I don't know.. my life seems out of my control... It's no longer mine it's in the hands of those around me and the governing forces that keep me in line.. I just don't know.. it feels so weird to be sober.... So... Weird... Its not normal for me to fall asleep in a natural way. It almost feels unnatural.. my addiction has become the ruling figure in my life not my emotions,love or financial stabil...

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Envision this You have lived in a buried dark pit your whole life

Or at least since you can remember

All you have ever known is the feeling of helplessness

And misery

There is no way out but up

Which you are not even sure there is a peak

You try to climb

But gravity swallows you whole

And spits you out at the bottom of your inferno

Screaming, even though you are unsure ...

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I'm afraid to have kids
What if they get my depression
Or addiction
Or fucking alcoholism?
What am I supposed to say to them?

"Sorry kiddo,
Suck it up.
You'll soon find out,
Life just fucking sucks"

It's just not fair
To pass on an ongoing burden
To watch my kid suffer
Knowing that I can't relieve them

They're supposed to be protected
But I can't save them from themself
It jus...

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Shopping for thing's you dont need

spending all your money just to feed

your addiction

You just got paid and that same day it's gone

the cooperations fool you they're one big con

Special offers things on sale 

is their away to escape this jail?

They items you buy make you happy for a while

the obession and thrill of buying makes you smile

whether it's tops, bags, or shoe...

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It's been a while since I've written
It may be 'cause it's been a while
Since I've really felt anything at all

One little white pill
"It'll take all the pain away"
But the dealer never told me
My new friend was here to stay
So before you say yes
There's something I need to say

You'll lie awake wishing for pain
At least then you'll feel something
But it'll never fucking come
Because...

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