I don't know what to say other than ......

I wish 
I could hold you tight
And that you'd hold me 
In a cocoon of togetherness, spun of the strongest thread
Only to break as beauty forces itself out into the world
It's metamorphosis delicate, fragile
Exquisite in its simplicity 

I wish 
I could kiss you .......

(C) Pixievic

https://soundcloud.com/vicki-ayers/baffled-written-...

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Barefoot she walks along the beach 
Retracing lost memories in ripples of sand
The murmur of the surf plays in her ears like muffled 
notes bowed on a cello
the sun drips down behind 
the cobalt waves casting shadows to equal those of 
her longest night 
Hushed colours paint her skin in hues of poignancy, 
her heart beats in rhythm with the tide as she glides
through the surf
Footprints ...

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We danced to Cuban rhythms 
Late into the night 
I twirled my skirts in girlish glee
Giggling in delight
My heart it started pounding 
As you held me tight
I waited for the kiss
That would bring me back to life 
Then
Brutally it struck me
At the stroke of midnight
You were just an apparition
Your kiss turned into frostbite 
A phantom on the dance floor 
A cruel trick of the light
Yo...

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When I hear this music
I think of you
Crashing through my senses
Like a thunderstorm 
Painting colours inside my eyes

I do not know you
I do not know myself
Things are changing 
Beyond my control.

When it was simple 
The melody was soothing
But the two parts now encountered
Absorb each other
Becoming one

The quickening of my pulse
Takes me by surprise .......

Is it thoughts...

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I can taste the colours of your kiss
Fiery crimsons bursting through 
Mellow yellows
Exploding into sweet tangelo
Cool blues
Turning violet
As my senses play this quiet duet

I hear music when you touch me
Bass lines throbbing alongside
Exotic rhythms
Tumbling into trembling strings
Soaring voices
Dulcet tones
Within your music my body groans

I can smell flowers in your words
Ten...

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like
a trickle 
from mountain rain 
it starts ......

my
Desire

a quiver of droplets
converging together
coursing through my body 
consuming my thoughts
babbling down my contours
into my valleys
soaking my senses 
with lust
growing in need
shuddering across rocks
rapidly gaining in momentum
uncontrolled
in a frenzy of whitewater 
finally 
reaching the drop
tantalising 
at ...

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A bittersweet mixture of agony and ecstasy
Found in the lone voice of a piano 
Painting colours in harmony
That leave my senses reeling 
Flying through the air like an arrow
Shot from cupids bow 
An electric arc in the atmosphere
Piercing my soul with forgotten longing
Balancing in timeless beauty
Pirouetting chiffon billows elegantly through the notes
Defying gravity
Suspended in ...

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I long to gaze upon your rugged beauty
Magnificent as you rise up
From soft flowing valleys
To collide with the clouds
Slate coloured eyes 
Surveying everything beneath you
Dangerously calling me to conquer 

I long to swim in your energy
Caught up in the waves of your emotion
Intoxicated by your ebb and flow
My sanity lost in your cadence 
Throbbing in your tide 
Adrift in the moment...

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I pull you out 
Smoothing your creases 
Lying you flat so I can 
Fill you with 
A sweet mixture of guilt 
And poison
There's artistry in my fingers
As I roll you expertly
(From years of practice)
Along your length
Into the shape I desire
I lick your edges 
Firmly sealing you with a feather like touch
I place you lovingly between
My lips
Flicking the flame 
That will bring you to li...

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Amongst the folded hills
The forest ripples
Dripping 
Down into the valleys, 
Then 
Clambers back up 
Towards heaven 

A Saxon Lord, a hunter
Atop his white and noble steed
His kinsmen close behind him 
Hounds baying at the Stag
They pursue 
Charges through the sunlight
Dappled green
Painted on his brow

Concentrated on his quest
Divided from his clan
Appearing in his vision
A ...

