pain (Remove filter)
the mask
powdered, light-tinted dust strokes the crevices of her porcelain face.
red liquid plasters the outside of her perfectly shaped lips.
black goo strikes the thick corners of her luscious eyelashes.
the girl staring back at her she does not recognize.
Perfect. Beautiful. Good. the voices in her head say.
A faint smile warms her face;
painted, covered, and disguised in the lies...
Thursday 15th November 2018 3:46 pm
When the truth hurts
??♀️ WHEN THE TRUTH HURTS ??♀️
My heart hurts and rage runs through my veins and even though I don't know her I can still feel her pain.
This right here hurts and it's not because of her race. It's the fact it's another human being that because of crooked cops they have deformed another face.
Everyone has something say but in reality the real matters of this country they try to ignore.
Whe...
Wednesday 7th November 2018 9:30 am
Another time
The sun rays shimmer
On the Hudson river
Framing the sky
Is the New York skyline
A busy day begins and
From a window in the train
You can see the bridge
That appeared in movies
And in your dreams
The American Dream
In a teenager the only dream
She had always cherished
She knows the golden ripples
Arent true and wont last
As the sun will go down
No it wasnt for all that
It means to ...
Tuesday 16th October 2018 9:48 pm
In a year long
I'll be laughing in the hot sun
When this is all gone
In a year long
This will be my song
I'll finally feel strong
Today I might ache
But it will not stay
Tomorrow, I'll be okay
And one day, I pray
It'll go forever away
I'll be laughing in the hot sun
When this is all gone
In a year long
This will be my song
I'll finally feel strong
Yesterday was scary
My head tried to hurt ...
Thursday 13th September 2018 2:04 pm
Desperation Of Mercy
To the one.. I ask questions, I ask the one why? All I wanted was simplistically but all I've got was duplicity,my soul burns with the best intention but my mind burns with the pain my tatterd existence....my inability to knowingly do what's best for me and my walk with fate has placed me not only in a moment of desperation for a creator that loves me but has left me with no options other than to ...
Sunday 9th September 2018 4:15 pm
Torticollis Torture
This pain cripples me.
It works its way through
me quickly,
like lightening bolts
spiking throughout my
entire body.
It keeps digging...
deeper...
into
my bones and
muscles.
I can feel them
knotting and
twisting and
tightening, th...
Sunday 9th September 2018 5:03 am
Sorry, I'm temporarily done
Sorry buddy for what's gone on
If only you had actually known
How much that I sacrificed for you
And this friendship that I thought was true
I honestly stood by you always
I was the friend that would have stayed
But in the end it was you that betrayed
Me in the most hurtful of ways
We had a history that we kept a mystery
Because it wasn't knowledge that we wanted freed
Why is that a...
Friday 7th September 2018 6:02 pm
HEAD SPACE
Ive changed all the locks and the ways to my heart
Ive patched up the holes you tore all apart
Repainted the lies you captured me with
Remodeled my life from pain to pure bliss
I no longer miss you, I pity your soul
Ive worked long and hard to patch up these holes
The space is all new
I can rent it out
This space is all mine and what Im about
Your key will not work
y...
Friday 31st August 2018 10:10 pm
Have patience with our Pain
Growing up sick
You become obsessed with it
Being devoured into its pit
Some people call it selfish
Others call it self pity
I just call it, "trying to escape a situation most shitty"
We may seem self obsessed
But when some days you cannot get dressed
Its often a cause to become stressed
Motivating you to find your way out of this mess
Becoming a social recluse
We are often of no use
...
Friday 24th August 2018 8:14 am
The Soul eaters
They're trying to steal my soul, oh no
They're trying to crush my heart, oh dear
The crippling pains from the body and mind
They are with me all of the god damn time
They're trying to steal my soul, oh no
They're trying to crush my heart, oh dear
When I think that all is going well
They make me really rather unwell
Creating my own personal hell
Where nothing around me is swell
Anddd...
...
Friday 17th August 2018 9:19 pm
The Chronic Pain Game
People keep telling me
"It'll get better in time
But why can't they see"
That I'm really not "fine"
Who are you to talk
You don't don't what it's like
To be in almost endless pain
For the majority of your life
Until you walk in my shoes
You won't know what I feel
Until you battle this pain to
You won't know how I deal
You think I'm joking about agony
But you won't know how much it's ...
Thursday 16th August 2018 8:11 pm
The "C", forever with me.
Once you've been touched by the "C"
You'll no longer ever be free
It stains me, sticks with me
I just want to be released
But I'm haunted by this vicious disease
That aims to end lives, make me deceased
We may halt it, but it never truly leaves
It's tangled within me, lingering in my bloody Genes!
You never know what's lurking underneath
Not everything is always as it seems
It steals y...
