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Lynn Hamilton

Mon 8th Jun 2015 13:24

Beautiful

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Original item by jeremy young

Lynn Hamilton

Mon 8th Jun 2015 13:22

Hi Andy. Thank you for your comments. Very much appreciated. x

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Lynn Hamilton

Mon 8th Jun 2015 13:17

Hi Tommy. Thanks for the consideration but it was absolutely not necessary. I appreciate all comments, regardless. I only need to look at myself another 999 times to reach 2000 eh! xx

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Andy N

Mon 8th Jun 2015 12:48

yeah, i agree with Cynthia. this may work better as a series of poems but you have my respect for trying to do it as one poem and the ideas are certainly there..

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Andy N

Mon 8th Jun 2015 12:47

the last stanza perhaps tells a bit for my liking, but it's needed i think here.

again some excellent images and ideas in this. keep it up

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Andy N

Mon 8th Jun 2015 12:46

nice use of language.

not sure if i would have used the last sometimes in the last stanza but the ideas behind this are spot on.

this needs to be performed.

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Andy N

Mon 8th Jun 2015 12:45

i like the shortness of this piece, lynn. suits you well. really enjoyed it x

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Andy N

Mon 8th Jun 2015 12:45

i like the shortness of this piece, lynn. suits you well. really enjoyed it x

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Andy N

Mon 8th Jun 2015 12:43

enjoyed this Lynn.. Nice use of sparse language in the stanzas.. good stuff. really enjoyed this.. x

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jeremy young

Mon 8th Jun 2015 09:47

yes ben would be shocked to taste them now were he to come back from australia

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Laura Taylor

Mon 8th Jun 2015 09:42

I don't know HOW I missed this except to say that I was quite depressed over xmas and maybe didn't want to communicate with anyone. That's how it gets you sometimes.

Anyway, this is an amazing poem Cynthia. I love how you're so unafraid to really get into the physicality of your subject. It's something women won't talk about much as well - especially the smell of the blood.

Some killer lines in here:

Every love act that was good
Is in the memory of my body.
Those who really knew me there
Are with me there.

Oh yes. It is so important and life-affirming, good sex. I was raped when in my teens, and didn't recover joy in sexuality until my late 30s and early 40s. I'm incredibly pissed off about that as it feels like it was stolen from me, but I'm VERY pleased that I do have it back finally. And making the most of it :)

The idea of a cunt writhing in the poignancy of its own life. Wow.

I may be completely wrong here, but towards the end of the poem, is that like as a woman ages, and sensation begins to lessen - tonight my body remembers and searches? If you know what I mean?

This is a fantastic poem. So glad I found it.

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<Deleted User> (9882)

Mon 8th Jun 2015 09:26

outstanding!-great flow! x

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Juhi Gupte

Mon 8th Jun 2015 08:22

Thanks a tonne Lynn Hamilton for letting me know what my genre is called .. :)

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Juhi Gupte

Mon 8th Jun 2015 08:21


@ Cynthia Buell Thomas :: Pls take this as my in-person Thanks for your inputs

I will surely practise :)

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Lynn Hamilton

Sun 7th Jun 2015 22:52

Evening Tommy. Thank you for your comments on Colour Me In, which I just managed to read before the comment disappeared! Technology eh!

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Lynn Hamilton

Sun 7th Jun 2015 22:40

Hello Juhi

The way you write is 'right up my street'. Look forward to reading more of your work.

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Jon

Sun 7th Jun 2015 22:09

Fantastic poem sis! Forgot about this one.

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Darren Scanlon

Sun 7th Jun 2015 14:44

Thank you very much, Huw, much appreciated.

Comment is about WOODLAND WONDER (blog)

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Graham Sherwood

Sun 7th Jun 2015 12:13

Sorry I have come late to this thread.

One thing that perpetually intrigues me is the way readers appear to automatically think that "personal" pieces are autobiographical.

All poems should be critiqued objectively (I think I mean that) as stand alone words without the writer being castigated for committing those views to publication.

Saving libel, no-one should be thought culpable for their printed opinions. That sort of censorship is the brow of a very deep chasm.

Comment is about AND NOW! a free minded,unapologetic response,to closed minded pomposity (blog)

Brian Crawford

Sun 7th Jun 2015 00:36

Spell binding work.
Will continue to follow with anticipation.

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Original item by Amy McAllister

Lynn Hamilton

Sat 6th Jun 2015 23:56

I can't grab the crayons on this one Mr Bibby. It is about a mother who has a brain disorder and wishes her child could make it all better with the basic picture he/she creates.

Comment is about Colour Me In (blog)

Steve bibby

Sat 6th Jun 2015 23:35

Brave to have somebody else do the colouring. Crayola gripped withtight knuckles bunched and tongue gripped between teeth beneath a furrowed brow. careful careful carefully don't cross the lines .. you will make her all fuzzy. ....ahhh too late she fuzzed and fuzzed . ....grab the crayons yourself lynn you will make better choices on colour combinations and borders. Make her fizz and fizzier

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raypool

Sat 6th Jun 2015 22:17

It's a pleasure to catch a few thoughts in the fishing line of opportunity, even if you end up with the rubbish....
That line about the birds does maybe add a surreal touch, a sort of cinematic liberty. Cheers for your comments.

