the donkey set the table

but the table set was wonky

when the crane brought the game

and the mice brought the dice

the horses cooked the food

and the food they cooked in courses

the deer brought the beer

and the koala brought the cola

so an evening full of fun

promised fun for all the evening

then the tiger turned up later

but unfortunately...

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you know he’s a Jib

the way you can tell

he jingles and jingles

like a jingly bell

but sometimes their jingle

mysteriously goes

then Jibs cry all day

and why, nobody knows

being a Jib

can often be tough

expected to jingle

and jingle with love

then on the days

where love is not felt

Jibs lose their jingle

and Jibs will then wilt

so...

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Dong was a song

that Fung the dog sung

Moke was a joke

that Poke the pig spoke

the Ked, a book that was read

is what Uncle Ned said

so Uncle Ned

his dog Fung

and his pig Poke

did Dong and did Moke

for the Ked that they wrote

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I went on holiday

so I thought I’d pack

I put in my head

I’d be needing that

I packed my arm

because where’s the harm

so too my toes

not forgetting my face

oh, my other arm too

went into the case

better take my legs and feet

they’re important indeed

I added my hips

and my ‘you know what’

well you never know

I might need it or not

...

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a gigglephant and giraffalaugh

in a junglement’s delight

did swing on a vine

most of the time

but today decided to fight

set to did they

but laugh did they

and tried with all their might

then merriness won over day

and they tickled until night

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I see her every morning

And she runs without warning

In her arms is her lollypop

and no one dares ask her to stop

She's running for good reason

As it's definitely the season

To run with the tide

But for her, there's definitely nowhere to hide

She's running late 'tis lady lolly

Amongst the herd is our Polly

The stream of kids is never ending

But it's her b...

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By Bill 53 1/2.

Spoo on the seats

Snot n dribble too.

Is what I always think about 

when on the way to you.

The loud music is playing

From the selfish prick nearby.

How I want to ream his arse,

with a hot, king size 4n20 pie.

The temperature is hot or cold

Nothing ever in between.

White collar and high viz alike.

Enduring the temps - extreme.

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He said it once

Never again

Now it's like a seance

To contact her man

Spirits appear

As soon as she speaks

A future so bright

Turning so bleak

Can she break the ice

Dropped into his whiskey?

Or call on the departed

(Far less risky)

Does he love her?

Yes-No-Yes

Definitely maybe

She'll just have to guess

So she raises a glass

Time for a toast

Her...

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More silly modern fairytales 

​​A well shaped square

Metallic black

These nails were long

Ready to scratch

On restaurant table 

You could hear them tap

Undecided

His eyes or his back?

moral of the story- Never stand up a woman who got her nails done especially for a date 😁

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A modern fairy tale....

Sand witches

On beaches

Searching for snacks

Soon caught in the middle

There's no turning back

Please lettuce talk

A cheesy smiled plea

No savin' his bacon

He's BLT

Eaten up whole 

In all but a gulp

They spit out 

His soul

Into castles they sculpt

Now forever he lives

Between sea and land

A drop in the ocean 

The last gr...

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To the only begetter of this ensuing sonnet Mr P LARKIN All happiness and that eternity promised by our ever-living poet wisheth the well-wishing adventurer in setting forth

They fuck you up, your Fathers and your Mums:
Their Birthright, Dowry, Heritage, and Lot
Of Faults, with further added to their Sums,
Pass down from what they had to what they've got;
These Faults, again, they gained fr...

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Needy?

I didn't think I was needy

Craved companionship

But maybe I was wrong

I was outside

Having a crafty fag

In the wind and rain

And looked over the road

At the cat on the windowsill

In the warm

And I gave him a wave.

Hope no-one was looking

that would be weird

But perhaps I am needy

and need companionship.

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Why?

I am a professor of profanity
A doctor of banality
No master of subtlety
Which is such a tragedy
Despite the incongruity
I am not the Lord Almighty
Most agree with this, very happily
But I am sad about that actually
Agreed, I am too sleazy
Make most people feel queasy
But when it comes to poetry
I find it just comes naturally
To me, at least, it comes easily
Especially when ev...

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That August day

made me pray

for MERCY!

My head was pounding 

like a woodpecker on

a metal roof

Could hardly see

my eyes were strabismic

I reached...

in my disarranged

medicene cabinet

in my dim

bathroom

pulled out the first

pill box

my quavering hands touched

I squinted my confused eyes

to examine the fine print

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I am feeling blue

today

Because I didn't get my

way

---

Turned purple

with rage

When I tried to engage

a conversation

With a yellow 

coward

That said I was not

in the pink

---

I told him I was going

to cause a "brown out"

In his town

So they would have a black day

If he did not say

He was wrong...

By Lynn Hahn

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Ghosts to
my left,
Ghosts to
my right.

Ghosts in front,
oh what
a fright.

Ghosts all around,
How did I
get in this
Ghostly town?

I look at
my hand,
What is this
what do
I see?

Oh My
I can
see right
through me.

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Gossamer-silk strands wove into artwork, 
Hung on bramble, glistening with morning dew, 
Frail as a whisper, destroyed by one rainfall 
And the artist must start his creation anew.

But don't be fooled by its delicacy! 
The web holds a license to kill 
Its grip of death with embrace you 
And its Monster, concealed, lurks in shadows, so still. 

So when dancing, nonchalant, through the ai...

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A really good sandwich,

Has two pieces of bread,

(we all know the club is compensating)

Is void of mayonnaise,

But has in its stead,

(Mayonnaise is for the self-deprecating)

A nice bit of mustard,

And a sharp slice of Ched…dar.

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I have the

right to write.

You may not

like what I

have to say.

I have the

right to write,

I'll do

it anyway.

I have the

right to write.

With this you

may not agree.

I have the

right to write.

You know where

you can kiss me!

This was written a few

...

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Mime Rhyme

Mime rhyme

In time

Dance

Up down

Around

Breeze

Some fun

In sun

Isabella

A cute

Patoot

House

A mouse

In house

Home

A cat

Big rat

Canada

A moose

Is loose

Happy

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Aissur Teivos ni,

even the punchline is backwards.

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Deep down

inside,

I have

no pride.

Deep down

inside,

I've taken

the slide.

Deep down

inside,

my soul

the demons

 have fried.

Deep down

inside.

Shirley Smothers

I wrote this poem a few years ago. I wrote it to be bad on purpose.

Someone rec...

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The world is filled with frenzied folk who say I'm incomplete
until I've played some game, or tried their favourite thing to eat,
or read a certain book, or heard some orchestra or band,
or spent a decade living rough in such-and-such a land...
but (most of all experiences) the one that draws my praise
is walking round with nothing on, on hot and sticky days.

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(after A. A. Milne, "I often wish I were a King")

I'm often lost in ruminations
On what I'd do if stuck at stations.

If I were stuck at HARRINGAY,
I'd pitch a tent and ask to stay.

If I were stuck at STEVENAGE,
I'd build a campfire, on the bridge.

If I were stuck at FINSBURY PARK,
I'd dance around it, in the dark.

If I were stuck at MORROWGATE, (*)
I'd phone a...

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The Goblins of

the night,

they give me

such a fright.

They leave about

this green slime.

I awaken, oh

it was just

a dream.

No need for

a scream.

I look at

the clock for

the time, but

it is covered

in green slime!

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The following  is a

very silly poem

There was a girl named Shirley

whose hair was short and curly.

She never wanted to go anywhere

she hated her short curly hair.

Her mom would say, "Let's

go to the park."

Shirley would say

"Not until after dark."

There came a man

with a silly son...

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