I don’t want to mask my poetry

I want you to understand me

Curse your perfect rhythms, rhymes, haikus

Your lyricism, your literary

When I try to adopt it, I turn mute.

Something channels through me

(I’ve never really found the root)

A demanding stream of consciousness

That cannot stop to breathe, let alone

Wait, conceptualise, draft, redraft

I can’t!

...

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Perhaps the closest we get to music:

Uncluttered, pure, free from excess.

Their simplicity can be deceptive;

In reality, nothing is simple.

Everything, however, is deceptive.

Maybe that’s the way it is meant to be;

We must be deceived by their deception,

Woven by passion, not by intention.

These pieces are not innocent, of course;

Beyond a lilting theme of hope and ...

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It reaches further than "please fuck me" or "don’t touch me"

It’s a liminal in-between 

A line we like to call blurry

But I never asked you to undress me

My body abandoned me

My words went slurry

Tongue too thick to go beyond a mumble

Kind sir escorted me to save me from stumble

Four times play on my mind

One of them I even forgot

Until it accosted me during a usual d...

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The mild mannered moon

Only showing its

fully illuminated face

But once a synodic month.

The manipulating moon

Born of the earth mother

And driving its tides

To ebb and to flood.

The manic mad moon

Causing havoc with emotions

Wild and dangerous

A lunatic nightmare.

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Oh, look how far I've fallen
Like Icarus with his waxed wings 
Melted by the burning desire; fell hard not soften
What does my actions do? nothing, it brings

Oh, who do I point my fingers to?
It does nothing but makes it more grim
Surrounded by shadow of guilt, no hope nor light's dim 
Thoughts are loud, i just might cut a limb

Everyday I try, everyday I submit
I speak good deeds yet ...

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Face like stone

Hard to read

I find myself taking pride

In my totem pole

Of expressions, I can hide

Masterfully deceptive

Every bit secretive

All heart without sleeves

Makes it easier to breathe

But being naked

Really stripping off

And just letting everyone watch

That is true strength

True power

Is knocking down this tower

Being bare

Just a sk...

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I tried beautiful,

I tried pristine,

I was no good at it

I’m not neat within

I’m not “clean”

Even externally, I cannot master

Clearing every bit of clutter

I’m raw, like an egg

It’s not pretty to have a cracked head

But if I don’t

I’m practically dead

As inanimate and detached as my wooden bed

To be raw is

Painful,

Ugly,

Messy,

But it’s rich with fee...

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I’m sorry to disappoint you

That I can be too sweet and so weak

And yet I can be cold and cruel too

That I can completely snap to my core

And morph into a creature of different sorts

I’m sorry that I’m not white or black

Or immaculate

Or of any matter 

For that fact

I’m not anything 

At all

Not wholly whole

You see,

Incompleteness 

Has been my superpower 

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Imagine being totally untethered

After feeling chain linked 

I feel split

That part removed 

That half is trying to renew

But it hurts 

To grow scab over wound 

Missing you is mourning you 

Leaving you is still losing you

And I’m just as lost

As I made you 

If it could be 

I would make it be 

Should I be chain linked again 

I would make it good 

Should ...

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I’ve peeled off my skin for you 

I’ve let you crunch my bones,

Consume beyond my flesh

Beyond my visceral tissues

Beyond my beating heart

Beyond the fibres of my being

Down to my soul

I’ve let you gobble up my spirit

I’ve let you slurp up my mind

Lick the lasting crumbs

of my emotions

Everything in me

Everything making me, me

All that constructs me

All...

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Jump in puddles and make a mess 

This life is to be lived at its best

Play in the sunshine and dance in the rain

Share in the joy and guide them through pain

We teach them to listen, we teach them to talk

We carry and hold them and teach them to walk

For all the manners we teach them use 

We must remember to use them too

We must stop and listen and see through their eyes

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Real love is life threatening 

It’s not serene, sweet, dream love

It’s not romantic, rainbow love

No

True love is torture 

Gut wrenching pain

Hands and knees, love 

Need it to breathe, love 

It’s enough to put you away, love 

But never pull you away, love 

It’s masochistically addictive 

It titillates and irritates

Possesses every bit 

Until you have a fit

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years brimmed with men

their feats litter the years

lovers made me cry, life

not whole without tears

sprinkles of teardrop joy

tears of pleasure or woe

better than bland smiles,

tears with no place to go

tears springing universal

weeping tourists glisten

covering a million miles

for a man that will listen

each tear a badge of love

a validation ...

