Thinks she's a failure
As a Wife and a Mother
A failure of all

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You,

made me feel something

Something I've been trying to avoid for awhile now.

You,

made me feel safe.

Made me feel loved.

Made me feel like the only girl in the world

In your arms, no bad could happen.

In your arms, I was safe.

In your arms, I was loved. 

This unfamiliar feeling made me uneasy

Made me doubtful

Made me question everythi...

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i DONT belong 

i don’t belong here

i don’t belong anywhere. 

i belong alone .

i belong dead.

no one understands me.

i go in groups and try to talk but nothing useful comes out. 

i try to get people to like me but no one ends up liking me. 

im insane.

im so far in my own mind i can’t connect with anyone around me.

i hate myself. i hate who i am.

why c...

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There is so much more to this.

The music does not make song

but the foetal space

amongst famous walls

filled with such au fait grief

and there a beast floats

to see the fear fleeting

on their new found face

in some unfailing destiny,

there she silently screams,

a flame away

God so violently benign

in his passive spirit-

He forges her-

to breath truly ...

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The sun leaks out of the grey cloud ceiling spilling all over my body. Golden light bathes my cells.
Blanketed by solar rays I gain a new perspective on my surroundings; colours are deeper, fruit ripe. The world beyond my front door suddenly separated only be a wooden plank. 

But as quickly as it came, the curtains above me shut with swift determination. Once again my perspective shifts. 
Col...

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Would you still love your daughter if she was like me?

Would you give her love and affection?

Even if she was yelling and screaming and being mean?

Or would you turn a blind eye and just say 

"Oh, she just wants attention!"

And ignore her cries for help.

Would you still love your daughter if she was like me? 

Would you kiss and hold her and tell her everything will be alright?

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Hear the shuffled footsteps drag upon the cold alone

Looking for a distant stone an ancient memory

Dryness caked upon the ground with lives that never were

Looking for a trace of wounded flowers

Rows of dying blossoms dripping open in the rain

Satyrs running naked in the summer nights of love

Cracked and dripping idols close their eyes against the pain

Blinded aged still ...

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Wake up,

Do the bathroom thing,

Do the breakfast thing,

Do the bathroom thing again,

Do the commute thing,

Do the work thing,

Do the commute thing again,

Do the dinner thing, the family thing, the needful thing,

The friend thing, the hobby thing, the health thing,

Do the evening bathroom thing,

Do the self-education thing,

Do the good-night thin...

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Hunger hides in the schools

Hunger hides in the uneducated

Hunger hides in a child's mind

Why should this be a political fight

We are not asking for a feast, just a little something to eat.

Sadness hides in the home

Sadness hides in the room

Sadness hides in the man on the streets

Don't want to run in your circle anymore.

Want to take that straight line le...

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Profound sadness 

clouds my view 

at a quarter til two. 

I don’t understand why 

my muse avoids me like the flu, 

when a simple poem or song will do. 

Wise words to help me understand

why true love passed me by

in this lifetime.

Why wrong choices,

that felt right at the time,

left me alone in this abyss

where my better self

silently bears witness

to my shr...

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Temptation looms endlessly,
Dwarfing my little mind,

Making no sense of my sordid little ways,
Consumed by all,

For is it just a passing breeze,
Or the rock that has me be,

Is there life in what I am today,
Or what I am yet to be,

The heart does not know,
Oh, how very little it knows,
Of that which it gives the body and mind to,

The torment of the flesh is but a whimper,
To t...

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It’s a nagging,

A light tug of the sleeve on a cold day,

It reminds you it’s there with

Every quiet evening and cancelled plan

If you close your eyes you can feel

It stronger, engulfing you with its words

And its touch, filling your soul with the

Dirty sludge it flourishes within. 

It follows you while you walk from

Street to street, from room to room,

And taunts you ...

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i drive by the place we used to spend hours at, in the back of the car . up on that shitty hill behind my work.

i still feel the musty hands wrap tightly around my ill-ridden waist. teenage love they say. 

love is hooking up in the back of a Ford F-150 with Joji playing in the background. love is pretending to be infatuated when in reality they want you to get them off. that is all.

you f...

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A magenta sky 
greets my morning sigh.

Another majestic day, 
lost in the minutia of life.

Shoulda, coulda,woulda,
paralyzing dream sabers. 

Distractions abound.

Download another book,
refresh the poet's page.

Escape, behind a waterfall
of tears.

Long nights,
paved years. 

Fandango memories
sustain me. 

Resilience 
prevails.

Dry your eyes,
face your fears.

Wr...

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I can see it in your eyes

I can feel it in your soul

The path seems so confusing and you just don’t know 

I tried to fight your battles

I tried to keep you safe

I tried to give you love but you just ran away

Then I opened my eyes and realized

The battle isn’t mine 

So I closed my eyes with a broken heart and cried 

And then I prayed to God that he shows you the way back ...

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Elegy For Days Lost

Another day has come and passed

Left pain and sadness in its wake

The seconds, minutes, hours amassed

The sun will give the moon will take

The distant friends the loved ones lost

Amid the times of dread disease

Each family will count the cost

And curse the name of days like these

And yet the sky was clearest blue

I wrote a poem, sang a so...

