Broke my heart, lost the door

Finger tips momentarily touched

Float away without an oar

Don't tell me you understand

Just offer a permanent hand

Don't trivialise my condition

Please, please, please be  "that" physician

Don't tell me you've had the same

Rubbish my feelings, hand me the blame

Don't tell me I've ruined the day

I'm sorry, it just won't go away

Don...

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A brain that’s been tapped and tinkered is suddenly transformed.

A soul that’s been prodded and pulled is carefully put back in its place.

Thoughts have been dusted and polished and put away in their boxes.

A gut that been untangled, unknotted, instead now tied in a bow.

But then the scars to the brain have split.

The crack in its box is on display.

A scratch to the soul wan...

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It is the assumption that people tend to reflect and contemplate in the dawn of the night 

When noones awake to hear the sorrow in your sobs

When it's too dark to see the weakness in your eyes 

And your lonliness enables your imprisoned vulnerability to surface 

But what happens when this negativity suddenly seep its way into the happenings of your everyday life 

When these mor...

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I'm lying awake at 3am

Why am I never intoxicated with positivity? 

Why aren't I a fountain of enthusiasm?

Why can't I see the euphemistic light in this unilluminated darkness?

I'm lying awake at 3am

All of my uncertainties are overwhelming 

The formidable anxiety I've become acclimated with seeps in through open wounds

And yet I've learned to find tranquility in this res...

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This one comes from some older stuff of mine, written whilst dealing with what i didnt realise was a depression / anxiety disorder at the time.  Thankfully now its under control, but reading this back makes me remeber just how black things were back then.

Darkness; continuous, deep, perpetual darkness.

Constant.  Soulless.  Empty dark space.

It laps at the edges, frayed edges of my c...

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I stand on the edge of a cliff,

High above the water that assaults the rocks below.

I overlook the stormy sea.

Lightning cracks across the sky,

A horrendous sound.

Neptune huffs, he puffs,

He tries to knock me down,

He hopes to cause me to slip on the damp ground.

I hear it coming for me.

Its roar could intimidate a lion.

I see it coming for me,

A blue wave as high...

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My heart over powers my head lately

Must be linked to my stomach

I'm always feeling sick

Things changed

My person has opened up

I've been shut down for so long

I require drastic change

Shame is what I'm swimming in

I don’t feel guilty I just hate

Knowing how you are going to look at me

I never know what you think

I feel like you will just settle with me

Instead ...

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My Misses has a mistress

She comes here then and now

She always sneaks in quietly

And when she leaves she's loud

She lives here some nights

On the other side of the bed

She stays here with my misses

She lives inside her head

I watch her leech away her life

She slyly steals her smile

And when she wants to make love

She takes my misses for a while

She didn't come ...

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The daytime creeps upon me

I see it and walk towards

I have been waiting for her 

But it burns to love

She fades to black

My fury inside

My darkness of soul

I realise the truth

But feel no sorrow

And in the beginning of life

The universe said

You are the night

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I can't do anything 

Even when I try

It is destroyed.

It's my fault I can't fix it

They're relations 

Broken.

Crushed her heart

Crushed his soul.

Miles away I screw 

Things up. 

Not to mention my problems

At home. 

Destroyed

Could it all be worth it

Is it all just an illusion

What's the purpose 

When I only destroy. 

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Fetch the scissors
Bring the knife too
I've found something 
for me to do

Watch the blood drip
Make a red puddle
They all seem to judge
Without knowing the struggle

If they can all hurt me
I can hurt me too
I feel like I deserve it anyway,
That's why I do what I do

"Attention seeker"
That's what they label me
But they don't know
What I have to see

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Writing gives me the power to express how I am feeling without actually having to say,

I have a pen, paper and 24 hours in a day.

Although I keep my silence, I can still let it all out

I could talk about the blood, sweat and tears but they're all visible signs.

The things I need to talk about are all in my mind.

I find it so difficult to trust family and friends

but have no prob...

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There you go again

Fighting a battle hard to win

Facing every demon 

That is stuck inside your head 

All the secrets that are kept within

Every weakness and sin

They are ever screaming

Ripping your soul to shreds

Do not listen, my friend

Find a way to wear thin

The voices forever misleading 

That you cannot move ahead

Never let them win

You can...

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Here I sit with a candle lit

As I rest and wait to commit.

To a life of blue skies and angels,

As I try to ignore the pain sensation.

Whilst being overcome with isolation.

Trying in vain to think of happy thoughts,

As the devil looks on and applauds,

And laughs and jeers right in my face,

Since he knows that he is winning the race,

As he picks up a faster pace.

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Whispers traveled the corridors,

Anxiety filled the air -

And there in the corner, she lay

As fine as a porcelain,

With skin as cold as ice.

Nobody dared to approach

But anyone could see,

The pills that lay nestled -

Within the palm of her hand.

And in the midst of all the tension,

The silence seemed to overwhelm -

Those who looked on wanted to run,

Th...

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Beneath a dull, greying sky - I lay, and I watch -

You stand there on hard earth

With your outstretched arms,

Beckoning me close,

And within your eyes - resides a coldness,

And I dare say - 

Belies a desperation, a vanity that encloses your heart.

Your face is a scarred mass of distrust,

And you're twisted and crippled

Yet, you've lived on -

In an endless parade of in...

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Remnants

When the remnants of defeat are strewn about the floor,

Covering my ripped and battered boots,

Crick and cracking evermore,

When my wounds burn and blister from the heat,

To drag my heavy soul to the depths of darkness,

When the mirror shatters to pierce the life that was lived before,

And hope dissolves into the sea,

When my dead, cold heart da...

