so I become this wrought iron
that I have forged with my own two hands.
I sharpen myself,
tip to hilt.
but
my mouth,
the very blade that can cut the sky,
chose to speak in a healers' tone instead.
I remind myself
of the violence it took
to become 
this gentle.
this cup of earth in my hands,
with home beneath
my fingernails.
I remind myself
what it means to be
pierced to the marrow
...

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I've been in my feelings
and in my head for years.
I've built walls and
called them boundaries only
to wake up one day and realize
that I've boxed myself in

and that's the tragedy in it all;

in keeping myself safe
I've locked everything out.
and what a sad way to live,
peaceful and
picking my own muse 
to pieces until the only thing
left is
a bloody pile of 
everything I used to...

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i'm always the girl youre not sure about.
people have tried to make me
the girl you come back for.
but i want to be the girl
you never left.

and there are gaps in my happiness.
gaps in my teeth.
gaps in between breaths.
air, just...
slipping away.
fading away 
like colors on clothes
that have spent too much time
in the sun.

and what a funny way to say
theres always light in my l...

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he never kissed me
goodbye.
there are no 
borrowed breaths 
bridging us,
no revival
on his lips.
just empty space
between memories
of when
there were no fireworks
and my feet
never leaving the ground.

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I'm afraid I'll lose my edge
if I don't cut myself with it

afraid there's no proof
of my life
if it isn't pouring crimson

afraid that 
I'm living in vain if
I'm not
living in vein

Im afraid I'll lose my edge
if I don't cut myself with it

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