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Greg Freeman

Mon 7th Oct 2013 06:02

I'm probably the wrong person to ask for critical feedback, Satyajit. I will admit that I'm not very good at receiving it myself, and so I hesitate to hand it out. Recently I had a small poem published in a magazine, but before it went in, the editor wrote to me suggesting a number of changes, to almost every line. She did not insist on them and I said No to most. But some I agreed to, because I felt they were an improvement. Even so, when it appeared in the magazine, it did not feel quite like my poem anymore.
What I would say is this: look at every word in your poem, and ask yourself, does it add to the meaning? Or is it being lazy? If you took it out, would doing that actually improve the poem? We can all usually find words like that in our poems, that aren't doing any work in the poem or helping its meaning, if we go back and look again a few days after writing them. Good luck!

Comment is about SATYAJIT BEHERA (poet profile)

Original item by SATYAJIT BEHERA

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Ged Thompson

Mon 7th Oct 2013 02:38

Brill

Comment is about Art House (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

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Ged Thompson

Mon 7th Oct 2013 02:31

About sums it up that mate

I agree,

Comment is about Just Passing Water (blog)

Original item by terry ireland

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Ged Thompson

Mon 7th Oct 2013 02:19

I liked this, well done

Its very subtle while still being meaningful,

Good work

Comment is about Your dawn chorus (blog)

Original item by Mark Mr T Thompson

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Ged Thompson

Mon 7th Oct 2013 02:11

As always Laura, brilliant!

Some people write how they want others to think they feel and some write about how they really feel. This comes through in all the work of yours I have ever viewed. I totally agree with the sentiment and reading it I felt a little guilty I had not attended......OH GOD!!!! Just realised something!!!!....What it reminded me of.. St Crispins Day speach, Shakespeare...let me find the bit that it reminds me of......

'This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.'

Is it just me??? or does the accent of Laura's poem echo the accent of this work by Billy Shakey?????

Anyway I'm going on a bit but i love this poem and love your style.

Comment is about Assembly (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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Ged Thompson

Mon 7th Oct 2013 01:52

Sounds like a pretty col place to be!

Comment is about Naked angel (blog)

Original item by Danny Metcalfe

<Deleted User> (6895)

Sun 6th Oct 2013 22:14

enjoyed!xx

Comment is about URBAN LULLABY (blog)

Original item by David Subacchi

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David Subacchi

Sun 6th Oct 2013 21:43

You can find more of my poetry including some videos by searching on line for SUBACCHI + POET.

Comment is about URBAN LULLABY (blog)

Original item by David Subacchi

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Dave Bradley

Sun 6th Oct 2013 20:36

Good review. Wish I could have been there. Well done Joy for having a go - you must have been good value. Don't be shy about advertising the next one.

Comment is about Joy France in Manchester, 2013 (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Francine

Sun 6th Oct 2013 17:50

Great review, Isobel. Have read some of her poetry over the years - will have to look up the 'Balls' one, if still available, though it does sound familiar...

Comment is about Joy France in Manchester, 2013 (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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satyajit behera

Sun 6th Oct 2013 16:57

thank u...charles sir

Comment is about SATYAJIT BEHERA (poet profile)

Original item by SATYAJIT BEHERA

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sun 6th Oct 2013 16:56

In heaven, Will smiles.

Comment is about How do I love thee? (blog)

Original item by Julian Jordon

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sun 6th Oct 2013 16:54

Fine work.

Comment is about SATYAJIT BEHERA (poet profile)

Original item by SATYAJIT BEHERA

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satyajit behera

Sun 6th Oct 2013 16:24

thanks sir...i owe your advise to join this site...
and i will be grateful if you can point any of my mistakes...so dat i can develope

Comment is about SATYAJIT BEHERA (poet profile)

Original item by SATYAJIT BEHERA

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sun 6th Oct 2013 14:52

Very beautiful.

Comment is about For my love i live. (blog)

Original item by sash

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Greg Freeman

Sun 6th Oct 2013 13:33

Welcome to Write Out Loud, Satyajit! I enjoyed your poem, and the moment your eyes met while you were writing about her.

