If i were free to be weak,

And for a moment to break.

i know it wont be for the first time

Trying to remove 

what seems to be a stain,

Thats a past with a lot of pain.

everything happens so fast

but i know wounds to be the last 

Mementos the body

Shares with the past.

who cares about my only

fears, tears, scars, when oddly

bravery and chivalry are a requirement.

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Keep lying to me

I know you know that I know.

Don’t think I never did,

I just wanted you to prove yourself

And to prove myself wrong 

I just wanted to be wrong this time.

But once you hit the wall,

You can't say that I never tried.

This wouldn't have worked 

Even if I tried playing along.

I guess I went too far

trying not to feel alone this time.

Don’t think I d...

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Life is perfect but am not,

I just hope for the next big thing.

“This is perfect” is nothing but a theory,

A life on a TV screen is nothing but a lie too.

Show me a different perspective,

Where are mistakes accepted?

Irrespective of what I say

And do, is nothing but life

The next big thing to die for,

Is breathing my last breath.

Live for what you want, not

What yo...

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Today is the day I lost you, 

Minus ten years I started losing myself

And dedicated to a loss I wish I could speak of. 

Memories fade but I still remember 

The time and what you last said. 

“Where are you going?”, but where did you go?

You were right there then you were.

I remember breaking down at school

Just glued on, to “it's my fault you got sick”.

 You left, and I t...

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You can carry so much, 

Until the load buries you, its

Just fears and doubts pairing. 

Wherever they are, they exist,

Whenever they are silent, they persist,

Who knows what, its trust issues.

Bare with me, don't burn your fuse yet, 

Lost as always it's so perplexing. 

Here is a gist,maybe an imaginary guest

I’m afraid if I will fail or make it, I know  

I never turned...

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Questions with intentions,

You’ll find things out of your expectations.

These are yours with nothing but your actions,

Just a fraction of your sins taints harshly.

Silent about how you view this world instantly,

It is possible you want nothing by now.  

Left response to responsibility to show,

How much of this world is lacking,

But most of it is slacking and backing out.

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Visions and dreams, relate to some degree,

A surreal decree, doubts and questions remain.

In a realm, a night depicting a day,

Is as the sun to an oracle, without answers.

Meteoroids miraculously compared to rain,

“All knowing, all seeing”, a deity for saints.

His eye replaced the sun, locked in shock 

His silent voice, bent winds and swept the clouds.

Fallen, a dead man de...

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A day dies and another shift begins,

Lies and sifted truth told by a different personality.

A gifted persona in bigotry to drift with in hatred later,

Cater to dismantled  thoughts, forever brokenly gifted.

It hurts to the core when self loath is monopolistic,

It's a totalitarian feeling, no need for diagnosis.

I just want to live a life without inner politics,

But in the end ...

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There are things I never thought I’d do,

Somethings I had to go through till I’ve understood,

Lies can be as truthful as the truth can get 

Don’t stand from the outside and point outliers,

Later you will land on the same lane and expect sympathy.

I still leave a rose on the same ground to show some empathy.

Hellhounds in my head are growling, I feel like a psychopath.

With Cro...

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As I fall in this loop of not feeling enough,

These things I have to deal with after failed attempts.

I feel incompetent when I can’t achieve or reach my goals,

Maybe there is something I missed in the archive,

I am never fully pleased with the things I achieve,

Unappreciative is a way to perceive things.

I try to be attentive to the collateral beauty,

But it’s literally hard ...

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Addictions, things that make me happy.

Things that used to make me happy are now my addictions.

I was a few bizarre episodes in, triggers called for introspection.

I reviewed the list and there are some additions,

“Just one more”, procrastination is a binding spell for all.

Its five cans deep without recognition its a blind habit,

“I will stop” this is a review of hypocrisy, it's...

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My life is like skyfall, I wonder if I am Mr Bond,

This is a story of unfixed bonds, as I watch them fall apart.

paternal or maternal, some internal, it’s forever chaos.

