Thank you to all those who have been kind enough to comment on this sonnet. Kindness, like common decency, is a much under - rated virtue. Two quotations come to my mind: "Let us be kind/ While there is still time", pithy as usual from Larkin in 'The Mower', and Wordsworth in 'Tintern Abbey':
'...that best portion of a good man's life;
His little, nameless, unremembered acts
Of kindness and of love.'
Comment is about Drinking where the river bed is dry (blog)
Original item by John E Marks
I'm totally tickety boo? - my head is returning to (what passes for) normal after all the revisions etc.
I'll see how this plays out on Thursday. I like the changes in tone from quasi mystical to prosaic - it might survive ?
I opted to turn the character into someone aching for his wife - edited out any trace of bitterness.
Comment is about Reflections - A Soliloquy (blog)
Original item by Rick Gammon
Frances and Col, thank you both so much for reading and commenting. I am so pleased you liked this.
Paul
Comment is about Memory Thief (blog)
Original item by Paul Waring
Takes me back Martin, you've captured the atmosphere.
They burnt the semolina one year in my school and not many liked it. Those that did got seconds thirds and fourths!
Comment is about School dinners (blog)
Original item by Martin Elder
this is not only a beautiful poem but rolls off the tongue so well. It has a great pace and natural rhythm to it. A well deserved POTW. Excellent
Comment is about 'Drinking where the river bed is dry' by John Marks is Poem of the Week (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
<Deleted User> (13762)
Tue 14th Mar 2017 20:26
coming late in the day to this one Paul it seems all the best comments have been taken so I will just add that I like this very much and echo Frances' words: So much to like here...
Col
Comment is about Memory Thief (blog)
Original item by Paul Waring
<Deleted User> (13762)
Tue 14th Mar 2017 20:23
ditto the previous comments already offered Hazel.
just as a side thought, I was wondering how this would work simply titled Nodding to Dylan(s) and incorporating elements of both of their work or styles - but then again it might be a task too far and guaranteed for sleepless nights!
all the best
Colin
Comment is about With a nod to Dylan (Bob not Thomas) (blog)
Original item by Hazel ettridge
<Deleted User> (13762)
Tue 14th Mar 2017 19:42
you really need that balloon trip mate - but failing that I think you have a good solution in the last five lines. Col
PS: I wrote this as quietly as I could.
Comment is about Ssssh, there's someone speaking (blog)
Original item by Chakraj
<Deleted User> (13762)
Tue 14th Mar 2017 19:39
love the title and what you are trying to achieve here Genevieve. I think a bit of trimming down of words and line length could lift this poem to the next level. Thanks for posting, Colin
Comment is about Blue Movie (blog)
Original item by Genevieve
This is purely a piece to perform - it has theatrical possibilities that I intend to milk ?
I have to have something for Thursday and my book stuff is hors de combat until the damned thing is printed as if I look at any of it I'll start more revising ?
Comment is about Reflections - A Soliloquy (blog)
Original item by Rick Gammon
Exceptionally moving in its direct appeal to what is and should be important to maintain in this unnerving thing we call life. Who could argue with its sentiments, made even more powerful by the bathos of the ending.
Comment is about Drinking where the river bed is dry (blog)
Original item by John E Marks
Frances Macaulay Forde
Tue 14th Mar 2017 18:28
Thanks Ray, Suki and Raj, so pleased that you enjoyed reading this and for making interesting comments, you are all very kind. Memory is a such an interesting and mysterious subject, isn't it?
And thanks too Adam and MGS for the likes.
I'm very grateful to you all.
Paul
Comment is about Memory Thief (blog)
Original item by Paul Waring
Brilliant Paul. It still resonates within me "from cubby-holes of consciousness".
Quite meditative.
Raj
Comment is about Memory Thief (blog)
Original item by Paul Waring
Hi John,
Well deserved - a poignant piece; spare and haunting.
Suki
Comment is about 'Drinking where the river bed is dry' by John Marks is Poem of the Week (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Love the clever way you've sandwiched the words Hazel.
Distinctively different and certainly engaging!
Raj
Comment is about With a nod to Dylan (Bob not Thomas) (blog)
Original item by Hazel ettridge
Hi Paul,
A kind of kissing cousin of "Deja vu all over again". The nature of memory and recalling the memory of a memory. I think we have discussed this before - or have we..
Suki
Comment is about Memory Thief (blog)
Original item by Paul Waring
What a festive treat Martin. All within early memory. I love the line about A bid for freedom priceless. May I add that as an infant I was force fed semolina by a sadist at school?
Strange that early meal provision is now regarded as a real benefit by people who were never around at the time.
Ray
Comment is about School dinners (blog)
Original item by Martin Elder
Beautifully conceived and expressed Tommy - it grips you by the mental balls and has the great quality of simplicity coupled with immediate effect on the emotions, obviously coming from direct experience of depths.
Ray
Comment is about only time (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
HI Paul. I'm often guilty of indulging myself in the impression that a poem gives me and expressing that to the exclusion of a more serious approach, which of course you do offer here including some excellent salient points of reference to that illusive faculty of memory, clouded as it is by emotional overlayers and sub texts.
My impression having said all that is one of early onset....
