I had a map when I was young

Nothing special but

I swore it held my fate in

its borders and legends

Tales of what’s to come

So I clenched my fist around it

for if it was never lost,

neither could I be

One day, I found that one map

couldn’t guide me to

every destination

I longed to reach

So I procured another

and another

and another

until ...

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Taboo

Cautionary

Loud

Transgressive

Feverish

Powerful

Inflamed

Classy 

Tacky

Infectious

Lustful

Lust Inducing

Painful 

Irate

Hellish
 

I remember standing 

in the dressing room of Dillard's 

with my found Grandma 

as she asserted

"honey, Red is your color." 

I collected her commentary 

and carried it around in the back pocket

of my...

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You would be doing me a favor

that I find impossible to gift myself.

Less death since one could say

my soul passed away

a long time ago,

Silently.

Like the serenity I long for.

No, not non-existence,

just

silence.

I scream a cackle into the 

cushions of my sofa

as the irony coats the inside of my mouth.

I must have

deserved

the ranci...

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I slink around in my one-bedroom apartment

wallowing in my loneliness.

It feels like everyone who I have ever loved has

absconded from my grasp.

Shockingly,

they all fled in their own unique fashion.

Some moved away.

Some I moved away from.

Some turned out to be different

from whom I thought they 

ought to be.

Some transformed into something more

sinister

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false start.

Draw too deep breath.

Linger too long.

take back   break

   neck  speed  one

 two  don’t   stop ask

 once    no twice

Forget.  

    Slowly.

Forego solid food.

Count to ten.

  hold on   elastic pill

     tight  stretch

     release      sharp no time

fixing not broken not ever

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I don’t have a poem for you

you don’t feel volatile

I am sputtering like a flame someone left too close to

            an open window

but you are not the chilly night air

you are not the frayed wick

I still haven’t figured out what you are

you are like deja vu with pretty eyes

seeing a splintering of a thousand potential futures

they all exist because none of them exist ...

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This one is not for you.

Stay.

Stay.

Close your eyes

    those framed portraits

[eager and aloof.]

one day red

full stop

left to [no] exchange

grasping

looking

[looking]                                                             up   up            down

stay.

Stay sane.

in

with no regard,

                           heaviness,

luke warm

        ...

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You hurt me again 

There is no tone of surprise in my voice any more, why should there be? 

You hurt me time and time again and over and over I forgive - I make some weak, half hearted excuse for you

If I forgive you the hurt goes away quicker, until next time when I forget how bad the pain was and disappointment comes crashing down in waves like an avalanche of emotion. I cry and you tel...

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A spider works tirelessly on an intracate weaving of delicate silver threads

Colecting tiny delicate dewdrops

Shining like diamonds littered with droplets in the sun

Hanging, strung in the queerest places

So beautiful, it seems there should be someone different crafting these inginious masterpeices

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