Ashen grey is the house of remembering. 
Before each portal opens, 
your faceless bard swoons. 

He strikes a drum of bone and brittle whispers;

With cracked powd’ry fingers, 

he inscribes your name in dust.

He etches it longer than it ever was, 
the curves of your urn. 
You gather there your ashes and nourish my soul.

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This poem tries to capture the pain of watching a friend succumb to addiction, bound to a destructive habit that erodes both health and hope. As one friend struggles with the limits of friendship and "agape", the other slips further and further away, lost in a cycle that breaks promises and bodies alike. This poem hopefully serves as both plea and ultimatum—a haunting look at the cost of holding o...

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I once had an older sister 

I once had an older cousin sister;

Used to come over for summer vacations

and other auspicious occasions,

many times I cried to make you stay

for little longer,

Now you're gone for ever;

To return never.

The fun we had at beaches and seashores,

Could I ever forget?

The laughter you had in arcades and photos;

Was it all a facade...

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Just over a year since I lost my Brother.

I lost my Brother, and my poetry went with him

Words replaced by a bottomless hollow

Knowing he had no more tomorrows 

The words I needed drifted away

Like smoke adrift on the  bleakest day

Forever drowning in a sea of grey 

Amidst its melancholic sway

He enjoyed a drink, and liked a fag

But was the best big brothe...

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She left home like a stranger in the night

No goodbye for the parents behind her

Shattered, broken and distraught

This isn't what they thought

Estranged and departed

Seperated and disheartened

Where do you belong?

Now you know there's something wrong

Meanwhile the parents stay

Like sharks circling at your bay

Only time will tell

In heaven or hell

...

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Dear absent friend
Are you still there?
Do you still lurk in the places we used to?
Or have you moved on to pastures new?

Dear absent friend
Do I ever cross your mind?
Even on days with no rain from the skies 
It rains from my eyes

Dear absent friend
I long to hear your voice
For your asks I could not fulfill 
But I miss you still 

Dear absent friend
I hope that you are happy
H...

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There isn’t enough hugs that grandma can give me that I’ll be satisfied with 

If I could I would enveloped myself in her arms for eternity 

The safeness that I feel within her warm embrace is not something this world can replicate 

She embodies the love that people in this world long after

Her love shines brightly on her face whenever she sees me 

And my cheeks can’t help but hurt w...

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Words can be weaponised
Be careful with the words you use
What might be a throw away sentence to you
Forever imprinted, taunting anothers mind 

When you chose these words 
Did you remember the things about me which only you know
The secrets I don't share freely 
But entrusted with you 

People have preconceived notions
Ready to label and validate assumptions
You saw behind the mask
Y...

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When will it go away?

The pain in my chest

Pain in my stomach

Pain. 

It’s repetitive and never stops

It creeps up on me like bugs

Stings like a wasp

Bites like a mosquito

And leaves, taking a small part of me

Some say it’s a part of life 

Maybe I don’t want that

If this is life 

Maybe I don’t want any p...

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You talk about the past as it defines you
I hope one day you look past the pain and trama
For there is a gift inside you
For the world to see
Your kind and caring personality

You are not a prisoner of your past
Your prison cell has always been open
It time for you to walk on through
And let the world in and all it has to offers you

Nothing is ever broken or beyond repair
It takes tim...

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It's a chair,

just a chair

on four legs

standing there.

Facing out,

turned away

been empty now

more than a day.

The cleaner

fumigates all trace,

of he who filled

its cushioned space.

As indentations

slowly fade,

the invoice settled

the debts all paid.

Will the trees outside

miss his stare

when someone else

sits in h...

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Have you ever stopped to ask why do I run

Ironically its only when you stop the mind runs wild

We run to be fit

We run to be social

We run to be healthy

But is it always healthy to run

I run for a different life I cannot have

I run Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday

My love runs Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday

I started so I could support her

To let her know I was with her eve...

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Three dots bounce with so much meaning

She is still there

We are connected once again 

The light is green 

For a moment we are back

But as quick as it comes it must go

Holding onto the green till the last moment

But must it go

Are the dots a pause

Till we are ready to reconnect

Are the dots hiding the sinister end

Or are the dots hiding the life we could have

Th...

