confusion (Remove filter)
The Cathedral
Father told me, when i was young, that his mother told him ‘if you can fit pinky to thumb around your wrist you are too thin’. When I managed to grasp my arm half way up, pinky to my thumb, I saw success. It’s hard to see sadness when you are sick. Mother taught me forgiveness was not earnt, but expected. So, when you lied to me I knew what I was to do next.
The cathedral was o...
Monday 17th June 2024 7:34 am
Day 2
"idk, but we can try"
what does that mean?
and why do you continue to
contact me?
W H Y ?
you said you want NO ONE.
then that includes me,
my time,
my love,
my care,
and my company.
If you want to be truly free,
then be free without
any parts of me.
so i did not respond,
but i am tempted.
how would that work?
how would we......
how ...
Wednesday 5th June 2024 3:27 pm
Day 1
Yesterday, was day one.
A day of being alone,
thinking.
Thinking about how my mind
has yet to understand what happened.
what makes you everything they want,
but not wanted at the same time.
what is it?
for someone to bring you in on their journey,
then blame the journey for the reason
they no longer need you .
they need freedom,
...Tuesday 4th June 2024 4:27 pm
Rhetorical questions
What were you thinking
dear mind?, she asked
was it shattered ego, or dissapointment?
regret or sadness?
or simply emptiness?
What were you feeling
dear heart?, she asked
when you pushed a droplet
of tart moisture
fall from the edge of the eye
when you saw the happy bride?
she asked.
Tuesday 1st November 2022 8:03 am
Confusion
The boys in the street mend their cars.
A miniature garage, it seems.
I feel like crying, I feel so alone,
No-one to mourn me when I am gone.
No-one to miss me, no-one to care.
I pound at the walls, but no-one is there.
And if they are there, then no-one hears.
And if they hear, then no-one cares.
No-one to care, no-one to cry,
If I live, If I die.
The boys in the street are at it agai...
Saturday 27th March 2021 10:11 am
I Saw The End From The Start
veiled her blue calculating eyes
perplexing glances in the gloom
doubts pierced my needy soul
doomed before I left the room
sultry night in old San Francisco
anxious moon smearing the bed
mood like some jack in the box
doubt running amok in my head
woke to discover a basilisk stare
examining my rank imperfection
my body was never the greatest
where is the...
Wednesday 30th December 2020 10:34 am
Stranger
was lovely last Christmas
hugs amid a snow storm
face so bright and caring
mind in such good form
sharp, as bright as a pin
enjoying tinsel and pies,
no hint of grief to come,
warmth yet in grey eyes
change, a new confusion
not sure of time or day,
struggled finding words,
shopping, lost her way
I know his face, where...?
why cant I remember?
...Saturday 12th December 2020 10:32 am
BLURRED LINES
i used to have so many regrets
each volatile ,invading my mind with no consent
i dont know how we got here
to 3am conversations to whatsapp calls
to less celing staring and more dreamfilled snores
i used to be so conflicted constantly questioning myself , my choices
i have yet to do the same when it comes to you
im certain,doubtless,fearless and oddly enough thats what scares ...
Thursday 1st October 2020 11:50 pm
Hell knows no fury
How come
The heart-wrenching
And the unexpected
Widow's grief
Turned-brief?
The lady in black
Soon defying
Funeral decorum
Put on pink clothes
Decency that lack
Simply to attack
A deceased
Cheating husband
Whose unfaithfulness
Kept in the dark
Soon after funeral
Became stark!
Aghast adultery
Triggers
Hell knows no fury.
Saturday 22nd August 2020 6:33 am
Covid Mary
Covid Mary
This world is made of razorblades and bile
Where every step is dangerous to tread
Bloody footprints stretch out mile after mile
Leading to the bone mansions of the dead
They chew on rotting meat and bitter wine
And breath the fetid air of charnel house
The graveyards filled with beggars is a sign
Of every corrupt moral they espouse
In darkened rooms they ...
