Nice poem David I can picture the scene with all it's serenity.
Comment is about Kingdom of the fells (blog)
Original item by David Addington
<Deleted User> (8659)
Thu 12th Nov 2015 08:52
Just brilliant Lynn-not one wasted word.
Comment is about Unspoken Trust (blog)
Preeti Sinha
Thu 12th Nov 2015 05:43
Hi Cynthia, Thank you for your in depth comments and review of my work. You make me feel special.
Much, much appreciated!
Preeti
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Thanks for the great comments. Yes, very elemental. I have fond memories of being a cub and my nan was Akela for my district. I wrote this a few years back to accompany a piece of tribal / folk music I recorded - short instrumental. I may post up what I did as audio, but looking at the lyrics again, I saw it was defo a poem with something to say. The past few years have all been about my childhood nostalgia for me as reach 46, and that is now coming into my poetry. Less is more is the key and zooming into symbols / feelings and yes the elements.
Comment is about Campfire song (blog)
Original item by David Addington
Thanks Tom very pleased you like it. I think it is a hark back to childhood and goes in room 101 along with advanced TV Xmas adverts! Ray
Comment is about MONOPOLY BLUES (blog)
Original item by ray pool
Lovely imagery and I can feel regret and nostalgia and hope all in one between the words....
Comment is about Deeply breathing (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Cathie Tufnail
Wed 11th Nov 2015 20:16
Excellent poem. I felt it in my bones. So many things said with so few words. I love the layers. Thanks you!
Comment is about I Have Killed My Child (blog)
Original item by David R Mellor
Closely considered...choice in phraseology and imagery.
Anyone who has taken a winter's walk to stand in
solitary contemplation on one of the ridges that cross
southern England will relish these lines. An historical
contemplation of the continuance of war, its place in
the scheme of things and its way of being a spark
for necessary change in the advance of the human
condition.
Comment is about The Hardown Fyrd (blog)
Original item by STEVE RUDD
Strange but True
From fewer voices
smoke bellows out
verses gain heat
collage fire burns
poetry flames blaze
doing extra lines.
Comment is about November Collage Poem: Smoke (blog)
Original item by Stockport WoL
Self publisher and self publicist: that's what I said :) On economic and organisational grounds!!
Comment is about 'Obviously I don't have a self-doubt gene': the thoughts of Attila the Stockbroker (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
LOVE your bio. I'll check out the poems already here.
Comment is about harry (poet profile)
Original item by harry
Tommy, I really like the intent of this. The idea is beautiful. But I'm not sure of its development from line to line, perhaps the punctuation, perhaps the capital letter for 'She' which may not indicate the beginning of a new idea after all, but intending 'Goddess-like' woman. I had a hard time, but that could be just me.
I do think 'stood staring out' is superfluous. I wouldn't be so bold with anyone I didn't know and fully respect. I hope I'm right.
Comment is about Deeply breathing (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
IMO, a great write - in theme, imagery, skilful diction and presentation.
Comment is about Money Talks (blog)
This is a pouring forth, a waterfall of diverse ideas and images. I'm very intrigued; so please let me get back to you when I have more time. Any chance of any 'stanza breaks' from a reader's perspective? Just as a resting place between such intense thoughts?
Comment is about Heavy (blog)
Original item by J. Otis Powell‽ (with interrobang)
The elemental power of the 'fire circle' must be in our human DNA. Surely it was the 'harnessing of fire power for communal protection' that initially differentiated us from all other species. And from that need, the related development of interactive companionship. Also, fire is hypnotic, simultaneously a symbol of both good and evil, and thus, the instigator of much thinking.
Do you wish I would just shut up? I enjoyed this.
Comment is about Campfire song (blog)
Original item by David Addington
And you were very insightful to condense your expansive thoughts to these few simple but very strong words that speak volumes. I think this ability is a poet's gift.
Comment is about Bow window (blog)
Original item by Anita Connor
as Graham said, is it an ambiguous 'I don't care' or a true one? or is posing the question the whole point?
Comment is about Zen and the art of deletion (blog)
i like it but I'm confused on where you stand, writing it. maybe thats the point?