(just joking of course). ay ay...
Comment is about Memory Thief (blog)
Original item by Paul Waring
I really like the composite wordings in this piece Hazel. Very original and cleverly balanced syllables too.
Comment is about With a nod to Dylan (Bob not Thomas) (blog)
Original item by Hazel ettridge
Eric, your poems are beautifully crafted. Don´t stop writing as you have far to go. Thank you. Keith
Comment is about Eric Berard (poet profile)
Original item by Eric Berard
A really creative poem Hazel. I like it very much, there is something about the original style that compelled me to keep reading it over and over.
Well done.
Paul
Comment is about With a nod to Dylan (Bob not Thomas) (blog)
Original item by Hazel ettridge
Thanks David for your compliments and insightful comments about mind and memory. I have always been fascinated by the process of memory. And you're right we often fill in the gaps with imagined (and embellished) memories that often seem real and true. But conversely, as I'm sure you already know about PTSD, sometimes the memories are permanently vivid with every minute detail.
Re: the homecoming... it feels great so far, despite all the upheaval. You are very thoughtful to mention it and I appreciate that very much David.
Thanks Hazel, I really appreciate (and relate to) your comment. Much appreciated.
Thanks to you both, Paul
Comment is about Memory Thief (blog)
Original item by Paul Waring
Thank you. Yes unfortunately he left us for pastures new last Friday.
Comment is about SAM (blog)
Original item by Emma-Jane Stradling
I missed the first version and am hopeless with numbers. But I love the line 'How nature sings it's wandering song' Glad you kept that in.
Comment is about ANSEL ADAMS, PHOTOGRAPHER (blog)
Original item by ray pool
I love it Paul. I feel led by your images but not directed by them if that makes sense. And I relate to the experience - my mind feels like a very worn Persian rug sometimes.
Comment is about Memory Thief (blog)
Original item by Paul Waring
Hi MC
Life is worthwhile I suppose when you get the odd gem from the pan-handled masses
Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Cor, Martin, a trip and a half down school dinner memory lane. Plenty of humour, too.
Good stuff.
Paul
Comment is about School dinners (blog)
Original item by Martin Elder
Thanks Harry.
On your final curtain you'll have left more than most
Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)
Original item by Harry O`N eill
Great imagery Tommy and a well written poem.
Paul
Comment is about only time (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
<Deleted User> (13762)
Tue 14th Mar 2017 07:49
brings back memories Martin - not all pleasant! We are what we eat which is why I never eat creamy tadpoles on a plate!
Comment is about School dinners (blog)
Original item by Martin Elder
<Deleted User> (13762)
Tue 14th Mar 2017 07:44
excellent word usage and imagery Tommy - comes together well.
Comment is about only time (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Hi Rachel, I didn't expect that finale. But the way life is the old coffee mug will be replaced with a new one. I hope.
Nice one.
Raj x
Comment is about Coffee Mugs (blog)
Original item by Rachel Miller
Sylvie
Tue 14th Mar 2017 06:45
Sylvie
Tue 14th Mar 2017 06:43
Sylvie
Tue 14th Mar 2017 06:41
Sylvie
Tue 14th Mar 2017 06:38
Sylvie
Tue 14th Mar 2017 06:36
Sylvie
Tue 14th Mar 2017 06:21
Oh my goodness. I did not see that coming. I was settling in for a cute love story. Heartbreaking. Well done. ?
Comment is about Coffee Mugs (blog)
Original item by Rachel Miller
Your poetry is straightforward. Seems right for a vet to write in such a way. Thank you and may God bless you for your service and sacrifices. I am glad you have poetry to pour your thoughts and emotions into. Have an awesome day! And keep writing!
Comment is about Quietly (blog)
Original item by Fush Moss
Nice! From some of the wording, I venture to say that you're a Brit, but I could so see and relate to all that you said, yet it wasn't clichéd nor flat. Kudos! Outstanding job!
Comment is about School dinners (blog)
Original item by Martin Elder
You'll think twice about putting your hands in one again, Martin. Can't beat paper towels, I say.
That's so you and your mate can drip-dry together, Harry.
Comment is about THE DYSON AIRBLADE (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Thanks everyone for your generous comments.
Comment is about For Linda, just turned... (blog)
Original item by Harry O`N eill
John,
The mind boggles!...But don`t be so exclusive ...(I mean what are those two curves for?)
Comment is about THE DYSON AIRBLADE (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Ken,
An ingenious fetching the bard up to a modern (somewhat cynical) stage.
I like the pro-creational hit and miss of the end of climax two....But I`m glad that I am leaving enough of me behind to exonerate me from moaning about the immigrants who are manning the N.H.S.
But where did you get that `Message for the dying` from?
Don`t you realise that even`the Boss Man` got himself crucified...and went back the hard way?
One thing for certain: The `happy Ending` ain`t anywhere down here.
The `pestle` and `mortar` is ace ?
Comment is about LIFE'S MISERABLE GO ROUND (blog)
Original item by ken eaton-dykes
<Deleted User> (13762)
Wed 15th Mar 2017 07:44
very good - deserves to be read slowly. Thanks for posting Rachel.
Comment is about He's Different Now (blog)
Original item by Rachel Miller