Ray

Comment is about I CAUGHT HER ON A SOFT TURN (blog)

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raypool

Sat 6th Jun 2015 22:14

yes, absolutely. And the idea is that Sundays are kept free for the ritual of pollution , of noise and air!! Ray

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raypool

Sat 6th Jun 2015 22:11

Glad you enjoyed this Colin. It was supposed to be neurotic houseowner but I'm sure we've all being there!
The last line is the bottom line obviously!

Comment is about YOU CAN'T GET QUICKER THAN A KITCHEN FITTER (blog)

Original item by ray pool

<Deleted User> (13762)

Sat 6th Jun 2015 20:30

I love the way you throw in a slightly off-kilter line - 'a flock of birds escorted her in a livening breeze' - an added depth and dimension. You've been busy and it's been a pleasure to read your posts Ray.

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Tony Kasazkaja

Sat 6th Jun 2015 20:29

Thanks for the comment on "The Tory Highwayman" Tommy, much appreciated mate :)

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<Deleted User> (13762)

Sat 6th Jun 2015 20:21

Ray, it's a good job he didn't get the kitchen fitter in to do the heaven and earth - we'd all still be swimming around in the proverbial soup

Comment is about POWER TOOLS (blog)

Original item by ray pool

<Deleted User> (13762)

Sat 6th Jun 2015 20:09

can I replace 'kitchen' with 'shower' Ray? It took several months for our shower fitter to fit the shower and fix the subsequent leaks - well actually, he didn't fix the leak in the end, I did!

great poem with cracking last line.

Comment is about YOU CAN'T GET QUICKER THAN A KITCHEN FITTER (blog)

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raypool

Sat 6th Jun 2015 19:09

Hi David,

I've really done it now! No axe to grind really, but observations especially about one person who is also a musician. All the sensitivity of paint stripper....
I expect I will ruffle a few feathers. It is a difficult job and demands all the timing and foresight of a bungee jumper no doubt. cheers. Ray

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Juhi Gupte

Sat 6th Jun 2015 18:28

Hey thanks Cynthia.. looking forward to be a part of this amazing spectrum of imagination .. :)

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sat 6th Jun 2015 18:13

'Love to ink my emotions' is a superb phrase in English. I look forward to many examples. Welcome to WOL, Juhi. We are becoming wonderfully international.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sat 6th Jun 2015 18:10

A very interesting idea. A bit rough in language maybe, but ideas themselves are the real gold of poetry. The actual words are just the 'next part', which can be duly acquired as you practise. Keep writing.

Comment is about Fate’s handwriting (blog)

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Tommy Carroll

Sat 6th Jun 2015 18:05

Cynthia revisit "Konnichiwa" were you'll find a recording that I've now placed. Tommy

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<Deleted User> (9882)

Sat 6th Jun 2015 17:58

OMG! what a storm you have created,guys.So I won't add any logs of contention to the fire,simply to say that as with ANY similar topic,it is accepting the 'EVERYONE to THEIR OWN'.

Anything else would have to work miracles to change that
and would be so wrong if it did.x

Comment is about AND NOW! a free minded,unapologetic response,to closed minded pomposity (blog)

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sat 6th Jun 2015 17:53

My goodness- what a feast of words in a strong formal voice.

Is it so much noise as vision, as 'windmills' break up the scenery like the march of a galactic invasion? It's hard to think 'benign'.

Comment is about Dragon's Nest (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sat 6th Jun 2015 17:36

This is, perhaps, a bit strong, even biased, but you still make a very apt case with some good points.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sat 6th Jun 2015 17:06

Oh, I do like this, Tommy. Although I can't yet imagine a Japanese' ring-tone. You pull the readers right inside the room. And leave us hanging for more detail. Admirable technique.
I spent six weeks in Japan some years back, in Tokyo specifically, but travelling about. So I heard 'konnichiwa' a lot.


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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sat 6th Jun 2015 16:58

Now - back to the original question - was there any specific incident that caused you two to write this poem? IMO, it didn't sound like the 'war' or 'terrorist' kind of 'let live.' More like a nasty neighbour -for such like can make life hell. Or a fellow church member - scenarios like that. Whatever the impetus - it is great rant.

Comment is about AND NOW! a free minded,unapologetic response,to closed minded pomposity (blog)

<Deleted User> (13762)

Sat 6th Jun 2015 14:00

before you condemn half the world to the gallows Huw maybe you should remember that some offenders do reform their ways and that many others would be able to given the proper resources for rehabilitation which are often sadly lacking throughout the world's prison systems. There have also been many convicted criminals who have been sent to the gallows and later been found to be innocent. I'm not a religious man but I believe no person is truly evil, their actions result from many different factors too many to list here. To wipe them 'away like scum' would be succumbing to the same 'scum of the earth' tactics you so despise. Humanity needs to aspire to a greater collective morality. Time to read a few peace loving poets from the sixties methinks.