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Don't tell me about sadness
I have felt it all along
Before my body knew how to ache
Before it bled to every wounds you made 

Don't tell me to keep promises
I've always dealt with lies, bad ones
Long before I knew love could trade me for some kind of infidelity
Before it sold the truth to buy back the dishonesty

Don't ask me to put on a smile
I've tried it my whole life
Before these ...

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A summer's Christmas,

A winter's Easter,

Sun blazed reflections,

Moon chilled features,

Decaying bright shadows,

Renewing dark radiance,

Exogenous void within',

Luminescently extraneous,

Lagging just to rush,

The constantly inconsistent,

Concealing joyous sorrows,

Being contiguously distant,

Thoughts resistantly flowing,

Nerves electrically static,

Hearing...

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My house is so full of empty spaces

where you used to eat, sleep and be

My days are now full of silence

because you are not here with me

My thoughts are full of worry

was it too soon to say goodbye

My eyes are still full of tears

I hope you didn't see me cry

My body is full of loneliness

you were my companion to the end

My memory is full of good times

sha...

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He was generous he was sweet
He fed us well, we were meat

Yet somehow as others hobbled towards his call
To feed, to fatten, to round, to fall

I saw myself getting sick and more frail
I felt death near, I felt pale

I saw the colors of existence washing away like dirt in a shower
I saw Him as he was, generous with the meat yet not generous with His power

Thus this was the cu...

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Entreaties

My gums are bleeding again.

There’s a stack of papers that need attention

But I can’t find my glasses.

My truck is making that funny noise.

I sleep too late

Because no one wakes me.

I don’t write

I feel it’s all been said.

I find I’m repeating myself

No one takes me seriously

Your point’s been made:

I am selfish and fickle,

Say whate...

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Michelangelo said the work of art awaited him beneath the slab of marble, merely for him to uncover it. In my own small way I understand that as I write these days. The poem I know is possible waits patiently at the other side across a murky divide and with luck and patience maybe I can reach it, reveal it.

Here is  one I wrote about a barbecue years ago in the small town where I lived.

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Just as the wind barges in,

seeping into nature,

I feel a sudden breeze wrap me up in sadness

Shattered by the dead weight of indifference, 

I fall like a leaf from a shaken tree

I descend into an abyss where time no longer exists; 

only emptiness and fear

The night pulls me down,

I find myself in a net of darkness,

immersed in my childhood memories,

li...

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What do you do when the person that once brought you love brings you nothing but pain.

What do you do when the person you gave your heart too took it and threw it away. 

What do you do when your heart beats so fast it feels like it is coming out of your chest.

And the love you once had starts to change into tears and hate.

And that person that once brought you comfort and made you feel...

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Teardrop

A

teardrop

for each life lost

a broken heart for friends,

a sadness that never goes away

but gnaws at nerves and silent moments

 the desolate times of memory cast hurt shadows

dancing on the twilight walls at the edge of your vision

a friend’s laughter that bonded like mortar holds together bricks

 those happy tears can also flow in torrents in a recolle...

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Broken

It’s a weird feeling. 

Hating yourself.  

Always. 

I try so hard to put on a show

Always

To all of my friends

And my family 

I need to be strong.

I don't want pity 

I don't want to be a charity case

I’ve always been the person people come to for advice 

And I’ve always been there for all my friends 

And goddammit, I wish they were there for me 

I me...

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Hello, can anyone hear me?

Hello, are you still there listening to my cries?

Listening to me as I fall on my knees, feeling so empty as this world falls apart

Hello, God! I need you! We all need you!

Our world slowly falls and we all begin to feel empty wanting human contact, human touch

God silently watches us and our empty lonely hearts

Waiting, quietly, for us all to call his ...

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Wave after wave of grief washed over me,
sadness so profound 
the world seemed desolate and forlorn,
like being exposed to the stinging rain 
and blistering wind
on wave crests at the height of a storm

Between bleak crests were moments
of consolation offered by caring friends, 
or comforting memories,
perhaps a joke to soften the pain, 
like valleys between waves 
give some respite 
...

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A dark cloud over me

No matter how hard I battled I seemed to be stuck

No matter how hard I tried to overcome the struggle it was eating me alive

Breathe, wake up, walk

What is wrong with you I yelled, " You have God!"

Get up battle, don't give up

Life keeps throwing punches at you

Life keeps making you fall

But fight, fight and be strong

Don't give up

Don't you dare ...

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The words you said made me realize it's all done

I cried, yelled, and wallowed in self pity

Then I showered

Did my hair

Put on clothes and said  , "That is it girl get it together!"

I said, " That is it girl look at that mirror!"

You are BEAUTIFUL, STRONG, and SMART

I said , "I love me!"

"I love me!"

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Urge

I have this urge to call you

An urge to beg you

An urge to show you I can be happy

I have an urge to tell you that I am strong

I have an urge to tell you that I agree and we're done

An urge to say I know you aren't coming back

I have an urge to stop torturing myself and finally let you be free

I say one more text that is all I need

I say one more text that is all I ...

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