We were getting on great before lockdown

The odd early night and a bottle of wine

But I knew my fate was sealed when

You bought lingerie and champagne on line

What used to be fun has become a nightmare

I've seen through these hot oriental sauces

Before long I think I'll go out of my mind

Because you're stretching my resources

Stretching, stretching, stretching my ...

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There's a strange woman in the flat above

I fear that lockdown has affected her wits

She's started singing in the middle of the night

Mostly Whitney Houston's greatest hits

I put a note under her door complaining

She rang saying sorry for giving me a fright

We're both young bored and frustrated she said

She knew a better way to pass the night

It turns out she's a ...

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Folk have too much time on their hands

This mad lockdown's stoking mischief

Families living on top of each other

From bad neighbours there's no relief

They put up a new bird table next door

State of the art, four feeders on a pole

Luring all the birds from my garden

It was my finches and robins they stole

I was unable to sleep at the shock

Worried almost out of...

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She filled her boots when

Panic buying was the vogue her

Bulk brushing rivals aside

Toilet rolls were the

Least of it

Catering packs of SPAM enough

Condensed milk for an army platoon, boxes of candles and

Assorted biscuits filled the loft her

Bathroom plastered with paracetamol cough

Linctus and mouthwash but above all

Valium for honed to a

Tee by loneliness

Mab...

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I don't know Harry,

This one's a rare bird and

No mistake,

Just how did he get in and

Where are his papers?

If he's an asylum-seeker, what is it he's

Fleeing?

As a rule that lot keep their heads down but this one's

Roaming the country

In broad daylight

As if he owned the place

Flouting the lock-down rules too and

Costing the tax-payer a fortune.

Tell me this ...

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You didn't argue with him

Registrars quailed and more than one

Seasoned sister had fled in tears while

He was loaded, a

Private practice financing

Mansion, country cottage, horses, boat

All the trappings

A pretty if fading wife who'd put up

With a lot.

He was in his prime.

Then that bloody virus hit and he was

King no more

Elective surgery on hold

The normal ...

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