Skeletons Tell Terrible Jokes

Zombies shuffled aimlessly with heads tipped to one side

The phantoms rattled chains and flung transparent cloaks out wide

The vampires swooped theatrically as they are wont to do

And ghoulish forms materialised in pools of dipping goo

“Wait everyone,” the skeleton interrupted, “I’ve got a joke

Spectres paled spectacularly, their colou...

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Hello there. Here is a new, ridiculous poem about fannies and the joy of owning one. If you are reading this in the US, fannies means front bottom and it’s only ladies that have them.  Oh yes, I have published a real book made of paper; it's called Slightly Wrong, and it is full of daft poems. It's a bit rude. You can get it from Amazon here if you are desperate.

Fannies

Fannies arrive in al...

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One of my favourite opening sentences in all the world is the opening line to Anthony Burgess’ novel Earthly Powers:

“It was the afternoon of my eighty-first birthday, and I was in bed with my catamite when Ali announced that the archbishop had come to see me.”

Being not very well read, I haven’t actually read the book but I am sure it is rather good as the first sentence is stunning and mad...

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