Friday 10th August 2018 2:16 pm
Who are the real Monsters?
Isn't imprisonment enough?
Without the guards being too rough
And forever being cuffed
Prisoners are abused and raped
Every damn single day
As if they haven't already paid
By being held captive and afraid.
Isn't imprisonment enough?
Without being forced to confess
To somebody else's mess
Being stripped and undressed
Every damn single day
As if they haven't already paid
By bein...
Thursday 2nd August 2018 2:07 pm
The Game Changed
Walking down this endless road,
Never knowing which way to go.
Each path seems dark,
each breath
harder than the last,
constantly hiding from the past.
I try to find the strength to move on,
But each time I do, you still want to have
your fun. When will it sink in?
You will never win.
I’m done playing,
You might think you’re staying.
Truth is you’re as temp...
Tuesday 31st July 2018 9:40 pm
'F' the FDA
So many medical advances
Technology forever enhances
But what are the chances
That they are being honest,
And not leaving their patients pissed
About the complications that exist
Of which they were none the wiser
Until the technology is inside ‘em
And they are experiencing the pain
That the FDA could have saved
If only it wasn’t for the loop hole
That leaves the re...
Monday 30th July 2018 5:50 pm
The torture of the Heart
Watching, listening, waiting
An endless unmoving time
Pain thriving within her
Her heart is far from fine.
Feeling, hurting, crying
An endless stabbing pain
Giving up on trying
Her heart so full of strain.
Retching, whimpering, head swirling
An endless wrath of terror
Her fingers clasping, curling
Her heart forever slain.
Calming, numbing, unfeeli...
Monday 30th July 2018 1:17 pm
One Step Closer
I'm running away scared
But trying to find the light
They hurt me too hard.
Standing here from this height
If I had the courage to do it
I could float among the stars
My chest forming in a pit, I sit.
I'm broken in two halves.
How did I get here?
I truly tried to fight it
Even kept denying it
I can't even hide it
I'm shaking but holding on tight
The ledge is sturdy but it's high...
Sunday 22nd July 2018 1:07 pm
Why? ?
I lay here and I still lay here as the hours tick by and I watch the woman I love separated from me by such a minor distance of just a couple feet... It couldn't feel farther away... My heart aches from the pain I've caused her... My soul is ripped in two fighting on the right choice.. I love her.. she loves me... I know this.. why do I push the people who love me away? Why was I cursed with such ...
Sunday 22nd July 2018 12:46 pm
Love?
What is love? Is it real? Is it even a possibility? I can not fathom another person really loving... Life is what it is. Humanity is cruel, and to find ones other half is only a miracle given by the one who created us... Love is strange is it instinct or is it only self preservation? Does the mind trick one into feeling only to have two more hands and a mind to help provide and support? the human ...
Sunday 1st July 2018 5:46 pm
Knock Knock
You and your trust issues
Me and mine
You have your fears
And your doubts
About me
And I have mine
But every time
We try to rationalize
And prove to each other
That the pieces don't fit
The sentences get left
Unfinished
Back and forth
Like whiplash
Seeing how far I'll go
Until I look back
Keeping me comfortable
At a distance
Have...
Wednesday 27th June 2018 1:11 am
The Snake
The snake
It slithers around me
Putting on a show
As if I'm in control
But little do I know
It's charming me
Hypnotized
I give myself over
Allowing the fangs
To pierce my flesh
The venom
Paralyzing me
Smiling proud
At the feat
Begins the retreat
Into the grass
Disappearing
From my vision
I thought this
This was the test
To ...
Tuesday 26th June 2018 12:36 pm
A Bipolar Mind
Each day, more exhausting than the last.
Time goes far too slowly, or too fast.
you're either extremely low, or elevated.
People either love you, or you're hated.
There is no middle ground
- no inbetween.
Everything is one extreme.
you're either Jekyll or you're Hyde.
It is a never ending fight.
You're a walking contradiction ,
With no explanation,
No cha...
Monday 18th June 2018 3:58 pm
Demise
I feel dead inside
I can no longer hide
For so long I've lied
I promise, I truly tried,
But today is the day that I died.
Monday 18th June 2018 3:19 pm
Free-Falling
I’m losing my mind.
Don’t you understand?
I’m desperately reaching out for your hand.
Don’t leave me hanging, slipping, falling…
down into the endless abyss of darkness,
Never destined to land.
You’ve saved me once before,
But this time there are no safety ropes.
I’m free-falling, plummeting, going down…
My only hope Is for you to save me now.
I’m losing my ...
Monday 18th June 2018 2:59 pm
Grand betrayal
You're reaching out.
You're pleading.
Hands to the sky,
Heavy heart beating.
Knees to the ground,
And the rain falls.