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Left

5:27 am

It is time to get up.

Airport.

Shower – I use the woman’s fancy shampoo.

Toothpaste, lotion, brush; done – in the black hygiene bag.

The woman enters the bedroom to check on me, “You have everything?”

“Yes,” I say, “I think so; if I leave anything, you could send it to me?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Okay,” I say.  She walks to the kitchen and sits down softly with ...

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A cigarette glows
reflected in the truck windshield
careening through the city night
These headlight beams
fruitlessly searching
for something gone
The Grand Rapids highways
never take me where I want to be
not even close

I drink awhile at Anchor bar
a quarter spinning on the table
thoughts go round, keep coming back
'til my skull's swimming too
Two more beers
heads they’re mine
t...

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A Sea Loch Graveyard walled and gated

hues of purple peated earth,

the stones stand stoic, weather dated,

washed up from their briny birth.

Some names unknown "A Sailor" lies,

in silence resting side by side.

Adrift they came from distant skies

as tears that fell, though never cried.

On other shores long lives lived out

to wonder at what might have been,

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Hand reach into my throat,

clawing their way to my heart.

Red blooms under their attention,

as they slither through this maze

of veins and vessels.

Slick hands grab ahold of my still heart,

squeezing it manually.

Once, twice, thrice,

a soothing rhythm in a space,

long devoid of music.

Yet, no amount of squeezing

is enough to make my heart start beating.

No amoun...

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I pick your face out from the crowd 

And you're all I can see 

As we pretend to be strangers 

I waited the one hour train journey 

Hoping you would join me

But you never did 

We remained separated by a single carriage 

Little did I know you had far more in your arsenal to separate us

A Trident like deterrent 

How did it come to this?

Well actually I do know the answer...

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We stood on the bridge watching 

the train approach 

The steam dampening our faces

as it passed under

It was warm, then cold

I grabbed my brothers hand

and we ran to the other side

But, the train had gone,

along with my brother.

The imprint of his hand 

still lay in mine

But time had taken them both.

I stood there for days, weeks, 

Perhaps, months

Perhaps,...

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At a loss to know what happened, I did not see you fall
I wasn't  there, I didn't see when Angels came to call
A world without, memories now is all I see
I leave you now,  to say your own soliloquy.....

This is could be my own exposition,
Bills, money, world events, my own loneliness decision
People all around me but I'm hiding the pain
Physical illness or mental strife is all that I gain
...

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Do you remember those that are gone,
Taken so young, to cancer and war
Or teenage bravado, mental health
a lost passion for life, happiness, wealth

Do you remember those not here
Taken to soon,  before a life or career
Before the chance to leave a mark on this world, gone before parents, family, friends, all those dear

Do you remember those that were friends
Taken so quickly, before ...

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Every loss is felt

Just as a ripple is spelt in water

Ever decreasing, calming asunder

A clock ticks in a house even emptier than before

The dark lingers in a hall still and sure

The cat rules now

Wondering why and how

Water weeps from a pungent wound

Never to be cleaned but to neglect and fester

Such a thought no beautiful sight could hinder

Leaving the los...

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Too many nights, too many times

I've woke in sweat and had to find

a way to push you out again,

and pray once more that this will end.

That from my heart you'll finally leave

and not come back into my dreams.

For I am old enough to know

the years have made our love run cold.

And I am wise enough to see…

I only love your memory.

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An old porch swing made once for two.

Cool night breeze calling out to you.

Ten thousand memories rise above,

the sunset waters of our love.

Just like the day slips into the night,

the love we had that was oh so right

it slipped away. It slipped away,

like day slips into night.

Was our love doomed to come and pass,

one day as fire, one day as ash?

Night afte...

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The torn remain

of what was plain

waves now ore frozen ground,

in winds that blow

cold ice and snow

and other feelings down.

There isn’t much

left in a touch

to calm the trembling hand.

For winter’s chill

falls colder still

in cloak across the land.

The settled dust

and cankered rust

guard safe against the grain,

while fading dim

from deep ...