Comment is about Money Talks (blog)
Snape Maltings - even the location sounds poetic :D
Yeh, you get all the best gigs you do Greg :p
Comment is about 'Obviously I don't have a self-doubt gene': the thoughts of Attila the Stockbroker (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
I'm going to try and find some video of him.
Comment is about Jeremy Reed, Aldeburgh, 2015 (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
What you've said about it being from the 13 year old perspective chimes with what I was guessing at, Stu. And don't bloody talk to me about line breaks - along with punctuation, I STILL struggle really badly with them. You have no idea the amount of time I've pissed about with poems because of it. In fact, I once wrote a poem ABOUT it :D Here if you fancy a read of it
http://www.straitjacketsmagazine.com/support4/taylor.fall2012.htm
I don't really want to get into offering suggestions, that's up to you if you want to change anything :) Maybe consider not ending lines with connectives though.
Comment is about maps (blog)
Original item by Stuart Buck
Cunning use of destructive script (self destruct). An acidic piece with lots of humour. I love the last line.
The Doppelganger .
Comment is about Full Stop (blog)
Original item by harry
Akela is the leader of the pack.
This took me back a very long way.
Comment is about Campfire song (blog)
Original item by David Addington
thanks dave! yes, north wales is bloody lovely. we've been here two years now and i dont thin k we will ever leave. glad you like some of the poetry i put up. i spend a lot of time trawling through the work on here (that makes it seem like hard work, it isnt!) and will now begin my journey into yours.
Comment is about David Addington (poet profile)
Original item by David Addington
Layers of history, Steve. Very exact, very enjoyable. Wonderful first line, drew me in.
Comment is about The Hardown Fyrd (blog)
Original item by STEVE RUDD
He is intriguing, Laura, although having seen him appear twice more at the festival, I'm not so sure about the Tom Waits comparison now. Jeremy's stated musical heroes are Marc Almond and Lou Reed (no relation).
Comment is about Jeremy Reed, Aldeburgh, 2015 (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
A real spoken word element to Aldeburgh this year, Laura, with Hollie, Attila, and Jack Rooke as well, who unfortunately we didn't get to see. And Aldeburgh has this vibe, too. You're always having brief but fascinating conversations with strangers beside you in the audience, or opposite you in the cafe. Both Aldeburgh's organisers and its audience take poetry very seriously, in a good way. Snape Maltings is a wonderful place for a festival, although I'm told the town of Aldeburgh, where it used to be staged, was rather special, too.
Comment is about 'Obviously I don't have a self-doubt gene': the thoughts of Attila the Stockbroker (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Sorry about the glitches, Attila. I do have 'self-publicist' down in my notes, but must have misheard you. And you're far too young be a step-grandad ...
Comment is about 'Obviously I don't have a self-doubt gene': the thoughts of Attila the Stockbroker (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
I like your poems and style and word play / choices. I will check out your blogs. Love the one with the line: my brother and I. North Wales - what a great place to live. Anglesey is a fave place of mine and one time I was visiting, the island hosted a poetry festival of Welsh bards and song. Great people and culture.
Comment is about Stuart Buck (poet profile)
Original item by Stuart Buck
hello. thanks for such detailed and positive comments about quite a difficult piece. re: the line breaks. in my head as i was writing it, i felt like i was thirteen again. this meant i didnt feel it needed structuring as i wanted the lines to pour out like the thoughts of a confused teenager. i struggle with line breaks in general. im good with the words but where they should be is often left lacking. i'd welcome any thoughts regarding how it could be changed as i havent touched it (what a shock!)
Comment is about maps (blog)
Original item by Stuart Buck
re Laura's resume on this Stu, always a step ahead on constructional points. Not really having a defined mindset on this matter (learning the ropes still), I felt there was a certain juvenile quality to the rendition as the feelings pour out and I think the text reflects that; maybe if it was too structured it would rob it of that .
