aye...

Comment is about Silver (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Wow, this looks great on page too. It's really mod now. Lots of others on WOL should love this minimalist version. I hope they get to it. Don't be bothered if they don't; the shelf-life is pretty short for attention. 'No comments' doesn't mean it's not terrific.

Comment is about Mouth (blog)

One of my mostest favourite poems ever: as a child, I used to read it out loud just for Joy; definitely one of those that influenced my eye for beauty and increased my appreciation of the power of words, and effective repetition. Do I remember something about 'the silver paws of the dog'?

Comment is about Silver (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Hi Isobel, Yes, have a go at a ghazal. Great. Actually for once I am not laying down a challenge. It has taken me months to getting round to posting up some information on how to write ghazals. Mainly because there is no simple answer via a template as in other forms. But people keep asking so I have finally done it. lol. Nice to think though that my posting of a few ghazals has sparked something. Win X

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

This is lyrical, full of rhythm, musical and vivid with enchanting images created by superb diction. I find the last two lines awkward: if the subject is 'Nature' then 'Leaves' would be matched by 'passes'; if the subject is a play on 'Leaves' then 'Nature kept her determined way' needs punctuation. Am I whistling in the wind? I didn't know that 'dolly pegs' were still available, except maybe in craftware.

Comment is about Leaves now a memory (blog)

Hi Ann

As for criteria 4) Rhyme.

The Qafia DIRECTLY preceeds the Radif on the second line of each Sher and not at the end of the first line as in your ghazal, ghazal - Fibonacci swirl.

If you look at Agha Shahid Ali's book I think all but one of his ghazals show this.

Also Re Criteria 1)Title.

This presents us with a problem. How do we talk about and refer to each others work when they are all just called 'Ghazal'. Well, the standard method is to refer to Ghazal (Radif), so my example above would be my Ghazal (the day). And your last offering could be Ghazal (Fibonacci swirl)

Win X

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi John,

An answer re Criteria 6)

The ghazal is suposed to be spoken (or sung)personaly and from the heart, hence the inclusion of the signature or takkhalus.

Traditionally most poets have used either their real name or equally common a pen name as in the cleaver maqta of Ann -

In burning brackengold the fox lies sleeping
My man is dead, all men are as snow for me.

So you can choose what you like and remain anonymous if you wish and as euphonious as you wish.

Other ideas - Poets, more recently have used the meaning of their name. Or as you say made a reference using 'I' or 'me' however since ghazals are often writen in the first person this is somewhat weak. I have used other alternatives, e.g.

Barefoot steps linger
in the wet sand, soft.

where the footsteps suggest a signature. Overall however the name or pen name is prefered.

As to Troilets, I think this reply is sanitorial enough.

Win x

Comment is about John Aikman (poet profile)

Original item by John Aikman

This has a lovely haunting clarity. I hope it will be part of a longer poem, though it stands well as it is IMO.

Comment is about Silver (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

for the first time ever in my writing, this feels like it might only be part of a bigger poem

Comment is about Silver (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

What a fab idea! Ghazalicious.

:-)

Jx

Comment is about ghazal ( Fibonacci swirl) (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

impressive stuff, rachel.. i always like reading poems that are as deep as this, and this is a piece that made me think...

i particularly like 'Kisses blown by ladybirds and dragonflies

hovering in suspended thermal streams.'

but top stuff.. x

Comment is about Leaves now a memory (blog)

Thanks to you both :-)

I fiddled with it again and removed the last line and I agree that it works better like this! Thanks for the suggestions, always greatly appreciated! :-)

Comment is about Loves Label Lost (blog)

Original item by Steven Kenny

thanks for the comment Cynthia

Mormon was more of a response to the anti-gay sentiment expressed by the mormon church. They actively raised funds to vote yes on Prop 8 in Cali and wouldn't allow blacks to join their congregation this the late 70s. I hear from Wikileaks that they also funded christian terrorists in Iran. Sounds pretty violent to me.

In the nativity piece, Joseph slurs his words because he is drunk. He has always struck me as a very forgotten character. He didn't impregnate Mary and Jesus told him he wasn't his father. I think that would be enough to turn any man to drink.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Och, that's no way to talk o' Isobel noo - specially t'bit aboot her drawers...

Comment is about THE OLD CROW (blog)

I love your new profile photo, Isobel!
You look so happy, vibrant, AND totally approachable!

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

thanks for your feedback Cynthia, ive made the changes, yep I agree with you its gives it more strength...thankyou for that...I was trying to be creative with the shape of the text to create a moving image...hope it makes sense :)

Comment is about Mouth (blog)

Poor abused wonderful word. At least 'shit' is bisexual and doesn't target women.

Comment is about Job Interview Tip (blog)

Original item by David Mac

this is lovely :o)

Comment is about Silver (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Beautiful! Just beautiful.

Comment is about Silver (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

This is terrific. Glad to know your God 'idea' is a woman! I do need more readings to appreciate greater depth and craftsmanship, but my 'reception' is one of fulsome allusions that I need to forage through for myself. Outstanding images among many; 'catseye sky', 'selling chlorophyll for colour', 'the burned books of the past' etc.

Sorry I missed 'autumn evening journey'.

