Life in a Small cul-de-sac (Not poetry per se, but a bit of fun I hope)

Life continues to be exciting in our small cul-de-sac. This evening saw the incident of the "blue-bin falling over". This brought everyone out to check and whilst the bin remained like an upside-down turtle, we pondered (whilst standing in the 50 mph winds) what could have caused such a disaster? It was finally decided...

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Needy?

I didn't think I was needy

Craved companionship

But maybe I was wrong

I was outside

Having a crafty fag

In the wind and rain

And looked over the road

At the cat on the windowsill

In the warm

And I gave him a wave.

Hope no-one was looking

that would be weird

But perhaps I am needy

and need companionship.

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Why?

I am a professor of profanity
A doctor of banality
No master of subtlety
Which is such a tragedy
Despite the incongruity
I am not the Lord Almighty
Most agree with this, very happily
But I am sad about that actually
Agreed, I am too sleazy
Make most people feel queasy
But when it comes to poetry
I find it just comes naturally
To me, at least, it comes easily
Especially when ev...

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1.      Dam

It is a dam

It is going to burst

Holding it for now

But it will burst

Tears will flow

Frustration will surface

Anger hidden away

Only want some peace

No hope, no self-esteem

No confidence

Not my usual self

Clever not dense

The dam will burst

Of that I am sure

Don’t know when

What will open the door

I just want ...

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1.      The Queen

Pussy cat, pussy cat

Where have you been?

Hiding under your car

Where I can’t be seen

Pussy cat, pussy cat

Where have you been?

Digging up next doors garden

Leaving proof of where I have been

Pussy cat, pussy cat

Where have you been?

Tried to get a train to London

But no joy, didn’t have a bean

Pussy cat, pussy cat

Whe...

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1.      Sleeping bag

My Inkjet printer
has run out of ink.
My Laptop battery
has run out of juice.

My sunglasses are broken
keep slipping off my nose.
My bus pass is useless
run out of credit again.

My pockets are empty
apart from a hanky and 63p.
The bank account in the red
no hope there then.

Dread the arrival of the postman
never any good news there.
My trainers have...

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1.      Dirt

Staring down at three fresh mounds of soil

Rain running down the collar of my shirt

Tears gently rolling down across my cheeks

As I stare uncomprehending at the dirt

Three lives gone, taken from me forever

Leaving behind, a shell of a man and a mountain of hurt

Lost in my memories and my inner thoughts

Staring blankly at the freshly turned dirt

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1.      Unusual places

I think of things

In the most unusual places

I thought of this

Whilst I was tying my laces

Others I’ve penned

A few, disturbingly, whilst sitting on the loo

They seemed to turn out alright

I just hope you thought so too

One sprang to mind

While I was brushing my hair

That proved a knotty one to finish

But I eventually got th...

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1.      The Queen

Pussy cat, pussy cat

Where have you been?

Hiding under your car

Where I can’t be seen

Pussy cat, pussy cat

Where have you been?

Digging up next doors garden

Leaving proof of where I have been

Pussy cat, pussy cat

Where have you been?

Tried to get a train to London

But no joy, didn’t have a bean

Pussy cat, pussy cat

Whe...

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Big fat ones
Little white ones
Digging ever deeper
Trying to remember
Which were big and
which were little and white
Can't remember now
Gonna come unstuck
That's the thing with lies
Once you start
You cannot stop.

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1.      Dirt

Staring down at three fresh mounds of soil

Rain running down the collar of my shirt

Tears gently rolling down across my cheeks

As I stare uncomprehending at the dirt

Three lives gone, taken from me forever

Leaving behind, a shell of a man and a mountain of hurt

Lost in my memories and my inner thoughts

Staring blankly at the freshly turned dirt

I s...

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1.      My basement empire

The boss came down to my dimly-lit kingdom

My box-filled basement, my filing-room empire

And shoved this morning’s list of demands

Across the desk at me

“By 9:30 please”

“Yes Sir”

He surveyed my empire,

As if seeing it for the first time

Pointing to a set of boxes, he said:

“What’s in those?

