Skeletons Tell Terrible Jokes

Zombies shuffled aimlessly with heads tipped to one side

The phantoms rattled chains and flung transparent cloaks out wide

The vampires swooped theatrically as they are wont to do

And ghoulish forms materialised in pools of dipping goo

“Wait everyone,” the skeleton interrupted, “I’ve got a joke

Spectres paled spectacularly, their colou...

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O To Be An Octopus

O, to be an octopus exploring ancient wrecks

Popping through their portholes and sitting on their decks

A large exotic octopus with colour changing skin

That switches its appearance to match the mood I’m in

Or perhaps a tiny octopus that tickles swimmers’ feet

Before it squirts to safety in the murky ocean’s deep

I’d like to be an octopus with eight long arm...

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A pig went quack with a Monkey on his back while watching an Elephant juggle,
a Tiger passing by in his plane was flying high and a laughing Rhino started blowing bubbles,
a Gorilla started baking the pie that he'd been making as a Billy Goat was brushing his hair,
and a Crocodile was painting a Zebra who was skating while eating a big ripe juicy pear!

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I saw a Hippopotamus going to the fair,
wearing pink pyjamas with a bow up in his hair,
he was followed by a Zebra who was wearing bright
blue socks,
a Chimp and a Koala bear, wearing matching frocks,
they climbed into the teapots looking quite a sight,
and a little old man spat out his teeth as they gave him quite a fright!

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Below is one of my children's poems called 'Disney Days'.

DISNEY DAYS

Warmer than a Sheep Dog hug
or happiness rolled in a rug;
dancing dizzy Dulux joy,
whirls and swirls and shouts ‘Ahoy!’

Brighter than a scientist,
the artist’s pallet shines and skips.
Free from Greenwich Mean Time days,
they demonstrate their West End ways.​

Talent dazzles, beaming light
into the insides of o...

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The beings in this world, are so different,
Some own many houses, some struggle to even rent.

Oh, such beautiful animals on this planet!
Such wonders you will never forget,
some tall, some stubby.
Some skinny and small,some plump and chubby!

Oh this world, is filled with wonder
Up, up high, and deep, deep under!

When its winter, cold winds blow,
In monsoon, the rivers overflow.

T...

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If you’re walking by the bushes

at the end of the lane

you may hear a little quack

as the sun begins to wane.

You may look for the water

where the ducks might be,

but there’s no-one in sight

just the rustling of the leaves.

Would you believe

the quack that you heard

was the sound of an owl,

a sad little bird.

“A quacking owl?”

I hear you exclai...

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In the deep dark woods

lived a great brown bear,

he was seven feet tall

but the townsfolk didn’t care

for although the bear was huge

and had fangs and long sharp claws,

all the people would make fun of him

and point out his big flaw.

Have you ever met a bear

who had nothing much to say,

who couldn’t even growl

when he came outside to play?

Well, Bob was his...

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My friend Terrence

was a little happy sole,

he didn't need a kennel,

nor a house or a hole.

His home was a shell

that he carried on his back,

so that all he had to do

was drop down on the track.

Then he'd pull his head inside,

followed by his legs and feet

and he’d look inside the fridge

for something tasty to eat.

If it started raining

or got ...

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Have you ever heard the tale
about the hedgehog with no spikes,
such a sweet little boy
who all the other’s didn’t like?

A case of alopecia,
there was nothing they could do,
such a sad little hedgehog
who cried and cried, “Boo-Hoo”.

But soon the lad grew older,
he wanted to look more lush
so onto his back he tied himself
a little scrubbing brush.

His friends, well they just laugh...

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You'll often see them running

and chasing across the plains,

a rabbit skipping and laughing

at an eagle, in great pains.

But why's the eagle running,

surely he can fly?

Sadly he’s afraid of heights

and frightened he may die.

An eagle that can't fly,

well surely that's not right,

it's just like having an owl

who won't come out at night.

But then on...

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Just a bit of fun, these poems are used in my work as part of a project using monsters as a way of inspiring young people to share an enthusiasm for writing. Can you identify the six mystery monsters?

More than just the sum of his parts

this monster stole another's heart

and his hands and feet as well

not much is his as you can tell

his head is screwed on firmly

by the bolts...

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We visited a rainbow

at school the other day.

Every colour said hello

except for gloomy grey.

We visited a rainbow,

and used its arch to slide,

then when it started raining,

we used the arch to hide.

We visited a rainbow,

but never saw its gold.

Our teacher said it’s locked away,

but we think it’s been sold.

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Just a belated bit of bragging re. my being featured poet in The Poetry Kit's 'Caught In The Net' series, issue # 97.

This is a regular feature from The Poetry Kit and they're always looking for new poets to feature, so why not check out this edition and get a feel for what it's all about!

http://www.poetrykit.org/pkl/CITN/citn%2097%20Helen%20Thomas.htm

You can also read LOADS of po...

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