The sun was supposed to save me
Erase the dark
Outside and inside

I waited patiently
and I was determined
Trusting my everlasting assumtion
That that thing will come
Take the pain away

It would just take time

The time of waiting
Biding in the dark
The aching anticipation in the cold
All of a sudden
Seems oh so sweet

Once the alleged change appears

But nothing changes

...

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Pecking and struggling,
movements so frantic.
One piece too taxing,
the other not worth it. 

So hard work you pick
devoting all your strength 
to the oh so desired bit
as it avoids your attempts.

Until finally,
exhaustion and discontent
are what you're left with.

Stupid thing.
Instead of practicing yourself in modesty,
choosing the more compatible.

Disappontedly, you spread y...

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Pain in my stomach, heart, mind,
stabs of a knife 
I yearn for this piercing pain 
I've lacked it far too long.

Ungrateful love:
Punch me, hurt me, kill me almost.

Almost.

so later
when the rain has ceased
a flower can bloom again
a new blossom
the same plant

Revive me, ungrateful love
Make me another

Kill me.

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You hurt me again 

There is no tone of surprise in my voice any more, why should there be? 

You hurt me time and time again and over and over I forgive - I make some weak, half hearted excuse for you

If I forgive you the hurt goes away quicker, until next time when I forget how bad the pain was and disappointment comes crashing down in waves like an avalanche of emotion. I cry and you tel...

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Remember to Float

They asked me why I do not fly,
I told them it’s not that I don’t know how too,
I just need to be closer to the earth right now.

They asked me why I do not close my eyes
I told them it’s because I see so much better when they are open

They asked me how I move so quickly 

I tell them that I am pure electricity

It’s important to never get too close
...

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I can feel all of you writhing together

Pooling your heat

You are hot wires running through me

Electric as you cover

Your thin bodies wrapping themselves tightly

racing like  wind to a wildfire

You are covering me in flame

Dangerous animals are fleeing these woods

as you turn figure eights

creating paths of orange and red

trails of yellow to b...

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Bring me someone new fast

No wait,

Bring me someone who is fast

and maybe together we can fall 

through these sleepless nights

like stars that burn out,

we will slip awkward, as we dip

fluttering like ash

we will darken the summer sky

filling it with heavy grays and whites

 We will become a flash of tumbling embers,

just built to spi...

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Chrysalis 

Water

 Throat

 Heart

 Root

I am surprised to hear my voice

so bold and sure of it’s self

as if it weren’t my own

and for a second there

I have to wonder.

I listen again,

There is a distant sound

of harmony and balance,

they are bleeding together

the masculine with the feminine

It is a song

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Vertigo #2

With each panic attack,

I disassemble,

I break apart,

like glass slivers,

I am falling all around

There is a crowded bus ride ahead,

an elevator door closing behind,

5 o’clock traffic and all it’s stillness

waiting

The train with it’s voice letting me know that once again,

“the doors are now closing”

I find you there, ...

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Wake up

Eat

Coffee,

drink it quickly,

before it’s 8:30am

and it’s to late

Qi Gong till it’s time for more medication

Qi Gong is your medication

Medication makes you come down

Take it at 10am

Take before you go up

Before you notice you’re awake

Noon

Don’t forget your medication

Take it on an empty stomach,

...

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These days my body is filling up with light,

I can’t even help it

It’s happening without trying

There seems no room for darkness

My feet are extending

white roots

are growing ever

d

o

w

n

w

a

r

d

like a pair of tubers in rich soil

The universe is funneling itself through me

There is black hole forming ab...

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Post Card Perfect

It was New Years Eve

when you dipped me.

 You leaned in for a kiss.

I should have known then that eventually you'd drop me.

And

 the snow fell all around

a sailor and a nurse.

After the war had ended,

she stopped bandaging his wounds,

he bellied up to a bar

&

the photographed just faded away.

...

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Just so You Know

The day you left, 

it rained for three fucking days

and man,

you still wouldn't wash away.


So I prayed out loud to the girls

with more grass

than that green grass

that we used to make love in.


I waited there sea sick,

in sea of emerald green

swaying back and forth

all around me.


Just then, the air p...

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Girls are like tiny diamonds,
as they slip through your hand
Boys are like plasma
dripping back to the sea
Like metal they rust
You can smell them both erode
They tell me it’s the salt in the water
that makes them both corrode

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I am an underwater creature

much faster than yourself

I am smoothed out

by the waves

your words a thousand dull lead sinkers around my neck

 I can not hear you here

Here, I belong to no one, 

not even myself

In fact, I do not exist

There is tranquility in nothingness,

no need for oxygen

or cigarettes

Clear

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Eyes open,
he is somewhere farther away than I have ever been

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Stand back
and let me rise.

Or each glance I throw
will burn through you
like grapefruit acid
spit in both eyes.

I can no longer take the heat,
I am dissipating like the clouds that form each morning
above the Willamette River.

Each morning they are torn apart
and left to there own foolishness.

Soon I too will be an apparition
and you will be pawing at the ea...

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Fireflies in Glass Jars

I wonder about you sometimes,

So…. I have to keep my distance

I don’t always return the phone calls

Or get in touch the way I use to

You see,

Just like fucking strange men

Or sleeping in abandon cars

You my friend,

are not good for me.

You bring me back to who I used to be

An almost extinguis...

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