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Sweetness fills my senses 
As my tongue rolls around you 
Savouring your taste
Transforming

As my mouth gently engulfs your contours
Sucking
Relishing every second until 
Finally releasing your zesty finish

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We are human 
And poets 
Humans make mistakes 
Poets own their faux pas
Endearingly on paper
Making us a uniquely
Fucked up bunch of individuals 

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Somewhere 

I know you're out there 
I can hear your voice in the wind that rustles the leafless trees 
Like them I'm waiting for Spring 
For warmth 
Nourishment 
To grow again inside love 

I'm searching for you
I chase my shadow in the fading colours of the setting sun
Look for your message amongst the stars 
Face upturned 
Bathed in moonlight
In awe of the universe

I've dreamt ...

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Can you spare a bit of change mate?
I'm truly am in need
I don't need a fix of powder
Or an ounce of weed
I need a cup of coffee mate
To help my bones get warm
I need a bed for the night
My sleeping bag's all torn

Can you spare a bit of change mate?
Can't you see me here?
I'm sitting right in front of you
Think I can't see you sneer?
I can't afford a bath mate
I can't afford new clo...

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Unfinished words bewitchingly buzz
Swarming through my head like clusters of noise I can't ignore
As their mutter quickens the more I become aware I need to fulfill their purpose

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My
Words
Spoke 
To your 
Heart
          You said  
I had a 
Beautiful 
Mind

I was 
Flattered
I set down 
My shield 
Thought you
To be 
 Kind

You offered 
          A drink
              A kiss
                  More......

Only then
After several 
Hours of 
Conversation 
Did you tell me

In case it 

'Made a difference'

That
Actually
You 
Were 
Taken

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         Resounding across oceans
            Hovering amongst clouds
         Like a whisper from the moon
                 I heard your words
                   And I thank you
                        From the
                      Deepness of
                             My
                        Existence 

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 I've never written a Haiku before.... your feedback is most welcome (& probably necessary!!) thanks ;) xx

Your words used to thrill
Your words once held me tight, but
Now your words scream lies

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A flower
Caught in the muddy waters of life
Spiralling in a whirlpool of tenacity
Plucked and discarded
To continue its journey alone  

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        A wish to help me through the night
        Twin flames forever burning bright
   Lost souls who've found each other now
       Complete in knowledge that somehow
                   We'll make it through 
                        However hard
                   We'll grow together
                    Love unbarred 

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A Tribute to Paul Murphy

who died today - my friend & inspiration

Farewell my friend 
For now you're gone
To sing your words
With angles strong
With top hats raised
We say so long 
You Ranter, Raver
And Poet of song

Go give God a good rant! 
RIP you nutter xxx

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A Rant 
by a Drunk & Angry Poet! 

Fuck you! You selfish bastard
You wanker, prick & runt
You think that I deserve this
You're an ugly little cunt

Throughout our 14 years
Via your manipulation
You've broken me piece by piece
Now I'm changing that situation

You think that you can fuck her
And keep me as a friend
You think I'll take it lying down
Believe me this is the end

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Decisions

My head is saying walk away
My heart is saying stay, stay!

My head is saying what will be will be
My heart is saying please, love me

My head is saying all this will pass
My heart is saying I'm made of glass

My head is saying I don't need you
My heart is saying but I want you 

My head is saying Vic get a grip!
My heart is saying 

Watch out you'll slip
And f...

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Eyes so dark like drowning in molten mystery 
Your stare shatters my resolve
A seraphic touch played its music on my skin
Your hands lead me into danger
A rhythmical voice that unburdens my heart
Your song confuses my mind
A remembered dream that torments my sleep
Your face impregnates the screen
Once my lover now my friend
Your silence screams at me
Betrayal bites the hand that fed...

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Love lies bleeding
Yelping incessantly 
In its predominantly 
Narcissistic 
Grief

Love
Is
Torturous in its
Truth
Love does not guarantee for-
Ever afters

Comparatively 
Unfailing, it 
Never reveals its true
Tenacity 

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Lady Moon
You wax & wane
You play your game
With tide & mood
Emotions high
In cloudless sky 
My pending thoughts
Become unglued

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I          Stand         Still 
Motionless, in a kaleidoscopic tide of emotion
Spewing it's entrails
Demanding I take - notice 
I tell it to 

Fuck Off!

