Mine are dead man’s bones

scattered amongst the thousands.  

Our tomb has been an open display 

since first our bodies were there thrown away. 

I am brittle and bleached by the sun.  

Dust and ashes fill my skull

and the sand eats away my skeleton.  

We are forgotten.  

I am forgotten.  

I am no one amongst nobodies.  

Mine is the voice of one

crying out in th...

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Crimson red are the eyes of the man
whose mind is lost to the madness. 
Oh, all the death I have sown.
Now is the time for the harvest.  
I have been running for so long
from the inevitable.  
Now it is time to turn and face the reaper.  
What great a kindness will he do for me,
that my shoulders should be relieved
of the burdens that they carry.
Come now and answer once and for all
the...

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I’m stuck in a dream.

The light within has flickered out of sight

and this place of darkened disillusionment 

has become my home. 

The walls are too high to climb. 

Hope is well out of reach.  

I hear the voices echoing

down the corridors and around the corners

of this maze I am lost in.  

Die and be free. 

Hope has died and so should you.  

There is no waking...

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Unbalanced on the waves at sea

Tossing and turning

I’ve lost all my bearings

For one moment I turned my head away

Just long enough for you

To push me over board

In these waters 

In these cold and suffocating waves

I will meet my final test

Will I go under

Will I go under

I will not

Survive this

I put the knife to my throat

Better a quick and pain...

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This is where I run away and hide.

I thought you knew that. 

This is the only safe place I have ever known

and I’m having trouble letting go.  

I wish I could say I never saw this coming,

but we both know I can’t. 

No, we both know we can’t. 

Yet still there flickers this glimmering

of hope that I first found with you.  

Oh, I know that it once shown brighter. 

T...

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This house has never been my home.

These walls are my prison cell.

This bed, so cold and lonely

is the tomb I lay myself in.  

Your touch on my face is silky smooth

before you bring the knife to my throat. 

You are the one who kills me

and the one who nurses me back to life. 

You have been my closest friend

and my fiercest enemy.  

Now I’m suffocating on my own b...

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This house has never been my home.

These walls are my prison cell.

This bed, so cold and lonely

is the tomb I lay myself in.  

Your touch on my face is silky smooth

before you bring the knife to my throat. 

You are the one who kills me

and the one who nurses me back to life. 

You have been my closest friend

and my fiercest enemy.  

Now I’m suffocating on my own b...

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There’s only so much

So much that I can take

Before I buckle

Beneath this crushing weight

There’s only so much

So much that I can bear

Before my knees give way

Before my spirit breaks

I am not a perfect man

I can not fulfill your desires

I am not undefeatable

I can not withstand any more

I set my face like flint

Against this enemy

Of my soul

B...

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Unbalanced on the waves at sea

Tossing and turning

I’ve lost all my bearings

For one moment I turned my head away

Just long enough for you

To push me over board

In these waters 

In these cold and suffocating waves

I will meet my final test

Will I go under

Will I go under

I will not

Survive this

I put the knife to my throat

Better a quick and pain...

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My heart is in hiding, wounded and bleeding. 

Anger’s anesthesia is wearing off

and I can only get so numb,

but it’s never numb enough.  

I cannot retreat far enough

into my dark comforter’s lifeless arms. 

They no longer hold me like they once did,

no longer embrace me in the safety of shadows. 

My lovers surround me

and gaze at me with cold, empty eyes. 

Their comat...

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You always took me places I didn’t want to go,

yet still I followed

though I held in my hand the key to my shackles.  

You kept me in an unlocked cage,

yet I refused to walk out into freedom,

though I couldn’t be contained.  

You kept my mind shrouded in darkness,

yet there was light all around me

and I had but only to open my eyes to see it. 

You convinced me with decep...

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On lighter feet and with brighter eyes

we have set out on this journey.

With heads held higher and shoulders back

we turn our faces toward the dawn.

The song in our hearts carries on the wind

as our voices sing out our anthem –

life over death and hope in our chests,

what was broken is bound and set right again.

We carry no misconceptions.

Our minds are far from naïve.

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The tension is building between what was and what is,

and I am in the middle,

arms and legs tied and outstretched.

I feel the darkness drawing me back in,

and I find in me the desire to be consumed

in that darkness. 

Oh, how quickly the light fades

when my eyes are turned away from the sun. 

And why do I welcome the blindness,

that sinister guide into destruction?

Why...

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Echoes in the dark whisper to me,

gently calling me back to a time and place

that I sorely wish to forget,

but are indelibly etched into my memories

like carvings of a blade in the skin.

The soft and soothing siren song of those echoes

is now to me the dirge of a man who is no more,

the woeful wailings of a life swallowed by death.

These whispers are carried on the wind

...

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Listless and wanting more.
What the hell am I fighting for?
But I’ve got to keep swinging.  
While there’s still fight in me.  
Aimless, I’m a vagabond.
But I’ve got to keep moving on. 
There is no place for me here. 
I’ve got to get going, my dear.  

