One evening in the gloaming with the hour approaching late

I heard a sound, just ask my cat, he may corroborate.

I quickly went alfresco, thought I'd better take a look

A crowd of farmers gathered round to watch a donnybrook.

One farmer in pyjamas with a rubicund complexion,

Officious and unlaundered too, I thought, on close inspection,

Screamed words so execrable ...

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Shrug away fears and firmly grasp the net;

come saddle up a snorting photon beam;

lean forward, grip the mane and ride the dream;

joust bravely with electrons tete-a-tete.

Go boldly into other worlds, forget

your leaden boots, leap out and get extreme.

In cyberspace, if no-one hears you scream,

who cares. Absorb the nothingness of jet

black night; lift just one d...

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A groundhog walked into a bar and said...

A groundhog walked into a bar and said...

A groundhog walked into a bar and said...

A groundhog walked into a bar and said...

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I’m in love with an M&S mannequin

With a hard white stare and matching skin;

Now don’t start screaming or panicking

‘Cos I’m not a pervert or anything.

Her skin is smooth like sea washed stone,

Or a stainless steely feely phone;

Pragmatic without skin or bone,

To have, to hold, perchance to own.

We sat in Revive, in a comfy chair.

She was quiet bu...

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To dance beneath the diamond sky

With one hand waving free

A time to live, a time to die

A ship called dignity

Acknowledgements for reproduction without permission as follows:

Bob Dylan for lines 1 & 2 (from 'Mr Tambourine Man').

The book of Ecclesiastes and latterly Pete Seeger  in the song 'Turn, Turn, Turn'

for line 3 ( I changed a verb)

Ricky Ross of th...

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I wish we could have met

under different circumstances.

I could have given you more,

returned your advances

with tenderness;

Perhaps on a summer night

with a round refulgent moon,

I know you would have loved that.

Our brief encounter

And that intimate time

we spent together,

the closeness of our bodies,

the whisperings,

the frenzy,

Soon to...

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I thought for Natrional Poetry Day

I'd write something inspired.

A poem to set the world alight;

But no - I'm just too tired.

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Bite the bullet, grasp the nettle

Pot is black as so called kettle

Ash to ashes, dust to settle

Heavy guns from heavy metal.

Down in the scullery, old wives bitchin’

Too many cooks in the brothel kitchen

Holes in time, no time for stitching

You scratch back when my back’s itching

Eye for eye and a tooth for cutting

One for all and all for no...

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Now gentlemen and ladies, could I just have your attention please,

I have a few things for you, if you’d kindly let me mention these...

I’ve linements, emulsions, compounds, antiseptic lotions,

I’ve got alkalis and acids; I’ve got anaesthetic potions,

There are tantalising tonics for your tonsil titilation

All are genuine, but please watch out for monstrous imitations.

R...

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That music be the food of love,
Is true without a doubt.
But could I ask you just this once
To take your earphones out!

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Gone are my forget-me-nots,

All my sweet-peas replaced with shallots;

And a marrow now grows

Where there once was a rose;

Could it be a vegetable plot?

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In mid Forty Four came the turn of the war;

Our troops had advanced up the Seine,

And Hitler withdrew as the allies pushed through,

Growing strong since the D-Day campaign.

Jim thought of his boys as he worked the convoys

And patrols in the mine ridden sea.

Not sure if or when, he would see them again,

Back at home where he longed to be.

In a town on the Fylde, Ag...

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Said the oyster, ”Do please tell, Mr Whelk, your curly shell;

I’m intrigued as to how you got these whirls.

Ours have such an ugly skin, though the beauty lies within;

Every now and then we manufacture pearls."

Said the whelk, “It isn’t clever, it takes patience and endeavour,

To accommodate my fast expanding figure.

I build a new extension, with an increasing dime...

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By the shores of Lake Lambrini,

Near the foothills of Panini,

And the plains of Fegatini,

Through the valleys in betweeni,

Where the flowing Canneloni,

Meets the wandering Marscapone.

