Imaginary Friends. (Voices in my Head)

Wow it's 3:00 in the morning and I'm exhausted from all that socialising.

I planned for a quiet night in watching the television, then out of nowhere my friends started materialising.

It's been a while since I had friends I could sit and have a laugh with, I thought this might well give my mood a much-needed lift.

The sofas were full of peopl...

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Am I Just a Crackpot.

I keep searching for an explanation.

Yet I find myself contemplating.

The turmoil in my mind is inflicting.

And. the confusion to me it is subjecting.

I feel my wires need to be reconnected.

So, my sanity can be protected.

A simple understanding is rejected.

Maybe my mind is just defective.

Am I clamouring for answers I cannot find.

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My reflection doesn’t tell my story yet I still feel as though it defines me

When I look,

 I see my flaws

I see mistakes

I see problems

Looking at others I see so much beauty

They have the perfect clothes

Perfect hair

Perfect face

Perfect body

Maybe it’s just a facade but it seems so real

Pushed on me is the pe...

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Reading through each page

Experiencing the characters emotions

Putting myself into the protagonist's shoes

Only to realise that I've left out the person who hurts the most

Paging through the book I start to realise

The "happy" friend has always been hurting the most

They have always supported the protagonist, but never themselves

Even though the protagonist is the superhe...

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Cut me open, bleed me dry 

A knife not a tool, a liberator

Their is the forgiving woman with sorrow

Deep in those eyes, to a place 

I am oh so unfamiliar with

There are places you know, you see

It is the dark holding our sparks 

A flock of deft touches and harmony

Yet the pulse of the thunder rolls over

Sparks scattered, hidden or gone 

You will never, never...

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Walking around an empty hospital

Hearing voices, standing still

It's a strange feeling

Knowing there's no one on these grounds

Empty beds are blocking

As painful feelings are unlocking

Buried away in their homes

Scarred, anxious and alone

Yet the voices are protruding

Rebounding and allusive

Screams of fun and play come across

From another world now at a ...

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Did I hit my head or have a fall?

Did my heart give out?

Am I under the stars?

Did I make it to heaven?

The memories I have are as strong as an over perked cup of coffee

I can’t forget or let them go

In fear that I’ll feel I’ll have never lived those moments to remember

I try to recreate those memories

I try to relive every moment

But each time I do

I realize it’s not...

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I want so badly to just be me

but im scared of rejection

people not accepting me

see do people really accept me 

or do they only accept their version of me

am i being my true self or am I playing a false version of me

Do people truly like the real me

or do they only like the parts of me they want to see

Do people really see me

or do they only accept t...

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Planning away, sometimes all day

Words on a page, moulding like clay

Toward your interest, "I'll engage" you say

I should of known it would go this way

Travelled around all week through

Sometimes I'm spinning and I don't see you

Learnng the lines of a script I have written

Walking the mile but somewhere you're hidden

Delivering is easy when you've got the tools

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My iPad is thirsty

Well travelled, rugged and dirty

In need of a clean

And with its blue squidgy exterior

It's a sight to be seen

You are brave

Going places where no iPad has gone before

Where young people fight and snore

High care can be dangerous for all

But my blue squidgy friend

You will be there till the end

Stimulating and engaging

Its you they're i...

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Well he's definitely very angry today
He's gone and taken the world's colour away
Left me with only white, black and grey
Nothing, nada, no red, blue, yellow or green
No trace of them, gone! nowhere to be seen.
Vibrant pink, warm orange and vermillion
There nothing left now in this colourless prison
So how to describe the earth's serene face
The tree's and the flowers and wide open space
...

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I am here, connected to you
Hiding in the corner
Growing darker as the light grows stronger
Formed shape, cajoined to you
I follow you in the street or lane
Looming dark in mirrored form, defined
Ever present, twinned by shape

Creeping on the floor or wall, a mirror of your soul
Ever here, your silent brother 
Shaped in your darkest desires
My friend, your friend, a soundless mus...

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There's no stars out in this darkened sky.
As a curl up, on the hard floor to lie
I cannot lay safe, cozied on this soft bed.
Not with the noises and memories floating in my damn head.
The cracks and the bangs that rang out in the night.
Times I saw many men fall, disappear out of sight.

Was that today, yesterday, or maybe tomorrow?
No bravery left here there's only raw sorrow.
The noise...

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At a loss to know what happened, I did not see you fall
I wasn't  there, I didn't see when Angels came to call
A world without, memories now is all I see
I leave you now,  to say your own soliloquy.....

This is could be my own exposition,
Bills, money, world events, my own loneliness decision
People all around me but I'm hiding the pain
Physical illness or mental strife is all that I gain
...

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I'm tired and cold, rags gathered tight, so show me some pity
It's been to long out in this cardboard city
Food gathered and begged, no chance of meds, while you stay warm in luxury beds
A doorway, a tunnel, a railway station
A look of disgust from most of the nation
I didn't ask to be ousted from a normal life
To be fed to the streets in toil and stife
Clothes dishevelled, ripped and most...

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In the depths of my soul, a battle rages
Between the light and the dark, not written on pages
Deception creeps in, a constant war within
Yet I find strength to help, to heal, to even win

I lead and mentor with doubt in my heart
An imposter's mask, a master of art
Carrying others' weight, ignoring my own
At what cost, I wonder, am I overthrown?

But still, I stand tall like a lighthous...

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i'm sick of doing the best i can
because it isn't ever enough
if I can't be good,
what's the point of being here at all?

I never sleep well anymore
even though I tell the doctors I sleep fine
I just stare at the ceiling
and live through the lives of others

sit in class with an ache behind my eyes
I can't even tell if the pain is real
excedrin can only do so much
and I think my toler...

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I'm not a soldier but I'm at war

Clean and sober year number four 

Battles with temptation 

Past friends and relations 

Conflict miscommunication 

I get tired of waiting I'm tryna be patient 

Testing my patience 

What's expected of me isn't me 

No point trying to change me you see 

That change must only come from me 

People are not what they seem 

Reality looks dif...

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They said, no!

no, you can’t!

just shut up,

go away;

they said

what they

always say,

too old,

too fat,

waste of space,

a pisspot,

a fantasist,

say voices

in my head.

I've told them,

piss off,

the first step’s

to take one,

so I took one,

I planned,

If you do not

you plan to fail,

so I got all my kit,

warm leggings

and mi...

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Hoody, vape and tatt

All night I've been sat

Another coffee will wake me up

Here's a magazine, take my cup

Alone on the ward, feeling bored

My eyes crush a matchstick hoard

Marks and scuffs on the walls

Remind me of times, restraints and all

Long days and nights settle in my thoughts

Old faces, names, and incidences haunt

Decisions made, young people blamed

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Savouring the solace 

Subverting the scene 

A spectre on the surf 

Sublime and serene  

Suffering the silence 

Shaping the sun 

Scuppering the smog 

So sane with someone 

Staffing submerged 

Sheepish and surged 

Scared as the scurried scatter 

Splurged and so shattered 

Shanked and superfluous 

Serious and stained 

So sad to see 

Striking...

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It reaches further than "please fuck me" or "don’t touch me"

It’s a liminal in-between 

A line we like to call blurry

But I never asked you to undress me

My body abandoned me

My words went slurry

Tongue too thick to go beyond a mumble

Kind sir escorted me to save me from stumble

Four times play on my mind

One of them I even forgot

Until it accosted me during a usual d...

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