Watching every twitch, each squirm

Observing my skin as goosebumps form

Longing for your touch

Songs of passion in my throat

Claim me again, hum into my ear

Good girl

Revel in the bridge raised within my breast with each gasp of air

Breathe life into me with every mention of my name

Gazing upon my weakened state

Panting

Needing

Claim me again, pack my head with fuz...

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Snow Day

One cannot simply ignore this

Superstitions do not normally get my attention

That is, until premonition fruition

Hindsight and all

Yet while the bayous have snow

Rain taps my window pain

I cannot ignore this sign

This message

I will not see snow this year,

Perhaps for many years to come

Snow is too pure to be touched by my tainted skin

Yet still I pray ...

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It's the little things you do
The way you say my name
The way you smile at me
How easily I can laugh with you
No matter how sad I am
The way you believe in me
The way you hold me up
How strong you can be
To lift up and support me
The way we kiss after a fight
The way we grow together
How beautiful you make me feel
On my ugliest days
It's all these things,
All these reasons,
I'm stil...

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I’m not even angry at you

And I never was

Confused, yes

Hurt, yes

Frustrated, yes, but from confusion

I can’t be angry with you

Or at you

But I am angry

I’m angry that I put my best effort

That I tried so hard

I’m angry that this happened again

My best was not good enough

I’m angry that I ignored the signs

Such small flags

Warning me from the beginning

...

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Good girl
Those words move me
Quivering to my core
Sparks the embers in my cheeks
So many connotations
A thank you for listening
To your commands
A unique expression of adoration
As well as appetition
An ‘it’s going to be ok’
Psychedelic to my anxieties
Caress my curves
Trace the imprints you leave
On my soul
On my skin
Please, tell me again
I want to be your
Good girl

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Here I go again
Explaining another quirk to some bullshit that happened years ago
I don't keep journals anymore
I hate writing in pen, normally
Someone always saw
Someone always spoke
I always saw some psych
So I never published under my own name
For fear of commitment
In a sense
And here I am
Again
Ashamed of my behavior
Knowing how damaged I sound

"Considering the many things
Th...

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Your Skype signed in again
It’s so tempting to call you
There’s a voice screaming at me to just
Pick up the phone
Just pick up the phone
Against every urge
I’m silent, all except these prose
I must stay silent
Must wait
Wait for what?
For the message, the text, the phone call
Another voice tells me
That will never happen
Selfishly, I want you to miss me
I want to make you miss me
Ma...

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Am I allowed to express this?

I’m never quite sure during these times

When you need you

This energy builds up inside me

Wanting to screech out 

How beautiful you are to me

How you inspire me to keep going

How every time I get the privilege

of hearing your voice

my soul flutters to your cadance?

You have healing powers beyond your knowledge

Is it ok, will you get ma...

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Is there no hope of returning

Homesick

Relative happiness is nice

A ping in my brain

A twinge in my heart

These pulses of ice in my veins

Never want to stop

Every moment distracted

You're there

Crying

Please, please don't cry

Every attempt to want to understand

You help

Another wall is slammed down between us 

Please don't push me away

I can be goo...

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With each and every prose I think of new things to outpour onto this page. Ideas and feelings flow through me, conflicting, and most of the time I am ok.

I've been sober since then; nothing helps this anymore. Every day starts out slow, in a haze, then I feel ok and content and myself for a few hours. Once noon rolls around, my heart hurts, my stomach turns, my head spins, and I leave class to ...

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Cast Aside

A woman cries for now she knows

Her love is unconditional

Weeping at the empty kitchen table

One, two, three in the morning

None are awake but her

Right hand reaches out to air

She wails

“There was no choice to make!”

Yet she always knew, in some way

Either too much to handle

Or not enough

But always cast aside

Anger will not manifest

Her l...

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Eyes that seek truth,

A heart that knows no bounds

A mind that eludes and intimidates

A soul that is and always was free

Determined and passionate

Emotional but strong

I can get through anything

Even when I don't want to

There are times when I do not know myself

These times are hard

Patience will show my path

I'm so grateful I was not alone

I'm still not al...

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How are you?
What are you thinking about?
Why are you thinking that?
Where does your heart go?
Does your soul fly?
Can you see clearly?
Did it help?
What didn't help?
How is your soul?
How is your heart?
What do you think about?
How are you?

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A Tumblr picture; my first bikini

In the ocean

I had been so proud, disabled and beautiful

That's when you saw my shine

You reached out like a moth to a flame

Too fast, my love, too fast

One makes mistakes

when no one hesitates

Oh how much you have grown my love

Not only have you become the man I saw all along

You have become the man you have always wanted to be

I ...

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HA! I guess I haven't changed since then. All these schemes and dreams in my head of me doing something impossible to win you back. Wrong choice of words. To open you to me once more.

Once I daydreamt that I somehow got in touch with Al Barr and we went drinking up in Edmonton at your favorite bar every day for a week until you strolled in. You were star struck, Al was a cool wingman, you fell ...

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A promise to you,

if you are willing.

You and I are worth it

No, that's not right

We are ALL worth it

We are all worth the work

and with that work divided

the load is lighter

I would love to meet her

I would love to love her

To see what you see in her

Because I know it's pure and right for you

She is wonderful

I know she is already

There's one thing w...

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I can feel you from so far away

Suffering in silence

Asking my patience that I gladly give

Your happiness is more important.

My love is strong, my mind is weak

Yet for you, I would put my own

Stress aside if it meant helping you.

My body, mind, and soul are yours

When you need them.

I love you in every sense on the word.

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I still scroll your page

Keeping my distance

I cry, but not because I'm hurt

My tears are for you

My hope is for you

My person is better for loving you

So for that, if that person isn't me for you

Acceptance is necessary

You are my life, my soul, my love

I never cared if others are in your life

As long as they made you happy

I guess I'm just sad

That I can no lo...

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i am never one to say ‘i was only kidding’

i am the type who experiences guilt

physical and mental

never mad at those who snap at me

deservedly so

but

patience is something that i need

so please

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Oh, Pixie,
Pierce me once more with that joyous laughter
Happiness is embodied, 
But so much more.

Oh, Pixie,
Mysterious creature
Bewitched, longing for enlightenment
I serve thee

Oh, Pixie,
Soul that entwines my mind
Allow me to be seen, to be heard, to be touched
But how

Oh, Pixie,
Love

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Home

Keep finding bits and pieces of

Myself strewn across my mind

Only to be blown away again

And what little pieces I have left

Shake and shiver in fear.

Knowing the horizon has better days

I strive onward, searching

There will always be a place

Not a hole, but a safe space

In my heart

For you to rest your head awhile

And know that I will always love you.

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