The one’s labelled ‘Crackers’”

“Th...

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1.      Shopping

Was doing some window shopping

As you do

On a quiet Sunday

Before you get your monthly pay

And then there she was

Completely stark bollock-naked!

Well, you know what I mean

For it was a She that I seen

She had a great figure

A lovely, healthy skin-tone

Although, not much hair

But, if I had to guess, it would be fair

Should...

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1.      Inspiration

With my pen

Tapping a rhythm on my teeth

Sounds better than it feels.

Clicking the nib of my pen

In and out, In and out

Slightly annoying

But, oddly, very satisfying

Those damn Beavers

They have blocked the flow

Words and rhymes have all dried up.

Staring, unseeing, out the window

Spinning around on my swivel-chair

Which, whilst child...

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Sorry if I appear like the BBC, stupid repeats and all of that, but just having fun.  Hey poetry people, it IS allowed.  Sorry.

1.      I wish

Lots of words seem to end in ‘ish’

I think some are made-up, like easy-ish

But wait a minute, let’s not get too childish

And appear for one moment that I am being churlish

Some of them confuse me, like pigfish

Which is it?  A pig o...

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This is where is started for me in 2015 with a smashed up ankle and lots of time to think.  I enjoyed it and still do, but a job would be pretty handy too.  Ho Hum.  Sorry to bore you if you have read it before, just was a good reminder to self....

1.      My Garden

Shall I let you into a secret?

I’ve got fairies at the end of my Garden

Yes, it’s true but Shh! Don’t let anyone know

...

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1. On a train

Sat on the train

Which is going the wrong way

Away from where I want to be

But no chance that I can stay

Staring, unseeing

Out of the grimy window

Thoughts free-wheeling

Don’t really want to go

But go I must

Despite my heartfelt wishes

Leaving behind those I care for

And not even any parting kisses

Still, life must go on

L...

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1.      Poetic licence

Some poems are fun

Make me laugh and snigger

Some poems are sad

These are no laughing matter

Some poems are long

Some just right, others far, far too long

Some poems are short

Now they’re a relief

Some poems are tragic

Old Will the Bard was good at those I think

Some poems make no sense

I’m pretty good at those myself

Some poems ar...

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The first milestone for me

was when I was only three

walked to the end of the garden

and scraped my knee

but then, I was only three

The second milestone for me

was when I was twenty-three

Enrolled in the Civil Service

to serve queen and country

a jolly good pension and all for free

The third, and last, milestone for me

was reaching eighty-three

walked ...

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1.A Rapturous welcome

I woke up this morning

No tea and toast

Wondered where Dad had gone

Probably shopping, but who knows

Just no sign, none at all.

Put the news on

Purely as a distraction.

Planes have crashed,

Cars have crashed, buses have stopped

The trains keep their usual bad timetable

News off, still no sign of tea or toast

No sign of Dad ei...

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1.Questions

“Mum, what’s a laboratory?”

“Well son, it’s a place where

Men in white coats

With hair all over the place

Make exciting things

That fizz and bang and sometimes smell rotten”

“Dad, how can the moon be all those different shapes?”

“Because it’s clever and it can.”

“Mum, what’s a Policeman?”

“Well son, he’s very smart and helpful

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1.He’s there

He's there
He's always there
Good or bad,
usually bad
He's there

He's there
Patient as ever
Sees the good,
the bad and the ugly
He's there

He's there
Do I deserve him?
Never
What if he wasn't there?
But, he's there

He's there
I am nowhere
wandering in the dark
Do I appreciate it?
Not enough, but he's there

He's there
No idea
Why he hasn't
given up by ...

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1.Dirt

Staring down at three fresh mounds of soil

Rain running down the collar of my shirt

Tears gently rolling down across my cheeks

As I stare uncomprehending at the dirt

Three lives gone, taken from me forever

Leaving behind, a shell of a man and a mountain of hurt

Lost in my memories and my inner thoughts

Staring blankly at the freshly turned dirt

I silentl...

