i know you’re disappointed in me

we always scream for hours and fight

until i decide to go out on a walk by the big oak tree

even though i can barely see the sidewalk at night

im starting to think that i can’t see in general anymore

i look in the mirror and see someone new

it’s like i’ve never seen her before

i wonder if you feel that way about me too

my therapist...

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Is there something to explain?

Is there someone left to blame?

Do you know why you are here?

Would you rather disappear?

As there's so many young people out there

Looking for the same thing

And there's so many young people out there

Trying to play the blame game

So listen up young people

Tell me what it is inside

Trying to cut away your heart strings

and ...

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So I've thought out this letter for so long as the times have changed my words have too everything changes but my mind this windowless prison permanent guard oh shadowed screw

Understand ..This was carefully planned 

I  did consider all options fooling myself..knowing other options weren't an option 

Constantly fighting and am tired I'm  locked away double pad locked and it's co...

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24.09.20 

Tick tick tick 
Tap tap tap 
The clock ticks down 
On an inevitable time bomb 
That is my collapse 

You're the only thing keeping me together 
A solid foundation 

You never let me down 
Or abandon me 
Coz there's nothing you need from me 
Except perfection 

Show up at meetings 
Plan everything 
Be everything, for everyone 

I can be a wreck 
But I'm the perfect p...

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24.09.20 

She's a lot 
Too much 
For her self 
Or anybody else 

Keep giving 
And pouring 
Into a never ending void 

Keep loving 
The unlovable 
And I'll tear you apart too 

You sampled the poisen 
And it tasted so sweet 
Just enough to make you sick 

Stay with me 
If you want 
I won't beg 

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16.09.20

Empty space 
A hole to fill up 
A vacant vessel 
An empty lot 

This soul is for rent
At the cheapest price 
Give me joy, give me compliments 
And I'll make your night 

A house made a home 
And weekends made perfect 
Just tell me I'm pretty 
Make me feel worthy 

But take it away and I'll tear don these walls 
Rip this house to the ground 
And spit on the floor 

My...

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25.03.20

When your brain is used to trickery 
It eats itself alive
Deceit is all you know 
And the way you have survived 

Be vigilant with friends
And vigilant with foes 
On guard for lies so constantly 
Analysis in tow

Are they truthful in their words?
Your brain it analyses
Putting piece and piece together 
A puzzle it disguises 

There's a slip says your mind 
Some evidence...

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Am I a burden or a blessing?

Until now I've brought you pain,

nitpicked neurotic neural pathways

produced images of you burdening people

nuked your brain by old beliefs.

The pitter patter of your baby

put like a seal pup on your chest

but I was there for stop her suckling,

I didn't want her to breathe

No-one except me knew you bitch.

After all we've been thr...

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Seeing the shadow in vision
Getting feared of what the great poison
Hiding out back to the scratch
Tired of being what they're interpreted 
To be looked up in the sun
To be puked in deep water run
To be lost in relief distance
I was fight, 
But no lights were made
So where is is heading through wind? 
Passing it off to be betrayed and seen
That soak tree's been relied on
As this volt i...

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Tick, Tock.

Look at the clock.

Wait seven seconds.

Look at the clock.

Wait seven seconds.

Look at the clock.

Wait seven seconds.

Look at the

Wait---

Tip, Tap.

Each finger raps the desk.

Once then twice then thrice.

Each finger raps the desk.

Once then twice then thrice.

Each finger raps the desk.

Once then twice then thrice.

Each finger

Once-...

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the cobra

                  w

                      r

                        a

                     p

                 s

                    its tail around my neck

its name is

                     anxiety.

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I lay on a hard mattress curled in the foetal position,

wrapped in a chrysalis of darkness.

A fancy metaphor could not explain the meaning of life,

it had simply become irrelevant.

I had become so skinny that my skin was pulled

guitar string taut over aching bones,

that doctors had threatened to hospitalise me.

But now, allergic to life, my skin peeled at the thought of being.

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lying in the bath, curled in a daze

staring at my hand, ring finger twitching

eyes losing focus, antipsychotics sedating

right foot twitching, clinically agitated

stomach protruding, appetite increased

screams of bubbles bursting, whispers intruding

scent of my body, artificial strawberry

ignore the shouts, but they hurt me

mountains of bubbles, naïve body purifying

pray...

