I love the insignificance of your fallen tears, and the lava on a cigarette.

Comment is about Tears (blog)

Original item by A P

I really felt I could relate to this, when I read it. Thanks for sharing.

Comment is about Seeing Blindly (blog)

Original item by Andres S.

Thanks Stu. To be honest I used to enjoy it many years ago.
The days when it had a certain charm and simplicity. Then went off it. Times change I suppose.?

Raj

Comment is about EuroTrash -- Dix Points (blog)

Original item by Chakraj

For all comments on this I deeply thank you :

Suki: It's funny but even after repetitions funerals can always throw up new repercussions; I try to rise above them. It was so fresh in my mind (the day before).

David, so nice that my voice came over ungarnished, I tried to deliver it with feeling. This funeral was of Lynn's ex husband's wife, so a very strange mix of emotions all round. Although we both had no hard feelings for her, the past stain of hate came crashing in for her.

Thanks Keith very nice that you like my work - I sense honesty in your stuff. I tried to keep this simple.

Well that is so nice Rachel, it means a lot believe me. I do have a very eclectic approach so that's good!

Kevin, honesty in this situation is the best policy - no use trying to be clever with fancy words - so glad you spotted it.

Praise indeed Stu. My voice is something I have always felt insecure about, and try to cover it up with sundry accents I impose on it. So your liking it means a great deal indeed. I'll take it with me hopefully to more live readings!

Love to all !

Comment is about DUST TO DUST (blog)

Original item by ray pool

i listened before i read ray and i shall be doing that from now on, you have a wonderful orating voice and this is an emotionally charged, classically written poem.

Comment is about DUST TO DUST (blog)

Original item by ray pool

great last line elP, really beautiful to read.

Comment is about R.E.M. (blog)

Original item by nunya

as a lifetime eurovision fan (hard to believe but i absolutely love it, always have) i cannot agree with the sentiment here but i do like the piece!

Comment is about EuroTrash -- Dix Points (blog)

Original item by Chakraj

a truly honest piece, written at a time when you were still feeling the emotions of these sad occasions. hearing it read by you only added to the poignancy.

kevin

Comment is about DUST TO DUST (blog)

Original item by ray pool

hearing that sweet voice no doubt amounted to the best of your chrissy presents M.C. nice poem.


P&S

Comment is about THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS - a song lyric (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

Yes full length play with cast
.

Comment is about A WORK OF ART (blog)

Original item by ian winter

Hi Ray. Thanks for your comments on "Shut Thi' Clack".
I've been looking at, and listening to Stanley Holloway Monologues, since reading your comment. I'm flattered to be even mentioned in the same sentence as this great old master. unfortunately if you'd have heard me trying to read you'd withdraw your comment. I fell flat on my arse on my last two attempts. (something I'm going to have to work on)

Cheers Kevin

Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)

Original item by ray pool

Hi Cynthia, thank you for your comments on "Shut Thi' Clack". much appreciated. it's only because of the kind comments I receive that I keep writing.
Cheers Kevin.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

hi Keith, thanks for reading and commenting on "Shut Thi' Clack". it was based on an ex-service mens club we went into when I was in the TA. It was armistice day, but bingo still took priority, and we all had to sit in silence till it had finished. I found it funny how it was acceptable to talk during the turn though.
Cheers Kevin

Comment is about keith jeffries (poet profile)

Original item by keith jeffries

This makes me question if space-time bends just a little in those most memorable moments...as it's been sung, we are all made of stars...

Rachel

Comment is about As A Fragrance Ghost With No Name Drifts By (blog)

Original item by Suki Spangles

Pure ecstasy, Stu..lovely.

Rachel

Comment is about i am light once more (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

Hello Keith,

You've posted a couple of pieces since, but I remembered this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aw44qSb36bc

...from the names of ships to their very representation at the masthead--all feminine...I love the idea that drew me in, thinking at first that you must be speaking of a woman and your romance toward her.


Rachel

ps
Sorry, Keith..dreadfully wrong on the statement about mastheads.

Comment is about She sailed in... (blog)

Original item by keith jeffries

The character study is interesting, but your comment has me contemplating an entire cast! How very "come hither" of you...

Rachel

Comment is about A WORK OF ART (blog)

Original item by ian winter

I am so glad for the "of late" readings of your writing..they reveal an entirely new facet of your poetry, Ray.

Always a fan,

Rachel

Comment is about DUST TO DUST (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Hi Ray and David,

Ray, it was a piece of spooky synchronicity: I read your poem just before I uploaded this on WoL! I wrote this a few years' ago for my blog and tweaked it a little before posting here.