It is relentless in its desire to consume me
Like a - bad trip
Lucy, in her Sky with 
Demons

Surround yourself with love ....
             
                                              they say

Well love, can 
Fuck off too! 

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Crack open my ribs
Pull out my heart and
Feast
While I gaze 
In wonderment 
Questioning 
Why 
It
Hurts 

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Die hard hipsters
Wildly clinging to images of 
Adolescence
Regaling epic fables
Lost inside weed infested minds
Grazing shoulders with the
Super cool young things
Franticly plunging ahead 
Towards perceived sophistication
Bearded dudes 
Heads cocked at a jaunty angle
Whiskey in hand, lust in their eyes 
Confrontation 
Just one sip away
Painted princesses
With vodka smeared lipstick...

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Circles

I'm in too deep
There is no retreat
My dreams repeat
I wanna take a leap
And forget the creep
But I end up in a heap
And all I do is ..... weep

I'm in too deep
There is no retreat
My dreams repeat
I wanna take a leap
And forget the creep
But I end up in a heap
And all I do is..... seep

I'm in too deep
There is no retreat
My dreams repeat
I wanna take a leap
And for...

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Just because you're nice to me
Don't think that I don't know
I can read your thoughts so easily 
Your intention is on 'show'
I've seen your eyes roam over me
Your stare it's like a prison
You've fucked me in your fantasy
So sure of a submission
Do you imagine I'll come willingly?
Your promise in your smile
You've planned it all so brilliantly
Engineered it with such style
But there's a...

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In quiet contemplation
I sit & listen to the rain
Its gentle beat, its soothing tone
Then its torrent once again
It is a natural cleanser
That washes quite away
All these pesky feelings
That are so determined to stay

I wish I had another soul

To sit with here, who might
Enjoy the rain & like to share
This music of the night
But alas I sit alone
And listen once again
To the sy...

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This is me 
An embroidered creature cobbled together from fragments of history
Radiant 
Brilliant
Bouncing around in this abnormality we refer to as life
Always seeking answers to questions that have yet to be asked
Unrestrained
Uncontrolled 
Tirelessly looking for a way in
Chasing the wind over barren landscapes with threadbare trees waiting for sun kissed days - to be 
Reborn 
Redisco...

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The black dog came a calling
Fucker that he is
Stuck his nose into my life

And tried to take what wasn't his

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As you sit a top the branches
Of this ancient temple old and wise
Without a worry or a care
Shielding sunlight from your eyes
Can you see the woman down below?
Her face is full of fear
She has a tale she needs to tell 
But, not one you'll want to hear
No fairytale of love and hope
This memoir from within
But a nightmare from which she waits 
For her life to begin
You see, not long from...

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Just minding my own business
Standing in a line
A basket full of shopping
In a headspace that was mine
When suddenly a voice piped up
'What you cooking love?!'
And being kind - I turned around
And stood gazing from above
Upon a short & greasy man
Who's eyes were firmly fixed
To the swelling of my bosom
He really was transfixed!
I cleared my throat and said 'hello'
In an attempt to rai...

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Give life your hand
You'll be surprised where it takes you
Enjoy where you land
Push on and breakthrough
Trust in your soul
It's guidance will thrill you
Follow the wormhole
To experiences new
The universe waits
For those who will take it
Go find a playmate 
And cradle their spirit
Kiss under the stars
And smile in the rain
Create your own memoirs
Own all your pain
Grab life with b...

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Who is she? 
This being 
This life
In and out of existence with no real

Connection
A superficial exterior needed to shield 
A crumbling, shattered spirit, hidden Underneath
There are no pieces
No fragments to paste together
Nothing inside but a void so deep it might never be filled
Be warned 
This is a cruel and dangerous world
Where nothing is ever as it seems
I use words as weapon...