And onward I go. 
Be it fast or be it slow. 
If I stay here any longer
I’m bound to fuck it all up again.  

So I’ll put one foot
in...

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What do you see when you look at me?

Who is it that you think I am?

I don’t even know, so please tell me.

I have worn these masks for so long

that I have forgotten myself.

There is a stranger in the mirror

looking back with hollow eyes.

I don’t recognize him,

and he doesn’t acknowledge me.

I will be who you want me to be.

I will play my part if you give me the li...

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You walk around so proudly,

whitewashed and pristine,

plastic smile painted on,

and eyes so very empty.

Who is it that you think you’re fooling,

except the blind you lead along

as if by a leash?

You wear your mask

without any flaws,

fitted so tightly against your face,

but what lies below that porcelain surface?

Is it not a dead man’s bones,

rotten with decay?

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My mind is racing again

and I can feel the knot in my stomach

tighten as I tread water

in this endless ocean.

The waves are crashing

over me relentlessly.

Panic has set in

and is holding fast.

Its grip like a vice

is clenched on my lungs.

My thoughts race in every direction

like bees swarming

when the hive is burst open violently.

I don’t know how much longer

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Where did my heart go, my love?

And where does yours now hide?

Remember the brighter days

as fleeting as they were.

But there was love and laughter. 

Before darkness crept in 

and poisoned us with its sting,

there was the glimmer of light

that shone within us.  

But how enveloping was that darkness,

and how thoroughly it sought to destroy us. 

What places it took u...

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As surely as I stand before you

I am also quite vacant. 

I feel so empty inside,

like a man whose entrails

have spilled to the floor.  

Where there was a once beating heart

there is now only a hole. 

Where once there were lungs 

to breathe the air of freedom,

now there are only cavities. 

Breath is stolen away. 

Life has long since ebbed from me.  

My body is hu...

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I surrender my arms.  
I’m tired of fighting you. 
You’ll always have the higher ground.  
I am powerless, insignificant,
against your superiority.  
You always win. 
You’ve always won. 
I have no defense. 
I have no hope
for coming out of this alive.  

Every time
I come crawling back
on my knees to let you in. 
Every time
you kick me when I’m down. 
You’d think in time
that I’d ...

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I’m afraid that I am not enough,

inadequate, lacking, measured and left wanting.  

The scales upon which I have stood

are not weighted in my favor,

but are tipped toward insufficiency.

And what if these things are true?

What does that make of me?

Where then is my worth,

and what is my valuation,

if not in what I am able to provide?

What of my life, wasted and squander...

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I can not comprehend you. 

Like an insect contemplating the vastness

of time and space,

or a speck of dust the calculations of thought,

I am so small, and my mind so chronically finite,

that I can’t begin to fathom the substance

of your being 

or the framework of your mind.  

How could I seek you out

and where is it that you make your abode?

If I call up to the heaven...

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Blind

Seeing yet unseeing,

I have passed through this world

as a blind man -

so sure of my way,

yet so clumsy of foot.

Do not take me by the hand.

I do not need your help.

I am led along

by the whisperings in my head.

Not knowing that the path before me

would lead only to my destruction,

I trudged on.

And on and on and on.

Do not tell me the way to go...

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I’m behind the wheel again

and the brakes have gone out.

I have no control of this life I’m living.

With the wheel in my hand

I can but hope for the best

as I’m pumping the pedal 

hoping for a miracle. 

Get out of the way!

Can’t you see what’s happening?

Panic stricken and wild eyed

I search for a way out,

for any place of safety,

but there are no vacancies. 

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When your words like spears pierce my side

and your knife finds the chinks in my armor,

what of this blood that spills to the floor?

Does it matter not to you?

I know that your heart beats within your chest,

and it feels, but does it feel the pain rendered to mine?

Do you notice the paler look in my eyes

and the gasping of my breath?

But today I will not fight you.

I wil...

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Brief, passing, unnoticed

are all the moments

in all my days.

Do I pause in observation?

Do I see the value

in each and every opportunity,

the hidden potential

within each passing second?

Or do I squander them

on selfish pursuit

and meaningless activity?

If each moment was gold

would I store them safely away?

More often than not

I have cast them away

li...

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When I am God the world is bleak. 

My divinity spent on destruction and decay. 

When I am God the world is small. 

I am the center of gravitational pull. 

When I am God watch out for my vengeance.  

Sitting high on a throne

built of refuse and broken things

I survey my universe with disdain

and cast down such decrees

that all are guilty,

and I am the king of guil...

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With our bows drawn back

and our eyes unblinking,

we stand before the darkness,

our torches lighting up the night.

Every one of us bears scars of the past.

Our wills were broken,

our hearts torn out.

We faced down death

and didn’t come out alive.

We drank the dregs of sorrow

and have known

the bitterness of defeat.

But today we stand unflinching,

our gazes lo...

