If you were here right now,

What would you say?

I think you’d be appalled,

Shocked by the way,

This nightmare is unfolding.

A dream we can’t wake.

Why are people not listening?

Not learning from mistakes.

If you were here right now,

The news would be on repeat.

You’d support the government,

But still give them some heat.

But we’d be worried about you,

Ha...

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The hit came today,

A tidal wave that broke the barrier.

The hit came today,

An unbearable pain I tried to cover.

The hit came today,

Suddenly and forcefully, out of the blue.

The hit came today,

And my fragile heart broke in two.

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Step out of the darkness and into the light,

That shadow will pull you with all of its might.

Sometimes it is easy to give in and allow,

That pain to take over, make you think you will fail.

But you just need the courage to step forward and see,

That others are waiting to help you feel free,

From the pain that is bottled down deeper inside.

The fear you don’t show and som...

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I haven’t written in a while,

Words are sometimes hard.

I haven’t written in a while,

My heart still feels scarred.

I feel sad knowing you’re not here,

Miss you all the time,

I want to talk on the phone,

Hear your voice on the other line.

The children miss you lots,

It breaks my heart to see.

You made such an impact on our lives,

It’s hard to leave it be.

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The only way to describe it, is like a hole in a pair of jeans,

At first you ignore it, but that hole starts to get bigger.

It gets so big that you have to decide what to do.

Sew it together, close the gap, but it doesn’t sit quite right after that.

Or patch it up; cover it with another fabric.

From the outside it is new and clean, but underneath that hole is still there.

A ...

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Up in heaven there is a club.

Full of people that I love.

I have named it “Happy” because you’ll see,

Everyone is as jolly as can be.

There are no illnesses or unhappy thoughts,

No broken bones or negative reports.

Just laughter and merriment all around,

If only we could see this from the ground.

I’d like to visit and see my friends,

Go to the place where sadness ends.

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Let’s go for one more ride,

Somewhere far away.

A calm and peaceful ride,

On a beautiful summer day.

Those moments were my favourite,

Outside, just me and my horse.

We could be gone for a few hours,

Never lost, just on a different course.

You could sense my mood from a mile off,

Literally right across the field.

You would play up if I things were on my mind,

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The thought that terrifies me the most, is that you might fade away.

I will take all the pain and heartache in the world, over not being able to remember all the key things.

Your laugh, your smile, your smell,

I can’t bare these things to ever leave my memory.

It angers me on days when I don’t think about you enough,

It worries me that I don’t always automatically cry.

I nev...

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It is hard to celebrate family things,

Birthdays, anniversaries, happiness they bring,

Are tinged with sadness that you are not there,

But laughing on those days, does not mean we don’t care.

We love you and miss you, we long for you here,

To make jokes, to laugh along, to shout out and cheer.

The family together, gave you nothing but delight,

We just wish you were with u...

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I've spent days and weeks angry at the world 
Cross that people are carrying on
While I am trapped in this never ending cycle of grief

I have been in a bubble
All consuming, encompassing 
Hard to escape

Until today
Until one blog post made me realise
Other people have problems too

Other families are having to deal with grief too
Some more devastating then I can even imagine

My p...

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Your house, a reminder of silly little things,

Memories jogged, and comfort they bring.

Of family dinners and After Eight mints,

Up on the typewriter, with letters to print.

Playing in the garden, you sitting on the bench,

These memories that still, make my heart clench.

Chantal and I playing recorder, we were really quite bad,

You’d still cheer wildly at the end, we thou...

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A treasure chest of personal things,
A green, stripy jumper which sentiment brings.
A watch and a wallet he could not live without,
A clean hanky, used daily, without a shadow of doubt.

These items, these gems evoke things from the past,
Newspaper cuttings from time gone too fast.
A photo of a baby with multiple chins, 
Two sisters smiling together, looking like twins.

His meticulous d...

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Funeral

How can I want a funeral back?
The hardest day, the day I was dreading.
How can I want a funeral back?
A week ago, I was mentally preparing.
How can I want a funeral back?
To see loved ones in pain, to see tears be shed.
How can I want a funeral back?
Playing scenarios out in my head.
How can I want a funeral back?
The feeling of loss, the depth of despair
How can I want a fun...

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Emotions- part 1

The angry stages, the sad moments, nothing really makes sense in my head.

Irrational thoughts, why him? Why us?

The empty feeling, the depth of despair.

A spiralling, swirling, pit of grief.

Sometimes, it feels as if everything has stopped; other times I feel like I can’t catch my breath.

Why do others get to carry on with their lives, unaffected?

Our worlds h...

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Chair

For a while I would not sit in your chair,

As if to preserve it,

Ready for you to come back in and sit down.

It’s hard not to sit down on the sofa and glance across at you,

You should be sitting there,

Doing the crossword, or having a sleep

Napping with your mouth wide open,

Hanky in pocket,

Fingers lightly tapping your chest.

Or watching the...

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