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My trauma sees your trauma

We are only skin deep

While we don't know the heavy stuff about each other

One stranger to another stranger

To cross that line

Can bring connection 

But with that, vulnerability and perceived danger

I want to take that step with you

But I'm afraid of what it might stir up

It may bring us closer together

Albeit, it might just trigge...

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Life is growing lonelier every day that passes

I’m just a slave to my fateful soul and it’s inevitable searches.

Spiralling on deeper down and forever tumbling aimlessly around. I can’t seem to put both these feet of mine on the forbidden ground.

If only my thoughts and my life could be safely contained once found. I would then progress and could grow to that magical higher...

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A hyper-sensitivity of feeling
your art connects across the senses
The roughness of ancient bark
beneath gentle fingertips
A kiss from rock-pool water
warm against bare ankles

A double exposure
a murmuration
it's poetry, the sensuality
the sheer never timid beauty
lensed so gracefully
with such assurance and dexterity

The texture, a waking daydream
a cloak of fog, shaft of sunligh...

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I want you to be unruly
write hard and clear
about tangled emotion
those who don’t
make me suspicious
I know there are other things
like genocide and selfish parking
and the bruises received
behind closed doors

I want to know people 
who are walking antennas 
sensitive and gifted
nerves nakedly exposed
flailing in the fallout

I was raised to keep all hidden
I was raised to deny ...

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Recapturing who I was

Before my microchips

I used to be a human

Now it's electric bits

Back then, 

I had less memory

I needed to 

Use my brain

Subjects like maths & physics

Were such a struggle

A strain

I remember

I used to wear glasses

So much I wasn't seeing

That's all in the past now

I'm a supersonic being

I used to get 

So tired

Energy leve...

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I stare at you across

the empty, scorched desert

that has appeared so gradually

and so imperceptibly between us.

The mirage that we were has evaporated,

been engulfed in desiccated emotions

now lingering in the vacant space,

hanging like a burning haze,

scorching our skin,

hung out to dry.

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it hurt so much

to breathe, to think, to laugh

to smile, to worry

to feel

it’s almost like you’ve taken out

all the good parts, the sad parts

leaving me incredibly bare and numb.

i feel restless, raw

open and exposed.

like i have no barriers, no protection

just sitting there with weeping wounds

and a broken heart

brittle as my nails

wrecked and sharply cut

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Happiness is a fleeting emotion

and that’s how it should remain

for if we were eternally happy

how could we ever feel pain?

Sadness is a fleeting emotion

and that is how it should remain

for if we were eternally sad

joy would be hard to attain

Jealousy is a fleeting emotion

and that is how it should remain

for if we were eternally jealous

where would trus...

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The eyes are

the windows of

the soul and

        speak of words unsaid.

The mouth should

be delicate in

voicing out what

        the mind have constructed.

The nose smells

not just the

arome of one’s

kindness but the

filth he brings

        as well.

The ears audibly

reacts to the

sound of life’s

hustle and bustle.

The tongue...

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CONFUSION

Even though the sun is shining I feel the Rain/

Even though I´m numb I feel the Pain

Even though nothing´s wrong everything feels not Right/

Even though there is no darkness I see no Light

Void and Chaos fill my Mind/

I see everything and I´m still Blind

My mind and my Heart keep getting Bruised/

I know nothing but I know I´m Confused

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Intense thick clouds obscuring vision,
Pre planned malice yet no thought given,
A mess of unplaced thoughts surround
Logic whispers but i wont listen

The calm that follows leaves air so thick
A lack of focus a clearing mist
A wind that blows me from where i came
And ignorance is mine again

Exhausting though this place may be
This clouded space is part of me
To leave i need a place of...

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i'm overly sensitive and also rather shy

i keep my thoughts to myself and hide when i cry

I notice that i'm an emotional wreck 

I moan a lot and i'm a pain in the neck

i wouldn't put up with anyone like me 

yet some how you do what is it you see?