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1.Church

I remember when I were a lad

Sundays meant only one thing. Church.

And the real possibility of missing the footy

On ‘World of Sport’ with Dickie Davies.

Entering the chilly, severe building

In my best Sunday hand-knitted tank-top

Absorbing the unique smells of

Wooden pews and well-thumbed hymn books.

Admiring the ceilings, the windows

Admitting...

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1.The things we say

I suspect we are all guilty

Of saying things that just don’t make sense.

There are, of course, those oxymoronic little sayings

We all trot out every now and again.

I am guilty as charged, it’s an open secret

Old news if you will and, I would bet,

Even odds you have done it too.

So, whilst I silently scream and think “good grief”,

I do still ...

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'My Best Friend'

Always there when I need him...
Anytime, day or night
Yes, always there for me
Even when I look a terrible sight

My best friend won't leave me
like many before have done
He stays close and comforts me
and makes sure I do not run

My best friend understands me
understands my pain, my needs
He tries to salve my anguish
no matter just where it leads

It's a good jo...

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 listen to the sounds
Look at the surroundings
Nothing to hear
Nothing to see...

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I’m throwing out light

Wherever I go

Making everyone’s day

So warm and bright

I’m gleaming, I’m shining.

Touching everyone with my glow

Wherever I go

Illuminating, providing insight

So everyone will know

I’m radiant, I’m shining

Light exploding all around

Wherever I go

Mirror-ball shards of light

Each dark corner is found

I’m re...

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We’re not satisfied with one

Even though it’s been good enough until now

No, we need a second one

It’ll be so much better

More in tune with today’s needs

We need to show the younger people

That the Church hasn’t died on its knees

That cold, dark, dusty Churches

Aren’t the only option

Yes, we’re planning a revolution

We’ll sh...

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You can look up at a blank sky

Sit in solitude and wonder why

Enjoy the peace, release on your ears

Push away all those obvious fears

The sky is blue with slashes of white

Darkening now, slowly fading light

The end of the day draws near

Lost all that held so dear

The twinkling stars look on down

Almost with a parental frown

Yes, you mes...

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Sorry if this is repeated, website crashed whilst postingL

For now, it’s all I’ve got

Memories of happier times

Now nothing in the pot

Reduced to a wasteful soul

Nothing left to live for

Just got my begging bowl

Stubble adorns my face

Armpits smelling high

Lost the pride and the grace

Sitting with my blanket and dog

Asking if anyone has an...

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Booked us all on a holiday

Take the family away for a while

Yes, of course I had to pay

Even went the extra mile

Get the ferry over to the other side

Relax, have fun lying in the sun

But the ferry’s neither long nor wide

Worrying, but what is done is done

The engine can’t be big enough

Just seem to be drifting along

But it’s quiet, c...

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Why now should the tear roll from my eye

Just when things are looking up

What makes you want to cry

When there appears to be not much of a ‘why’

When things are looking bright

When opportunity looms ahead

Why the fear, the paralysing fright

Inducing the sweat, turning my face white

If money can’t buy happiness

Then having no money buys nothing a...

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I’m not sure which I dread the most:-

“We need to talk”

Or, possibly

“There’s something I need to tell you”

Would it not just be better

If we didn’t talk

Didn’t have that conversation

Just let it quietly slide on by

Would it matter all that much

If you didn’t tell me,

You kept it to yourself

Just left me to carry on, problem free...

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Tense, all so taut

Cross, impatient

For no-one else a thought

Dark, not light

Brooding, silent

Muscles cramped so tight

Alone, so Alone

Screaming inside

Love turned to stone

Sadness and sorrow

Such painful disappointment

No light to come tomorrow

Dark, not light

Drowning slowly

Losing the fight

Slipping ...