Pat and Stef, I was wondering what made you write and post this neat little poem?

Comment is about AND NOW! a free minded,unapologetic response,to closed minded pomposity (blog)

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M.C. Newberry

Sat 6th Jun 2015 01:16

JC - Claude Rains? Wasn't his most famous line about a
"beautiful friendship" - aimed at Humphrey Bogart?
We can only guess what the twits would make of that
line, given half a chance!

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Harry O'Neill

Fri 5th Jun 2015 21:39

Marie-Anne,
Those first five lines would make a good poem on their own.

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Original item by Marie-Anne

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Harry O'Neill

Fri 5th Jun 2015 21:32

Cynthia,

Nice selection of `out` rhymes. And only repeated one word (appropriately) at the end of the first and last line.

Comment is about Morning Mantra (blog)

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Harry O'Neill

Fri 5th Jun 2015 20:43

M.C.
The reasons for the growth of the benefit - dependent under-class include:

The decision of Thatcher government to neglect the manufacturing side of the economy and go for the the
financial service option after globalisation.

The discovery of North sea oil, which enabled them to pay reasonable benefits to the consequent manually unemployed.(remember those posters of the long dole queues?) As we changed to a mainly service economy.

The deliberate collusion of the government in turning a blind eye to the ease of people going on to benefits like
invalidity etc; (I can personally attest to this) for the purpose of reducing the (vote losing) unemployment
figures, while all this was happening. (this is now freely
admitted by the parties)

The service sector was `betrayed` by the financial arm, and there is now a dire need of a robust manufacturing
arm to rescue it...hence the benefit cuts to force people back to any sort of work. (and save the money).

We now seem to be in the ludicrous situation of so many extra workers that the productivity level is sagging.
Plus that the `strong` pound is doing us no good at all.
Not only that,, but if many of the new workers are also on some kind of benefit, then the government is
subsidising this weak productivity.

Despite the fact that - in my opinion -we have not yet seen any real austerity (where is it?) two internationally
respected financial watchdogs have, this week, urged the government to go easier as we move ahead. Yet
the government is still talking gung ho.

We don`t want a benefit dependent any-class of able-bodied or brained worker (benefits are for the needy)
What we need (and want) is a more equable salary
and wage system... things are too disparite.















Comment is about THE SOCIALIST SHIRKERS PARTY (blog)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

<Deleted User> (13762)

Fri 5th Jun 2015 20:25

nice one Ian.

the irony now is that government subsidies fuel Drax to use wood chip from the US where small-scale landowners are shredding their trees for our energy greed. I believe it's 3 ships a day to feed the dreaded Drax and it's only us that's bought in to this nonsense.

anyways, enough of the rants and three cheers for renewables and a decent poem too. Cheers.

Comment is about Dragon's Nest (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

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Harry O'Neill

Fri 5th Jun 2015 17:04

Travis
missed this.

The rain, the steam, the grease (even the yoke) suitably
portray a bleak and bleary view of the modern world.

The episode of the (dam?) tells of the impossibility of pleasing everyone (adding to the confused cussednes of the feeling?)

The Consumption bit I take to be self-criticism.

Adam and Eve re-call the reason for the whole sorry mess.

I don`t get the atoll-eating, and - unless the title means seeds of some kind of dawning conscience - I don`t really get that either.

To me the whole thing reads like the begining of a feel of conscience for our sorry world mess that is felt but eventually rejected.


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Harry O'Neill

Fri 5th Jun 2015 16:31

Tomas,
I like your comparison with Ireland, and the sheer cack-handedness of modern Politics when it comes to
`toppling regimes`.

Comment is about Coffin Ships of the Modern Age (blog)

Original item by Tomás Ó Cárthaigh

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John Coopey

Fri 5th Jun 2015 16:17

Oops! I was talking about Claude Rains!

Comment is about Craig Raine hits back at 'Gatwick' critics (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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M.C. Newberry

Fri 5th Jun 2015 15:44

Twits on Twitter/ No surprise there!
The content of a poem and the way it is set out are two
separate things. The first comes within the aim of
poetry to get people thinking (even those who don't
normally indulge) - whilst the second is more subjective
and may be food for criticism according to the skill or
lack of it perceived in the presentation.
The anti-human aspect of age-ism is one of those
fashionable isms of today that appeal to those who
see no further than their own immediate little existence
and would deprive others of thought. The comment from
GS about "thought police" is well taken.
A popular song of the past told us "You can't go to jail
for what you're thinking..."
Hah! If the twits on Twitter had their way, you would!

Comment is about Craig Raine hits back at 'Gatwick' critics (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Graham Sherwood

Fri 5th Jun 2015 14:43

Laura, just noticed your profile total. Are you having a party for your 30,000?

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