powdered, light-tinted dust strokes the crevices of her porcelain face.

red liquid plasters the outside of her perfectly shaped lips.

black goo strikes the thick corners of her luscious eyelashes.

the girl staring back at her she does not recognize.

Perfect. Beautiful. Good. the voices in her head say.

A faint smile warms her face;

painted, covered, and disguised in the lies...

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??‍♀️ WHEN THE TRUTH HURTS ??‍♀️

My heart hurts and rage runs through my veins and even though I don't know her I can still feel her pain.
This right here hurts and it's not because of her race. It's the fact it's another human being that because of crooked cops they have deformed another face.
Everyone has something say but in reality the real matters of this country they try to ignore.
Whe...

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The sun rays shimmer
On the Hudson river
Framing the sky
Is the New York skyline
A busy day begins and
From a window in the train
You can see the bridge
That appeared in movies
And in your dreams
The American Dream
In a teenager the only dream
She had always cherished
She knows the golden ripples
Arent true and wont last
As the sun will go down
No it wasnt for all that
It means to ...

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I'll be laughing in the hot sun
When this is all gone
In a year long
This will be my song
I'll  finally feel strong

Today I might ache
But it will not stay
Tomorrow, I'll be okay
And one day, I pray
It'll go forever away

I'll be laughing in the hot sun
When this is all gone
In a year long
This will be my song
I'll finally feel strong

Yesterday was scary
My head tried to hurt ...

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To the one.. I ask questions, I ask the one why? All I wanted was simplistically but all I've got was duplicity,my soul burns with the best intention but my mind burns with the pain my tatterd existence....my inability to knowingly do what's best for me and my walk with fate has placed me not only in a moment of desperation for a creator that loves me but has left me with no options other than to ...

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            This pain cripples me.

                         It works its way through
           me quickly,          
                               like lightening bolts
 spiking throughout my  
                         entire body.

 

It keeps digging...

deeper...
 

into

my bones and

muscles.

I can  feel them

knotting and

twisting and

tightening, th...

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Sorry buddy for what's gone on
If only you had actually known
How much that  I sacrificed for you
And this friendship that I thought was true

I honestly stood by you always
I was the friend that would have stayed
But in the end it was you that betrayed
Me in the most hurtful of ways

We had a history that we kept a mystery
Because it wasn't knowledge that we wanted freed
Why is that a...

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Ive changed all the locks and the ways to my heart

Ive patched up the holes you tore all apart

Repainted the lies you captured me with

Remodeled my life from pain to pure bliss

I no longer miss you, I pity your soul

Ive worked long and hard to patch up these holes

The space is all new 

I can rent it out

This space is all mine and what Im about

Your key will not work

y...

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Growing up sick
You become obsessed with it
Being devoured into its pit 
Some people call it selfish
Others call it self pity 
I just call it, "trying to escape a situation most shitty"
We may seem self obsessed
But when some days you cannot get dressed
Its often a cause to become stressed
Motivating you to find your way out of this mess
Becoming a social recluse 
We are often of no use
...

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They're trying to steal my soul, oh no
They're trying to crush my heart, oh dear
The crippling pains from the body and mind
They are with me all of the god damn time
They're trying to steal my soul, oh no
They're trying to crush my heart, oh dear
When I think that all is going well
They make me really rather  unwell
Creating my own personal hell
Where nothing around me is swell
Anddd...
...

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People keep telling me
"It'll get better in time
But why can't they see"
That I'm really  not "fine"
Who are you to talk
You don't don't what it's like
To be in almost endless pain
For the majority of your life
Until you walk in my shoes
You won't know what I feel
Until you battle this pain to
You won't know how I deal
You think I'm joking about agony
But you won't know how much it's ...

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Once you've been touched by the "C"
You'll no longer ever be free 
It stains me, sticks with me
I just want to be released 
But I'm haunted by this vicious disease
That aims to end lives, make me deceased
We may halt it, but it never truly leaves
It's tangled within me, lingering in my bloody Genes!
You never know what's lurking underneath
Not everything is always as it seems
It steals y...

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Isn't imprisonment enough?
Without the guards being too rough
And forever being cuffed
Prisoners  are abused and raped
Every damn single day
As if they haven't already paid
By being held captive and afraid.

Isn't imprisonment enough?
Without being forced to confess
To somebody else's mess
Being stripped and undressed
Every damn single day
As if they haven't already paid
By bein...

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Walking down this endless road,

Never knowing which way to go.

Each path seems dark,

each breath

harder than the last,

constantly hiding from the past.