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He flings himself to the floor

Bullets flashing just over his head

You fling yourself to the floor

At the merest touch of a little finger

When he shoots, he’s trying to drop people to the floor

When you shoot you’re trying to bring people to their feet

He’s lucky if he gets twenty grand a year

You wouldn’t get out of bed for that much a week

H...

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I was wondering and I figured

I probably wasn’t the first to wonder

So I thought I’d see what

The Global community had to say

Opened my favourite browser and typed

“Should Porn be Illegal?” then hit Enter

“Did you mean Popcorn?”

Popcorn?   No, I bloody well didn’t

That’s three letters I’d have to have missed out

Anyway, Cinema-goers, relax, d...

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Cliché ridden? Not sure. Can I ‘phone a friend?

Patience? No. Haven’t got time for that.

Tolerance?  No.  Couldn’t bear that.

Empathy?  Well, I suppose I could be persuaded.

Sympathy?  Yes of course.  There, There.

Obedience?  Me? You’ve got to be kidding.

Sarcasm?  Yeah, Right.

Egotism?  Yes, I know I can pull that one off.

Modesty?  Me? Surely not? No...

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Trapped in these four walls

Wallowing in self-despair

Suffering from my latest falls

Let my mind and body repair

Not a thought for anyone else

Never offering to lend a hand

My mind only focused on myself

Not sure how much more I can withstand

How to move myself forward

How to re-establish respectability

Stop doing the things that are untow...

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When I was young, we used to live in Yorkshire

Except, for some reason, our bit was called the West Riding

I assume there were also North, South and East one’s too

No fun at all, but required, I assume, so as to maintain geographical equality

Some people just seem to have no imagination

If I was in charge of giving things names

I’d have called them things...

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What is it with Daughters?

They’re such a pain

Even when they were little

They kept interrupting my sleep

They’re such a pain

Why can’t Daughters be like cars?

When you get fed up of them

You can trade them in for something else

Or, maybe recover a little bit of cash

They’re such a pain

Come to think of it, they are like cars

Smell fun...

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I was sat on the pebbly shoreline

A Blue sky punctuated with

The odd slash of painted-on light grey

The shrieking of the circling Seagulls

Mocking me, high above my head

Was looking out at the horizon

Where the light and dark blue meet

In what appears to be an oddly,

Unnaturally, dead-straight line

Way, way far ahead.

Looking at the pebbl...

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I’d like to know who did it

Been using my favourite mug for years

It’s been with me through the laughter

And it’s witnessed a fair few tears

My kids gave it to me when they were young

It says “You don’t have to be mad to work here…

But if you are, it helps”

A very droll sentiment that I hold so very dear

It has kept me company in many meeti...

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I was zooming up the road

The other day

Saw you on the pavement

Walking towards me.

Put the window down

Gave a few loud hoots

Of my extremely loud horn

Stuck my arm out of the window hole, and waved.

Ah!  Oh dear!

Sorry if I startled you.

Made you jump.

Gave you a heart-attack.

Wrong person.

A genuine case of mistaken identity.

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He’s creeping, quietly, stealthily

Hugging close to the treeline

Remaining concealed in the shadows

Ears attuned to every sound

A small rustling sounds in the undergrowth

Brings him to a sudden halt

He’s standing still now – rigid – sniffing the air

Weighing the immediate threat.

Silence restored, inches forward again

Assessing the wa...

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Just experimenting.  More like a (very) short story than a poem, but thought you may enjoy (?) it anyway.  Feedback - Good or Bad, is always appreciated.  I'm new to this game.

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Ben and the dog

Ben yawned and patted the cold side of the bed where Mary should have been.  Just empty space and cold cotton now.  Sighing, he swung his legs out of the bed and rubbed ...

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I was in the kitchen one day

And Dad asked me to pop next door

And ask if they had any spare sugar

Not a big task I hear you say

Sounds pretty easy

Just to pop next door and ask

But the next door to us, that we don’t own

Is roughly five miles away

And that’s if I cut across the fields

I was tempted, to put it to Dad

That it w...

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