limerick (Remove filter)
Candy Cane Lane
Down On Candy Cane Lane
Several Elves Burst Into Flame
Rudolph Was Sad
But, Santa Was Mad
Knowing Spiked Eggnog Was To Blame.
Santa Put The Drink On A Shelf
Too High Up For Any Elf.
But, The Elves Formed A Plan
And Hired A Man
Who Took And Drank It Himself.
-------
Visit me at Medium.com
Friday 22nd December 2023 4:19 pm
Urine Extraction
The Heege Manuscript which ‘pokes fun at everyone, high and low’ is among the earliest evidence of the life and work of a real minstrel
Fellow WOLers, you must never be boring,
For the high and the mighty need lowering,
Now you stand on the shoulders
...
Wednesday 31st May 2023 11:03 am
Wendy K
Friends told Wendy Kincaid to seize the day
Live her life, live life her way.
The attached rope, alas, had one fatal flaw:
She'll never go bungee anymore.
A long drop to eternity for Wendy K
Thursday 18th May 2023 7:42 am
Double Limerick - Soggy Moggy
Soggy Moggy
A valiant young lass from Nanking,
Excelled at the sport of dunking;
Pushing William Rees Moggy,
Into a bog made him soggy,
And he’s falling to pieces, poor thing;
Now he’s weeping and wailing for nanny,
Is that great soft Victorian fanny;
He’s a compulsive liar,
Who belongs in the mire;
His resemblance to slime is uncanny.
Saturday 29th April 2023 2:41 pm
The Spare
A green-eyed prince, with reddened hair.
Writing Royal scandal for public glare,
His coronet lost all shine and sparkle
Since he became Mister Harry Markle
Ultimately, he's still just a SPARE for the heir
Wednesday 11th January 2023 12:59 pm
Haggis
If I am correctly concluding
Today Caledonions are brooding
‘Cause there’s no party peeps
Getting tatties and neeps
With much-vaunted sheep’s offal pudding
Monday 25th January 2021 6:34 pm
First Jab
At last I have hope of salvation
I’ve now had my first vaccination
So I’ll wait in the queue
Till the second one’s due
While planning a Spanish vacation
Thursday 21st January 2021 12:48 pm
Chillax
Well the world news of late has been crap
With disasters all over the map
Why can’t we call pax
And simply chillax
With a nice drop of something on tap
Saturday 16th January 2021 4:44 pm
Time Between Jabs
They’ve extended the time between jabs
Though it’s never been tested in labs
So I guess it’s a guess
We must hope for success
And immunity’s still up for grabs
Thursday 14th January 2021 5:28 pm
Legacy
He’s hummed and he’s ha’ed and he’s hedged
With calumnies falsely alleged
But it’s time I believe
He should pack up and leave
His legacy surely guilt-edged
Tuesday 15th December 2020 10:47 pm
#wonderful
There once was a billionaire
Who tweeted: 'I just don't care
Folks think I'm odd
But I am a god
And I love my orange hair!'
Tuesday 20th August 2019 6:55 am
A Limerick
There lived a professor who seem so abstracted..
Lost in his world, heavily distracted.
Marketplace he went and left his lad..
Mommy aghast, howled at the poor Dad
Got her sonny home, her darting cold looks he avoided.
Sunday 12th May 2019 4:49 pm
The Gift (Limerick)
The Gift (Limerick)
At the end of a trip to Tibet
I brought home for my daughter a pet
"You fool," said her Mamma
"She asked for a 'LLAMA'
You're short of one 'L' I regret."
Monday 28th January 2019 10:42 pm
Mutual Admiration
Your dandruffed head which once was fair
Your sweaty armpits clogged with hair
Those sagging tits that touch your knees
That fluff-filled navel full of fleas
God ! you're sexy when you're bare.
And you my love are perfect man
Your dentures even have a tan
And though your willy's lost its zing
Eventually it still goes in
You're HOT........come take me while you can.
