The Far Off Stare
Watching every twitch, each squirm
Observing my skin as goosebumps form
Longing for your touch
Songs of passion in my throat
Claim me again, hum into my ear
Good girl
Revel in the bridge raised within my breast with each gasp of air
Breathe life into me with every mention of my name
Gazing upon my weakened state
Panting
Needing
Claim me again, pack my head with fuz...
Thursday 3rd May 2018 3:37 pm
Don't Tap The Glass
Do you think I want to be this way?
Do you think I like being alone?
Do you think I don’t want to be loved?
Who would want this?
Trapped in their own mind with no sign
no hint
no help in escaping
Long past has the water risen above my head
drowning out the laughter from outside
this aquarium that holds me
Please don’t tap the glass
Thursday 1st March 2018 2:28 pm
Wip
t's a good year for a circus
she's lost in the crowd
they're surrounding her conscious
the deafening cheers rob her of her mind
her stars don't match the night sky
look for home, come back to me
wandering out there
lost but never alone
for love lays beside you
the universe has stolen you away
Can you see me down here
your shell, your home
I stand empty as ever
tied by ribbon I...
Sunday 11th February 2018 2:19 pm
Auditory Hallucinations
Her galaxy is speckled with wormholes
Bridging throughout her universe
Cosmic energy flows to and from
Relaying messages within it’s radio waves
Thoughts, feelings, memories, ideas
Full conversations that only she can hear
Believing that they are really there
Believing in the possibility
Needing to believe
A source of comfort is all it is
So that when she is ready
...
Thursday 28th December 2017 7:04 pm
Familiar Feelings
A new spirit walked with me today
A ghost of calmer grace
Inconceivable, no need to repeat
Yet living in my personal reality
Overactive daydreams can sometimes be useful
We were alone within the crowd
To them I was unattended
The imaginary projection kept intrusions away
Our conversations lively and silent
Playing over the music boasting through my earphones
Allowing ...
Tuesday 19th December 2017 3:46 pm
A New Day (A 4am Prose)
The darkest of blues start to ember
As rays of sunlight creep higher
The world begins to grow brighter
Breezes will come and go
Chilling straight to the bone
Storms form and pass
Wreaking havoc in their path
Tides will rise and floods diminish
Carrying away every hope and wish
Fret not
For this is not eternal
It is when the night comes and the day is done
Restor...
Tuesday 19th December 2017 3:43 pm
Unnamed WIP
I had never been lost at sea
Till I beheld your eyes
And in them a world
That I would be honoured to venture
Friday 15th December 2017 7:17 pm
Daily Battle
Your ghost lingers
Our connection is still open
I can feel your highs and lows
I can feel your anger and love
It hurts
Everything hurts
Do you feel mine
Can you feel how alone I feel?
Knowing that now
With the only one gone
There is none left who can decipher what I’m saying
“The sky is blue,” I could say
“The sky is light blue” is the common response
No one ...
Thursday 14th December 2017 12:28 am
Specifically, Then, Why?
Why?
Why?
Why did you imply I’m an addict?
Why did you imply that I use my mental illness as an excuse?
Do you realize that you did either of those?
Why do you think you couldn’t make me happy?
Why did you say such mean things?
Why did you keep me so close only to tear me away layer by layer?
Why did you unfriend me after saying you wanted to be friends?
Why did you leav...
Thursday 14th December 2017 12:26 am
Losing Myself
I feel as though I live moment to moment
Laughing, smiling, enjoying the little things before me
Then the rest of the time I am conscious of
My soul leaves my physical form
And ventures off for something more interesting
I miss her, most of the time
But maybe it’s better this way
Thursday 14th December 2017 12:24 am
Everything Has Changed
… not even angry orchard tastes the same.
Why did you touch everything in my life?
I feel as though I’m covered in your prints
Traces of you everywhere I go
Told the bartender
He kept asking about you
but maybe it was an excuse to talk to me
Who am I kidding? That’s a laugh
Rid me of your ghost
Just for a short while
Thursday 14th December 2017 12:22 am
Hindrance
This is starting to piss me off
This thing the universe is doing
Where you’re everywhere now
Walt Whitman wrote a beautiful and loving poem
About community, inclusion, equality, and love
I Sing The Body Electric in harmony with Whitman
My soul enraptured by his words of truth
For school I must write an analytical essay
And for the life of me
I have no argument to really ...
Thursday 14th December 2017 12:20 am
I miss you
I miss the sound of your voice over acoustic guitar
My siren, my Apollo, my muse
Only my imagination knows how your scruff feels against my cheek
and yet
It’s as if you’re here
Holding onto me with restrained desperation
Every chance I ever come upon, I will always accept your call
Even if for a moment, just to hear your voice
Just the chance to hear those wor...