Wonder whose funeral will I attend first,

Mine or theirs, I pray it's not mine.

Something you are fond of its called a bond,

Mine lately feel faded, don't know if they are bladed yet.

I see us back on our jade...

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Disappointed myself as usual 

Appointments I can't seem to attend.

Achievements I failed to achieve on my own

Important concepts were out of my reach.

Practise what you preach, I will do that but some other time.

Hypocrisy is a philosophy I need to look into,

Lately, it doesn't feel authentic.

Latent learning seems to be idealistic.

Pointing fingers while three of them poin...

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Reality is questionable,

Probabilities of success are like a needle in a sack of nails,

It takes a breath to fail, but why is progress difficult?

Definitions and laws dictate this realm.

Flaws we never talked about yet we keep faking it,

“Ask you shall be answered”, ironically it has been silent.

Talk about how to fix this, fix that, how about break that and wreck this?.

Fail ...

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You are not awake if you are a millionaire,

Power is what they are after,they are just infi-naires.

Wake up, look at them, put you through school, just another tool.

Don't let them fool you, they want to live through you.

This is someone's dream selling your dreams, don't sleep in,

Everybody trying to slip out, things we don't want to talk about.

Look at the world through the sim...

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Late sleep has been deprived,

Most nights are spent on trying to decide what to do next,

What is best for me or worst, planning moves.

Going through a list of movies, I'm barely interested in.

Look at the ceiling try to look in my heart, 

And find what I concealed away,

and try to find something to feel about.

And think about my doubts.

Am I alive or just living? I don't kn...

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I want to scream so bad, But how can I?

This is just another bad dream, one day I’ll wake from,

Another scheme of sleep paralysis on my throat, 

Like I owe them, I’ll pay my dues but not now.

Feels like self betrayal, I can't even trust myself.

Saw it coming but chose to stay loyal,

Trusting logic has been problematic.

Can't say it's not my fault, when it is.

Emotinonal War...

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This life is racing, pacing,

Taking laps one gets daunting of,

At some point lasps are real deal breakers.

Its pathological the way we follow our impulses,

Illogical paths often get our pulse racing.

Habits that should have remained in the past,

Keep waiting in the corridor like ghosts. 

We try to keep dead stories buried,

But later look at how hoarding fed them to devour u...

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Turning points peak the highest,

As for change, it gets worse.

Been drowning in sorrow,

Found myself at rock bottom.

Its time for a metamorphosis,

time for a change of gears now.

Forget the fears and whispers, 

Late night critics will still be there irregardless. 

Let's look at the world from a different perspective,

Transmogrify my life if possible.

transform from my...

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Ever felt loved and betrayed?

Kinda feels evil.

Dark and handsome,

Till it hurts you.

Look at the world,,

And paint it with one color.

Its not so black and white,

But what you choose may be Grey.

You are a prey of choices,

Choose what suits you,

But what makes you think you are correct? 

This world is complex,

A rubrics within a rubrics.

Try all the rubies,

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I watched myself turn to something,

 A person I was afraid to be.

Swallowed by anger, hatred and resentment,

I kept my head high for too long,

I couldn't bear what I was.

A retard and a drunkard with a lost soul,

Sold into trauma trying to please people. 

Put them at ease, subtle hypnosis.

Pain, regret and depression served, 

Don't know if that's karma saved for me.

T...

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Am I losing it?

searches are scarier lately,

Trying to find a way out.

I couldn't had been more petty,

Been listening to the sound of crickets,

All I could remember are rickets in my life.

But what history has ever changed?

I feel like I have been here before,

Subtle signs at a young age,

Just the same page with a different number.

Can't tell the storyline perfec...

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Sleep don't matter

 if the heart wanders all over the place.

Deep it sets on emotions,

Following motions the heart takes.

Some are like a heart attack,

Some are like genuine joy.

Past the time it felt sorrow, 

The time it felt nothing but hollow, 

Difficult times were times we were to swallow. 