I try to find the strength to move on,

But each time I do, you still want to have

your fun. When will it sink in?

You will never win.

I’m done playing,

You might think you’re staying.

Truth is you’re as temp...

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So many medical advances

Technology forever enhances

But what are the chances

That they are being honest,

And not leaving their patients pissed

About the complications that exist

Of which they were none the wiser

Until the technology is inside ‘em

And they are experiencing the pain

That the FDA could have saved

If only it wasn’t for the loop hole

That leaves the re...

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Watching, listening, waiting

An endless unmoving time

Pain thriving within her

Her heart is far from fine.

Feeling, hurting, crying

An endless stabbing pain

Giving up on trying

Her heart so full of strain.

Retching, whimpering, head swirling

An endless wrath of terror

Her fingers clasping, curling

Her heart forever slain.

Calming, numbing, unfeeli...

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I'm running away scared 
But trying to find the light
They hurt me too hard.
Standing here from this height
If I had the courage to do it
I could float among the stars
My chest forming in a pit, I sit.
I'm broken in two halves.

How did I get here?
I truly tried to fight it
Even kept denying it
I can't even hide it

I'm shaking but holding on tight 
The ledge is sturdy but it's high...

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I lay here and I still lay here as the hours tick by and I watch the woman I love separated from me by such a minor distance of just a couple feet... It couldn't feel farther away... My heart aches from the pain I've caused her... My soul is ripped in two fighting on the right choice.. I love her.. she loves me... I know this.. why do I push the people who love me away? Why was I cursed with such ...

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What is love? Is it real? Is it even a possibility? I can not fathom another person really loving... Life is what it is. Humanity is cruel, and to find ones other half is only a miracle given by the one who created us... Love is strange is it instinct or is it only self preservation? Does the mind trick one into feeling only to have two more hands and a mind to help provide and support? the human ...

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You and your trust issues

Me and mine

You have your fears

And your doubts

About me

And I have mine

But every time

We try to rationalize

And prove to each other

That the pieces don't fit

The sentences get left

Unfinished

Back and forth

Like whiplash

Seeing how far I'll go

Until I look back

Keeping me comfortable

At a distance

Have...

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The snake

It slithers around me

Putting on a show

As if I'm in control

But little do I know

It's charming me

Hypnotized

I give myself over

Allowing the fangs

To pierce my flesh

The venom

Paralyzing me

Smiling proud

At the feat

Begins the retreat

Into the grass

Disappearing

From my vision

I thought this

This was the test

To ...

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Each day, more exhausting than the last.

Time goes far too slowly, or too fast.

you're either extremely low, or elevated.

People either love you, or you're hated.

There is no middle ground

- no inbetween.

Everything is one extreme.

you're either Jekyll or you're Hyde.

It is a never ending fight.

You're a walking contradiction ,

With no explanation,

No cha...

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I feel dead inside

I can no longer hide

For so long I've lied

I promise, I truly tried,

But today is the day that I died.

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I’m losing my mind.

Don’t you understand?

I’m desperately reaching out for your hand.

Don’t leave me hanging, slipping, falling…

down into the endless abyss of darkness,

Never destined to land.

You’ve saved me once before,

But this time there are no safety ropes.

I’m free-falling, plummeting, going down…

My only hope Is for you to save me now.

I’m losing my ...

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You're reaching out.

You're pleading.

Hands to the sky,

Heavy heart beating.

Knees to the ground,

And the rain falls.

Peace couldn't be found,

So you put up these walls.

In an empty broken place,

Never a smile on your pained face...

And you let the darkness sink in,

When all you needed was ONE friend,

But time and time, over again,

No one was there for you in...

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How u go do a ni$$& like that 

How u go stab a ni$&@ inna back 

Thought that you really loved me like that 

F@$& yo spine I had ya back 

Now I’m looking forward I ain’t going back

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So much pain I try to keep it tamed 
We grew up different we not the same
The shit u do is fine the shit I do draw the line
Yo family there when u fall 
My family flat out don’t care 
U had everything 
I had to jugg everything 
I guess sometimes life ain’t fair 
It’s more to me then a ugky face with long hair 
Always been small but ion have fear 
Some nights I couldn’t sleep 
Many night...

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This is me

forgetting you

I still can’t quite believe it’s true

It hasn’t been

too long ago

when I stood up and let you know

I wanted you 

to hear from me

that I loved you, you said:

“You see,

I’ve known a while

it’s obvious 

it’s not your fault, not mine, but “us”

is not something that’s happening 

my words are painful, but they’re real

I’m sorry, I ap...

