I want a smile

That appears unknowingly.

One that spreads across his face,

Like the sunset in the sky,

Every time he hears my name.

I want eyes

That won’t turn away

When I show my scars.

Ones that can see

Through the walls I put up.

I want a voice

That will support me

And encourage my dreams.

One that knows what words

Will bring me back to realit...

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I built my walls,

Denying their existance,

Defending them,

When I no longer could.

I grew comfortable,

In my self created,

Safe Space.

No one could hurt me,

'Cause no one could get in.

Couldn't learn to rely on them,

'Cause I couldn't trust them.

But you,

With you,

Everything's different.

Everything seems

So much easier.

The clench,

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I have many scars

You can’t see in the light

Behind my smile

Is a world of pain

Constant battle

With myself

Whether it’s worth it

To try anymore

‘Cause in the dark

I introduced you

To every part of me

Showed you everything

When the sun came up

The truth came out

And without a doubt

I’m unloveable

Should’ve known

Never should’ve...

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Those words

All the ones I wrote

Like band aids

Across the wounds

You left all over me

All the words

That flooded out of me

Aligning themselves

In comprehendible lines

And organized stanzas

They helped dry my tears

Allowed me to forget

Gave me the strength

To move forward

Providing a closure

That didn’t require you

And I forgave myself

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Trust Me

(My thoughts on joining the LDR club when I started uni... But he moved with me in the end)

I am terrified.
My skin is a semi-permanent tsunami above
These Earth-quaking bones.
I am terrified of being alone. 
Not only as the Sun sets and then rises again,
But the empty, aching hollow that
Fills my chest when
I think about you gone.
When I say I am scared to be alon...

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Half a flower
is more beautiful than none at all
An incomplete bloom
stil leaves room for
more heart and love
A dormant bud can lead
to a fulfilled dream
A single petal still smells 
just as lovely as the whole flower of love
An island is still connected by the ocean floor
to the rest of the world
It is joined to the heavens 
by the air in between
The rocks and stones 
and grass and ...

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Its okay if you don't want to fall again

Love was hurtful

So you said again

Maybe its true

I feel your pain

How will I know

When I always abstain

Make me experience love

My heart cries

Make me feel love

My soul dies

Alone I have been

Looking like a Wanderer

Reality have seen

Not like a Slumberer

Searching for the perfect heart

To lost in love with

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I would love to write about the : ) and lols

I would love to write about heaven instead of hell

I would love to write about those who rise instead of fell

I would love to write the life of a man who doesn’t dwell

On the negative instead of the positive reactions

On the hopelessness instead of the hope that comes through passion

On the hate instead of the love that’s everlasting

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Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart...it betrayed me one too many times... I love too deeply. And care too excessively... Then I hurt! And the hurt is like so many hurts I have endured...yet so unlike any... Each time it's new...somewhat unique in its anguish...lingering... Stalking me during the day...and as night falls so does my reserve... Proclaimed by the world as a 'strong woman' if only ...

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Away, I dream of last thoughts and feelings

That he introduced to me

Not even my first love had a clear understanding

Past experiences lift my senses

Trying to leave it to an old palate

He is foreign

My heart is open an awaiting

To let me love and be accepting

Blood is chilled

As he

Brings roses to my cheeks

Only fearing the past

Seeing it return in related situ...

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I'm not sure how to tell you.
Three words are harder than I expected.
They lie in my texts and rest in my head,
My heart is too busy being in
Love with you. I think I said it.
Don't freak, I just don't think
I can repeat it. Just
Say it to me first.
I love you.

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A heart that’s pure,

Love that is gentle,

What great magnitude and depth you possess,

It’s an honor to know you, 

Seeing you grow ?

Viewing life through your eyes ?

HUMBLE as they come

The caterpillar has transformed ?

Why are you afraid to face yourself?

Your form is ELEGANT

Your wings are UPLIFTING 

Your design is UNIQUE 

Creation is ELECTR...

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I want to call you mine

But does reality bites

Night and day I dreamt about you

Night and day i wish you are mine

Night and day... is the forever without you in my arms.

Careless i was when i open my heart

Amidst of the conflict i took the risk

Rejection its all I got

Oh my love

Leaving

and I will live loving you from afar...

My mind is full of you

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Slightly runny yolks with sizzling edges

Komodo freshly brewed to bold perfection 

Heavenly scents waft through our place 

I oversleep; you don’t judge; instead, you

cook my eggs just the way I like them.

Slow dances in our socks on kitchen tiles

Bike rides under shady oaks for miles

Beach picnics, candlelit and sunset-kissed

The breeze blows out our candles; you try

rel...

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Where do I stand in your life

is it beside you 

or is it out of sight

if I walk away

will you be the one 

to come get me that day 

I might be leaving and won’t come back 

so don’t realize you want me 

when my heart has already turned black 

I wish it was easy to say 

but am I where I stand 

like the other day? 

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{Shy Guy}

He was a little bit of

a shy guy who seemed

to keep to himself

besides talking to a

few of his co-workers

where he worked at 

And as the neighbor

next door to him saw

him all the time he

reminded her of a

cute fuzzy bear that

played in stars wars

called ewok because

his cheeks was

roundish oval shaped

with a some hair ar...

