This poem tries to capture the pain of watching a friend succumb to addiction, bound to a destructive habit that erodes both health and hope. As one friend struggles with the limits of friendship and "agape", the other slips further and further away, lost in a cycle that breaks promises and bodies alike. This poem hopefully serves as both plea and ultimatum—a haunting look at the cost of holding o...

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Sat through another non-eventful free fall through the ceiling

while trying hard to feel something despite the way I'm feeling.

Trying hard to find my way back to the time of when

I didn't have to sit in this damn chair time and again.

For every day now seems a bit more like the day before.

Just like a cross between a treadmill and revolving door,

where weeks and m...

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The days don’t seem to give a damn,

they march in step of time.

They stare ahead with eyes of steel

while never breaking line.

They torture me with disregard,

they tread upon my soul.

They seem so unaware I’m here,

they simply come and go.

I once believed the day would come,

I hoped that it would give

the thing that I was searching for -

a reason I should...

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It's that time after the entire day is over and it's dark out there so feel some calmness in your surrounding. When music takes over your every sense, and you just do what you love to do after your entire day is finished. 

Oh! don't get any other ideas, I'm just talking about your hobbies, not something that takes control over your soul. I'm not talking about 'Something' that deep, just your ho...

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Just leave me alone and let me find peace
I don't want to hurt
I don't want to weep
Who’s are the voices inside my head?
Why do they hate me? 
What have I said?
Why let them get to me?
What do I say?
Why can’t I make them all just go away?
Why do I feel I have to paint on a smile?
Why can’t I just be ‘me’ for a while?
These are the questions I’m asking each day
The voices, the demons I...

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Empathy and care

A trap.

that burns.. a never ending struggle

No result - No change - No difference

Except to me

that’s the difference

can’t be ignored

can’t be left

Mental illness more resilient than all the love in the world.

I didn’t know that

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Wake and feel,

wake and breathe..

Foggy thoughts..

Where?                What?           Is it?             

Arrrrrrh….

Don’t endure this – it’s a waste.  Live - try to live.

Possible,

move a little

move a little more.

Now.

And Again.

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Real love is life threatening 

It’s not serene, sweet, dream love

It’s not romantic, rainbow love

No

True love is torture 

Gut wrenching pain

Hands and knees, love 

Need it to breathe, love 

It’s enough to put you away, love 

But never pull you away, love 

It’s masochistically addictive 

It titillates and irritates

Possesses every bit 

Until you have a fit

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Father's fell in the ages of stones ,

Then I was given names by companions .

In me there grew a pain none could see ,

As I watched back in the days ,

Others were bought Christmas gifts ,

While I sat back ,with burning wishes 

I recall slowly ,the path itself was a war 

With that little hope I grew, daily.

Everyday storms would sneak in the little shelter that Momma gav...

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How come it can be this hard
To climb these mountains in my path
And just a small mistake 
Is all it takes to slide back down?

How come it can be this tough
To climb the steps in this building?
And just a little fail
Brings me straight back down.

How come it's never quite enough
And the journey's never easy?
Could it be because
Joy keeps falling out of reach?

How come although I ...

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Dark side Drug ride

Natural pain now overrides all illegal chems submitted. I’m now confident with this habit I’ve admitted. 

If writing makes me feel good I should do it, if singing means so much why aim so hard to lose this touch

Lyrics in music become more relatable, you become what you hear. You surrender your soul and let go of established fear.

Where is the fi...

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Why do all the greatest ideas arise after illegal consumption. Why does fate always suggest such a temptation. 

It’s exhausting the provided short lived excitement. Aiming to throw our reality of its alignment. 

Time starts to have no logical meaning. it starts to no longer seem to exist. The struggle is a twisted game you fail to resist.

It’s unnatural what my body is now ...

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Sometimes

Life is like the smallest flower

Stretching for some sun

When all the bigger ones devour

All it could become

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I gave you my life
You gave it back
But you live your life
Behind a mask
Hiding a secret
It’s yours to tell
But you should have told me
Before I fell
You are to blame
You caused me pain
Why can't you love me the same

Building years of friendship
Building years of love
Growing strong together
Embracing all we’ve got
But this charade
Is what you made
I see the truth
As it slowly ...

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Like a scared child in the shadows
Lurking to find what’s right
Strange feelings overtake me
And my chest is feeling tight
Why does it feel abnormal
Why does it seem so strange
I don't have one attraction
I have multiple in my range
Why does it sound so dirty
In an homophobic head
Why do I feel so troubled
By what others might have said
Is it them who have the problem
Or am I running ...