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I fell

Hard

To the ground

And when I stood

You bandaged me up

And took me home

Made me

Promise

I’d never leave

And when I stood

You were halfway

Out the door

I fell

Hard

To the ground

For your words

And empty truths

Made me

Promise

I’d never leave

And when I stood

You were halfway

Out the door

I fell

Hard

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I have recently read
That pain is the hardest
Situation a human can
Try to explain.

If that’s so,
Is fear considered 
To be pain?

Does pain have to
Be a broken bone?
A head ache?
A tight chest?
A burn?

Is pain not
The anxiety of waiting
For everything to fit?
Is pain not
The force of trying 
to piece together 
two completely different
puzzles to become one? 

I can never...

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Standing on your doorstep
Waiting for you to invite me in
My heart full of fear and self-loathing
my confidence wafer thin

Crying out to hear your answer
Nothing eases the pain I feel
This emptiness and self-denial
Leaves me close to a complete reveal

On the point of no return
A cry for help and a scream of pain
the dread and torment roam free
while sitting in this pouring refrain

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I thought I had changed

I thought I was better

I thought I beat it

I thought I fixed it

But here I stand

Trying to be tall

Knowing I am so small

The world pressing down

I’m scared again

Swore I never would be

And no one likes it

No one wants to hear it

So keep it hush

Keep it low

Don’t want to be

The girl who cried wolf

But until ...

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The flower grew within, the fumes were fornicated. Bastards grew on paper, spilt ink spread their legs to the core of chaos. Thus the evil brewed bombs. You don’t see a shadow in the dark docile day. Only when it burns you can see your damned skin and the fire. The shadow of a truth turning grey, sat beside by the yellow day!

PC: Unknown

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Do you remember how we used to savour the pins and needles on our tongues?

Do you remember how we used to bite into bitterness?

lick the spit of life

I was turned on by brokenness

maybe it’s cliche

that I craved pain

swallowing broken bottles

it's lined my pockets

it's swollen my stomach

Do you remember when we saw ‘sad’ as just another crayon

to colour ourselves in w...

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What was going through your head?

What was running through your mind?

It's the one thing I'll never understand;

How you could just walk away and leave me behind

Didn't leave a trace, no reason to be found.

Just taken away and never reunited.

Do you understand the pain I've written across my heart;

When you took away from me, everything I had.

I was just a child, I...

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I have many scars

You can’t see in the light

Behind my smile

Is a world of pain

Constant battle

With myself

Whether it’s worth it

To try anymore

‘Cause in the dark

I introduced you

To every part of me

Showed you everything

When the sun came up

The truth came out

And without a doubt

I’m unloveable

Should’ve known

Never should’ve...

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Those words

All the ones I wrote

Like band aids

Across the wounds

You left all over me

All the words

That flooded out of me

Aligning themselves

In comprehendible lines

And organized stanzas

They helped dry my tears

Allowed me to forget

Gave me the strength

To move forward

Providing a closure

That didn’t require you

And I forgave myself

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He is sad, he is hurting

No one ever told him he was wrong. 

Spoilt and arrogant, 

He had become. 

Behaviour always accepted. 

A love for himself, 

he always expected perfection, 

Nothing else.

It’s not his fault. He knew something was wrong, 

an angel he searched for, an angel he won. 

Another win, at his feet, treated her with deceit. 

Ignored...

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She has dark days and dark nights, and bright days and starry skies. He was diluting the darkness into brightness. But then he became annoyed at her darkness and started to see it all the time even when it wasn’t there. He would poke and prod for it, he was finding boxes of darkness that didn’t exist until he started creating them and suddenly she had more to carry than she realised. He was shouti...

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{When You've Took Away All My Will Power}

When you've took away

all of my will power as a 

human being and as a

woman as well I have 

lost my dignity I feel 

ashamed of myself

constantly I feel like that

I have to hide my real

self and I have to hide

my face and my body

from everyone because

I might not meet their

standards and that you

migh...

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for you to literally sit in front of a motherfucker and to have blood on you and to be shaking so bad and tears streaming down your face and snot coming out of your nose and spit running out of your mouth with bruises still on your legs and arms from your last encounter and the person you are sitting in front of still not give a damn and still somehow make an excuse for leaving you as though it's ...

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she used to be so damn happy
but i guess theres more than the eyes can see
because if im speaking truthfully
she was never really that happy
amused? shit, just maybe
confused,
that she was terribly
misused,
thats all she began to know, you see,
the abuse began from a young age
the very peak of her growing stage
the beginning of the book that told her story
was marked and torn from the ...

