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a bad habit

i find myself texting you late at night

until you block me i’ll keep on coming back

wish i was only here out of spite

but in reality i need to talk to someone during my panic attack

 

i know it’s selfish to use you for reassurance 

however it’s the only thing that can soothe my racing mind

and i haven’t gotten enough money for insurance 

so i hope it doesn’t make you feel c...

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depressionattachmentsadtextcallthoughts

late night walking

used to take things before going on walks

it’d be dark and cold

and i’d be underdressed

i couldn’t seem to withhold

 

i’d stumble around the neighborhood 

trees and leaves would move

even though there was no breeze

i couldn’t seem to mentally improve 

 

i grew more and more detached

would walk by a half way house everynight

i thought that perhaps that would one ...

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drugshighsadwalksnightscaryshadowdepressionmental illness

going blind

i know you’re disappointed in me

we always scream for hours and fight

until i decide to go out on a walk by the big oak tree

even though i can barely see the sidewalk at night

 

im starting to think that i can’t see in general anymore

i look in the mirror and see someone new

it’s like i’ve never seen her before

i wonder if you feel that way about me too

 

my therapist...

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sadmental health issuesdepressionglassesanxietytherapy

one day i'll be a star

told you about all my hopes and dreams

I wanna be a writer and teacher,

the only things I feel like i'd be good at

you ask to see my work and I refuse to show you

 

a few months later I joke about how funny I am 

you say I should become a comedian

to be honest I've thought about it

why not dump all my trauma onto people and merely laugh it off?

 

after we broke up I t...

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starfamoussongsongwritingwriterwritingcomedy

juxtaposition

you look at me like i'm insane

i can't tell if i am

if I turned out to be psychotic

would I even be this self-aware?

 

i put on obnoxious amounts of chapstick

cotton candy or strawberry-flavored

it severely drys out my lips

but I know you'll think of me when you see it at the store

 

I always attempt to blow up my life

just because you left me again

you run ever...

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relationshipsadself doubtjuxtapositionschoolsmart

i miss being your daughter

we were close when i was little

you called me your sugar plum fairy

sat by my bed when my dreams were too scary

I didn't know then that our relationship was so brittle

 

you have mixed feelings about your own mother

maybe that's why you act the way you do

you rip me apart and then try to patch me up with glue

we both know you wouldn't ever do that to my brother

 

you ...

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mommommy issuessadteenage girlgrowing upchildhoodpoem

unachievable dreams

didn't wake up with the intention of being bad

I don't know why there's a pit in my stomach when no one is dead

run around my house and verbally beat up my dad

the screams sound bloodshed

 

he says, "there's so much you wanna do" 

and i obvert my eyes

wait around for a mental break-through

and make unachievable plans doing the highs

 

i wanna be a savior

and get th...

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sadteenagegirlteenagerrelationship with parentsdepressionanxietypoetry

chronic pain

i'm sick of doing the best i can
because it isn't ever enough
if I can't be good,
what's the point of being here at all?

I never sleep well anymore
even though I tell the doctors I sleep fine
I just stare at the ceiling
and live through the lives of others

sit in class with an ache behind my eyes
I can't even tell if the pain is real
excedrin can only do so much
and I think my toler...

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depressionhypochondriahypochondriacpainhealthhealth anxietymental healthfamily

supporting the economy

my worth is always fluctuating
you talk to me like I'm worth nothing
but when it's past nine pm I'm priceless
I can't tell if I'm a commodity

you told me you liked me out of the blue
it was almost out of impulse
like that pretty journal, you bought but never used
both are just things that are nice to have around

you didn't need to do that
you had plenty of things at home stuffed in yo...

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economyimpulsivedepressionshoppingrelationshipsituationship

the moon and the sun

you told me i’d only fail

laugh at my hopes and dreams

you act as if i’m frail

there’s often reoccurring themes 

 

you know i’m not dumb 

it’s just that you don’t care

so don’t ask me for gum

and don’t you give me that stare

 

i don’t know how we ever got along 

we’re opposites like the moon and the sun

you probably think you’re the moon, but i think that you’re...

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friendsmoonsunspacesaddepressioncruel

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