I sit on the waiting seat on the station

Not alone

Many friends are waiting as well

We share the same destination

Not long after, the train arrives

I look at my ticket,

"Ah, not my train," I say

Some friends board

They wave their hands

We exchange smiles

I'm left with the unfinished puzzle in my hand

Not long after, another train arrives

I look at my t...

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The masses are out,

Me, standing still,

Watching them

Running rings round me.

A dizzy feeling overcomes,

I stumble,

Disorientated,

Overwhelmed by the crowd,

Struggling to find a hole

In which to climb,

Too many voices

Curtailing thought,

Stamping with their feet,

Stamping with their minds,

Trying to r...

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You should know better

Than to think you’re alone in this universe

You’ve seen breath come from nothing 

Animals evolve 

More complex than fathomable

Human species shapeshift and roam

With inventions inexplicable 

Grass, water, and life itself

Come to be 

And people like you 

Who all think different

And think they’re the only ones

Don’t assume you’re not connect...

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robotic trails

the same songs, the same breakfast and the same people

over and over and over and 

replace me with a bug, a computer

fill up my mug with something truer 

transform me from this hollowed shell 

who knows painful repetition all too well 

i used to be so smart 

now my bleak life craves the abstract art 

which once gave it colour 

and a nihilist, my hopeful...

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I’m sorry to disappoint you

That I can be too sweet and so weak

And yet I can be cold and cruel too

That I can completely snap to my core

And morph into a creature of different sorts

I’m sorry that I’m not white or black

Or immaculate

Or of any matter 

For that fact

I’m not anything 

At all

Not wholly whole

You see,

Incompleteness 

Has been my superpower 

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When I talk about Forgiveness,
I am not talking about you sitting down with an ex or whoever,
and telling them you forgive them for whatever they did to you
so they can feel better, No.
The Forgiveness I Am talking about is done for the Self,
it is an act of Self Love, meant to remove the
burden of Anger/Sorrow from Your Soul.
Done in the privacy of You...

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I love myself.

Not in the way one would think.

I truly am in love with myself.

For there is no one in this whole wide world 

That could understand me, 

See me, 

Hear me, 

Apart from me. 

Therefore it is only myself that I can love

And it is only myself that can love I,

Whose song differs from the other whales. 

I love myself.

Not out of free will, 

But out of...

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graspin at rat pills
 like cigarettes

all the while, the tide rises past my lips
and this damn lighter won't light anymore 
maybe its out of fluid 
right? 

maybe its just out of fluid
like this stone is just out of blood .

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charcoal toothpaste. 
teeth whitening strips. 
water on a bathroom floor muddied with muttered songs. 
cans of who and why on a windowsill. 
forehead sweat. made to stick fringes.
quick to anger. founded in a parent not so unlike. 
jerking awake. jolting asleep. comfort nul. 
calm mornings when the sun alarms. 
evil feelings when green and yellow lie dormant. 
stuttered uttered eye contac...

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I am from water.
I am from breath.
I am from body.
I am from blood.
I am from heart.
I am from thought.
I am from life.

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The past, the present and the future are always changing,
There’s nothing in this world that stays unchanged.
What we remember, where we are and what we might become
Are like shifting clouds no people see the same.

So do not ask me where I think I am going,
And do not ask me where I think I have been.
Don’t enquire how I think I might be feeling,
I don’t and can’t know even who I am.  

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The first time

Is a pin prick

To unstitch

Your skin

To feel yourself

Begin

You search your being

You are it:

Coursing through yourself

The second time

You search inside

A stranger

Behind the corner shop

You find where he begins

Adrenaline!

But come back,

Stinking of rot

Void of thought

To feel what?

What are you searching for?

To begin ag...

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Some time ago
My skin turned wooden
My feet moulded into one
Foot
I slipped
And smudged the painted grid
On the marble floor
Another time I fell
And did not stop
I rolled right off the board
It was not a conscious decision
To spectate rather than participate
But it happened
As it does to many
Who give up on giving
When you undertake solely seeing
You relinquish being
But not feeli...