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Tears of rage sting my eyes
The anger burns inside
I am used up, spent
I have nothing left
So I retreat behind my disguise

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Sometimes I wish I didn't feel
I wish my heart was made of stone
That I was immune to all this shit
Of being on my own
My world is full of Cockwombles
Fuckwits & Spunk Trumpets
Turd Burglars & Cunt Puddles
Wank Stains & Fuck Nuggets! 
And those are just the few 
That I've had the joy of meeting
I'd like to dare the rest to meet 
Somewhere - however fleeting 
Stand up and be counted 
Y...

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I'm jumping in with both feet
But I've forgotten how to swim
I can not find my paddle
And the water's pretty grim! 
I need a newer guide book
To navigate this path
Why is it so difficult
I just want to have a laugh! 
Maybe I should google it
'How to find a mate'
But one who really means it
And is punching at his weight
It's impossible to tell from
The sparse detail that I've got
How ...

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With lipstick & powder
Applied to my face
Concealing my feelings
The lines erased
A low cut top with 
A push up bra
My boobs are quite decent
(When viewed from afar!)
A skirt emblazoned
With a gaudy design
Dressed to impress
With a questioning hemline
Spanx to suck in
The tummy of mum
Smooth all the bumps
Tuck in my bum
I'm out on the town 
Hoping to find
The man of my dreams
...

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As the minutes tick by
Languidly 
Seconds taking hours
To reach their goal
I ask myself
Is he here?!

Standing alone in a sea full of faces
Seeking
People turning from my 
Penetrating gaze
And I ask myself 
Is he here?!

Eyes closing, inwardly searching
Breathing
Thwarting the orgy of noise 
Head against the wall 
And I tell myself
He   is   here! 

The countdown begins

Ten...

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I've been issued a quest 
I need to achieve
A kiss, just one kiss
On New Years Eve
Is a kiss what I need?
I'm thinking not
Why buy into the hype
And hope for the jackpot
I'd rather sit home
Snug & warm by the fire
Than go to the pub 
In my party attire
But oh how I'd like
A kiss - just to feel
Like the new year was perfect
To make it seem real
It's what everyone does
So I'm led to...

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I long to tell you all my dreams
And hear yours in return
Oblivious to the world outside
As we surround ourselves with words

I long hear your lilting voice
As you whisper words of love 
Captured in this moment 
In which there is nothing else

I long to kiss you goodnight
And run my fingers through your hair
To watch your eyelids close
Eyelashes soft against your cheek

I...

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I am single - again
And a girl who has needs
So boys I beg you
To follow my lead
I have a mouth 
That likes to be kissed
Softy and gently
It's not to be missed
Don't stick your tongue in
Like a pneumatic drill 
Or suck on my face
Like a puppy on pills
My lips have nerves
That give me pleasure & pain
They like to be savoured
Not tugged on in vain
And my breasts ... Please don't pumm...

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It's a fucking minefield
This being single lark 
I don't know what I'm doing 
Or how to make a start!
There's all this online dating 
Match, Elite or Tinder
And then there's Single Friend
But does it help or hinder?! 
I want to meet new people
I don't just want a fuck
Do I want a relationship
Should I just try my luck?
I'd like a real person
Not someone on a phone
That responds to co...

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I sit on a bench
On a hill
In the rain
Hiding my tears
My heart 
Full of pain
I watch
I listen 
I wait in vain
For the answer
To a question
I can't explain

I sit on a bench
In a park
Full of history
Surrounded by people
Who pass by
But can't see me
I am hurt
I am broken
And they let me be
A girl
On a bench
Across from the abbey

I sit on my bench
In quiet
Contemplation
...

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It is Christmas time again
Tis the season to be jolly
But I have this fear that I'll end up
Impaled upon the holly!
Face down amongst the tinsel
Legs up in the air
A fir tree firmly rooted 
With its branches in my hair
A gravy splattered dress
Is a look I might be working
With brussel sprouts as earrings
(The pigs in blankets will be smirking)
As they watch my slow descent
To the floo...

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