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Where’s me head? [Where is my head?]

Where’s me head? … It’s in the sand

Its life has gotten out of hand

Things very rarely go as planned

If I do or I don’t, I end up damned

Where’s me head? … It’s way out west

It’s tired of people who know best

It needs a break, it needs a rest

It needs to get shit off its chest

Where’s me head? … It’s lost the plot

It...

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Adut Akech, Depression and Mental Heath

Adut Akech Adelaide model

Is the biggest fashion superstar in the world

She just turned 19 here at Christmas

And waiting for her world to unfurl

Despite the famous smile she displays

Underneath she's in pain with depression

Like Robin Williams who suicided

Let's talk mental health, learn some lessons

She'd wake up ea...

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You try to escape the demons

But they latch on way too tight,

Their claws digging into my body

And mind, with all their might.

Fighting is exhausting,

It physically and mentally drains.

But still I endure it, hoping

One day I will finally escape the pain.

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Each day, more exhausting than the last.

Time goes far too slowly, or too fast.

you're either extremely low, or elevated.

People either love you, or you're hated.

There is no middle ground

- no inbetween.

Everything is one extreme.

you're either Jekyll or you're Hyde.

It is a never ending fight.

You're a walking contradiction ,

With no explanation,

No cha...

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Every moment to fear,

Forever holding back internal tears.

Life- so complicated,

forever indecisive.

The world too big, too scary,

my mind so full of queries.

Never certain, never happy,

each decision could be deadly.

An escapes impossible,

every outcomes implausible.

Sinking under water,

Always being taken for a martyr.

The pain runs so deep,

Barely able to ...

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https://youtu.be/68Q0PUSxn2I

Canaries in the mine.

Kids that cut themselves. 

New mums on Prozac, 

Calpol poured down tiny throats.

Twelve year olds try ketamine

(already smoking weed).

Prepubescent boys

ask to drink girl’s pussy juice.

‘Mum, what does he mean?’

A teenage girl has overdosed.

Everybody’s glued to screens.

Can anybody see 

canaries in the ...

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Dissociative identity disorder, previously called multiple personality disorder, is usually a reaction to trauma as a way to help a person avoid bad memories.

Dissociative identity disorder is characterized by the presence of two or more distinct personality identities. Each may have a unique name, personal history, and characteristics.

Sorry to say that's not me or never has been ...

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would they care???

it seems like a void
waking up trapped inside
should i live another day?
should i rather die?

would they know im gone?
would they feel bad??
would they miss me forever?
or will it pass like a fad?

surely they will move on
thats how life works
but they wont be Able to replace me
they should miss my quirks

but is this life worth living??
i ponder deep and wit...

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O-C-D-C

1-2-3;

D-C-O-C

4-5-6;

Must touch once, twice, thrice!

Otherwise I must pay the price!

Penetrating thoughts that won’t go away,

Compulsions that haunt me day by day,

Anxiety comes, anxiety goes,

Got guilt, depression and so much obsession.

O-C-D-C

1-2-3;

C-D-O-D

Please leave me!

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I can't find it anywhere,

It's gone, disappeared,

Hidden somewhere dark.

I looked amongst the books,

I searched the internet,

I even checked the fridge.

I don't know where I put it,

I tried to keep it safe,

I don't remember where it is.

People have helped me look,

First a lady doctor,

Then a psychiatrist.

The CPN, she looked around,

She ev...

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They say, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

You start slicing those lemons

Knife slips

Where's the first aid?

The lemons are too sour to put in a drink

The sugar runs out

The water rusty from the kitchen sink

The lemons keep coming

They're heavy to hold

From innocent lemonade stands

To bags of lemons turning to mold

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Fey Times
Oh this unwelcome thing in my head has returned on this beautiful July summers day. I felt its onset, of this thing, last night. My sleep was troubled. Like a few rough waves before the cyclone hits home. An hour ago it hit me, a varied mental assault. Anxiety machine gunning my mind. Taking no prisoners here.

Hidden inner darkness rattles its lid and wants to escape the box. F...

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