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I wish it would have been a war

that was the explanation for

the reason you are not around,

the reason I don’t hear the sound

of your voice anymore.

No, I don’t hear it anymore.

And I wish it were all a dream

although a bad one it would seem,

cuz then at least I’d have the chance

to open up my eyes and glance

upon your face, but I don’t see it.

No, not anymo...

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It was a beautiful story,

I wish it was my own. 

It makes me think of you,

so every now and then

I turn it on. 

Was the first song we danced to,

it made us fall in love. 

Now every time it plays

I see your face, 

you’re all I think of. 

Why does it seem true loves

are always kept apart?

Is it cruel fate,

a form of bait

that’s used to crush the he...

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Darkness shrouds the train

Blue flashes flicker in the rain

Alone with strangers left to hide

As a man lies down on the line

Time stands still when death enters

The breath becomes hard to centre

My luck at catching the last train

Becomes silence in the rain

Everyone is on the line

Phones in hand, not the time

Words turn inwards

Soiled and sinful 

...

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We sit across from eachother

Our hands clasped tightly over the table

And in this moment we have everything

And yet we have nothing at the same time

Eyes locked on our targets 

I can see your soul 

It's calling me like a beacon 

And I feel awoken 

We lean in closer to this moment 

Feeding off the energy like vultures to flesh 

I could drown in those blue eyes

If I ...

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My Darling,

You hold so much sadness in your eyes 

I can almost touch the scars of your soul and cry 

The twin flame I once saw in you 

Turned into a stranger 

Whom my heart cannot recognise 

Someone I never knew 

Thinking of life without you 

Makes me feel as though 

I will never see summertime again 

And the coldness of an eternal winter fills me with woe

No matt...

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Wednesday was always our day

The only constant across the many variations of “us”

Drinking as friends in the pub

Drinking as “friends” in the pub

Your hand on my knee in the pub

Definitely more than friends in the pub

Kissing in the pub

Sharing our scars in the pub

Falling in love in the pub

Laughing less in the pub

Difficult conversations in the pub

Crying in the ...

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The memory of your love remains like a splinter inside me 

I can get by now most of the time, with it undetected 

But every so often it will still catch on something and snag

The essence of you has gone through me like a thread through the eye of a needle

I continue my life, with you stitched into everything that I do

It gets heavy, carrying around the weight of this loss

I remin...

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Today my friend buries her mother in a coffin she has painted by hand. Today my friend's father tells her that she has taken on too much responsibility in the matter. She tells me he made her feel like she did not have a choice. Today I will get my hair cut. Today by mid day my friend will have buried her mother. My friend is only twenty four. Her daughter is two. I ask my friend how she has been ...

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We have something

I know this because I keep trying to tell myself it's nothing

To help me walk away

But we always come back like the tide to the shoreline

Coming back to you is like coming home

Coming home in the dark of night when you've left the light on

The rush of warm air that greets you as you step inside

Close the front door behind you

Home

You were my home

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How can one be so consumed by emptiness

Isnt that an oxymoron

The presence of your absence is felt always

We talk in terminal language

Yet it still feels unfinished

A connection was made which cannot be undone

I am forever changed

Your love is not unrequited 

See there are things we still share

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They say that twin flames go through periods of separation

And this I know to be true 

For you were right, we did need this time apart 

However, I am praying it doesn’t last 

I needed to discover me and you needed to discover you 

Because even though we are one, our souls have still been split in two 

And we needed to work on ourselves separately

In order to reunite anew 

...

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Watching the leaves fall

Standing so tall

Waiting at the window

I still wonder

It wasn't so long ago

I can still see us

Haunting shadows in the dusk

Running, fighting, climbing

Making footprints in the snow

Your furry figure lingers at the edges of my mind

Gone but not forgotten

Your smile runs to hide

Sunny days fade away

As your ghost lies st...

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If you desire to heal, let yourself fall ill 

You desired peace

So undoubtedly, with every hardship, there comes ease 

If you only have the strength to believe 

I forgive you for doing as you please 

I am proud of the changes I have seen 

It’s making me believe, perhaps you are changing into the man I knew you would be 

I believe you may have read my words 

And I want you t...

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