The idea of time being a curve I got from watching a documentary or ten about the possible nature of time not being linear, and I'm pretty sure I nicked the idea also from a Rush lyric (I forget which one): Time is a spiral/Space is a curve..

I won't bore you with all the other way-out mystical nonsense I enjoy, or I'll probably be banned from WoL!

David,

You're kind of on the money. My thought also was how lost memories arise of an old lost love due to an olfactory smack in the nose, so to speak, reanimates. It's a particular perfume, not sure which one. But you are right: it is amazing how our senses do that. Those memories are just there again: real, but not real; elusive; ghostly..

Also, around the same time I was reading Brian Turner's Phantom Noise, and that subconsciously may have informed the poem too. By the way, I recommend Phantom Noise.

I was also taking the piss out of myself a little, regarding Love: a plea to the karma police!

Cheers!
SS

Comment is about As A Fragrance Ghost With No Name Drifts By (blog)

Original item by Suki Spangles

Hello Ray, I like your words to express the moment of death as
too late
when breath has ceased
the spirit released
Thank you for this
Keith

Comment is about DUST TO DUST (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Hi Stu,

Hope you are well.

The stand-out verses for me are the first and last ones - exceptional.

Must be an exciting time now too, with your book and all.

Take it easy!

Suki

Comment is about i am light once more (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

Hi Ray,

You managed to capture the frazzled emotions one experiences when another loved one passes away - and another funeral - with understatement; just saying it how it is..

Another excellent recording too.

Suki

Comment is about DUST TO DUST (blog)

Original item by ray pool

Ray, Thank you for commenting on the poem Lost and Held. I was 11 years old when my aunt drew my attention to the house in question and what had taken place during the war. It has always remained with me. An awful display of grief. Thank you again. Keith

Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)

Original item by ray pool

Masterful interplay of lines weave the ghost , flesh hanging on the air - a true sense of poetry playing out. May I ask is your line Time's never a straight line an idea gleaned from my poem To a Curve? It reminded me of that - if it is I take that as a great compliment. No matter!

Poetry is a great melting pot, give it all a stir, and magic comes to the top !

Nice Suki. Ray

Comment is about As A Fragrance Ghost With No Name Drifts By (blog)

Original item by Suki Spangles

Femininity may or may not reside in Beautiful bodies - but the exploitation of it should be tempered with intelligence ; you rightly point out the dichotomy of the power inherent in female form. Truly a thing of wonder and magnetism.

Ray

Comment is about Beautiful (blog)

Original item by Emma-Jane Stradling

Cinematic magic Stu. Really deep inspiration and I can sense your total involvement - the clarion of words flowing spilling out - a cello has a deep melancholic quality and is so appropriate to the poem.

Top man. Ray

Comment is about i am light once more (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

A kind of innocence comes through in this Keith. A simple story that reveals tragedy and is moving in its directness.

Ray

Comment is about Lost but Held (blog)

Original item by keith jeffries

What can I say David ? - spoilsport.

Comment is about ROMEO AND JULIET IN REAL TIME (blog)

Original item by ray pool

I wasn't happy with the structure myself. Thanks for the comments. Love is simple, life is far more complex.

Comment is about Child (blog)

Original item by Hazel ettridge

Bless you David - I sort of stumbled on the idea basically, masculine drives and conceptions are in straight lines and feminine ones in curves, hence the difficulty in interpretations often between the sexes. I certainly think a dose of feminine appreciation would take the sting out of society; I think you know I don't take the usual route myself !

Suki likewise - hope can be a practical result of waiting for what the curve brings instead of projecting our ends down the straight. If you are a biker you will enjoy bends and leaning into curves - why not roll it out!

Ray

Comment is about TO A CURVE (blog)

Original item by ray pool

You write beautifuly and eloquently of one of life´s greatest dilemas. So many will be able to relate to this. Thank you. Keith

Comment is about Mnemosyne (poet profile)

Original item by Mnemosyne

From a youth theatre play in development.

Comment is about A WORK OF ART (blog)

Original item by ian winter

Thanks Col. I'll be frank - I could never sound like a young nubile maiden and I was a bit kerplonked listening to my voice in this instance , but as Laura says I did think about the inflection . I do have a penchant for trying different accents - they don't necessarily add anything but forgive an old man whose shackles have been removed!

