The family is Broken

My dear mother, will never have another word spoken 

I can't deal with this, the pain, the sorrow 

I can't deal without you having another tomorrow 

What will I do, Where shall i go? 

There are no answers, no guide, Just have to deal one day at a time 

I know you wouldn't want me to be sad, but really who wouldnt be? 

The family is broken mom but it isn't ...

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Stuck inside my head with all the hurt that i have done

How could i have been alive when it felt like i was dead

Middle of nowhere is where i belong 

In the open land not thinking about my wrongs

Take me to the place that i truely want to be 

With the stars and the grass, the dirt and the trees

Giving it up, letting it go 

Trying to face being alone, when i just want to pack u...

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Walking in , feeling afraid

Having to give up the drugs that used to protect

Cant hide, can't coast, this is a matter of life and death.

Sometimes do more, sometimes do less

No more fooling around, it's time to open up and confess

Confess to your rights, confess to your wrongs

I know i'll be alright as long as i'm willing to give up the fight.

Easier said than done i know, 

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It doesn't get easier, it never will 

You are gone and the world is remaining still 

All those happy memories even bad ones,  i will hold close

My heart is shattered, my best friend doesn't have a pulse. 

There's so much i want to tell you, so much you need to hear  

The fact that im alone again is enough to trigger the fear

But, i know you would say be strong he doesn't deserve ...

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I don't know how you feel because you never say, 

So lost in questions, it gives me anxiety to this very day

Will you ever open up to me or am i just wasting my time

Somedays you seem interested, other days you don't

God, can you just please give me a sign

Not knowing drives me crazy, i need reassurance, which you can't provide

I'm paranoid and uneasy that everything will just sh...

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Tears running through my eyes without stopping

Im mad at you for letting this happen

On your birthday, i recieved the worst news, that you were dead

Best friend i know all those times you heard what the fuck i said. 

You told me you were clean and i was so proud, I just wanted us to be clean together

Remember that promise we made of always and forever

But then your funeral came a...

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1/11/2020
Dear best friend, 
The day I got that text my whole world fell apart
Hearing that my best friend is gone literally broke my heart
I wish I can hear your voice one last time, spend one last moment with you
God seemed to have another plan and it didn’t involve me, but bestie you’re suppose to be here with me too.
You were my best friend of 16 years, all the heartbreaks and fights, YO...

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Addiction is hard to explain, unless you have been there

You truely can't understand anyone's pain 

It's being caught between the devil and hell

Not wanting to use, but needing to, all you want to do is yell 

So loudly but softly so nobody can hear, the torment in your voice, the sadness in your eyes

Is when you really know shit just got real

Being so sick, choice is no longer an...

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I cant believe this happened again, how did this happen again

You were so good to me but all of a sudden you just freely left

Was it hard for you to leave, to leave me in the dark

Damn, im still in shock that you just put your car in park.

I know your friend committed suicide, but thats not why u left

You just flat out didn't want me and used that as an excuse, excuse or not

It w...

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You were my moon on a dark lonely night

really thought i found someone

turns out you were just a clouded light

maybe it was to soon, maybe you weren't ready

It wasn't love, how could it be, you barely did anything freely 

I knew it was over when you kept making excuses not to see me

All the stuff we did, all the things you said to make me believe in you

I guess i let my guard ...

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I didn't know how to live

Stuck in a continuous cycle

Being my own worst captive

The devil had a hold, i couldn't break free

The devil was in control

And that's when you decided to leave me

I sat and shot and shot some more

I didn't know what to do, didnt know how to stop 

Then i woke up and realized it wasn't a dream

I had lost the man who ever meant something to me

...

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I need to set free

i need to let go of the resentments of whatever might of happened to me

It's not my fault but it is ok to cry, and to be afraid of anything coming down the line

Yesterday is history, the future is a mystery

So stay in touch with today and be all you can be

It's not going to be easy, this thing called life

It's going to be extremely hard, but as long as you keep...

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I feel as though it was just yesterday being dope sick and tired

I had enough mainly because i got a little to wild

I could't eat, couldn't sleep, barely could breathe 

Those chills and sweats man i couldn't believe 

 i let something like that happen to me.

I slipped and got lost couldn't be found

Depressed and sad couldnt get myself off the ground.

Alone and scared didnt know...

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