Comment is about SATYAJIT BEHERA (poet profile)

Original item by SATYAJIT BEHERA

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Greg Freeman

Sun 6th Oct 2013 09:41

Thanks for your comment, MC. Another remarkable thing about the Poetry Library is that they don't charge for overdue books, a fact that John Hegley refers to in his poem. But, as he also points out in the same poem, this is not a concession to be taken advantage of!

Comment is about Behind the scenes at the Poetry Library (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

<Deleted User> (11514)

Sun 6th Oct 2013 09:36

Your poetry is beautiful! (I really mean it). Please visit my blog www.applecherrypipz.wordpress.com and leave a comment too!I have a poetry recital there by the way.

Comment is about Forgiveness (blog)

Original item by Joseph J. Breunig 3rd

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nick armbrister

Sun 6th Oct 2013 01:31

yes, it is. im surprised the guy got a jump jet as the yanks have our retired 1s to use as spares/replacements for the us marine harrier jump jets. unless his is a different version. id love to see him take off vertical and screw the neighbours lol.

Comment is about Dawn Demure (blog)

Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER

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Lynn Dye

Sat 5th Oct 2013 23:20

Wonderful stuff, Laura, love the poem. A girl after my own heart, wish I had been there. I agree with all your comments too! :-)

Comment is about Assembly (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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Lynn Dye

Sat 5th Oct 2013 23:05

Good points. I find it sad that 50,000 strong does not get the coverage it deserves. Well said.

Comment is about Regarding the BBC's lack of coverage... (blog)

Original item by Gray Nicholls

<Deleted User> (8795)

Sat 5th Oct 2013 22:40

Excellent - that what poetry is about -the truth.
It's no coincidence that Lord Patten, the current head of the BBC has direct links to a company heavily involved in private healthcare.

He is a member of the European Advisory Board for a private equity investment company called Bridgepoint.

Most of the politicians in the Tory Party have links to a myriad of companies which are currently ripping our NHS to shreds.

Comment is about Regarding the BBC's lack of coverage... (blog)

Original item by Gray Nicholls

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Laura Taylor

Sat 5th Oct 2013 18:28

This is fantastic Ian. There's a big shocking eeriness about it, and it's written so well. Love the anthropomorphism device. I was thinking about something very similar recently and got put off cos Bob reckoned Keats had already been there, heh ;D

Comment is about Winterfylleth (October) (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

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Laura Taylor

Sat 5th Oct 2013 18:23

Hi Harry

Nice snapshot there :) Love the ‘magnificently rebellious young militants’ line. There’s a poem in there, surely? ;)

I’m all for meaningful education, but how will we know if it IS meaningful, and what form it will take? Also, if it is forced, then there are consequences to this, same as the forced attendance of job centres between 9 - 5 idea.

Did you hear that IDS would not confirm if people who were placed on these schemes would be able to claim travel costs? The justification for this is that most job centres are within easy reach, apparently. Ours alone is a 40 minute walk, each way. Given that public transport costs have rocketed, the only alternative is walking. There's no 'spare money' in your dole to pay for travel. So that’s 80 minutes of walking, 5 days a week, rain or shine, snow or ice, for people who are not eating well, and not able to afford to heat their homes, or buy new clothes or decent shoes. Christ, we are so close to conditions outlined in the Ragged Trousered Philanthropist it scares me to death. We are going backwards at a rate of knots that should scare the crap out of everyone. But so many people can’t or won’t see that, and that not only confuses me, it angers me.

You’ll not see me defend New Labour on their policies, Harry. But let’s not forget that it was Thatcher’s deregulation of the banks that really set this process in train. The financial collapse can be directly shown to be a consequence of that deregulation.

You’re bang on re the ‘help to buy’ scheme. Pretty much all financial ‘experts’ predict disaster. What is so worrying about this present government is that they appear to be operating under a dangerous delusion. Or a big fat lie designed to break the state and keep all their buddies rich. One of those.

Yep – they were the guys who created this situation. We pay and pay, exist on less and less, and meanwhile the ‘wealth creators’ create wealth only for themselves.