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SULPHUR

SULPHUR MAKES A GOOD SUPPER,

IT GOES WELL WITH A LIQUID LUNCH,

SOCIETY RATIONS OUR THOUGHTS JUST LIKE IT RATIONS PIECES OF BREAD,

WHAT'S THE PRICES OF OUR FACES?

WHAT'S THE PRICES OF OUR COFFINS WE ARE ALL DYING TO FIT INTO?

IF SULPHUR SEEPS MIGHTY DEEP IT IS ALMOST NEVER EXTRACTED,

WHAT SERVES AS OUR DISTRACTION INSTEAD OF PUFFING SULPHUR EVERY

MINUTE OF THE ...

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The Marked Ones

Icicles stab like swords through my heart,

Enemies terrorize my mind,

Sanity slipping from the whole and the parts,

Time is elapsing,

Panic starts,

The dream of salvation is lost in the storm,

Ugly dark angels beg to be born,

Uncage the black beast,

Unholiest sworn,

Warriors come running from distant lands,

Strength and composure ripp...

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I hate this world

Without you it has one less beautiful soul

I sit here seething 

Thinking of how good people die while others keep breathing

How can I make the world a better place

All the while trying to hide the tears on my face

I want to be part of a standing ovation

But how can I do that with no motivation

To change the world one child at a time

To give all I have, ...

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I've reached my goal weight

I think to myself

But don't ask how I did it

You don't want to know

That depression and anxiety

Is causing my body to change

That trips to the gym

Are only to get through the mundane

Don't tell me I look good

Because deep down inside

Looks don't really matter

When your life is full of pain

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Threads

Thread:
If only he hadn't had freckles.
Thread:
If only he had been taller.
Thread:
If only he hadn't spoken with a lisp.
Thread:
If only he had liked playing football.
Thread:
If only he hadn't been so shy.
Thread:
If only the teachers had noticed.
Thread:
If only he hadn't worn shorts.
Thread:
If only he had liked pop music.
Thread:
If only he had said something.
Thr...

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I liar, that’s what I am

I roll my dice from in my hand

I sit upon my throne

Forged from pain

broken promises, pretty lies

They’re all the same

traction, I’m unable to gain

I’m slowly slipping into my old ways

I was getting better

Now it’s worse

Every Name I hear, I curse

But hers’

I cannot do that

she is perfect

she is sweet

I lay my life at her feet

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My inner voice

More than just an uncomfortable thought

an enemy

a enemy to myself and my peers

self destructing thoughts

relationship crushing voice

jealousy when there should be none

“I love you” but “I hate you”

The voice that tells me to live my life

The voice that tells me to end it

The voice that I can’t escape

The voice that I create

I’m not sure how much ...

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Head In Hands

when I bring my hands

to my face

the heels fit precisely

into the sockets of my eyes…

my thumbs circle my temples

but do not soothe or ease the pain…

each of my fingers press

against the bony ridge of forehead…

kneading, coaxing,

pleading for relief…

the insides of each hand

pinch against the aqualine

contours of my nose...

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It cuts deep within,
Its' touch gentle and soft.
It barks and howls,
Its' voice lovely and calm.

Its' thoughts are demeaning,
Its' love unconditional.
Its' presence a weight,
Pride churned in the ridicule.

It beats you to your knees,
But your kneecaps don't agree. 
You stand on your feet,
While the blades stab in deep.

The scars show malformity,
Yet the face shows ever delight.
...

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 A cup of emotion, that’s what I am

I pour it out, upon your hands

I’ve never been the one for that, you’ve changed me

before you I was nothing

My life made of constantly bluffing

It’s difficult to open up

To be, this little cup

You’ve helped to put me in my place

You’ve Helped me through this little race

Although I’ve thrown you for a loop

You’ve always seemed to com...

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5th grade was my downfall

Anxiety coupled with A.D.D

Made for the perfect broken marriage.

6th grade was calm.

I had everything under control

And I was taking medication

But 7th grade was morbid.

A child,

One only the devil could produce,

Had arrived with the diseased name

Of Depression.

8th grade was the year Depression made friends

Suicidal Tho...

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I'd like you to like me

and I'd like you to know,

Id doesn't like me and Superego doesn't know where to go.

I've planned a trip to where the tulips grow -

find a vein, push a plunger, let the psychotropes flow.

I know you don't like me

and we've nowhere to go.

Ego doesn't know what to do and Id has hate to sow.

I'd like you to, I'd like to oblige you to throw

away m...

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To the death, we say,
Breath licked with flame, spits to my face;
His face.
Racing temples pump furious blood
Through ferrous veins,
Manes rise, eyes blister with relentless rage;
Eventless.
Then, clenched fists draw clotted blood
Through plum knuckles.
My neck buckles,
His neck,
Cracking bone like tinder,
The interweave of puffed ribs and scarlet skin
Glisten with fetid sweat;
I rea...

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Great,

The bus,

Every morning indecisive and overwhelmed

Who should I sit by?

The question is,

Who would want to sit by you?

I mean, No one wants to,

And you know it.

Shut up…

That's not true.

I've got plenty of people who wouldn't mind me.

There’s the girl I sit next to in class

And we talk from time to time.

Oh, and don't forget the boy who waves hi to me i...

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Who am I?

Who are you?

Who are we?

We…

Us…

Me…

I.

I don't know who I am.

I don't know who you are.

I don't know who we are.

Are…

Were…

Am.

Am I me?

Am I you?

Am I we, us, them?

Them too.

Too many thoughts whirling in my mind.

Mind’s infected.

Infections of madness consuming me.

Me…

Us…

We…

I.

I thought I knew who I was.

I t...

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