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With sweet and empty promises
I was drawn into your torments. 
The carrot dangled perpetually before my face
and I ran, and I ran, and I ran to catch it,
not knowing that with every step I took
I was heading deeper and deeper
into your black mouth
to sink into your belly, 
as you devoured me whole.  
How willingly I was consumed,
and with great abandon 
did I cast myself headlong into y...

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I’m always consuming, but it’s never enough

to fill my ever-empty belly.

And there is scarce enough to quaff

to quench this insatiable thirst.

I have lived too long on breadcrumbs

and stagnant water,

so long that I have forgotten the taste

of finer foods and refreshing drink.

I am driven by my belly,

always growling, always unsatisfied,

and not in the least quelled or...

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I can’t breathe. 
All this weight
is crushing my chest. 
My arms are bound.
My face is under water. 
My lungs are burning. 
My mind is racing. 
The panic sets in
and I want to scream,
but my mouth is gagged
and my nose pinched shut.
I’m all alone
here in this darkness. 
My time is running short. 
I can feel consciousness
slipping away. 
I fight to stay alive
but my effort’s in vai...

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You ate away at my insides like a cancer
devouring my joy and laughter. 
This ulcerous hole in my gut, your home. 
My regrets were never far from your lips
as you whispered them in my ears,
barely audible, but felt.  
I cannot change what I have done,
cannot undo what is past,
but the weight of it,
and the weight of your words
brought my soul down to the pit. 
How many times 
have you ...

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Your footsteps have taken you further

than you ever wanted to go.

So far away from where you called home.

You traveled through the darkest of nights

fumbling and crawling in fear.

You walked under the shadow of death

certain that you would never again see the light of day.

You ran, and you ran, and you ran,

but could never seem to run fast enough

to escape everything tha...

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If I don’t wake up, let me sleep.

If I never wake again. let me slumber.

So lay this body to rest

and put me in the ground,

because death is the only comfort I’ve known.

If tonight I breathe my last,

let me be remembered not for who I was

but for all I could have been.

And if the reaper comes to take me away,

I will put up no fight.

I will go willingly.

If this bro...

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Life weighs heavy on me like the gravity of a dying star,

its hand burdensome upon my soul, crushing.

What relief is there from this constant pressing?

What escape from the excessive demand of my wit and my will?

I am weary beneath this yoke.

How brief is my respite from this striving,

and long are the days that exhaust my ambition.

How driven are the oxen as they plow

and ...

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This is me saying goodbye.

Though we have been close, I will not miss you.

Though you have been my faithful and constant companion,

I will not look back one last time

to look upon your face for remembrance.

The scars inflicted upon my soul are remembrance enough.

You were once a dear friend to me.

I gave you my all, and you took it all.

You convinced me that I needed you,

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Oh, Dark Comforter,

I’ve come home to you again

to be held once more in your embrace.

And with what pity you hold me

as you whisper in my ear

the shameful things that keep me close

and coming back to you.

You have been my closest friend,

blanketing me with your love,

so heavy, so familiar.

And as I lay weeping there in your arms

you swallow my tears,

and give me...

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I can feel the gnawing in my gut again,

that anxious roiling that keeps me awake. 

Knots and tangles like snakes,

slithering in the pit of my belly,

consume my attention and steal my thoughts. 

What peace is there in this roiling?

What comfort is there in such conflict?

My sleep is stolen away

and my eyes find no rest. 

My soul aches in turmoil. 

Oh, this banging...

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Weary, worn, and listless my soul carries through each day

like a waif searching for a place to rest.

Melancholy wraps about me like a warm jacket

keeping the cold at bay,

and indifference covers my head like a shroud.

I see the bodies bustling all around me

and I hear the shuffling of their feet,

but to them I am a ghost passing through their world,

unnoticed, unimportant,...

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The storm clouds have passed over

and the wreckage is strewn about

the now calmer sea

like so much flotsam and jetsam. 

So are the remains of yesterday

and what could have been, 

now debris littering the shoreline

in the wake of a tempest, 

now gone and forgotten by the world,

but not by the ship and its captain.  

Gone is the hull and torn are the sails. 

Broken a...

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What madness, what madness, what madness 

Has befallen me

once I opened my mouth to drink you in. 

My sanity like an avalanche has come crashing

down the mountainside

leaving such brokenness in its wake. 

And I, crippled by your ways,

am left behind to clean up the shattered pieces. 

You embraced me so tightly

with unfeeling and uncaring arms,

promising to keep me clo...

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Today I feel a stranger in my own skin. 

Plunged backward into an old, familiar feeling. 

Trapped inside my body, I’m not in control. 

This nightmare has returned home again 

to the comfort of the darker places of my mind,  

where a shroud hangs over my eyes

and my heart is drowned in sticky blackness. 

Today I do not know where I’ve gone. 

Retreated to the recesses of that...

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I’m floating on the surface of the sea.

The waves and winds they carry me

further from the shore of my security. 

Out here drifting on my own

not knowing where the tides will take me,

I’m finding peace in the overwhelming fear.  

What of the unknown?

It’s not my place to find it out,

to turn my mind inside out with anxiety

over what I am unable to control. 

Drift...

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