Thursday 14th December 2017 12:19 am
Golden Brown
My dreams are filled with hues of earth tones
Brown masks mysterious secrets,
Dark to cover the pain of ignorance,
Opaque to cover to want of another.
Shimmers of luminous gold peak through
T'is the sun’s kisses,
Ultimate love in heated warmth
Showing compassion with silent understanding
I feel the nutrient earth,
Allowing life to foster and thrive,
The maze of mahoga...
Thursday 14th December 2017 12:19 am
Bubbles
Bubbles
Everywhere
The world warped on the skin
Colors meld together
Yet remain seperate
Watching, observing
Silent
At times the art is good
At times it would rather burn
A bubble still remains
Lurking in the air
Nothing to say
Not even a thank you
Orbs that stare
Orbs that judge
Unfair, these transparent shields
Bubbles are free
They roam where the current takes them
Car...
Thursday 14th December 2017 12:14 am
Used Art
Used Art
Skin like stretched canvas
Torn and tattered and dull
Colored in fingertips and old bruises
Paintings are no longer practical
Art collectors want to touch
To feel, to experience, and to damage
Then sell to the highest bidder
Hide her away, turn a blind eye
Don’t look, don’t touch
This piece has turned to dust
Saturday 9th December 2017 2:11 pm
Snow Day
Snow Day
One cannot simply ignore this
Superstitions do not normally get my attention
That is, until premonition fruition
Hindsight and all
Yet while the bayous have snow
Rain taps my window pain
I cannot ignore this sign
This message
I will not see snow this year,
Perhaps for many years to come
Snow is too pure to be touched by my tainted skin
Yet still I pray ...
Friday 8th December 2017 10:47 pm
Who Am I?
A storm trapped in a rain drop
Hurricane wrapped in a wave
Hundred mile winds twisting within a breeze
Devastating quakes in every stone
Dirt speckled snow blanketed over bones
A forest of memories behind a cosmic window
Ash curls out into nebulous tendrils of purple and blue
A ghost of an echo
No longer able to self recognize
Thursday 7th December 2017 3:56 pm
Unnamed
Dirt speckled snow blanketed over bones
A forest of memories behind a cosmic window
Ash curls out into nebulous tendrils of purple and blue
A ghost of an echo
No longer able to self recognize
Thursday 7th December 2017 2:54 am
Existence is Fatal
When the words that flow from brain to mouth seem to just fly away instead of being caught by ears
When my face portrays incorrect emotion
When the reactions to actions are denied wrongfully
As though my reality is delirium
When promised over and over in order to trust just to be broken by more lies
When my heart falls for it over and over simply because it knows no other way of exi...
Tuesday 5th December 2017 8:04 pm
Why Do I Stay?
It's the little things you do
The way you say my name
The way you smile at me
How easily I can laugh with you
No matter how sad I am
The way you believe in me
The way you hold me up
How strong you can be
To lift up and support me
The way we kiss after a fight
The way we grow together
How beautiful you make me feel
On my ugliest days
It's all these things,
All these reasons,
I'm stil...
Tuesday 5th December 2017 5:42 pm
Renewed (Soon)
A warm glow from within your leathery shell
The muffled heartbeat of a renewed life
Soon you will be able to stretch your wings
I see you in there, your beauty, your wonder
Take your time, don’t rush
I won’t leave you, you’re never alone
The strength already lies inside you
You’re alive, and it’s dark, and it hurts
The world is cold and cruel
Though within you lies a for...
Saturday 2nd December 2017 11:07 pm
Silence
Perhaps I'm too exhausted to hear the words whispered upon the winds
Keep to myself, keep to myself,
Don't look, don't look,
Sores freshly ripened need time to heal, sticks and stones will break my bones
And words can shatter souls.
Not everything is about you
How would I handle denial of articles forged from my heart?
Keep to myself, keep to myself,
Don't look, don't look,...
Friday 1st December 2017 2:27 am
My Muse Is Dead
Beige walls stand empty where original artworks once hung
A woman, beyond her years in mind and body, sits at her desk
Staring at a screen that, despite vast knowledge at her fingertips
Is empty
The cloud of cognizance that enveloped her has cleared
Ridiculed by those she trusted
"Over medicated"
No more pills
No more gange
Nothing to help control the demons within her mind
There is no f...
Tuesday 28th November 2017 10:23 pm
Untitled
I’m not even angry at you
And I never was
Confused, yes
Hurt, yes
Frustrated, yes, but from confusion
I can’t be angry with you
Or at you
But I am angry
I’m angry that I put my best effort
That I tried so hard
I’m angry that this happened again
My best was not good enough
I’m angry that I ignored the signs
Such small flags
Warning me from the beginning
...