Tuesday 4th August 2020 2:21 pm
As a child
As a child
Friends knocked the door
Eagerly excited
You were waiting for
To hear the question
As it left their mouth
Asking your parents
If you were coming out
As a child
We’d run around
No care in the world
And acting the clown
Getting dirty
And playing in mud
Making as many adventures
As we possibly could
As a child
I was building a wall
To keep me safe
And ca...
Saturday 1st August 2020 1:08 pm
I'm breaking
Inside I’m breaking, I’m aching, in falling apart
The mess in my head is a real work of art
I’d unravel this mess but where would I start
Picked away at the seams bit by bit, part by part
The confusions, delusions
I just think what I have
But then thinking and sinking
I start to feel sad
Then with sadness there’s madness
And then I feel bad
These confusions, delusions are driving me ma...
Saturday 25th July 2020 11:21 am
Do they really need to know
Do they really need to know
Does it matter, does it show
Does it make them like me less
Can they see inside my head
Do they really need to know
Do they really need to know
Put on a front and fake a smile
Things seem ok for a while
Until the shadows creep back in
And the demons start to win
Do they really need to know
Do they really need to know
Everything looks fine outside
But I’...
Saturday 25th July 2020 9:27 am
Same Behaviour
Repitition was key
But never the key to success
The key to her chest
Was hidden in the black depth of her soul
Repitition was inevitable
Outsiders were impatient
And also knowledgable
About what was likely to happen next
Repitition was boring
A different mask for her to wear
To hide the recurring sadness
That she endured from his actions again
Re...
Friday 29th May 2020 9:24 pm
You
Enchanting, charming
Kind and caring.
How I fall for this disarming lie
Cunning, swift
Capturing and setting adrift.
A mind so confused
Looking for a missing muse.
There was a sign
Didn’t you see?
A warning of note
But no, you let it free.
Heart so soft and bruised
She doesn’t need to be used
But…it’s her fault
She must bring it to a halt
...
Monday 17th February 2020 8:49 am
Anticlimactic
I know I traded something
A part of me
For the splendid splendour of money
I did that thing you shouldn’t do
I gave myself to him
You know, the soul
Cut a piece of myself out for him
You know, the heart
I cut a piece of myself off for him
(You know which part)
But I didn't feel a thing
I'm waiting to miss it
Miss this
Thing
I'm waiting for the pain
You...
Monday 3rd February 2020 1:43 pm
No Star Was Seen
To You who art
To me, when I see
The made star night
Looming, enfolding,
Displacing the confusion
Of maps and charts.
A darkness that is as light
As the day when
The sweat and the blood
Tasted by a dying thief
Glistened, glistened, glistened,
While the hot sky
Darkened, darkened, darkened.
No star was seen
But looming,
Falling, falling, w...
Saturday 13th July 2019 12:40 pm
Thoughts about Thought
Thought ought to be,
Pure, precise and princely.
Sadly, mostly,
It's a battered ball, but, bit, batted about,
Deformed - to conform - to today's haze.
Thus, inevitably, it's always somewhat crazed.
But still, thought ought to be.
So let me leave you with this one:
Where do yours come from?
A Definition
To think is
To sink into,
To link into,
...Thursday 20th June 2019 9:22 pm
I wonder
and I wonder if there's someone else that you wish was giving you the attention that I am
and I wonder if you are giving someone else the attention that I wish you would give me
and I wonder why this imbalance follows me
chases me
always always nipping at my heels
and yet somehow manages to also remain
two steps ahead of me
this imbalance of desire
of devotion
of depende...
Monday 17th June 2019 12:11 am
Late
| Love is deep as the road is long.
With every breath I live the day do what I can, this is where it begins.
Nobody knows how the story ends.
Moments pass like moving cars on the freeway all trying to get back home.
Look back not to the darkness threw the door. We set out so long ago.
Move my feet to carry on but it beats my heart when you are gone.
Freedom once grace...
Friday 1st February 2019 4:38 pm
Done
I'm Done
Why am I constantly the toy
of a man child's eye?
Then supposed men tell me,
I need someone like them?!
Something doesn't make sense...