Comment is about Assembly (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sat 5th Oct 2013 17:22

Loved " Woman", and its heartbreaking last line.

Comment is about Paulyn Lloyd (poet profile)

Original item by Paulyn Lloyd

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M.C. Newberry

Sat 5th Oct 2013 17:03

JC - I hope your commitment rewards you in due
course - and that you "coin it" with any sale
of your collection in the future.
I used to collect stamps in the distant days of
Empire - with those brightly coloured scenes
to fill the pages from SO many different lands.
When he was with the Army in Germany, my brother brought back an immaculate loose-leaf
collection - between red leather covers - of
stamps depicting the Nazi days (many of Hitler
himself). I swopped it at school for something or other (as kids often do), but I sometimes
wonder about their value today. Or perhaps
they were like the Russian stamps...produced
in millions and of no real value to a proper collector? I'll never know.

Comment is about I Collect Money (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sat 5th Oct 2013 16:58

Like this poem, and its truthfulness, very much.

Comment is about Edie Hope (poet profile)

Original item by Edie Hope

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M.C. Newberry

Sat 5th Oct 2013 16:53

The commitment in this evocation of brave days
is surely to be seen in the extraordinary
re-build of a Harrier jump jet by a Brit. in his
"back garden"...just reported online. It's another indication of a never-say-die state of mind that has no equal anywhere in the world.

Comment is about Dawn Demure (blog)

Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sat 5th Oct 2013 16:44

"Quake South Island" is stunning and a privilege to read.

Comment is about Claire Booker (poet profile)

Original item by Claire Booker

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M.C. Newberry

Sat 5th Oct 2013 16:29

An interesting but inaccurate comment.
IRONY: Words used with inner meaning/in which
meaning is the opposite of that expressed.
(Collins Dictionary)
Pardon me - but I fail to see how the content
of this short "to the point" post can be placed in either category.
For myself, I have never resorted to insulting
language towards others, or deleted any
alternative point of view. To do so, IMHO, limits any serious attempt to address issues thought
important enough to express through the great
medium of poetry.

Comment is about THE POLITICAL POET (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sat 5th Oct 2013 16:18

"When Thatcher Died" is brilliant work; thank you.

Comment is about Ian O'Brien (poet profile)

Original item by Ian O'Brien

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sat 5th Oct 2013 15:05

" Camellia" is a deeply beautiful work.

Comment is about J.S.Watts (poet profile)

Original item by J.S.Watts

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sat 5th Oct 2013 15:00

Love "curled like an idol moon".

Comment is about Linda Cosgriff (poet profile)

Original item by Linda Cosgriff

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sat 5th Oct 2013 14:51

" 3 D Printer" is wonderful.

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Mark Mr T Thompson

Sat 5th Oct 2013 14:38

Hahaha the irony

Comment is about THE POLITICAL POET (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sat 5th Oct 2013 14:19

Love this vibrant poem, so humane.

Comment is about Mark Mr T Thompson (poet profile)

Original item by Mark Mr T Thompson

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sat 5th Oct 2013 00:58

Love this work.

Comment is about Sarah James (poet profile)

Original item by Sarah James

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sat 5th Oct 2013 00:32

Love this poem.

Comment is about Anne Maney (poet profile)

Original item by Anne Maney

<Deleted User> (11485)

Sat 5th Oct 2013 00:27

"Saltfish English" is marvelous. I loved this poem.

Comment is about Marcia Calame (poet profile)

Original item by Marcia Calame

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Starfish

Fri 4th Oct 2013 21:22

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful read!! I too loved the reference to "their cardigans".

Comment is about Winterfylleth (October) (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

Steve Smith

Fri 4th Oct 2013 19:04

Excellent comment in poetry!Well done!

Comment is about 50,000 (blog)

Original item by Gray Nicholls

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Simon Austin

Fri 4th Oct 2013 17:23

Quite right, thanks for the spot (and all the comments) :)

Comment is about Hitman (blog)

Original item by Simon Austin

<Deleted User> (11459)

Fri 4th Oct 2013 16:42

a beautiful nightmare:)

Comment is about In Limbo (blog)

Original item by Simon Austin

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