Hand Count

Sixty times a minute

I have travelled round this face

Three thousand six hundred times an hour

I have faithfully kept pace

Eighty six thousand four hundred times a day

I’ve ticked along

Six hundred and four thousand eight hundred times a week

Always right and never wrong

Eighteen million one hundred and forty four thousands times an average month

Relen...

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Bull In A China Shop

‘all breakages must be paid for’

She told the bull in the china shop

As he stamped his hooves impatiently

And snorted through his ringed nostrils

So he tiptoed around glass cabinets

Admiring the fine white porcelain

The delicate hand painted vases

The plates and cup and saucers

Until he saw the red beating heart

Pumping rhythmically...

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The Dig

Thousands of years later

They found the sacred site

And used their soft sable brushes

To clear the earth from their finds

Here was what looked like a drinking vessel

Owned by a Covid-19 man called Persil

And look part of a plate with the lettering McDon

So possibly owned by someone from the Northern Zone

Inflation devices with logos of Asda and Lidl

Ancie...

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Eye Of The Storm

The black clouds gather

Heavy rain drops splat

There is iron on your tongue

The bitter taste of storm

Head thick with thunder

White light splits the sky

The trailing crack rattles windows

A cat cowers beneath a bush

Shivering in its fear

The deluge follows

Straight javelins of rain

You lift your head back

As the heavens empty

Water fi...

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Independence Day

At first they said ‘infect the herd’

but experts told us ‘that’s absurd,

you will cause deaths in the old.

What sort of shepherd risks the fold?’

So they put the cattle in the pen

only to be let out when

the time was right, or so they said,

they didn’t want their people dead.

The woolybacks baa’d and the daft cows moo’d

And farmer Boris calculate...

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Lucky Coins

It would have been about nineteen seventy-seven

Outside The College pub at ‘Closing Time’

When I nearly stumbled over an old man

Lying by a slate stone wall.

He was dressed in dark clothes and had grey hair

That lay across his face

So that his features were obscured

And he was trying to pull himself up to his feet

I stepped towards him and help...

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Lockdown Birthday

We walked up from the river

Beneath a canopy of trees

The air was filled with birdsong

On a warm and gentle breeze

The sun was high in the June sky

The road stretched out ahead

We drank some wine together

shared cheese and new baked bread

After lunch we wandered home

The air was hot and hazy

Then we sat around and drunk beer

Refused t...

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Mask

Mask

Covers face

Unknown eyes watching

Religious tolerance found wanting

Fear

Mask

Double standards

Stops the spread

Of disease and death

Secure

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Save The Planet & Your Heart

The seed drill not the fracking drill

Will serve our country best

The vegetables not the beasts we kill

Will be humanities test

Plague is never spread

from the fruits of the earth

when we pay such a heavy price

what is a carcass worth?

From cattle, bird or bat

There spreads human disease

Letting the gristle and the fat

Brin...

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I wanted to wish him happy Fathers Day

But according to pedantic Facebook chatter

I’m not allowed to do that any more

Because hashtag ‘All Parents Matter’

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The Biff!

I’ve seen it happen anywhere

Rochdale on a pouring down Sunday afternoon

Melbourne on a baking hot Saturday

Featherstone on a cold midwinter Friday night

Sydney on a misty winter Wednesday

The Biff!

At the eruption of a scrumdown wrestle

The stiff arm of a bewitched fullback

As a dancing standoff sidesteps his frame

A punch that comes from the seco...

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Creation Myth

If you were God

You would create a back story

On how you came to be

Something about a mother

And a father coming together

You would gradually create

The world around you

And the history of what went before

In order to keep you sane

You would form existence

to fit your needs

And each thing learned new

Would be to satisfy the r...

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Blurry

The world through a net curtain

Since the blood vessel burst in my eye

A Jackson Pollock of dark splatter

Swirling and whirling like oil on water

Swooping and looping like dragons

Drifting in ancient skies

One good eye doing the work of two

And suddenly you are vulnerable

Knowing that losing that one too

Would be blindness waiting to happen

So you ...

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Return To Jungle Land

The windows are thrown open

Somewhere Springsteen’s ‘Jungle Land’

Spreads saxophone and horns

Into the humid north west air

There is sweat and naked flesh

In the room on Mountbatten Avenue

Where young love consummates

On white linen sheets

The rats have deserted the city

Where there are no restaurant takeaways

Cascading from backstre...

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Chucked

Dear Clark - I write this letter as a way to say goodbye,

I know we’ve dated many years and I know I said I’d try

to get over all your little quirks that really drive me mad,

but I can’t, you see, and so for me It’s all ending rather sad.