Comment is about weed seeds on a cumtissue (blog)

Original item by owen calvert

smile

Comment is about ghazal ( Fibonacci swirl) (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I really like this, Rachael. It's punchy with some very clever diction making metaphor after metaphor but cleverly connected. IMO, it is a type of poem that would fly best without punctuation and in lower case font throughout. I would take out several short words that impede the strength of the images: 'speeding like', 'spilling from'; also 'Now it's...' and go straight for 'a vacuous hole'. I recited it twice aloud with these omissions and felt it was more impactive. But, that's me. I need help with the last two lines, if you're willing. I honestly don't 'get' the connection.

Comment is about Mouth (blog)

Love the title, the last line and the ideas in this. Am I the only one to feel a bit depressed by the vastness of space? Perhaps that's because I'm a cancerian - I need the cosiness of a shell. The vastness makes me scared. :)
Glad to see you have started to enjoy WOL.

Comment is about Hope through a Telescope (blog)

Hi Win - just posted another ghazal - didn't come as naturally or mean as much as the first one, but I did try and rhyme! xx

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Wow! Vertigo - possibly my fave film.

Comment is about ghazal ( Fibonacci swirl) (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Thanks for your comment on
'Dilute to Taste.' I have also enjoyed a time reading your work..wonderful writing Marianne..

Comment is about Marianne Daniels (poet profile)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

hi again Berny-not wanting to knock any help that the individual thinks can help from other sources-but whenever poss,the help you can apply to yourself in overcoming the prob is worth a million doctors and tablets etc-never had full blown dep-that I can only guess at being horrific-but I get bouts of of grumpiness-mostly after I,ve looked in the mirror! thank heaven you are like me in one way-we have the littles to keep us cheerful-and!-dutiful(was gonna say beautiful but the mirror would,nt agree-in my case)thinking of you-Stef-xx

Comment is about Someday soon..who knows..maybe. (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

put it this way chuck-when you smile-yer can bet yer bottom(dollar that is)so do I!SW-xx

Comment is about Short and sweet (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Ha, I saw it. I will be late to the Puzzle tonight as I am going to a cuts meeting. Jackie has postponed till friendlier weather so lots of Open Mic

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Just enjoyed your verses, Larisa.

Comment is about Larisa Rzhepishevska (poet profile)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

even paint the harmony of your day....I like that.

Comment is about Dilute to Taste (blog)

beautiful.

Comment is about Dilute to Taste (blog)

There is a new discussion topic on ghazals which may interest you, I remember you asking for a template ages ago, well it's finally here! :-) Win

http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/newsgroupview.php?NewsGroupsID=3&NewsThreadsID=1127#msgcontent_11384

Comment is about Freda Davis (poet profile)

Original item by Freda Davis

Good luck with more ghazals, Ann: it'll be hard work topping the last one! Not sure I'll have time for any in the next few weeks. Got to sort out my aged mum's next, maybe final port of call along the staging posts of life.

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi Bernadette,

Nice work on this one! It really resonated with me as I suffer from depression too and most of my poetry is tainted with the intensity of it.

It's always helpful to one's soul to see that someone else understands how it feels. Thank-you and well done!

Comment is about Someday soon..who knows..maybe. (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Thx for the feedback on the England poem Jeff- appreciated.

Chris

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

There is a new discussion topic on ghazals which may interest you :-) Win

http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/newsgroupview.php?NewsGroupsID=3&NewsThreadsID=1127#msgcontent_11384

Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)

Original item by Lynn Dye

There is a new discussion topic on ghazals which may interest you, I remember you asking for a template ages ago, well it's finally here! :-) Win

http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/newsgroupview.php?NewsGroupsID=3&NewsThreadsID=1127#msgcontent_11384

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

There is a new discussion topic on ghazals which may interest you :-) Win

http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/newsgroupview.php?NewsGroupsID=3&NewsThreadsID=1127#msgcontent_11384

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

There is a new discussion topic on ghazals which may interest you :-) Win

http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/newsgroupview.php?NewsGroupsID=3&NewsThreadsID=1127#msgcontent_11384

Comment is about John Aikman (poet profile)

Original item by John Aikman

There is a new discussion topic on ghazals which may interest you :-) Win

http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/newsgroupview.php?NewsGroupsID=3&NewsThreadsID=1127#msgcontent_11384

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

There is a new discussion topic on ghazals which may interest you :-) Win

http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/newsgroupview.php?NewsGroupsID=3&NewsThreadsID=1127#msgcontent_11384

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Hi Bernadette.

Well done for having the courage to say all this and say it so well. Gemma Lees has written some good mental health poems
http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=10266

http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=6954

You might also like one of mine
http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=17174

Good luck! Hang in.

Comment is about Someday soon..who knows..maybe. (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

hello there Freda..I did like your compact write and agree with what Isobel says..I also rather like the old say beauty is in the eye of the beholder because then we can hedge our bets!!..

Comment is about The Plain Girl (blog)

Original item by Freda Davis

I really like this John, evocative and accurate! This is a subject close to my heart, too. I can hear the shouts for Saint Eadmund!!!

Comment is about One Anglaland (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Thanks for your thoughts on One Anglaland. A few specialist references, but my favourite is "blood-eagling" - an old Viking party game.

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Terrific one, John. Steeped in knowledge and history: "the stench and the smoke" and the priest "alive on his cross".

Comment is about One Anglaland (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

I am glad you have seen it John, me too, What a brilliant thing / place. Win x

Comment is about John Aikman (poet profile)

Original item by John Aikman

I've seen that fountain!

:-)

Jx

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

http://atlasobscura.com/place/calder-mercury-fountain-fundacio-joan-miro

Comment is about Sometimes (extended rhyming mix) (blog)

Original item by John Aikman