(just my view). Ray
Comment is about maps (blog)
Original item by Stuart Buck
Well that's YOU told Greg :D
Comment is about 'Obviously I don't have a self-doubt gene': the thoughts of Attila the Stockbroker (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Two corrections, Greg. 'Self-publisher' and proud of it. Self-publicist too, needless to say. Both have negative connotations, but they shouldn't - at least if they are done by choice! And I became a step-GRANDAD for the first time a few weeks ago. Having welcomed Mollie into the world I celebrated by doing loads of gigs and staying up till 3am drinking reale ale of course :)
Comment is about 'Obviously I don't have a self-doubt gene': the thoughts of Attila the Stockbroker (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
You're too kind Graham . How about a boxed set of related poems for Xmas! cheers Ray
Comment is about MONOPOLY BLUES (blog)
Original item by ray pool
I agree with Laura, WTF are they thinking giving her advice? I'd tell them to stick their publishing house up their !&*%!!
Comment is about Is rhyme a dirty word? Hollie McNish talks about her poetry style (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
It's a double-six from me Ray! We call it monotony in our house! Great idea though, looking forward to the Cluedo poem next.
Comment is about MONOPOLY BLUES (blog)
Original item by ray pool
Re what Ray said, I think attraction to the same sex is completely normal and happens so much more often than (straight - straight/seeming) people would like to speak about in 'polite' company. They become manipulated by society into thinking it's not the norm when in fact it really is.
I absolutely love this, how you've captured the tenderness and the untainted delight you felt in each others company. How the time just flits away because right now is so beautiful and precious and wonderful. And the brutality of society as it hits home hard, and does its best to 'straighten' you out, to take away all that joy and love, to make you feel wrong and dirty.
I would question the line breaks though. Having read through your last few pieces, it would appear you are experimenting with line breaks now, and although I could see the justification in the 'beat' poem, I'm struggling to see the reasons for this one. Is it related to the simplicity of childhood vision, perhaps?
Comment is about maps (blog)
Original item by Stuart Buck
Oh I don't know, I've always been rather partial to alternative realities. There are good reasons why people indulge, and most of them really do revolve around them being absolutely ace fun :)
One of the worst drugs is of course alcohol. In terms of fatalities, illness/disease, and addiction, its impact is terrifying. And in every corner shop lurks temptation.
Comment is about DEALS ON WHEELS (blog)
Original item by Daniel Dwyran
We watched this the other night, and it was really entertaining. Having tried and failed to read the book itself, due to its turgidity, I appreciated JCC's presentation of it.
Comment is about 'Visionary in a utilitarian age': John Cooper Clarke on 19th century opium eater Thomas De Quincey (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Loving your tales from this festival Greg - am not jealous in the slightest either. Nope, not me.
Much!
Comment is about 'Obviously I don't have a self-doubt gene': the thoughts of Attila the Stockbroker (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Typical Hollie - totally undermining the accepted way of doing things in her own unique, subtle, modest and unassuming way. I can't believe the new publisher has given HER books of poetry so that she can 'learn more about poetry'. My god. Have they SEEN her in full flight?!
Comment is about Is rhyme a dirty word? Hollie McNish talks about her poetry style (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Never heard of this fella but I am seriously intrigued now!
Comment is about Jeremy Reed, Aldeburgh, 2015 (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Many thanks Tom. I was a bit unsure whether the irony of the deliberately flippant tone would work with the horror of the thing.
Comment is about THE LAUGHING POLICEMAN (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Rhyme can sparkle but it requires the practiced polish of
affection and experience.
JH - hey, flange has only two words that rhyme with it:
Falange (Spanish Fascist Movement) and phalange (finger
- or toe bone). I recall that Matt Munro gave a top
quality impersonation of Frank Sinatra under the moniker
"Sid Flange" on the old LP "Songs For Swinging Sellers".
Comment is about Is rhyme a dirty word? Hollie McNish talks about her poetry style (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Lovely, vivid scenes. Very evocative.
Comment is about Cornwall (blog)
Original item by Julie Anne Sugden
Martin Elder
Thu 12th Nov 2015 15:52
I like the story in this poem and the way you tell it particularly the last Stanza which brings everything to the readers attention. Nice one
Comment is about In...then out (blog)
Original item by Angela McCrimmon