Maybe it's me...
Monday 10th December 2018 1:37 am
How do you know?
How do you know if time is being wasted?
Drifting so far away from the honesty that the honesty becomes a lie,
How do you know if it's what's meant to be, if im with you and he's not with me?
They say time you enjoy wasting, isn't wasted time,
But does that apply when you've got your enjoyment, and I've lost mine?
How do you know what's meant to be?
I'm with you, and he's no...
Monday 5th November 2018 6:57 pm
The Snake
The snake
It slithers around me
Putting on a show
As if I'm in control
But little do I know
It's charming me
Hypnotized
I give myself over
Allowing the fangs
To pierce my flesh
The venom
Paralyzing me
Smiling proud
At the feat
Begins the retreat
Into the grass
Disappearing
From my vision
I thought this
This was the test
To ...
Tuesday 26th June 2018 12:36 pm
Becoming
Becoming
Being
Not quite what I was
Not even who I want to be
Not recognizing who I am
Can't go back to who I was
Can't get to who I want to be
Can't figure out who I am
The past kicked me out
But my future won't let me in
And my present won't give me rest
Trying to let go of her
Trying to become the better she
Trying to find the present me
I escaped the m...
Tuesday 12th June 2018 4:56 pm
Post Traumatic Religion Disorder
PTRD - Post Traumatic Religious Disorder. Confessions of a confused believer who’s not sure what to believe. Highs, lows, anxiety, depression, suppression, and all that in between. Saved, suicidal, and soaked in the blood. The aftermath of trying to be a round peg in a square world. Do you ever feel like you have been traumatized by the religion that holds your faith? Down, dismayed, and subdued ...
Monday 11th June 2018 9:12 pm
Confusion
CONFUSION
Even though the sun is shining I feel the Rain/
Even though I´m numb I feel the Pain
Even though nothing´s wrong everything feels not Right/
Even though there is no darkness I see no Light
Void and Chaos fill my Mind/
I see everything and I´m still Blind
My mind and my Heart keep getting Bruised/
I know nothing but I know I´m Confused
Monday 21st May 2018 2:19 pm
Pretzel
unravel it all
feel the moments
the bliss
the bitterness
the salty sweet combo that tantalizes the palate
its part of this puddle life
the snow isn’t ready to melt and neither am I
I just embrace it all
The frozen fear
the frigid fog
clouded in mystery and madness
Im never clear
I was never here
Secrets swallow me whole
Time to come clean
Listen as I scream
profess my dreams...
Tuesday 17th April 2018 1:41 pm
Emotional Prostitute
Every heart wants somethings thats harder to get
Like looking for that rainbow in the desert
Or the dry spot in the rain forest
But no some people are hunters
They prey on your weak emotions while you pray for acceptance
You could stand up for them while they stain your name when your down
That same stain will be seen around town
Looking for love no im just a corner hoe for ...
Wednesday 28th June 2017 11:05 am
Jealousys hold
Unhealthy thoughts they form and sworm inside my head, they all are of you and the things you never did or said, guided by jealousy, the short leash tightens on me, I'm wanting it to rip off my head, in bed at night alone, staring at my blank cell phone, the thought what you could be doing fills me with dread, they say trust is a must, I never understood all that fuss, oh I wish these thoughts wou...
Thursday 19th January 2017 12:07 pm
Foreboding
Eyes so dark like drowning in molten mystery
Your stare shatters my resolve
A seraphic touch played its music on my skin
Your hands lead me into danger
A rhythmical voice that unburdens my heart
Your song confuses my mind
A remembered dream that torments my sleep
Your face impregnates the screen
Once my lover now my friend
Your silence screams at me
Betrayal bites the hand that fed...
Tuesday 26th January 2016 11:12 am
CROSSROAD
Along the long and winding road
You’ll reach a spot where paths will cross
There you know not where to go
For either leads to unfamiliar ground
You’ll never know where they may lead
Unless you choose to follow it
But know that you may never know
Where the other could have taken you.
