therapy (Remove filter)
going blind
i know you’re disappointed in me
we always scream for hours and fight
until i decide to go out on a walk by the big oak tree
even though i can barely see the sidewalk at night
im starting to think that i can’t see in general anymore
i look in the mirror and see someone new
it’s like i’ve never seen her before
i wonder if you feel that way about me too
my therapist...
Monday 22nd July 2024 5:07 am
Fools Rush In (Inner monologue of a childhood sexual abuse survivor cont'd)
I've been foolish
unguarded and exposed
vulnerable, ripe for the plucking
how clearly he saw this
how oblivious I must have seemed
totally unheeding
trying to live the dream
Ruthlessly he burrowed into me
what he sought I do not know
one swift move, a hand, a pillow
I was no more
fear and shame soared
Rushing into everything
brings forth nothing
...Friday 25th September 2020 6:06 am
MY SAVIOUR, MY SAVANT (An ode to my paid weekly "friend")
I lost all control
Crossed the threshold
My tears too excruciating to hold
I prayed earnestly to be released from the pyre
I saw you and I continued to burn
Only now, I burned also with desire
Curiosity peaked
Fervent interest realized
The voodoo you do, mesmerized
Divinity revealed?
Oh, what power you weild!
Desperately I yearn to yeild
Yo...
Tuesday 8th September 2020 5:46 am
You’ll always Be My Friend (You Know Too Much!)
You’ll always Be My Friend (You Know Too Much!)
We are Alcoholics Anonymous without substance abuse.
A support group where no topic is taboo.
What goes on tour, stays on tour.
We step through a kaleidoscope of pain
from tender wounds of unrequited love
to brutal annihilation of innocence.
No stone is left unturned.
Emotions and insecurities are scrutinis...
Monday 7th September 2020 2:25 pm
Chevaux de Freeze
Pam's very nice so far as she goes
The kind of looks I usually admire
A few quid in the bank is a help
Yet she doesn't set my heart on fire
Nancy on the other hand is poor
She's no Monroe or Lana Turner
More a down-market Bette Davis
A plain Jane, and a bit of a yearner
Just how do you weigh up women?
What should go into the scales?
Why can't I be spontaneou...
Saturday 15th August 2020 10:48 am
Floored
Some like a hearty breakfast, others just a roll
You need fuel in your furnace to face life's rigours
Yet some agonise over their self-image
Wayward minds obsessing about their figures
I'm not surprised you keep fainting
I've told you till I'm blue in the face
Cottage cheese and a slice of Ryvita
Leaves you reeling all over the place
You staggered and all but fain...
Friday 31st July 2020 11:20 am
Therapy
There's a strange woman in the flat above
I fear that lockdown has affected her wits
She's started singing in the middle of the night
Mostly Whitney Houston's greatest hits
I put a note under her door complaining
She rang saying sorry for giving me a fright
We're both young bored and frustrated she said
She knew a better way to pass the night
It turns out she's a ...
Friday 12th June 2020 12:28 pm
Evening Class
Eight Monday evenings for two hours
"Psychology for Beginners":
Ego, super-ego, id
Neurosis by osmosis, Freud, Jung Adler,
Cognitive therapy, Gestalt, Twin studies,
Attachment Theory
I never knew how unhappy I was
I'm half-way through now, a mass of
Symptoms, fresh phobias
Nesting in my head, making sense of what caused
Those empty evenings to start with.
...
Saturday 2nd May 2020 11:26 am
My Songs
Songs of love and happiness
Erase all my feelings of sadness
Wipe away these tears
And all my fears
Nothing but blue
When I'm living with you
Nothing but blue
When I'm listening to you,
My songs of sadness
When I wake in the morning
You’re the first thing I want to hear
Start my day with you ever so near
Songs close to my heart
May we never part
I listen to you,
My songs of sa...
Wednesday 26th February 2020 3:23 am
New Therapist
She sits there her book full of latent codes,
a way of communicating so no-one knows
Rambling on my life, traces of a history unread:
a mind full of trash and misdeeds unsaid.
She's a pristine therapist, who hasn't lived,
expecting me to say all and give,
when I couldn't give a shit about her plan.
Tuesday 25th February 2020 5:46 pm
Chit Chat
Speaking can feel like your swallowing
So, you may as well swallow instead
Or it’s giving,
Giving and giving
Fingers down your throat,
Retching
Searching for…
Will I be stronger tomorrow?
Or just hollow tomorrow?
So, you end up filling up on someone else’s dictionary
I am disarmed without my language
But my language is disarming
Words do break your bones
Voca...
Saturday 2nd November 2019 3:40 pm
Don't Look And It Won't Hurt
Five years of cobwebs
decorate the hallway box
more dust at rest
fills the urn within it
that used to be your father...
Don’t look and it won’t hurt
don’t look and it won’t hurt
Your brother’s been drinking
on a fifteen year bender
so quick to lose his temper
if you ask too many questions
a snake prone upon his shoulder
Don’t look and it won’t hurt
don’t look and it won’t hurt
Tuesday 13th August 2019 5:32 pm
The Season of cleanse
I hear the pitter patter outside my window
So soothing and melodic to my ears now
The rain outside is pouring down
Creating a melodic soothing sound
I again start to finally breathe
As this cleansing process sets me free
The noise it makes charms me
Often helping me see clearly
I long for Autumn to soon come around
It's the rainy season, I have found
The water trickling from the sky
Has...
Saturday 8th September 2018 11:20 am
Genesis- Ch1 (TW and CW: rape, partying, self harm)
Last Night
…(gemma)...Gemma…
“Gemma!” She snapped into consciousness, only partly. Her head was pounding and her fingers felt swollen.
“What time is it?” she murmured. Her eyelids remained heavy still, but they opened wide enough to notice the thin rays of light streaming through the dorm room’s blinds. Gemma shifted her body to face Alex. He looked almost as groggy as s...
Wednesday 2nd May 2018 10:51 pm
Chameleon
-Would you feel better
if you had a label?
I probe the air with my left eye, spy
socratic poker face with my right -
she can't see me, just case notes;
I, unidentified, somewhere between
the sighing beige of the walls
and the dirty carpet, stained
with confessions, some sharp enough
to draw blood, others hollow and
unyielding. She te...
Sunday 11th June 2017 2:01 pm
Done again
A brain that’s been tapped and tinkered is suddenly transformed.
A soul that’s been prodded and pulled is carefully put back in its place.
Thoughts have been dusted and polished and put away in their boxes.
A gut that been untangled, unknotted, instead now tied in a bow.
But then the scars to the brain have split.
The crack in its box is on display.
A scratch to the soul wan...
Wednesday 30th November 2016 2:43 pm
The Beach: My Remedy
it's just before sunset when loneliness creeps in
the beach is my remedy
the ocean will let me be sad
but only enough to shed a few tears,
never enough to let me drown
the wind invites me in when no one else has thought to
the lazy waves take their time rolling up
the toddlers mix mud, as their parents hold a conversation
the older couple holds hands like they're still in love
...
Friday 8th August 2014 2:58 am
medicated
medicated
in a corner of the room
daylight pools its last ripples
and she stands alone
afraid to step onto the shadow
that creeps towards her
afraid of the sly shuffle sound
that drags itself across the floor
or the mewling voice
that whispers its fears
and fantasies
so that when she blinks
the orange light
has dimmed
and the room sh...
Saturday 3rd August 2013 1:16 pm
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