Peace couldn't be found,
So you put up these walls.
In an empty broken place,
Never a smile on your pained face...
And you let the darkness sink in,
When all you needed was ONE friend,
But time and time, over again,
No one was there for you in...
Friday 15th June 2018 8:02 pm
I thought
How u go do a ni$$& like that
How u go stab a ni$&@ inna back
Thought that you really loved me like that
F@$& yo spine I had ya back
Now I’m looking forward I ain’t going back
Thursday 31st May 2018 3:30 am
Not The Same
So much pain I try to keep it tamed
We grew up different we not the same
The shit u do is fine the shit I do draw the line
Yo family there when u fall
My family flat out don’t care
U had everything
I had to jugg everything
I guess sometimes life ain’t fair
It’s more to me then a ugky face with long hair
Always been small but ion have fear
Some nights I couldn’t sleep
Many night...
Thursday 31st May 2018 3:19 am
Falling In Love Alone
This is me
forgetting you
I still can’t quite believe it’s true
It hasn’t been
too long ago
when I stood up and let you know
I wanted you
to hear from me
that I loved you, you said:
“You see,
I’ve known a while
it’s obvious
it’s not your fault, not mine, but “us”
is not something that’s happening
my words are painful, but they’re real
I’m sorry, I ap...
Wednesday 23rd May 2018 2:49 pm
The Idea
I fell
Hard
To the ground
And when I stood
You bandaged me up
And took me home
Made me
Promise
I’d never leave
And when I stood
You were halfway
Out the door
I fell
Hard
To the ground
For your words
And empty truths
Made me
Promise
I’d never leave
And when I stood
You were halfway
Out the door
I fell
Hard
...Friday 4th May 2018 11:49 am
Chronic
I have recently read
That pain is the hardest
Situation a human can
Try to explain.
If that’s so,
Is fear considered
To be pain?
Does pain have to
Be a broken bone?
A head ache?
A tight chest?
A burn?
Is pain not
The anxiety of waiting
For everything to fit?
Is pain not
The force of trying
to piece together
two completely different
puzzles to become one?
I can never...
Tuesday 1st May 2018 3:46 pm
Standing on the doorstep
Standing on your doorstep
Waiting for you to invite me in
My heart full of fear and self-loathing
my confidence wafer thin
Crying out to hear your answer
Nothing eases the pain I feel
This emptiness and self-denial
Leaves me close to a complete reveal
On the point of no return
A cry for help and a scream of pain
the dread and torment roam free
while sitting in this pouring refrain
Thursday 5th April 2018 11:46 pm
The Girl Who Cried Wolf
I thought I had changed
I thought I was better
I thought I beat it
I thought I fixed it
But here I stand
Trying to be tall
Knowing I am so small
The world pressing down
I’m scared again
Swore I never would be
And no one likes it
No one wants to hear it
So keep it hush
Keep it low
Don’t want to be
The girl who cried wolf
But until ...
Monday 2nd April 2018 10:05 pm
Grim
The flower grew within, the fumes were fornicated. Bastards grew on paper, spilt ink spread their legs to the core of chaos. Thus the evil brewed bombs. You don’t see a shadow in the dark docile day. Only when it burns you can see your damned skin and the fire. The shadow of a truth turning grey, sat beside by the yellow day!
PC: Unknown
Sunday 1st April 2018 6:29 pm
Spit of Life
Do you remember how we used to savour the pins and needles on our tongues?
Do you remember how we used to bite into bitterness?
lick the spit of life
I was turned on by brokenness
maybe it’s cliche
that I craved pain
swallowing broken bottles
it's lined my pockets
it's swollen my stomach
Do you remember when we saw ‘sad’ as just another crayon
to colour ourselves in w...
Sunday 1st April 2018 4:06 pm
Imaginary Confrontation
What was going through your head?
What was running through your mind?
It's the one thing I'll never understand;
How you could just walk away and leave me behind
Didn't leave a trace, no reason to be found.
Just taken away and never reunited.
Do you understand the pain I've written across my heart;
When you took away from me, everything I had.
I was just a child, I...
Thursday 29th March 2018 2:37 am
Unloveable
I have many scars
You can’t see in the light
Behind my smile
Is a world of pain
Constant battle
With myself
Whether it’s worth it
To try anymore
‘Cause in the dark
I introduced you
To every part of me
Showed you everything
When the sun came up
The truth came out
And without a doubt
I’m unloveable
Should’ve known
Never should’ve...
Wednesday 28th March 2018 8:33 pm
Band-Aids
Those words
All the ones I wrote
Like band aids
Across the wounds
You left all over me
All the words
That flooded out of me
Aligning themselves
In comprehendible lines
And organized stanzas
They helped dry my tears
Allowed me to forget
Gave me the strength
To move forward
Providing a closure
That didn’t require you
And I forgave myself
...Wednesday 28th March 2018 8:27 pm
Be better he said
He is sad, he is hurting
No one ever told him he was wrong.
