Stroke your mind with the thoughts of love

The good memories, the bad

The rise and the fall

Our minds a autumn love that comes and goes with the leaves 

You dont have to be scared we've been here before

Lets Love, lets laugh

Lets let love bleed

But when is the bleeding enough

Our minds carosel between the love in front of us 

The hate in the past 

we are nothing short...

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I watched myself turn to something,

 A person I was afraid to be.

Swallowed by anger, hatred and resentment,

I kept my head high for too long,

I couldn't bear what I was.

A retard and a drunkard with a lost soul,

Sold into trauma trying to please people. 

Put them at ease, subtle hypnosis.

Pain, regret and depression served, 

Don't know if that's karma saved for me.

T...

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Feelings died
and I just lied
we merely lived as two
I waited for
an open door
while walls between us grew

my heart was sad
for what we had
while I only waited to
run from your touch
though you tried so much
but I simply wanted new

& I knew that
we couldn’t go back
to what we had before–
though my heart breaks,
and my mind aches
with pain hard to explore,
we should both be fr...

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*

time stopped after faces smiled--
squinting at square time-capsuled windows
books packed, amber remains to portray
slices of cryogenic experience

yellowed paper in brittle plastic sheathes
stare back at me-- voices call
to the nowhere places that are not
wishing, wondering, "what if?"
--look for some dimensional door

some resemble me too, horribly so
the mocker looks artificial,...

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CRASH...

SPLINTERS 

PIECES

UNMENDABLE...

DREAMS

PROMISES

HEARTS.

IT HURTS WITH GRAVE PAIN

YET, LIFE THEY SAY,

IS BUT A DREAM...

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Happiness was you. Happiness was us. Happiness was us and a cat. Now it’s just a cat. Not even our memories are happiness, tainted by the reality of which I’m living. Every trip down memory lane is a reminder that it’s just me and our beautiful boy. No memory looks the same as it was. Every laugh, every tear, every whisper, every hand that connected, every time you said I love you, means nothing n...

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The beach isn't a beach
if it sans the sea
Just a random strip of sand
scorching, dry
on a hot summer day

The night doesn't fall
till the sun goes away
paving way
for it to dazzle
in its own way

Am I the night
that needs the sun
to dissappear,
to mark my presence
or simply the beach
which will be nothing without the sea?

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It's been a hard day

Smiling pretending everything is fine

If I pretend it feels better

If I do it enough it hurts less

I haven't texted you all day

I haven't ran to you

I keep telling myself I don't need you anymore

I keep telling myself I don't love you

But a voice in my head keeps saying, " Be patient, be kind, show yourself self-love."

Then I look at my arm the word ...

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You left me

        half-full plant pot ashtrays, old mugs of midnight teas, a jacket you spent too much on, the dregs from cheap red wine, rolled up train tickets, desecrated baggies,

                                                                              and a dent on your side of the bed.

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As I took a breath, this morning
I wondered what it'd be
To be a body without life
and a body without feel

What feels like such a trauma
is also a reason to live
Cuz this is how we learn to fly after a fall
and how we dare to dare

I've known a lot of stories
and eyes that would tell more tales
But not every soul would speak up
nor every silence would stay put

I longed to take a s...

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Pain in my stomach, heart, mind,
stabs of a knife 
I yearn for this piercing pain 
I've lacked it far too long.

Ungrateful love:
Punch me, hurt me, kill me almost.

Almost.

so later
when the rain has ceased
a flower can bloom again
a new blossom
the same plant

Revive me, ungrateful love
Make me another

Kill me.

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I’m losing my mind.

Don’t you understand?

I’m desperately reaching out for your hand.

Don’t leave me hanging, slipping, falling…

down into the endless abyss of darkness,

Never destined to land.

You’ve saved me once before,

But this time there are no safety ropes.

I’m free-falling, plummeting, going down…

My only hope Is for you to save me now.

I’m losing my ...