Laura great that you like this piss take - I don't think anyone can fight this kind of phantom off and it doesn't bode well for the future ; maybe kids just grow out of it and become embarrassed looking back. I hope so. I hate those uptilts too , sooooo ghastly. I think in the 80s we had the Aussie soaps with their nuwye endings instead of now, syndrome. Havn't we been there!

Cheers, Ray

Comment is about ROMEO AND JULIET IN REAL TIME (blog)

Original item by ray pool

All feedback gratefully received. I type straight onto the blog so don't usually do stanzas. But agree this one (Child) needed them.

Comment is about Hazel ettridge (poet profile)

Original item by Hazel ettridge

Jail feedback gratefully received. I type straight onto the blog so don't usually do stanzas. But agree this one (Child) needed them.

Comment is about Hazel ettridge (poet profile)

Original item by Hazel ettridge

Well done in your efforts to stall the age process!
They say "age is no bar" when it's more appealing to
spend it AT a bar!!
My brother's just turned eighty
And Yours Truly is seventy three
We've both been sixty five you know,
My older brother and me! ?

Comment is about CHARITY MARATHON ROW (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

the poem most certainly matches its title.Thank you.Jemima.

Comment is about Beautiful (blog)

Original item by Emma-Jane Stradling

wonderful wonderful poem Chakraj (and a wonderful name!) Thank you.Jemima.

Comment is about Pre-judge-ice (blog)

Original item by Chakraj

Let's say he was trying to recruit another supporter Cynthia.

Thanks so much for your response.

Raj

Comment is about Pre-judge-ice (blog)

Original item by Chakraj

This is a lovely observation of the relationship between parent and child.
I agree with Colin: but suggest multiple breaks.
Each stanza (if you were using punctuation, each would be a sentence) would allow the reader to take a breath and consider what they've just read; each expression/idea would stand more strongly on it's own.
May I suggest 4 lines for each stanza until the last, most powerful which would be 3 lines:

"You came out of nowhere

Like the first rays of the morning sun

In a vast empty sky

You filled my life with light"

or

"And we both turned away

Cold shouldered and silent

But then came the thaw

The trickling joy of two melting hearts"

The final, very memorable three lines speak for themselves:

"It's so good to know that,

If I look, I can always find you,

Somewhere in my sky."

Naturally, only a suggestion because I really enjoyed your poem, Hazel. ?

Comment is about Child (blog)

Original item by Hazel ettridge

Perhaps 'worlds' have the power to shape 'words' too, when you think about it.

Comment is about Chakraj (poet profile)

Original item by Chakraj

Cleanly presented to be very thought-provoking.

Why would this 'eloquent converser' be seeking 'your approval'? That was a twist - as in Who are You? I'm really interested. But if that is part of the intended enigma, just let me stew.

Comment is about Pre-judge-ice (blog)

Original item by Chakraj

I love the little poem under your bio. If your 'flying words land precisely', lucky lucky you. And they do. I am green with envy.

Comment is about Hazel ettridge (poet profile)

Original item by Hazel ettridge

Sensitive, imaginative, and embracing all our lives. Very much enjoyed.

Comment is about Child (blog)

Original item by Hazel ettridge

Hazel, This poem speaks of reconciliation after life´s many ups and downs. Beautifully written. I particularly liked the use of the word horizon. Thank you for this. Keith

Comment is about Child (blog)

Original item by Hazel ettridge

Hello Elly,
This is a poem of some note as you deal with the physical and mental suffocation of urban living and the need to be liberated from it. There are many people who will relate to this. Well done. Thanks. Keith

Comment is about home (blog)

Original item by Elly Ryan

This couldn't have come at a better time Hazel. I can identify with this.
It touched a few familiar chords inside.
Rather endearing.

And what a finale:
If I look, I can always find you,
Somewhere in my sky.

Goes to show that the swings in our relationships have to be anticipated and celebrated.

Raj

Comment is about Child (blog)

Original item by Hazel ettridge

I think this is rather lovely Hazel but it needed a few reads through to familiarise myself with the construction. I wonder would it flow better for the reader if there were some line breaks or if it was divided up into stanzas? For example, one obvious break for me comes between 'Even as we fought' and 'Once there came a freeze'. Just a thought. All the best, Colin

Comment is about Child (blog)

Original item by Hazel ettridge

I also love that it stays with the whole person and doesn't dissolve into just the physical

Comment is about Honestly speaking, there's beauty in the NOW (blog)

Original item by Chakraj

Beautiful. Gripping imagery, particularly the serpentine analogy.

Let's have some more Emma.
Raj

Comment is about Beautiful (blog)

Original item by Emma-Jane Stradling