It’s a king thing.

All this talk of a royal wedding is doing my head in, doing my head in.

Let me tell you about royal weddings.

I've had a few do you know who I am?

I’m Henry Tudor, yes Tudor. Without wishing to be rude or crass

these royal weddings are a pain in my Tudor ass.

Oh yes I’ve had a few, do

you want me to regale you with tales of regalia,

of conquests and failures,

of ladies in waiting, sating

my appetite for mating.

It’s a king thing, all that bling.

With this ring I thee wed

is what I said,

but don’t let me find you in anyone’s bed

or you’ll wind up dead

with a rolling head.

It’s a king thing

to start your own church

if you’re left in the lurch

so arrivaderci to Rome and the pope,

no hopers, cardinal sinners.

You could have backed a winner

with me and Boleyn; are

you still preaching , fools

or breaching rules?

It’s a king thing.

The way things are

it’s better by far

to be one over Parr.

Don’t go looking at my wife

if you value your life;

I’ll see you later,

you traitor at the gate or

behind the stables if it just can’t wait.

I see more than you think,

before you can blink

you'll be in the tower;

cometh the hour,

cometh the man with the power.

Are we clear?

It’s a king thing.

But wait, oh Kates, I’ve had a few,

but then again, not too few to mention;

always my intention

to be the centre of everyone’s attention,

not in a shy way

or a sly way

or even a Howard’s way.

Let history record that

I did it my way!

 

Acknowledgement to Paul Anka for My Way