Spoilt and arrogant,
He had become.
Behaviour always accepted.
A love for himself,
he always expected perfection,
Nothing else.
It’s not his fault. He knew something was wrong,
an angel he searched for, an angel he won.
Another win, at his feet, treated her with deceit.
Ignored...
Monday 12th March 2018 12:30 am
Escaping the darkness
She has dark days and dark nights, and bright days and starry skies. He was diluting the darkness into brightness. But then he became annoyed at her darkness and started to see it all the time even when it wasn’t there. He would poke and prod for it, he was finding boxes of darkness that didn’t exist until he started creating them and suddenly she had more to carry than she realised. He was shouti...
Monday 12th March 2018 12:19 am
When You've Took Away All My Will Power
{When You've Took Away All My Will Power}
When you've took away
all of my will power as a
human being and as a
woman as well I have
lost my dignity I feel
ashamed of myself
constantly I feel like that
I have to hide my real
self and I have to hide
my face and my body
from everyone because
I might not meet their
standards and that you
migh...
Sunday 11th March 2018 11:17 am
What It's Like Looking into the Eyes of Someone who Doesn't love You Back
for you to literally sit in front of a motherfucker and to have blood on you and to be shaking so bad and tears streaming down your face and snot coming out of your nose and spit running out of your mouth with bruises still on your legs and arms from your last encounter and the person you are sitting in front of still not give a damn and still somehow make an excuse for leaving you as though it's ...
Sunday 11th March 2018 1:51 am
Hurt People Hurt People - She Sets Fire to the Kind That hurt Her
she used to be so damn happy
but i guess theres more than the eyes can see
because if im speaking truthfully
she was never really that happy
amused? shit, just maybe
confused,
that she was terribly
misused,
thats all she began to know, you see,
the abuse began from a young age
the very peak of her growing stage
the beginning of the book that told her story
was marked and torn from the ...
Sunday 11th March 2018 1:44 am
cold
forgotten are the times
our laughs filled the air
gone are the times
we wished would never leave
time passes
memories fade
in blistering august
i shiver
Tuesday 6th March 2018 10:34 pm
Alas
contemporaneous cold,
in the winter of my agony
july's heat long forgotten,
january's frost an eternal constant
and yet
one remembers,
flowers bloom.
Tuesday 6th March 2018 10:30 pm
Short bursts of emotions
Lines I wrote while very upset:
Im worthless to you and rich to everyone else. Why?
Can you hear me screaming? My lungs are bleeding.
I’m not even in the water but I’m drowning.
We’re going no where. Ever. It’s a standstill.
Why do I keep trying?
You got got me fucked up. I know my worth but apparently you don’t. Are you fucking stupid?
I...
Friday 2nd March 2018 3:25 pm
Bloody Showers
Bloody Showers
One time in a waking hour
I decided to take a long hot shower.
and to my suprise as i scrubbed,
I saw my knees, were red with blood.
Being dizzy from the night before
I couldnt recall the time i last snored,
"what happened last night?"
I dont remember..
Why my breast was bruised,
and my nails were shattered.
I only saw the day before,
because nighttime whistles, ...
Friday 2nd March 2018 6:14 am
Just So Sick
{Just So Sick}
I'm so sick of
being so tired
of being so weak
all of the time
due to my
illness and
sickness but I
hope and pray
it will get
better for me
but I honestly
don't know if
it ever will
©Tina Glover All Rights Reserved/One_Pissed_Off_American_Ghost_Writer 2017 but posting here on February 21,2018
Wednesday 21st February 2018 9:51 pm
Memories
When it was discovered, we recoiled
Out of doubt, out of fear
We focused on the opinions of others
Instead of what we thought
When I let our secret fly free,
I was shown acceptance and love
Hope blossomed like a cactus flower
It would be okay.
He was capricious, of two minds
One day yes, the next was no,
He produced a name, but renounced his love
I proce...
Tuesday 20th February 2018 12:17 am
So Unpredictable
25/10/11
So unpredictable.
So sharp and so cunning
Is the pain that run through me,
Hideous yet so stunning.
I want to keep it here,
I want to feel it's cold aching
Blood spilling from me
My heart is still breaking
What if I want it to stop?
Please, leave me alone!
It'll be there. Waiting.
For me to decay down to bones.
Maybe that's what I wa...
Thursday 15th February 2018 9:55 pm
Song Bird.
Like the morning bird
You sing the stars away.
Just like that
My darkness burns to light.
Thursday 15th February 2018 12:58 pm
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