In amongst the Machiato,

Near the fading Tinto Rosso,

‘Neath the shading of Lambrusco,

South of Castle Osso Buccho.

Here a local pasta maker,

Bought out by a...

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A sensitive fellow from Bicester

Told his ex girlfriend how much he'd missed her

Her laughter, her friends,

The romantic weekends;

But mostly the nude games of Twister

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Our eyeless stares, the endless stairs constrain;

Figures of proportional intention,

We blandly trudge from plane to transformed plane.

Warping up and wefting down in vain,

Aching for a canvas of convention,

Our eyeless stares, the endless stairs constrain.

Incidental in some artist’s brain;

Ageing embryos in mock pretension,

We blandly trudge from pl...

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A mexican wave

Rippling through the stadium

Or just gallic shrugs?

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is it fair to say,

England simply didn't have

the rub of the green?

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This morning I went for a blood test;

Can’t think why I made such a fuss.

There’s obviously nothing to worry about,

It seems that I got an A plus.

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I'll tell of a greek tragic heroine;

She was known as Pandora by name;

A quiet lass who didn't go out much,

A bit like the Oh lympic flame.

Zeus had commissioned Pandora,

The first lady made from the earth.

He was really quite pleased with the outcome;

Far less messy, he thought, than a birth.

Some say that Zeus craved a companion;

Some say it was...

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I keep my notebook open all the time

I keep my pencil lead sharp and very fine

One night I sat and stared from six till nine

In all that time, I wrote a line

This bloody writing takes up all my time

The words go spinning round inside my mind

My brain is always searching for a rhyme

Because one time, I wrote a line.

I've got a real bad case of writer's...

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Letters prey

On my mind

Hear them drip

Blip, blip, blip

Capillary creeping, seeping

Through cracks

And grating

On my nerves

Infiltrating

Slipping under the door

Across the floor

Avoid the eyes,

The jays,

The whys the wherefores

Silent letters, Greek letters

Uniform and cuneiform

Catalan and Occitan

With accents from beyond the ...

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Dear sirs, I am writing this letter

Re - the conduct of signor Arteta.

A poke in the eye

And you let it go by?

Surely your referees can do better?

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I had a stiff neck so I thought what the heck,

I suppose I should visit the quack.

And you know, since that day, I can quite safely say,

It’s uncanny – I’ve never looked back.

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Thirteen clay figures in the garden

Where time ran out

Tempus fugit

Fugitives through time

Cave canem - Beware of the dog

The futile mosaic of the tragic poet.

No warnings from your gods above

As Vesuvio coughed you into the future

In the time capsule of Pompeii

With your worldly goods

And your world

Immortal as any gods

Your final acts petrified

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I have to say
(If truth be told)
that swimming with dolphins
leaves me cold
 

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diagonal balls
challenge mathematical definition
the formula for converting defence
into attack;
through balls
might excite, delight,
heighten anticipation of onlookers;
great balls
fire up a roaring crowd,
setting games alight;
long balls
promote long faces and
long discussions in the pub;
short balls
are always a safer option;
dead balls
can be brought to life
...

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Do not bend forward in those jeans so tight,
Pale flesh that shouldn’t see the light of day;
Lace, lace against your skin so soft and white.

Those shapely, rounded, squatting hips invite
My roving eye, lured in and led astray;
Do not bend forward in those jeans so tight.

Stretched denim curving, arcing out of sight,
With squeaking stitches pulled in every way,
Lace, lace aga...

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My uncle leaned towards me, marble teeth

Piano keys, his face too tight, too round,

With trembling hands, I took the glass machino,

Into which I gazed with awe and wonder;

Whirling wheels and shiny cogs all turning,

Driven by a coiled bronze spring and sprocket.

Mesmerised for hours I watched that sprocket;

Its gleaming metal polished razor teeth;

Power fro...

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