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Trying hard to save me
Fighting hard to stay
Sorting through the feelings
That never go away
I may look harder from the outside
But no-one sees the me within
Cuz if they saw for just one moment
They would see I’m crumbling
 

I need help to get me through
Another day of feeling blue
Of feeling weak, I’m not that strong
Of feeling who I am is wrong
But I’ll get through
I know it’s tr...

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Demons are coming
Engrossed with my brain
Their taking control
Am I going insane
They try to take over
The thoughts in my head
But I won’t let them get me
I’ll get them instead

Fighting with demons
Keep those demon’s at bay
Caged in a corner
Keep those demons away

When panic takes over
Those demons are close
They’re reaching and beating
They fill me with doubt
But stood in the ...

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Inside I’m breaking, I’m aching, in falling apart
The mess in my head is a real work of art
I’d unravel this mess but where would I start
Picked away at the seams bit by bit, part by part

The confusions, delusions
I just think what I have
But then thinking and sinking
I start to feel sad
Then with sadness there’s madness
And then I feel bad
These confusions, delusions are driving me ma...

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In a dusky morning, the sun was setting,
Wanted to scream in a silent mic.

No more of this frustration, no more of this hatred,
Death was the only freedom came to his mind.

Listening to the people, listening to himself he realised,
Many a things don't matter, So does his life.

Losing his hobby, his like, his ego, his pride.
Losing his humanity, was what it was like.

'Try to stay po...

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Sweet summer sunshine

And her warm embrace,

Her radiance, as pale as egg-whites,

Veils her face. 

She shies away from you and I 

Behind the soufflé of clouds, 

Mighty and high,

Far, far away from the mortal crowd. 

Or perhaps she's afraid 

Of the power we hold

To birth, sunder and devastate

Those shaped from the same dough. 

Fragile feeble fingers...

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Broken

It’s a weird feeling. 

Hating yourself.  

Always. 

I try so hard to put on a show

Always

To all of my friends

And my family 

I need to be strong.

I don't want pity 

I don't want to be a charity case

I’ve always been the person people come to for advice 

And I’ve always been there for all my friends 

And goddammit, I wish they were there for me 

I me...

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They seek shelter from the rain

In the doorways of the city

Although the lights shine so bright

Believe for them it's far from pretty

Watching the world pass them by

In a kaleidoscope of grey

Feeling like nobody notices them

As we continue with our day

All they ask for is a moment

Someone to stop and talk

Providing them with some comfort

From life's painful, lonely...

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How many times must I rinse off the moon

And unpeel the stars from my skin?

Have someone ask what were you drinking?

How many times must I try clinging to lamp lights?

Try configuring keys into shining beacons?

I cannot see in the dark

Yes, blackouts steal my sight

But when finished,

I wake up feeling feverish

And fear ferments and festers

The night can be sticky

H...

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You discover them

one by one

climbing up the walls

searching for something to satisfy their hunger

They gather there

smelling the sweetness calling them

they see their chance

a long journey has taken place

Will they reach their target

or will they be wiped out

only to start over again

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"Find yourself"

You can misplace your mind

But

You can't forfeit your mind

When you've built a fort for your mind

Mine is bulletproof,

Double-glazed,

Soundproof,

In here

I can stay outside of myself

I can step outside of the world

Oops

Yesterday,

I watched us having a conversation

From my window panes

Through the heavy glaze

It made me feel some type...

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I'm dedicated. Not addicted. I'm in control. It's my desicion. I say what And I say where. And if you ask jus rig;;

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Searching for you

You’re the word

On the tip of my tongue

- tip - tip – tick – tock

You’re the face on my clock

Yes!

You’re the catch in my breath

Like if I was to cough

Words of you

Would just tumble out

Like if I was to shout

Words of you

Would just rumble out

You’re built into my skull

You’re the clutch over my brain

You’re running through my veins

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She’s a bright star, within the unlit night 

Guiding others through, the tough thing, that we call life 

Her strength is beyond admirable to all 

And even if she should ever fall 

She would somehow, pull though 

The things, that to others, it would inevitably un-do 

Her beauty and grace, isn’t just a way to save face 

She's had to fight great wars, every single day 

Even wh...

