Get your lies in first my friend,

get your lies in first,

and if lies can't be found

know that half-truths will do.

So get your lies in first,

time to whip up the sheep

who eat up the lies,

the dim-witted fools.

Give oxygen to your lies.

Spread the word, anon, 'X',

and that heady mixture

will fan the flames of unrest.

Good lies take time to refute...

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Kier

I bumped into a bloke in the Gents the other day'

Looked just like Kier Starmer,

If it's not him, I thought, I'll eat my cap.

I wanted him to hear

What life is like for us, the hoi polloi,

I said “Hey’up Kier,

Can I call you Kier?

It is you isn't it Kier?

I've seen you on the telly!”

But answer came there none. Silence.

I was pretty sure it...

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My name is Ebenezer

And this tale I bring to you

Gives an insight into living

From a killjoy's point of view

Before I start my Yuletide rant

A word of explanation.

Christmas is a drag to me

No cause for jubilation.

It comes around but once a year

Yet seems to last forever

I'm happy when it's been and gone

And it return? Well? NEVER!

Mistletoe and ...

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Closely based on an actual Lockdown haircut experience

Salt and peppered Caledonian,

Wanderer now set to stay,

Coupled with a native lassie,

Living close by Rossie Brae.

She it is maintains his hairstyle

During these Corona days.

She it is who wields the blade

That shapes wee Baz in many ways. 

His preference was a simple cut

“Perhaps a little off the t...

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I bumped into David Kameroon the other day.

I wanted him to hear

What it was like in the real world, after that Referendum farce.

I said “Hey’up Dave,

Can I call you Dave?

I mean, what the flippin’ heck Dave?

You really let it slip Dave.”

I said “Dave - Dave,

The country’s in an awful state.

I doubt that you can contemplate

The shambles me and mine are in.

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Early evening news

BBC

And I’m shouting at the TV

Labour 7 - when’s the fight?

Honda - final worker, switch off the light

ISIS lady - seems contrite?

John McDonnell -  gritted teeth. So polite.

Len McLuskey (from Unite) - Really Len! Unite?

BMI - with its final flight

Jezz and Tessa - out of sight!

And the wife says

“What’s wrong with you?

All you’ve d...

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You’re too old to live

And you’re too young to die

Lengthy the queue

Of folk who say why

You can’t just lie down

There’s too much to do

A new life’s beginning

You must see it through.

So that’s it!

You start, on the darkest of days,

To put pen to paper,

To silence the pain

In search of catharsis

And much of what leaks out may be drivel,

And ...

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Parliament’s back from its jollies,                                             

And the Speakers are back in their chair.                                 

How grand it would be sans comedians                                                

With their japes and their pranks! I despair!                             

I’ll be home watching BBC Parliament live                          ...

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Once upon all time,

In a land not far far away,

Lords and Ladies,

East and West,

North and South,

Taught to succeed

In the name of their Gods,

Sustained

By the fat of the land,

Stripped

By constant streams

Of paters and maters;

Constant streams

Of daughters and sons,

North and South;

Taught to obey

By master and God.

Mules in human form,

Ankle-...

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Parliament’s off on its jollies,

The Speaker removed from his chair.

Oh how I will miss these comedians

But their break’s far too short, so beware.

So what will I do with no Brexit TV?

No Commoners standing to bleat.

Will BBC Parliament go off the air,

Or fill my spare time with repeats?

I wish I could say that I’m better informed

By listening in to the House.

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As a child,

I belonged.

Part of a simply defined community,

in a world I understood

but comprehend no more.

I’m told life moves on,

but somehow I’m left behind.

I no longer see the picture

or know how to play the game.

Some say I’m a dinosaur.

Others? A threatened minority.

‘White, male, heterosexual, atheist, pensioner’

A potential self-classifyi...

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Our town was well ordered, we knew where we stood

We knew what was bad, and were told what was good

The Baddies wore black, and we Goodies wore white

Never a doubt as to who’d win the fight

The Clergy were pristine; whilst Doctors were Gods!

Our Bobbies were BOBBIES, not ‘FiveO’ or ‘plod’

Whilst bosses in banks saw themselves as elite,

(Not deigning to deal with the man i...

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My old school reports I’d thought buried away

Have been found at the back of a drawer

Reading the comments my teachers had left

Have shaken me right to the core

So many terms, and all uninspiring,

“Could do much better” or “can’t quite engage.”

A stockpile of phrases adapted to suit.

With vitriol etched on each page.

There was rarely a glowing appraisal

More co...

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