Tuesday 28th November 2017 8:03 am
Good Girl
Good girl
Those words move me
Quivering to my core
Sparks the embers in my cheeks
So many connotations
A thank you for listening
To your commands
A unique expression of adoration
As well as appetition
An ‘it’s going to be ok’
Psychedelic to my anxieties
Caress my curves
Trace the imprints you leave
On my soul
On my skin
Please, tell me again
I want to be your
Good girl
Sunday 26th November 2017 11:42 pm
My Ray Of Sunshine
Here I go again
Explaining another quirk to some bullshit that happened years ago
I don't keep journals anymore
I hate writing in pen, normally
Someone always saw
Someone always spoke
I always saw some psych
So I never published under my own name
For fear of commitment
In a sense
And here I am
Again
Ashamed of my behavior
Knowing how damaged I sound
"Considering the many things
Th...
Sunday 26th November 2017 4:26 am
Pick Up (A Selfish Poem)
Your Skype signed in again
It’s so tempting to call you
There’s a voice screaming at me to just
Pick up the phone
Just pick up the phone
Against every urge
I’m silent, all except these prose
I must stay silent
Must wait
Wait for what?
For the message, the text, the phone call
Another voice tells me
That will never happen
Selfishly, I want you to miss me
I want to make you miss me
Ma...
Sunday 26th November 2017 3:22 am
Creative
I need to buy tablet pen tips
Forty two hours since my last nap
Forty two thousand taps, scrapes,
And frustrated sighs
How much in sales today?
Can I sleep yet?
Is it enough?
How many strokes across digital canvas
To correct the damage done
One commission to the next
My heart left these works long ago
Onward, fingers, onward
Create the things they want to see
...Friday 24th November 2017 5:44 am
Stupid
A thought occurred to me
I never asked to be protected from the outside world
I only ever asked to be helped up when I'm knocked down
Thursday 23rd November 2017 11:02 pm
Take Them
Take Them
Take these lies off my chest
Let me bleed from the gaping holes
No need to stitch me back up
These fallacy filled temptations
My main attraction
Hiding my true neuroticism
Telling the world stories
Of oh how amazing I am
How gorgeous
Such a demanding presence
Such an alluring sham
How dare I not live up to the expectations
Of a gorgeous woman
Li...
Thursday 23rd November 2017 3:03 pm
I Miss You
Am I allowed to express this?
I’m never quite sure during these times
When you need you
This energy builds up inside me
Wanting to screech out
How beautiful you are to me
How you inspire me to keep going
How every time I get the privilege
of hearing your voice
my soul flutters to your cadance?
You have healing powers beyond your knowledge
Is it ok, will you get ma...
Thursday 23rd November 2017 1:41 pm
Homesick Walls
Is there no hope of returning
Homesick
Relative happiness is nice
A ping in my brain
A twinge in my heart
These pulses of ice in my veins
Never want to stop
Every moment distracted
You're there
Crying
Please, please don't cry
Every attempt to want to understand
You help
Another wall is slammed down between us
Please don't push me away
I can be goo...
Wednesday 22nd November 2017 3:20 pm
I Can Be Good (Z)
With each and every prose I think of new things to outpour onto this page. Ideas and feelings flow through me, conflicting, and most of the time I am ok.
I've been sober since then; nothing helps this anymore. Every day starts out slow, in a haze, then I feel ok and content and myself for a few hours. Once noon rolls around, my heart hurts, my stomach turns, my head spins, and I leave class to ...
Tuesday 21st November 2017 8:37 pm
Cast Aside
Cast Aside
A woman cries for now she knows
Her love is unconditional
Weeping at the empty kitchen table
One, two, three in the morning
None are awake but her
Right hand reaches out to air
She wails
“There was no choice to make!”
Yet she always knew, in some way
Either too much to handle
Or not enough
But always cast aside
Anger will not manifest
Her l...
Tuesday 21st November 2017 7:57 pm
I Know Who I Am
Eyes that seek truth,
A heart that knows no bounds
A mind that eludes and intimidates
A soul that is and always was free
Determined and passionate
Emotional but strong
I can get through anything
Even when I don't want to
There are times when I do not know myself
These times are hard
Patience will show my path
I'm so grateful I was not alone
I'm still not al...
Tuesday 21st November 2017 3:50 pm
How Are You
How are you?
What are you thinking about?
Why are you thinking that?
Where does your heart go?
Does your soul fly?
Can you see clearly?
Did it help?
What didn't help?
How is your soul?
How is your heart?
What do you think about?
How are you?