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That phrase,
That phrase you love to say
It has become overdone, cliché
No, it’s not a phase
Wait,
Years, not days
And see
I will not change
Not this way or that way
Though I may grow,
I may expand in waves,
I will not change
To fit your phrase
I will only expand,
Expand in waves
Is that okay?
That I will stay?
That I won’t change?
That I can only expand,
Expand in waves?
Is th...

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Nobody knows me,

Not even myself

I meet people everyday

I talk , I laugh , I smile

Others say that I lie.

I’m complicated, orphic

 hard to understand

Just like the way we don’t know                                                                                                                      what happens in between the oceans.                         

I’m an...

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The leaves of the tree

Behind the house of glass are falling

With each step of the wind

They liberate themselves from the branches

From the complexity of the connections

Connection of the root with the trunk

Of the trunk with the branches

Of the branches with the leaves

The leaves liberated themselves

From the connections

From the dependence

The leaves of the ...

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Poems are not for happy days,

For resolutions and self-promises,

For being tough and unresponsive,

Poems are not for new beginnings.

Poems are searching, searing, morbid,

They turn you in and leave the sun,

Poems seek out your obsessions,

They tickle them, they wrap them in a bow.

Poems are not for going out and doing,

For being your great mechanical self.

Poems preve...

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my self it calls itself as such
making way alone, untouched
just fleeting joy when she creates
predictable, a single's fate

then my other comes, falters on fissures
languidly warms, fulfills heart's wishes

yet seeping comfort into space
where always open, felt nothing save
now pricks with pain at such expanse
for place to love must be enhanced

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My scars have piled up like leaves on Autumn grass.

My knees are a testament to lake pollution

and MRSA.

My hands tell the story of a rambuncious youth

yearning for adventure.

My thighs are a roadmap of mental illness

and a fondness for razor blades.

My face bears the craters from a begone allergy

My mouth is the magnum opus of a poorly trained dog,

whom I miss everyday.

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live some lost among high places
large houses, unfamiliar faces
saving up the seconds, wait
counting on a sure thing, fate
silly sounds that pull and tear
away from comfort and what’s fair
breathing in what sparks, it’s yours
pushing out cold facts, untoward

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Cold extremities distract my sight
From perspective, trees through the forest, nights

A tingling in fingertips, 
a pain, a madness
What is this

There are more walls than I can count
More thoughts than words to let them out

Sweet sounds deter the struggled view,
Determined, strong, set on by you

These do repulse the room’s hard lines
That tighten, straighten so with time

Findin...

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Grit

I cannot say for certain where I’m ‘from’

beyond the day I crawled into this world

and that’s the way I like it, truth be told,

to shape my own existence from the start.

That blond boy there with freckles and basin cut,

a shy one, wearing simple NHS specs,

in clothes bought big so he could grow

to fill them on a diet of Yorkshire pud.

An artist’s bent...

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Dead wood, no good.

Get rid of the dead 

wood that won’t burn 

like wet yew branches.

People are dead wood,

like soul callouses.

They cling to you,

bring only judgement.

Spouting forth sin,

or their own piss;

its all the same

when you don’t drink it.

They call you wrong,

say you are useless, 

no use for burning.

I smack the dead wood

out of my life,

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Eyes that seek truth,

A heart that knows no bounds

A mind that eludes and intimidates

A soul that is and always was free

Determined and passionate

Emotional but strong

I can get through anything

Even when I don't want to

There are times when I do not know myself

These times are hard

Patience will show my path

I'm so grateful I was not alone

I'm still not al...

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gate

you draw rust where heat’s been;

some passage of time;

life’s clouded outcomes;

weather or not we care.

you’re iron to me; blood strength.

took years to find you;

all: frame, hinge, key, arch;

allowing passage back.

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Why do you expect so much good in other people

Why do you pray so much under every steeple

How can you be ok to be disappointed all the time

And hurt yourself with so much hope inside

You’ll never learn your lesson if you try to be blind

To The bad side of people you try to hide

And let them inside your heart again

Is it a crime to let them cause you so much pain

To the poi...

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In those darkest, darkling months

when both belief and hope were lost

when love was stretched taught beyond endurance

when pain and understanding spiralled

Still

There was some doubt of destiny:

could love be snatched away;

and child a mother lose?

A new reality to supplant all we knew

                                                                        and dreamt.

