Puke Crawl

Work in a call centre all night long five nights a week

On shift number five told to go drinking with the bosses

Drink till drunk then drink till you puke this is an order

I did this twice with them when I worked in a small BPO

Twice was enough drink till I crawl had my fill no more

Takes the stress away but I’m not doing it again

I was too tired after shift asked t...

Read and leave comments (0)

Mr Fix It
The agent sneezed
Another f*cking head cold!
Which twat did he catch it off?
He'd give them their virus back 3x!
Make sure they suffer call it karma
Now he was taking calls in a mask
His voice was muffled and he was irate
Irate agent irate customers wanting help
With their Twinstar electric heaters
Tech support was such fun they said
The customers were American and lazy
Inste...

Read and leave comments (0)

19/31

Everybody knew what they both did

After the Xmas party a lot of rumpy pumpy!

The mid-size 31 year old female

And the 19 year old male getting it on

The lad has a galfriend and new baby

But still grinded the older chick

People told me of this and what joy!

They went to a hotel after the drinking

And screwed like rabbits oh illicit heaven!

It was a small Pattaya c...

Read and leave comments (0)

Times Over
The Fake God gloated and said
'Hey mate I win this round and for good'
He nodded and replied yes you win here
But not for good tho I'll accept the NTE
No disputes as numbers don't lie
Yes boss I know I failed in sales
Do what you will transfer or fire me
I'll transfer you to collections
Brian went on to say why did you
Follow me four times over Asia?
I worked in Bangkok and M...

Read and leave comments (0)

Lick Not Bite

Where is the sale?

Hiding in the sky

Quick reach up

Get the sale now!

Poor agents no sale

Time for a meeting

Then coaching session

And call monitoring

Are they following?

Teach them then

Spoon feed them

So they get more sales

Aren’t outlying agents

With 0 or just 1 sale

With 7 or 8 or more

Poor little reps

Always st...

Read and leave comments (0)

NTE Yourself! NTEs were given out each month To the reps with low or no sales In time there were no reps on the account The Fake God was left alone Just him and his support to call They each wanted two fifty k a month To do the work of ten reps It was physically impossible But they went for it and failed Would they give NTEs to themselves?

Read and leave comments (0)

Reduce It

Expand the size of it

What you ask?

The cash in your wallet

Your cock size

The engine in your car

Your ego size

The number of galfriends

Your apartment size

The type of motorcycles

Your lifetime

All this and more

You want extending

I’ll tell you this

We’ll do the opposite

Reduce it all!

Read and leave comments (0)

Hoop Jumping Writers
The writers have to jump thru hoops
Like trained pet dogs for a biscuit
The biscuit is a publishing deal
Or poem in print or online story
The publisher says jump
The writers ask how high?
Have you ever seen jumping writers?
The funniest sight you’ll see
All jumping together jump jump jump!
Jumping thru hoops to get in print
Doing anything for a deal
Some even leap ...

Read and leave comments (0)

Peak Ale

Rivers of beer flow down the mountainside

Like spring time rain fresh wet refreshing drowning

So lovely to sooth you no worries mountain beer

Very strong just what the doctor ordered

Drink your fill have enough to drown in

You will not feel death it’ll be like birth

New beginnings brought by peak beer

Brewed atop the summit by a Goddess

See people lined up to su...

Read and leave comments (0)

Keeps Loading

The system keeps freezing it makes you want to be elsewhere

Rather than stuck here in work using a tool that’s frozen

You’re not in the mood for made in Red China jokes

You want to be on top of the mountain free from all this

Oh what crap you must endure but you have your reasons

To do all this and in time you’ll be free of all this bullshit

So have patience and...

Read and leave comments (0)

The Big Boss

My manager is a locust brain

He doesn’t know what he’s doing

My manager is a locust brain

The job is kaos when he’s in charge here

My manager is a locust brain

Production takes a dip under him

My manager is a locust brain

He got the job by kissing arses

My manager is a locust brain

The supervisor is much more skilled

...

Read and leave comments (0)

Different Days

A day like no other for several reasons

I found out my wife is a man with a hidden penis

A day like no other for several reasons

For somebody stole the engine from my car

A day like no other for several reasons

Due to me falling into the river and drowning

A day like no other for several reasons

As my credit card was cloned three time...

Read and leave comments (0)

Fake Believe

I walk these majestic corridors of the huge tower block

Skyscraper clawing down the sky into the earth

Thirty two floors above ground

And ten below where anything goes

Tell me, what’s down there?

Ornate toilets fit for a king

That I use three times a night

When I have a right big shit

And wash my armpits, tonsils and nipples on the bidet

Enjoyin...

Read and leave comments (0)

Lady Pee

Born just like any other girl, life hardly started

when something happened.

It was the drug’s fault, some type of reaction stopped her

just after she started.

Try to imagine how she went through life

not being able to do what we all can do.

To talk to her computer.

By pure willpower and by logic she managed.

Gigs came along and brought new meaning,

...

Read and leave comments (0)

HEY ALANIS

Sing me a song of life and times together,

do me a guitar ballad of mesmerising heart strings

being pulled ever so delicately.

My end game here in this town of a quarter of a million,

to a city 28 times bigger. Got me a girl and a job

and a future down there, what my own home town failed

to give me, of how it failed me ever so bad.

Not due to my efforts...

Read and leave comments (0)

Reasonsonal

You had to see it to believe it in the call centre

How you had to queue up twice in the lines

To hand in your bag and phone

Mard arse ******* security guards thinking they're God

Elevated to a lofty status beyond you and me

Who the **** do these twoddles think they are?

Donald Damn ******* Trump?

At least he's a really rich arsehole

The fake guards bello...

Read and leave comments (3)

Thai By
This place gets under your skin. Slowly creeping in like black Texas gold. I said I'd never partake in the cat house girls. Seeing them each day for eighteen months was routine. Walking past the 'venues' to my shop. Usual hi's and hello's. 

Then one fine humid day, bang! I happened. I changed. Cabin fever? I walked into Suzi's Place. I put my cash on the counter and grinded the mamasan...

Read and leave comments (0)

Burn baby and give me some sulphuric hydrochloric acid smoke,
your fire gives me toasted tiktox and crisps me up nicely.
Boom goes the roof when 55 gallon drums go flying and it’s all ballistic.
The money shot is when the boss’s office goes up like a frigging rocket.
He was sat at his desk and went to the moon. 
Chemical Ali won’t be coming back anytime soon. 
Question is where is his t...

Read and leave comments (0)

Chair Man 
He made a decision to clean the factory chimney out. 
Did he know it would be messy? 
I look out of my window and see so much smoke emanating from the chimney. 
It blanketed the fields in particulate sulphate alkali acid. 

I was so happy! I could be a zombie now. 
I ran down to the fields and danced naked in the grass. 
I was in a real pea souper of man made chemical arsenic fo...

Read and leave comments (0)

GENERATION

We, the generation of the damned, the lost ones,

the weird ones, the ones you stare at and misunderstand,

as a joke I say Hiroshima was good, let’s do it again!

Do you think I’m mad? I say a man is to be judged

on his actions, not on his memories, wise words for me.

Why are we like this? I have my own answers and know

I’m lucky, I have my music...

Read and leave comments (0)

LAUGHIN’ CRIMINALS

We run down the street to escape the local cops.

I went into the liquor store with my mate Arnie –

we looked around and spied that big fat gringo:

together we said, “Give us the cash, this is a stick up!”

He had no option – we were the guys with a sawn off.

Then it was off down the street with four bags of cash,

our haul for the day and an ea...

Read and leave comments (0)