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All the hurt is making me stronger, The deceitful ways help me strive for better days,

I know how it feels not to be loved by your loved ones

I know how it feels to be cold,

Living with no heat, three pairs of socks on my feet,

Still I stay strong in the mist of my storm

Knowing my self worth is better than not knowing at all,

So many stumbles and falls I took to see me,

...

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Every moment to fear,

Forever holding back internal tears.

Life- so complicated,

forever indecisive.

The world too big, too scary,

my mind so full of queries.

Never certain, never happy,

each decision could be deadly.

An escapes impossible,

every outcomes implausible.

Sinking under water,

Always being taken for a martyr.

The pain runs so deep,

Barely able to ...

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Does she know?

I log onto Facebook 

I go onto your page.

I see her. 

And I think.....

Does she know about me?

Does she know about all your lies?

Does she know how I craved your attention?

Does she know how many hours we would spend talking about our lives, our dreams, and OUR future?

Does she know how many times you told me you loved me?

Does she know you just wa...

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My depression is like an animal biting on my leg.

Some days I have the energy to make it go away even for a little bit,

like throwing a tennis ball to a dog, but it always comes back

It feels like I keep throwing the tennis ball over and over again to feel less miserable

but I just make myself tired trying to get rid of my misery. 

My body aches to feel something other than sadness.

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{Diary Of The Southern Queen Entry #4} {No More Love Here} 

No more love here 

No more time for

you here 

No more loyalty

here for you

No more of my

valuable time for

you 

No more hearing

my say I love you

too 

No more of me

holding you tight

all night because

that's now long

gone `n` so

through

No more of me

having to listen

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He gave me a rose today,
It was not any Rose day,
But for his brutish words last night,
I know he is sorry so I smiled.
He gave me a rose today,
It was not our anniversary day,
But for the blood I haemorrhage last night,
I know he loves me so I smiled.
He gave me a rose today,
It was not Valentine's day,
But for the clash we had last night,
I know he cares for me so I smiled.
He gave m...

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Your words are hollow, 
your words I swallow, 
time and time again 
even after 
action did not follow, 

I still swallowed 
and in return 
every piece I gave, 
my soul, my heart, 
my disturbing brain 

and you just left me 
standing in the rain 
carrying my pain 
so dismayed I caved 
into shame. 

The rage a blunt stain 
upon the page.

©JMCole 

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I wear a mask every day of my life,

It causes me pain & stress,

It makes my life such a chaotic mess,

I wish this mask would lift,

However, nevertheless, it’s a part of me.

I wear the mask of lies,

There are so many things in my life, that I am in denial to myself,

I wear this mask, it causes me to feel torn,

My eyes are broken,

They make me see such things like a u...

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Many words Ive put to papers in an effort to taper
the stress of life's capers hoping it vanishes like vapor 
but their lies deep inside a wound that hides and may never find treatment 
an indecent demon dreaming of beatings so frequent
No reason for the recent fleeting secret meetings and agreements
he's attempting quite tenaciously to tear this tainted wound open voraciously 
and fatally, ...

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If pain had no beauty

Where else would we be?

Loose, languid expression,

Scorned sobriety,

Unhurried of humbling;

Relational depth,

Our hearts and minds spread less

Than their broadest breadth.

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Father's very strict, mother's very weak

Beatings too harsh for a daughter of only 3

You wished that I had died Daddy

You even said it out loud

but i loved you anyhow

Forbidden to walk on the carpet

I was just not good enough

I've tried to fulfill your wishes Daddy

Fifteen times I tried somehow

I ran under buses, in front of cars even.

I took hundreds of pills Daddy

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My brother

called you back

from the edge

of death.

But you were

in so much

pain, and you

had suffered enough.

We said good bye,

My Mother, My sister,

My brother and I.

We held each

other and

we cried.

The day that

you left us.

The day

...

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Some people try

to force a

smile from me,

but it's futile.

Sometimes they figure

out somethings wrong,

sometimes not.

Some actually get

angry because I

don't just

"Snap out of it."

So I pretend

everything's OK.

But I'm secretly

crumbling deep inside.

Th...

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