sad (Remove filter)
here and gone
i want to be forgotten.
i want the last time
someone utters my name
to be on the first day
of spring.
i want the world to
get acquainted with
a life without my love
and then
i want it to cry
because
it really was
better with me in it
Thursday 29th August 2024 4:25 pm
Was It Worth It?
I can't help but wonder, was it worth it?
Was your transient moment of pleasure worth making me feel like shit?
It seems to be a never-ending cycle of me losing my mind over you,
Your words display such innocence while your actions prove they're not true.
Defending, deflecting, giving every reason instead of the selfish thoughts in your head,
Unintentionally cementing my newfou...
Thursday 29th August 2024 1:15 am
Creature of Habit
at times I find myself
with insight
into my third eye
the inward perception
of crystalline tears
holding onto emotions
looking for one thing
The truth
Friday 23rd August 2024 4:04 pm
You.
My first time.
It wasn’t special.
It was okay.
That’s what I’m saying
everytime
someone asks me.
I don’t want to say it
it took me too long
too long
to realize.
You are the evil
your are the the beginning
of me
not feeling.
You raped me.
I was young
too young.
You were older
but this
this wasn’t very mature of you.
Not very de...
Tuesday 20th August 2024 4:27 pm
the fall
I am covered in
bruises.
i love them because
they are proof
of all the times i fell...
in love.
i am covered in
scars.
i love them because
they are proof
of all the times i thought i fell...
in love
but something else was there to catch me.
i have scraped knees
from being dragged
thru life by my heart
because it moves
quicker
than my feet.
Friday 16th August 2024 5:23 pm
in the darkness, lights
I was ready made for grief.
to live an ode to a common thing,
this elegy to peace.
and on the days that I feel nothing,
I torment the stillness behind my eyes
because feeling is proof of living.
and I so badly want to be alive.
to dig deep in the scar garden,
to excavate my hollow pit,
to sow a lifetime of memories
of being just out of reach.
it is my...
Wednesday 14th August 2024 4:24 pm
what's that word again?
I've been in my feelings
and in my head for years.
I've built walls and
called them boundaries only
to wake up one day and realize
that I've boxed myself in
and that's the tragedy in it all;
in keeping myself safe
I've locked everything out.
and what a sad way to live,
peaceful and
picking my own muse
to pieces until the only thing
left is
a bloody pile of
everything I used to...
Thursday 8th August 2024 4:20 pm
on a thursday
i'm always the girl youre not sure about.
people have tried to make me
the girl you come back for.
but i want to be the girl
you never left.
and there are gaps in my happiness.
gaps in my teeth.
gaps in between breaths.
air, just...
slipping away.
fading away
like colors on clothes
that have spent too much time
in the sun.
and what a funny way to say
theres always light in my l...
Sunday 4th August 2024 11:10 pm
a bad habit
i find myself texting you late at night
until you block me i’ll keep on coming back
wish i was only here out of spite
but in reality i need to talk to someone during my panic attack
i know it’s selfish to use you for reassurance
however it’s the only thing that can soothe my racing mind
and i haven’t gotten enough money for insurance
so i hope it doesn’t make you feel c...
Monday 22nd July 2024 5:12 am
late night walking
used to take things before going on walks
it’d be dark and cold
and i’d be underdressed
i couldn’t seem to withhold
i’d stumble around the neighborhood
trees and leaves would move
even though there was no breeze
i couldn’t seem to mentally improve
i grew more and more detached
would walk by a half way house everynight
i thought that perhaps that would one ...
Monday 22nd July 2024 5:10 am
going blind
i know you’re disappointed in me
we always scream for hours and fight
until i decide to go out on a walk by the big oak tree
even though i can barely see the sidewalk at night
im starting to think that i can’t see in general anymore
i look in the mirror and see someone new
it’s like i’ve never seen her before
i wonder if you feel that way about me too
my therapist...
Monday 22nd July 2024 5:07 am
Spring's Duty ending
Smells of wild garlic, bells of dark blue
Grasses in seed, blossoms of cherry
The garden alive, in the song of spring
We'll take it slow and let you limp round
It's hot today and sun warms your old bones
Sit on this carpet of green to enjoy
Flop on your side, old man, if you please
Not even seen, Robin, picking your fur
Postman arrival is not even heard
So you can take, that well warrante...
Saturday 11th May 2024 1:02 pm
The Privileged walk
Scuffing leaves on the ground
With no other soul anywhere around
Hands in my pocket, keeping warm
My feelings swell to an indignant storm
Life at home isn't quite right
The yelling and shouting gives me a fright
"Best apart" says my instinct
But it's not like me to kick up a stink
Night times leave me cold, fearful and small
Ear to the glass, glass to the floor
...Friday 19th April 2024 3:39 pm
juxtaposition
you look at me like i'm insane
i can't tell if i am
if I turned out to be psychotic
would I even be this self-aware?
i put on obnoxious amounts of chapstick
cotton candy or strawberry-flavored
it severely drys out my lips
but I know you'll think of me when you see it at the store
I always attempt to blow up my life
just because you left me again
you run ever...
Friday 22nd March 2024 2:02 pm
The love you never received
To feel the love you never received;
To feel the affection that was given through grating words that come behind a “Im doing this because i care”,
To feel the sorry’s that were ‘paid’ to me, the gifts I had received to understand how ‘sorry’ you were after harming me, physically or verbally and if not, mentally.
‘I love you’; an affirmation of affection or deep caring, especially to ...
Thursday 21st March 2024 1:28 pm
i miss being your daughter
we were close when i was little
you called me your sugar plum fairy
sat by my bed when my dreams were too scary
I didn't know then that our relationship was so brittle
you have mixed feelings about your own mother
maybe that's why you act the way you do
you rip me apart and then try to patch me up with glue
we both know you wouldn't ever do that to my brother
you ...
Monday 18th March 2024 11:52 am
unachievable dreams
didn't wake up with the intention of being bad
I don't know why there's a pit in my stomach when no one is dead
run around my house and verbally beat up my dad
the screams sound bloodshed
he says, "there's so much you wanna do"
and i obvert my eyes
wait around for a mental break-through
and make unachievable plans doing the highs
i wanna be a savior
and get th...
Friday 15th March 2024 2:39 am
the moon and the sun
you told me i’d only fail
laugh at my hopes and dreams
you act as if i’m frail
there’s often reoccurring themes
you know i’m not dumb
it’s just that you don’t care
so don’t ask me for gum
and don’t you give me that stare
i don’t know how we ever got along
we’re opposites like the moon and the sun
you probably think you’re the moon, but i think that you’re...
Thursday 14th March 2024 1:21 pm
Chicken Every Meal
I get a little tired of it - folks who seem to think
they must be happy all the time or else they’re on the brink
of some traumatic end, oh yes, like everything is bad
if once in a blue moon they have to deal with being sad.
It makes no sense to me at all. Just what do they expect?
They should be happy day and night and never get set back.
Well, I can’t grasp it, not at all....
Saturday 9th March 2024 2:57 pm
Dislocated
Location unknown
No flesh or meat on the bone
Bereft of all comforting thought
This isn't what I was taught
I once knew a place
Where I knew every face
Now cold and dark
No warmth and no spark
I travel around in the void
Wondering round like a lost boy
And although I am able
Fully trained yet maimed and unstable
A ghostly belonging
Of betrayal ...
Monday 12th February 2024 4:29 pm
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