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How many times can one person be reinvented

I have run from myself so many times

I have fled from who I am

in order to be someone better

But always I fall short

Always I fail

Always I become someone changed but still the same

Always I leave behind the good

And carry with me the bad

I flee from the things I hate

Like a bat out of hell

I try to outrun the parts of my...

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Is the pain of loneliness worse than the pain of regret

Than giving away another part of your shrinking soul

I only have so much to give

I do not know how to stop

I am not eternal

I am not limitless

I am finite

There is a certain amount of me

And some parts never grow back

Some parts, once given, cannot ever be recovered

I cannot be returned to who I once was

...

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My friends do not understand

Every one of their smiles is a noose

Every act of friendship is another weight on my shoulders

I am weighed down by love, I am weary from carrying it so long, so far

I cannot hold this heaviness much longer

I cannot hold onto this burden

Knowing I do not deserve it

Knowing it is not meant for me

Knowing I should not accept it

Knowing how wast...

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She speaks up for the thousandth time,

when it's easier to keep quiet.

A star who says what's is in her soul

when you respond with your mouth.

A shard of silver pain in her heart.

But they have no idea.

You say the first thing in your head,

collapse her nebulous boundaries.

She’s a people pleaser, easily moved

by those who would like her to fall.

A nebula that ca...

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We were like ‘yin and yang’,

‘Spick and Span’

- Hot pot, big pan -

slick and tanned!

The could we can -

sweet, sweet like marzipan!

The kind of love that makes you FAT,

that attracts the sniff sniffing rats.

- Rap! Trap! Rat! The blind bats! -

But I walked and you ran,

I was kicked like tin-can

then you thought you were tin-man,

cause you forgot your heart ...

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Traveller: walk roads.

Wash eye's innocence in life's flow.

Erode face-gullies in time's flood.

Let years sculpt wisdom into an open soul.

Face journey's lessons willing.

Respond. Adapt. Change.

Face alternate current.

Learn.  Change again.

Be you. Inner you. Consistent.

Washed clean.

Altered.

Time's sculpture, life's subject.

Your self.

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The whole of life cowers in a shadow
as I sprawl undone on the leather sofa
those lingering promises blown apart
their bloodstained shards 
decorate my mind

O beauty, beauty
you'll be the death of me
I say nothing when I hear you speak
I hear nothing but my voice saying
'give yourself to me'

And you can choose not to remember
you can opt not to partake in recollecting
but the guilt...

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And now I must recover myself

Left, after centuries of fearful neglect

Washed up to dry on a sunless beach.

And now I must plait my hair

Dull, after nights of washing in grease

The guilty searches for lost affection.

And now I must return home,

Home, where I’ve never been

And sit a while and say sorry, I’m sorry, to me.

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Is it a fool who waits for which he knows will never come, Searching for a pinhole of light in the darkness that has become, Turning off lamps dumbfounded by what he has done, Is my fate the same as this man I see in plain view, Though I try to evade, Everytime I look into the mirror, He stares back at me too.

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Time sleeps in the distant desert,

and sitting softly under the yellow sun,

dried and dehydrated,

there is a seed that waits for the rains.

- I am that seed.

I wait for the rains with open hands

and when they wash over me time wakes refreshed

and I’ll drink all I need

-I am that seed.

The seed that longs to know

the secrets of this distant desert,

and when my ...

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Never plan anything

that’s my motto

And if you can leave something till tomorrow

then leave it

Don’t think about loved ones

-Love no one

And consider yourself first and foremost

above everyone and everything

Don’t get involved

and don’t feel bad about leaving something

unresolved

Any money you make -spend on yourself

and don’t start thinking about...

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do you remember
those nights
we placed hooks in our eyes?

waiting in our sleep
to catch the darting lies
that swam inside our heads

do you remember
those nights?

we should have walked
the chrome stacked streets
that rolled like silver eels

where stub ends sailed on tarry keels
in that vanishing space between
the night clubs gaudy hush
and necessities capi...

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Is that why?

I bled

for so many years with the pain reminiscent of childbirth

and cried with longing and loss

the empty hollow and the useless womb

Is that why

I ached

and found each day weighed heavier than the last

and my body dried and drained

and my world shrank to a parody

Is that why

I killed

Tiny webbed fingers a hea...

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