Is it my certain skills like being able to cook?

Or is it because i enjoy other thing's like reading a book 

is it because i'm un...

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This sickly feeling i have inside

because i myself lack basic pride

I am upset when i go out

in fear that others may speak or shout

Yet this one lie had gotten to me

It's made my life a misery

I hide myself from everyone 

I deprive myself that natural fun

If you look at me you'll see nothing

But in privacy i do everything

i fill my body with foods and cry

secretly ...

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In my times of tribulations,

Arrived my salvation.

One might think it was an angel,

It was, but in the form of a girl.

She brought light into my life,

My prayer of hope in the flesh.

Her name alone is a prayer,

That brings easiness to my heart and head.

She makes me be a better man,

She has taught me to trust and love.

With her eyes, she stops time.

With ...

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This one comes from some older stuff of mine, written whilst dealing with what i didnt realise was a depression / anxiety disorder at the time.  Thankfully now its under control, but reading this back makes me remeber just how black things were back then.

Darkness; continuous, deep, perpetual darkness.

Constant.  Soulless.  Empty dark space.

It laps at the edges, frayed edges of my c...

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Threads

Thread:
If only he hadn't had freckles.
Thread:
If only he had been taller.
Thread:
If only he hadn't spoken with a lisp.
Thread:
If only he had liked playing football.
Thread:
If only he hadn't been so shy.
Thread:
If only the teachers had noticed.
Thread:
If only he hadn't worn shorts.
Thread:
If only he had liked pop music.
Thread:
If only he had said something.
Thr...

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Mare's Tail

(By Paul A M Palmer)

"There's only one way to kill it:
You have to dig it out."

It's what they recommend,
The locals: they have the knowledge.

Scrape and scrape the top, spade against 
The turf and tufts of lichen and moss.

“You have to deepen the trench and then
Scrabble and search for the roots.”

Black and brown in the soily ground
Its fibrous tubes and tendril...

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the days have passed by without listening to your voice.
the days have passed by without watching you smile.
even in this unfaithful world i think of you
and that someday you'l accept my love.
i don't have the courage to tell you that your smile
lights up my day and that your eyes just mesmerize me.
i see you have moved on in this world but i still stand
at the place you left us.the dreams ...

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Is it a fool who waits for which he knows will never come, Searching for a pinhole of light in the darkness that has become, Turning off lamps dumbfounded by what he has done, Is my fate the same as this man I see in plain view, Though I try to evade, Everytime I look into the mirror, He stares back at me too.

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Life's lost labours wilt,wither,wanting watering sprinkles. Downward spirals spin silently, serenity slithering step by step. Troubled toes stub callased skin, scraping scabbing layers of animosity and misgivings, life's unforgiveness, bleeding bluntly, replacing remnants of radial radiance with life's leftovers. A tempest's temporal trials burn, incinerate, insideous intentions. Questions g...

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Do you ever feel like you could just scream for eternity
Every thought you cast upon yourself contains pure negativity
People wonder how you can feel so low, but they don't know,
Reality to you is completely different to that in which they live
Every night you go to bed, you wish that it would be the last
So many sleepless nights you're plagued by insomnia,
Suicidal tendencies play upon your...

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Love, what is this bliss, I do not know?

Denied all act of an emotion,

That encases the heart, and clenses the soul.

Solitude, is this all I live for?

Destined-confined to this wild abyss,

Or am I meant to fall on loves path;

Embrace its soft kiss.

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Jameson  Archers Bells

Gordon's  Captain Morgan  Smirnoff

Guinness  Tia Maria  Baileys

Pernod  Carlsberg and Strongbow

Days made up of these.

Sunny Days

Silk Cut days

Silk Cut nights

Sand between the toes

Blue water

white blue skies

music  disco

Breakfast on the Pier

Days  well made

tailored to suit

Cruisi...

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I sit alone

you do not sit with me

i sit alone

i do not want your company

i sit alone.

i stand alone

you do not stand with me

i stand alone

you do not stand beside me

i stand alone.

do not stand behind me

do not stand before

do not stand

do not sit

do not walk

do not be beside me.

what ever I do I do alone

...

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