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forgotten are the times

our laughs filled the air 

gone are the times

we wished would never leave 

time passes

memories fade

in blistering august 

i shiver 

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contemporaneous cold, 

in the winter of my agony 

july's heat long forgotten,

january's frost an eternal constant 

and yet 

one remembers, 

flowers bloom. 

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Lines I wrote while very upset:

Im worthless to you and rich to everyone else. Why?

Can you hear me screaming? My lungs are bleeding. 

I’m not even in the water but I’m drowning. 

We’re going no where. Ever. It’s a standstill. 

Why do I keep trying? 

You got got me fucked up. I know my worth but apparently you don’t. Are you fucking stupid?

I...

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Bloody Showers

One time in a waking hour
I decided to take a long hot shower.
and to my suprise as i scrubbed,
I saw my knees, were red with blood.

Being dizzy from the night before
I couldnt recall the time i last snored,

"what happened last night?"
I dont remember..
Why my breast was bruised,
and my nails were shattered.

I only saw the day before,
because nighttime whistles, ...

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{Just So Sick}

I'm so sick of 
being so tired 
of being so weak 
all of the time 
due to my 
illness and 
sickness but I 
hope and pray 
it will get 
better for me 
but I honestly 
don't know if 
it ever will 

©Tina Glover All Rights Reserved/One_Pissed_Off_American_Ghost_Writer 2017 but posting here on February 21,2018 

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When it was discovered, we recoiled

Out of doubt, out of fear

We focused on the opinions of others

Instead of what we thought

When I let our secret fly free,

I was shown acceptance and love

Hope blossomed like a cactus flower

It would be okay. 

He was capricious, of two minds

One day yes, the next was no,

He produced a name, but renounced his love

I proce...

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25/10/11

So unpredictable.

So sharp and so cunning

Is the pain that run through me,

Hideous yet so stunning.

I want to keep it here, 

I want to feel it's cold aching

Blood spilling from me

My heart is still breaking

What if I want it to stop?

Please, leave me alone!

It'll be there. Waiting.

For me to decay down to bones. 

Maybe that's what I wa...

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Like the morning bird
You sing the stars away.

Just like that
My darkness burns to light.

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This sickly feeling i have inside

because i myself lack basic pride

I am upset when i go out

in fear that others may speak or shout

Yet this one lie had gotten to me

It's made my life a misery

I hide myself from everyone 

I deprive myself that natural fun

If you look at me you'll see nothing

But in privacy i do everything

i fill my body with foods and cry

secretly ...

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I think I hung myself in your tears

Yeah, the other day I realised

One noose, one tear drop - same shape.

I choked on the salt of it

eternally thirsty now

When they fell from your eyes

they looked like showers of broken glass

How I wished I could have swallowed that instead

I think that would hurt less

I’ve got 6 bruises, 7 cuts, 3 scars

I’m still counting.

But why...

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Diary Of The Southern Queen Entry #49 (Doobie-Doobie) 

(Doobie-Doobie)


When the doobie-doobie drugs don't work any more girl you are just a fool if you think love don't hurt because hot damn it does that's why one more blow to sniff until I cannot breathe 




And when the doobie-doobie-doobie don't work any more as one more sniff and one more puff and popping one mor...

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“I’m fine”

F. reaking out

I. nsecure

N. eurotic

E. motional

Those are the words that F.I.N.E make up

Words that lie

“I’m fine”

I say as my mind reels and races through time.

Not a day goes by that I don’t question myself.

My misconceptions and decisions.

I wish I knew how to express my thoughts

Maybe in a conclusive way,

one that was easily understood

and ...

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This rumination came from growing awareness of my mortality which, in turn, is generated and measured by the expanding list of things once given or assumed that, alas, are no longer possible.

The Mirror

How shall I talk to you, my friend?

How should I regard you

(and will I care)

as you grow ever older before my gaze

while I stay young?

Who are you? Dare I look on yo...

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I wrote this piece while I was caring for my identical twin brother, following major surgery. Nearly everything you may have heard about identical twins is true.

Brother

The pain of being is not mine, but

my brother's. He cries and howls the Midnight

down into uneasy drowse

as the daylight lifts his covers

over swelling clouds of hurt.

Breaking, I balm him a little,

wh...

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I asked If I wrote for you would you read it? I asked if I still had love for you would you need It? All I can think about is when we on that dock had our first kiss, Cupid shot that arrow and did not miss, How will I get through this? When you asked me to leave caused all this pain, Every day we have been apart has driven me insane.

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