But we decided to smile.

Pass the minute,

Its compass is never set...

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It's literal and figurative,

Just try to find which is which.

A list of vague messages and questions,

Some choose to be rogue.

One holds on to his own faith.

And prayed to be on the right path.

.

All in the fear of someone's wrath.

I meant not to disrespect or insult.

Is this a cult?

if one's right is one's wrong.

If my corpse ever touch the ground,

And my soul ...

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Am I lazy? 

Lately I've been feeling hazy.

Cloudy thoughts, just unknown known routes. 

forever lost in my thoughts. 

When it's time to start working, 

Blame it on anxiety and emotional turmoil, 

I know nothing will move If I don't do something.

Hide behind the depression, sadness, self pity. 

Those are your excuses

It's like you like being depressed.

Why cry if ...

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Phases don't last,

Until it's time to face them.

Changes that progress slow.

Suspense and patience I don't have.

Temper and triggers,

Ready to be pulled.

I want this to pass,

Nothing to fuss about.

Pain and inevitable stages,

Turn the pages to a chapter I don't read.

A chapter of dungeons,

Ruled by legions of demons,

A region in my mind.

Even religion is...

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Hidden scars, unhealed wounds, 

and a forever bleeding heart.

Past I can't seem to forget,

Just watching over till you are down.

Over a smile you will frown,

When your nose takes a sniff.

Just unknown threats,

Underlying fears waiting patiently,

Waiting for tears to bottle up.

Now that's a bubble I shouldn't burst.

This is the rubble I kept,

All these years wa...

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Can you hear it?

Listen carefully now

Pay attention as the neck snaps

Before you snap and lose it.

Do you hear it slit?

Before you split,

To your misery.

Enjoy your seconds of misery

Joy will find you in mystery.

It's all scenery and gore in your head.

Hearts heavy you don't rest.

You wanna die not by your hand,

They won't blame you if you die.

List...

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Ten a.m. in the morning as I remember,

I woke to a warm smile and a high class breakfast.

When I was still happy.

Day in day out I cared less of this world and its atrocities.

When my innocence was proven by looks, now it’s proven by records.

When I was still happy,

It was easy.

When I was still happy,

Time mattered to parents, but not for the young ones.

Bills were...

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This world is so dark,

A lost ark that wonders without no mark.

Nations brawl to see who will crawl first it’s a perking order,

Over power, religion, visions, views and sense less disputes.

Few man in a room are enough for senseless sacrifices.

They shed lives and souls of the nation, they are rewarded.

Awarded to shed someone’s dad, brother and friends,

Without remorse they ...

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I have seen you sleep with bottled up tears

All those times you suffered in your masculinity

“Men don’t cry though” they said

Almost tested your suicide attempts when it was full.

Those times when all of this back then would be seen as weakness,

I have seen

You take insults like a champ, but none asked you whether “are you okay”?

Tear yourself in that stench drink.

I ...

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I am a pacifist of this world

In this path of discovery I am liar, a deceiver.

All these demons in my head run wild

I am a pacifist by word

But a warlord by thoughts

Guilty as charged

Like a warrior after the war

Grieving in a scorched tarred heart.

He won the war but lost himself.

He won, yes but at what cost? Compensated with guilt.

In the field, his consciou...

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I regret the times I didn’t take my life

This living is hard and harsh I have been bleeding

Since I got here, it never ends.

I regret the times I had the chance to end this poverty

But all I did was to obey my fears, courage never found me.

 I learned not to obey fears, I now live to contemplate on it.

I regret on the times I could have ended all this pain.

I regret the...

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Blame

I blame my parents

Their fears made me lame.

There were no rooms for mistakes  

Today I am a perfectionist,

An Idealist of every aspects

I blame my parents

For the OCD, today chaos frightens me.

Beliefs shoved down my throat.

For all my insecurities about relationships,

Today I chase what I can’t have.

For the lecture instead of advice,

Today any cr...

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