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I'm losing my mind,
I'm flipping the script,
On this sobriety shit,
I can't get a grip,
The truth hurts,
But it sets us free,
Its holding me back,
I just wanna scream,
The tracks that I have,
And the scars on my arms,
Are all just reminders,
Of the people that I've harmed,
So I open my eyes,
To the things that make me blind,
That's why I keep trying,
One day at a time.

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In and out the sea doth sway

Erasing mans death and decay.

An old man's struggle,

No net, no sail. Only a flag

of permanent defeat.

Great fish swimming around and around,

the reel running, a screaming sound.

A Marlin swims, the ultimate catch,

only days to see if luck they will have.

The men struggle and pray away,

A massive catch needed to save the day.

...

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His touch is revolting,

hot. agressive. forced.

His breath rancid,

moist. surrounding. tainted.

His saliva was acidic,

impure. contaminated. corrosive.

I push away,

but I am overruled. 

My skin is burning off at his every touch.

I shake

as my flesh melts off my skeleton.

Looking down at myself,

I see a shell of who I once was.

I peer into his dark,

empty e...

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contemporaneous cold, 

in the winter of my agony 

july's heat long forgotten,

january's frost an eternal constant 

and yet 

one remembers, 

flowers bloom. 

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A brain that’s been tapped and tinkered is suddenly transformed.

A soul that’s been prodded and pulled is carefully put back in its place.

Thoughts have been dusted and polished and put away in their boxes.

A gut that been untangled, unknotted, instead now tied in a bow.

But then the scars to the brain have split.

The crack in its box is on display.

A scratch to the soul wan...

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Unrequited love is the destruction of the heart

It is walking across an endless desert occupied with faded mirages that show you beauty like never before

Constantly consumed by its wonder, constantly consumed by the despair for your love for it

She is the mirage, you are the lonley aching fool in an endless desert

You are the one slowly suffocating by the boundless intesity of what you...

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A lock on the the door, a no vacancy sign,

A glitch in the process, a flaw in design.

An important step skipped, an opportunity missed.

A sunrise slept through, pretty lips never kissed.

A trail never never blazed, a sea never never sailed.

A an old man full of stories, with no one to tell.

A kid with no candy store, a garden, less bloom.

A beautiful centerpiece in a cold empt...

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I got a taste for blood last night.

It wasn’t yours,

It wasn’t his,

It wasn’t hers,

No.

I got a taste for blood last night and it was my own.

Sometimes I consider draining myself dry,

Sucking myself into sand

Come, watch me crumble.

I got a taste for the blood which runs

From my lips.

But nobody ever described self destruction like this,

I never considered I mig...

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Lust consumes those who fall or the trap

Confusion or jealousy twitches above eyes

Desire to amount to more than the simplicity of existing 

Desire to feel desired 

Tender affection is rejected by violin strings of broken beings 

Sympathy will be forbidden, the truth hidden 

Blackness only welcomes sin.

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Do I still have it, I know I do, Just gotta find the right release, Or is it the right beat, I keep making excuses to questions no one asks, but me, Feeling like I need to set myself free, I believe I can get myself there, Yet where do I start, Smoking weed and drinking ain't helped shit, Almost makes it harder, All I write is poems no rhymes yet, So much ambition lost down the ...

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Men with brilliant minds fought a war in the ether, fighting an invisible war.

Using maths to crack enemy codes of unbelievable complexity.

Making sure they were never found out.

Enigma and Lorenz were cracked by pure brain power.

Mathematics being the power of intelligence, enemy codes saying everything.

Hidden no more.

Lists of army units and air force ord...

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A silence fell upon the city,

contorted shadows twisting moonlight.

Stuttering in a speakeasy seemed so misplaced

bottles rattled flickering like Fedora feathers

in an unforgiving wind.

The wretched odour of deprivation

a stench that sticks and degrades ones existence.

Even by day this city remains a lifeless sap

and by night the vampires feast on th...

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TIME WILL TELL…

I’m a prisoner in my own life, got a deluge of violent images bombarding me. Oh god make it stop, it brings me to my knees. I swear I’m not a violent man; my problems from the past are years old, at times they come and get me at night, for those hours I’m on my own and vulnerable in my bed, the assault continues.

I try to use my common sense to distance myself from...

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Invisible but not voiceless,
This fire within me burning;
Fueled by things long since done;
Uncertain it would continue

And most certainly would one day end.

Resounding vermillion trains,
Travelling across frontier lands;
That began by fits and starts.
But this is just the beginning,

And most certainly is not the end.

Smearing the silence with my t...

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