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my breath left me

on a day of cold and color

against your turned back

white face, white mist

under the beat of your wings

singing the song of the swan

snow falls down

through a world of stolen breath

a feather finds its way

beside a snowflake

curled in my palm

i wish on a white and silent world

that you would take my heart

the way you took my lungs

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physically i'm drained 
mentally unframed

losing my mind
lost and trying to find

but what am i looking for?
knocking on each closed door

seems lately i'm feeling empty
stuck wondering "who is the real me?"

smiling through this misery
but then i met you - 
my sadness, distant memory
and i didn't have a clue, my heart destined for you

happiness then truly gained
i'm no longer ...

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i don't know how you can let me look at you and tell you how you broke me and ruined me and be completely fine.. you say you love me, and that i hurt you, but you don't even care to literally hurt me or emotionally destroy my head. you've shot me in the heart and made the paint on the walls of my soul crack and chip and you sat there and watched as i crumbled into pieces and broke apart with my po...

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happy
that's what i use to be
pain
that's what changed in me
lost
that's what i came to be 
you 
that's who believed in me
you 
was all i could see
you 
you suddenly took all of me
you 
had problems of your own, some i'd not yet seen
you 
became broken down and lost while looking for me
you 
promised to never hurt me
you 
promised you'd never desert me
you 
tried to be
everyt...

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for you to literally sit in front of a motherfucker and to have blood on you and to be shaking so bad and tears streaming down your face and snot coming out of your nose and spit running out of your mouth with bruises still on your legs and arms from your last encounter and the person you are sitting in front of still not give a damn and still somehow make an excuse for leaving you as though it's ...

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all i really ever wanted was to be loved and appreciated
lord knows i get so low, so i get high and make myself elevated
every day and night i'm always high, yeah i just stay faded
i want a love and type of feel thats so fuckin real there ain't no way to fake it
i want a man who so badly wants to see my soul, and not just see me naked
all these dudes know how to do is use me, there's nothing ...

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Nobody understands me but me

seems like nobody can stand me, but me...

until I had you there standing next to me

Thought your love was enough to set me free

but then you found out loving me wasn't free

Loving me was rough, and never easy...

but my love for you was never tough,

it always came easy...

You're the only one who really cares,

who really sees me...

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{I'll Bet You'll Start Loving Me?}

One day I'll bet you'll 

start loving me when I

start loving someone 

else which isn't you 

But you had that

chance but you chose

someone else to love

besides me 

One day I'll bet you'll 

start  loving me when 

you see I am better

without you 

But you chose her

and not me 

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All the goodbyes Ive never said

They haunt me, like some unfinished business. 

Im always wondering who is away from me, that is not supposed to be. 

Who did I cast away after prides were hurt?

Where are those who hesitantly walked away, while they looked back and noticed I wasnt following?

Oh, who are you kidding?

You give way too many chances. 

Face it.

With some, you...

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i know we have our differences
but we sort them out
no distance taken
no time taken
can give me another one like you.

i am not perfect
but with you i am complete
you fill the gaps
and make me a wrap.

however angry you get
no matter what your mindset
no one can ever take your place 
only i run the race.

i may tend to wonder off
but you give me a push
i always seem to forget
bu...

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"Opened that door"


One night, i was cruising in my porsche, with my music blaring, When i noticed this fine girl stood staring.

She was so beautiful, real sexy too,
She approached my ride, right on cue. She knocked on my window and asked for a ride, I smiled at her and happily replied,

Girl you're the one i dream about,
You're the one i cant do without,
I never met anyone like you be...

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a week ago 

a professor asked me 

what i wanted to do with my life, 

the quesiton caught me wrong-footed; 

two decades ago

learning to walk, 

a decade ago 

learning my body, 

5 years ago 

discovering love,

3 years ago,

accepting my body

a month ago,

accepting who i am 

and now? 

thrust into the unknown,

an oblivion that teases me;

infinite doors t...

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Soon, you’ll be loved in all the right ways by the man who will worship you like you are the sun and the brightest star in his galaxy because you are not merely just a shooting star that goes out quickly after some time - you are his sun, the brightest and most beautiful star there is to see... So bright that the world can’t help but be drawn into the turns and pulls of your atmosphere and everyth...

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    Who the fuck needs love? Love doesn’t do shit except cause more pain... Fuck that shit I’d rather just cut my vein than to be looked at with such disdain because I can’t maintain a fucking solid brain because my hearts wants to intervene and cause these feelings that are unseen for a guy that can’t even give me a reply so fuck it my heart hurts so bad I just want to fucking die I lay here and ...

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With all the hope and envy in the world, I saw the most in your eyes.

You loved life but yet hated the outcome.

You loved brown eyes but yet hated what you saw in mine.

You loved me but yet hated how much you did.

You loved to hope but hated to envy -

Yet you did.

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Lines I wrote while very upset:

Im worthless to you and rich to everyone else. Why?

Can you hear me screaming? My lungs are bleeding. 

I’m not even in the water but I’m drowning. 

We’re going no where. Ever. It’s a standstill. 

Why do I keep trying? 

You got got me fucked up. I know my worth but apparently you don’t. Are you fucking stupid?

I...

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Inescapable. 

Im trapped. 

I can can bang on the walls but to you it just sounds like a knock on the door. 

I can scream until my breath runs short and my lungs hurt but to you it just sounds like a whisper. 

My eyes think it’s an open door and that I can walk right through but my heart shows me that it’s bullet proof glass and I’m only going to hurt myself if I try to leave. 

...

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I never knew How beautiful brown eyes were until I stared into his. 

I never knew that I liked high defined cheekbones until I purposely made him laugh just so I could admire him. 

I never knew tattoos looked so good on caramel brown skin. 

I never knew I could fall in love with him. 

I never ever knew you could lie with someone who isn’t the one you love. 

I never knew yo...

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