Our Dad’s Battle with the booze

An Englishman’s home is his castle

A platitude, most of us know

But, if our home was a castle

It’s one where you wouldn’t want to go

There were nowt castle-like about our house

Except for walls, that were covered in mould

And archaic windows, with hardly no glass

Which could scarcely keep out the cold

But still….. t...

Read and leave comments (6)

Army, Factory or Pit   (Villanelle)

A corrupt careers master, who thought he was it

To a lad, just fourteen and naïve

Said your options are, Army, Factory or Pit

A master of nothing, who knew Jack Shit

The innocent will always believe

A corrupt careers master, who thought he was it

High on praise, acclaim and plaudit

In a position of trust to aggrieve

Sai...

Read and leave comments (7)

Saint Rigobert’s Graveyard (Grimstone Low)

It’s hard to imagine Saint rigobert’s graveyard

If you don’t come from Grimstone Low

It’s a glorious site overlooking the village

With views of the cesspits below

As you meander up Dead Donkey meadow

On the footpath from Lynch Mob’s Birch

You arrive at a quaint little lychgate

The back entrance into the church

Th...

Read and leave comments (6)

   UBIQUE    

In the local British Legion

In a little backroom bar

Sat four ex-squaddies….. Cap badge proud

As squaddies always are

Long since retired

Old codgers all, this geriatric four

A Sapper, a Guardsman, a Para, a Marine

And each proud of his corps

Talk turned to battle honours

The history of the Guards

Where they’d been, and what...

Read and leave comments (5)

I wouldn't mind

But I only nipped out to get a bone for mi dog.

And the butcher's is just round the corner

Five minutes

That's all I was gone for

Five minutes

EARTH TIME

Bloody aliens

I mean

If they'd have only invited me to have a look around their spaceship I'd have been only too pleased.

I quite liked it if truth be known

Except for the probing

All that blood...

Read and leave comments (3)

The Queen’s garden party (Granny Slugshaw)

It was the garden party, at Buckingham Palace

The one the Queen doesn’t enjoy

Where she meets and greets the common folk

To mix with the hoi palloi

And Granny slugshaw had wangled an invite

For the prison reform work she’d done

Cos she’d taken a prisoner into her home

Albeit…. her very own son

So she togged hers...

Read and leave comments (8)

Traffic lights

Green

My eyes are wide open

And all I see is green

Emerald and jade

My dad has chucked me into the bricky pond

And I sink like a stone

The water is a soup of duckweed

Tainted with dead and rotting dogs

Un-wanted pets drowned by callous owners

“It’s character buildin’”

“Best way to learn how to swim”

And I accept my fate

Read and leave comments (3)

Beware the crooked billet

He’d passed his tests, he’d made the grade

He’d got his just rewards

First-class degree from Cambridge

His future was assured

He’d had his farewell party

And took a little glass

Maybe one too many

As was his trait alas

He’d had his farewell party

And drunk with gusto, and vim

He’d drank the Dean under t’table

And wiped th...

Read and leave comments (5)

The Grataerial

It was weeks since our aerial got blown off the roof

And the telly’d been knackered since then

I promise… I’ll fix it… mi father said

He just din’t promise us when

I’ll fix it he promised

When it’d been down a week

It’s the vertical hold

It just needs a tweak

I’ll get mi screwdriver

And stick it in here

And wiggle the screw

Till th...

Read and leave comments (11)