It’s the way you seem to run away when things are getting tough,

If your penchant to hide in phone boxes wasn’t reason enough

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Half Time

I was playing centre half

With Athletic five nil up

In a prestigious third round tie

Of the Inter-City Cup

Sunday morning football

After beer the night before

The referee blew for half time

It was a disappointing score

The captain’s girlfriend Elsie

Brought a tray of oranges out

Some of us took one and sucked

And tried to forget the rout

T...

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Patriot?

Young Tommy didn’t get irony, cross,

he set off with the boneheads and boots

to guard statues of old Winston Churchill.

Signalling intent with their Nazi salutes.

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The Last Breath Of Evening

The sky is bruised purple at the last breath of evening

The air stilled from violent storms before the last breath of evening

From the new sunrise and the slow burn of a waking day

Stretching ahead in unknown pleasures to the last breath of evening

A day of honest work and muscles that ache

With the strain of reaching the last breath of e...

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Plague Doctor

One thing this plague has taught us

Is that close proximity can be lethal

You could be a carrier of ideas

Asymptomatic in their spread

Just your unthoughtful actions

Triggering others to violence

You could infringe on the personal space

Of other people’s beliefs

Carelessly trampling over them

By thinking only of your own gratification

Endang...

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New Normal

We hang around like statues

At McDonalds and Ikea

We wait in line for haircuts

Or to grab a pint of beer

We stand apart together

Following the six foot rule

We can gather for a shopping trip

But not to go to school

We spy upon our neighbours

And complain at barbeques

We daren’t go too far from the house

Because of lack of loos

We wear a m...

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Satan’s Dustbin

Satan, at number 666, is putting out the bins

Which are overflowing with hatred and all of mankind’s sins

The refuse collectors stay away they refuse to go near

Part of it’s the cloying smell and part of it’s just fear

Despite the warning label clearly stating ‘no hot ash’

He insists on putting them in there along with all the trash

The sad truth of his be...

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Clang!

Across the centuries

A clanging sound

The clang of a statue

As it falls to the ground

The clang of ideology

Toppling from its perch

The clang of the chains

And the swish of the birch

The clang of a bell

Ringing across the land

The clang of the people

As they make a stand

The clang of oppression

And the clang of the strange

And the clang...

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The Midas Touch

I saved the life of Lady Luck

And as a thank you I was told

That all I touched metaphorically

Would surely turn to gold

This gift came with a caveat

That seemed to be quite fair

I mustn’t get too greedy

Or all would turn to despair

And from that day without a doubt

I’ve found this to be true

I’ve won small bets on horseracing

And a game...

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The Truth Of Colour

The colour of humanity

Is not white skin

Or black skin

Not brown skin

Or yellow skin

It is the red blood

Of a beating heart

A blue shield

Is not the colour of humanity

When it takes a life

And all the greys

of muddled opinions

cannot change the truth

that a man could not breathe

because his skin colour

was...

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Hoodoo

The hoodoos rested here a while

And turned to face the great Bow River

Rocks and pine trees at their backs

This family of albino giants

Wind hewn and born of the water

White wolves of the sedimentary

Standing on the Inuit trail

That led them from the turqoise tumult

Towering to Alberta skies

That shimmer in the August heat

These monoliths of time s...

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Banana Republican

He’s totally bananas

He’s cowardly custard

He nods like a daffodil

His views are all mustard

He thinks he’s a dandy lion

He’s a long streak of piss

Frail as a buttercup

With acute jaundice

He smells of hell’s sulphur

His hair is fake blonde

And he looks like old weeds

That died in a pond

He tweets like a canary

That’s ...

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It Rained Today

It rained today

Breaking the strangling heat

But it wasn’t a cleansing rain

It didn’t dilute the colour of our skin

Or wash away the blood on our streets

It just soaked

The lonely man erecting barricades

So that McCars could McQueue for McBurgers

As consumerism kicked back in

And the deluge began

The air felt clearer though

Cracked...

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TRIGGER WARNING: contains profanity and quoted use of racist language

What Have You Got?

What have you got

When you haven’t got a tweet

That will work on the masses

And keep them off the street

When your corrupt policies

Are all laid bare

And the people are as unruly

As your fake blonde hair

What have you got

When it all goes South

In pillow case ...

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Pandora’s Box

barbeques and beaches

your own little playground

complaining about others

who sit in your space

incandescent

that schools are reopening

while little Johnny plays

with his mates in the park

lighting a fire

to cremate your pork chops

on the grass and heathlands

where sparks are bullets

leaving B&Q

with a six foot mirror

t...

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