Saturday 29th August 2015 1:01 pm
Riding a Tiger
On face a sham normalcy
the core filled with dread
At a very cusp of no return
can’t help but forge ahead
All deemed plain pushover
how it ended up otherwise
None other there to fault
since caught in own devise
Those efforts painstaking
a well thought over intent
Ended in such an imbroglio
that no one could prevent
Resources all...
Wednesday 8th July 2015 8:58 am
sleep the sleep that hate permits
I fail at sleeping
in a show of unconditional accusation, the reproachful slander of your hereafter,
amongst the placid hours,
I try to be the grand man, but I shake too much
unhinged by the overreach of my skeletal height
much to the delight of every unskilled whistler
tough love and rougher hate interprets the shuddering motions, as my left hand lingers
over a poss...
Thursday 28th May 2015 2:08 pm
Severed Connection
Friday 22nd May 2015 3:02 am
The Jagged Edge of Love
This must be my longest night
the moon laying its heavy light right down
this room swims in so much gossiping
conversations; always imagined and impossible
This must be my longest night
the blurred echoes of all we did ring ‘round
there’s no sleep to be had, just counting stars
and scenes replaying; rose or shit tinted now
I found the jagged edge of love
it cut right across my heaving...
Thursday 26th March 2015 3:40 pm
Blood thief
There’s a floor called race and a home called blood,
it can be what forms you.
It can be what clothes you, what warms you as it flows through your body,
a rich honey providing brotherhood, relation, family and love -
bonds of pride which cartwheel through your body.
I have a mystery and in my father lies the clues.
I had droplets of speciality, uniqueness, distinction, excitement...
Saturday 29th November 2014 10:59 pm
Piecing of the Broken Heart
Fragments of my heart began to scatter like narrowed tears,
Foraging the pieces to corrade together, 'till the very near.
I frech as I hear the boastful brontides approach
Agonously attempting to grasp on to my unconvienent hopes.
My eyes are discerpted, bleeding tears of remorse
Time had fleered me from its natural habitat
Balefully, it mocked my optimistic ways
Pirating...
Sunday 5th October 2014 1:37 am
21 gallons
21 gallons to Kristiansund
here I can piss like a journeyman
with the eloquence
of a tattooed scream a
cast-off, sport smart, council queen
21 gallons to Kristiansund
I don’t understand
21 gallons to Kristiansund
21 gallons to Kristiansund
here I find myself worthy of an unequal lack
of an outcasts working weekend chance
with a mind fumed on zero
none shall...
Saturday 8th March 2014 7:28 pm
Sin by Sin
Wednesday 20th February 2013 7:50 pm
Knowing Souls
Implied persuasion,
By three knowing souls
Left a vision of what could have been.
A momentary relapse,
Like Lady Macbeth, blinded
Misguided, bitter raged
Baby beaten on her breast.
Innocent youth taken
Shaken by protector.
No milk of human kindness,
To be sweetened, swallowed
Just a poisoned evil that is given at first breath.
An undone deat...
Tuesday 5th June 2012 4:43 pm
Wait For The Flag To Unfurl
And you claim all your words are true
Then you run from me, saying 'Set me Free'
Such confusion is brought through you
Without such strife if incomplete
Dont play these games no more with me
Far better I'm left to rot here in solitary
And its ...
Monday 16th January 2012 10:09 pm
Beholder's Eyes
Take a look into my eyes,
And maybe we will find
that between you and me
It's the way that love should be.
She told me I had beautiful eyes
her heart said friends
and her mouth did too...
and my mind's confused now I'm not with you.
See I can be the best friend that I have been for years
or I can be the guy that can hold you near.
But I can't be this.
You s...
Saturday 15th October 2011 11:50 pm
Fences
Gently you trace the tear
down my cheek
my pain mirrored
in the confusion in your eyes
not understanding what you’ve done
again
still
but wanting to
Words like barriers between us
we take turns offering apologies
reassurances
arms pulling each other close
losing myself
in your warm hard body against mine
as we both try to deny
the fences between us
...
Friday 26th August 2011 6:38 pm
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