...Friday 25th January 2019 2:38 pm
My neighbour had a fluffy cat.
My neighbour had a fluffy cat
Cold, aloof and very fat
Now it's dead; her little Clover
Driving home I ran it over
Looks much better now it's flat !
Saturday 19th January 2019 10:43 pm
Morning Glory
Morning Glory
I woke up with a girl in my bed
It stunned me so here's what I said:
"My god you're attractive
are you sexually active?"
She replied, "Are you right in the head?"
............................
Tuesday 15th January 2019 9:10 pm
Time To Diet
We’ve got through the seasonal cheer
Well stuffed with roast turkey and beer
But the poor bathroom scales
Now just greet us with wails
And hide when we try to come near
Monday 7th January 2019 11:53 pm
Cold
My fingers and toes are all froze
And icicles hang from my nose
This winter’s a curse
Please send for a nurse
To warm me beneath the bedclothes
Sunday 6th January 2019 1:07 pm
Christmas Is Coming
They tell me that Christmas is coming
And those dozen drummers are drumming
But the pipers I think
Have had too much to drink
And their conduct’s become unbecoming
Thursday 6th December 2018 9:41 pm
Keeping Warm
It’s time that the story was told
How passion that night took a hold
There was snow all around
But they happily found
Not everything shrinks when it’s cold
The temperature dropped through the night
But they were so filled with delight
That they did it again
And again and again
And once more before it was light
Sunday 21st October 2018 8:14 pm
Poetry mix
1.
Time goes on
The world does too
Our Nature grows and dies
Our technology expands and flies
We manifest and destroy
To make ends meet
Even with passing days
We forget about the increasing heat
Or the decreasing ice sheets
Nothing seems important
To global tyrants and corporations
But money and power
At the cost of decreasing our showers
We accept it whic...
Monday 8th May 2017 7:04 pm
How Ireland Spoilt The Grand Slam Party
When England played our boys in green
In Dublin the teams did convene
They huffed and they puffed
But got roundly stuffed
With nine points to Ireland’s thirteen
Monday 20th March 2017 5:16 pm
Reality TV
I really do not want to see
Those reality shows on TV;
They just make me yawn,
I wish they were gone,
There’s movies I’d much rather see.
Friday 25th November 2016 8:06 pm
Curry
Last night I set out to make curry
But was in a bit of a hurry
I know it sounds silly
To double the chilli
Now there’s somewhere else I must scurry!
Sunday 20th November 2016 8:56 pm
There Was a Red Leader Called Corbyn
There was a Red leader called Corbyn,
Beset by Blairites a-squablin’,
Despite overwhelming support,
Unelectable they thought,
They’d rather have Thatcher over him.
Wednesday 3rd August 2016 4:53 am
All Hail Bold Etonian Boris
All hail bold Etonian Boris,
Whose exploits sent up quite a chorus,
To prove Europe was dead,
He swung down by his head,
Into the seat of Foreign Office.
Wednesday 3rd August 2016 4:46 am
There was a Young Man from Kyoto
There was a young man from Kyoto,
who was awfully fond of a photo,
when he saw a kimono,
his eyesight went mono,
and now a kimono’s a no-no.
Wednesday 3rd August 2016 4:37 am
A Slightly Dirty Limerick
This traveler was out of luck
The other car oh it was struck
She said it was my fault
Her I wanted to assault
But my thought YOU YOURSELF CAN GO FU**
Friday 8th August 2014 10:07 pm
A Clean Limerick
There was a black cat on a grave
He did not want to misbehave
He was abandoned there
And it was just not fair
But then he attended the Zombie Rave
This Limerick was inspired
by "Limerick Friday"/Facebook
Friday 20th December 2013 5:55 pm
Limerick
Gone are my forget-me-nots,
All my sweet-peas replaced with shallots;
And a marrow now grows
Where there once was a rose;
Could it be a vegetable plot?
Wednesday 25th August 2010 10:07 pm
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