Tuesday 21st November 2017 3:10 am
My Ocean (S)
A Tumblr picture; my first bikini
In the ocean
I had been so proud, disabled and beautiful
That's when you saw my shine
You reached out like a moth to a flame
Too fast, my love, too fast
One makes mistakes
when no one hesitates
Oh how much you have grown my love
Not only have you become the man I saw all along
You have become the man you have always wanted to be
I ...
Tuesday 21st November 2017 1:31 am
Haven't Changed
HA! I guess I haven't changed since then. All these schemes and dreams in my head of me doing something impossible to win you back. Wrong choice of words. To open you to me once more.
Once I daydreamt that I somehow got in touch with Al Barr and we went drinking up in Edmonton at your favorite bar every day for a week until you strolled in. You were star struck, Al was a cool wingman, you fell ...
Tuesday 21st November 2017 12:45 am
A Promise to You (Z)(11/01/2017)
A promise to you,
if you are willing.
You and I are worth it
No, that's not right
We are ALL worth it
We are all worth the work
and with that work divided
the load is lighter
I would love to meet her
I would love to love her
To see what you see in her
Because I know it's pure and right for you
She is wonderful
I know she is already
There's one thing w...
Monday 20th November 2017 10:12 pm
Soul (10/16/2017)
I can feel you from so far away
Suffering in silence
Asking my patience that I gladly give
Your happiness is more important.
My love is strong, my mind is weak
Yet for you, I would put my own
Stress aside if it meant helping you.
My body, mind, and soul are yours
When you need them.
I love you in every sense on the word.
Monday 20th November 2017 10:04 pm
Not This Way (Z) (11/20/17)
I still scroll your page
Keeping my distance
I cry, but not because I'm hurt
My tears are for you
My hope is for you
My person is better for loving you
So for that, if that person isn't me for you
Acceptance is necessary
You are my life, my soul, my love
I never cared if others are in your life
As long as they made you happy
I guess I'm just sad
That I can no lo...
Monday 20th November 2017 9:44 pm
What on your mind? (Smoke Signals) (October '17)
What’s on your mind?
Who really wants to know?
A world filled with love
yet blind and ignorant of it
stuck in a cloud, observant
only once in a while truly touching
rarely feeling but always loving
she cries
does not know why
she figures
she might as well fill this world with smoke
then maybe this world won’t be so bad
what would you do if you saw
smoke signals from a rain cloud
Monday 20th November 2017 9:15 pm
A Cloud of Cognizance (October '17)
A skull, abundant with nebulae
Cold waves crash upon the heart
Echoing through the veins and beyond
There she remains, inert in her behavior
Acclimated with these surges of pain
Leering at the screen before her
Acumen floating above curls that betray
A cloud of cognizance
Monday 20th November 2017 8:57 pm
Patience (September '17)
i am never one to say ‘i was only kidding’
i am the type who experiences guilt
physical and mental
never mad at those who snap at me
deservedly so
but
patience is something that i need
so please
Monday 20th November 2017 8:54 pm
Oh, Pixie (January '17)
Oh, Pixie,
Pierce me once more with that joyous laughter
Happiness is embodied,
But so much more.
Oh, Pixie,
Mysterious creature
Bewitched, longing for enlightenment
I serve thee
Oh, Pixie,
Soul that entwines my mind
Allow me to be seen, to be heard, to be touched
But how
Oh, Pixie,
Love
Monday 20th November 2017 8:50 pm
Bittersweet (S) (July '17)
Paint white over my eyes
Seal my lips with lies
Scrub my skin so that it may be raw
Sweep my feet and watch me fall
Shackle my hands with twisted irony
Let me hear those phrases of fallacy
For I would rather have it bittersweet
Than to feel so incomplete
Monday 20th November 2017 8:36 pm
I See What Is To Happen (11/8/2017)
I'm Terrified
I’m scared that this is who I will be from now on
I’m afraid of what I might become
I’m scared that I’ll never have a healthy relationship
I’m afraid of losing everything again
I’m scared that any person who comes close to me will hurt me
I’m afraid of being isolated
I’m scared that I may be better off alone
I’m afraid of these thoughts racing
I’m scared th...
Monday 20th November 2017 8:31 pm
Sol (9/11/2017)
Sumptuous daylight
May you fill my soul
Bring light to this life
So wretched and cold
Oh, illuminating fairy of day
Reliable and warm, your kiss
Washing away the night’s pain
Bathe me with your bliss
Monday 20th November 2017 8:18 pm
Home (20/11/2017)
Home
Keep finding bits and pieces of
Myself strewn across my mind
Only to be blown away again
And what little pieces I have left
Shake and shiver in fear.
Knowing the horizon has better days
I strive onward, searching
There will always be a place
Not a hole, but a safe space
In my heart
For you to rest your head awhile
And know that I will always love you.
...
Monday 20th November 2017 8:08 pm
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