Hi Hugh
Nice take on what goes on in Downing St.
Just emphasizes how much those pillocks rely on hired speech writers. Might not have been put as Freda would like. She chooses to criticize choice of words, balance, and content, "not the message" contained therein.

keep 'em coming Ken.

Comment is about Clare Foges -this girl is on fire. (blog)

Original item by hugh

Cynthia
thanks for your recent comments on my poem 'Vermin'. Interested in your suggestion to change the 'tossed in the air' wording, as my intention was to keep each line to 8 syllables - I'm never sure whether words like 'tossed' count as one or two - in my yorkshire diallect when read aloud it's definitely only one :-)
I'm new to the WOL community, so not sure on the etiquette for responding etc - thought best to comment on your profile page rather than on the blog entry. Anyway - went and read some of your work on your profile page - liking it - particularly like the blog post this evening - thanks once again
Ian

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Might make sense to you
but well above my comprehension level.
Try dumbing it down to appeal to the masses
No offence meant. You can rubbish mine as much as you like. Ken.

Comment is about A Crying Shame (blog)

Original item by Ludo

Hugh, this is an interesting poem on a serious topic. Using poetry to persuade and present another person as more intelligent and articulate than he really is. You have told your tale very neatly too.
I am intrigued by the way you use 'does' and 'did' in these lines.
'Davids speech on Europe she did inspire'
'To No. 10 every morning she does go.'
Is this how you would normally speak, or did you feel that saying 'she does go' instead of 'she goes' gave you a more fitting rhyme and rhythm?
'go' is easier to rhyme than 'goes', perhaps.
The ordinary way of saying the first of these would be 'She inspired David's speech on Europe'. I guess you wanted to find a rhyme for 'fire'.
There are plenty of instances when 'does' and 'did' can be used without it feeling awkward. This use feels a bit forced, as does the phrase 'into her creative pot reaches.'
Maybe you were aiming to sound a bit like William McGonegal. I have used his style myself now and then and it can be quite funny.
What strikes me about it is that with a bit of work on these kind of awkward phrasings, this poem could run much smoother and more confident sounding, so that the political sentiment in it would come over more strongly. I hope you don't feel I am making a song and dance about a few little words. It is these little grammatical hiccups that can trip the best of us up.

Comment is about Clare Foges -this girl is on fire. (blog)

Original item by hugh

Lovely Harry. Don't remember seeing this before. Enjoyed the sea imagery here and yes the brevity of the piece works - it reinforces the idea that such a woman isn't to be possessed.

Comment is about Lily going by (blog)

Original item by Harry O`N eill

Lol - just as well you don't do humour too often Mike - this is gross!

I'll forgive you though - I don't suppose many pishy old laddies would want to shag you anyway ;)

x

Comment is about Old Laddies (blog)

Original item by Noetic-fret!

I enjoyed this. It's a nice smooth easy read with no bumps. Also, one I can identify with, being an ex London commuter. Chance meetings/connections are great food for thought.

Comment is about The Girl on the Jubilee Line (blog)

Original item by Mark Niel

I'm glad I read your poem before I read your comment. That's exactly what I got from your poem. I like it. You manage to convey a lot in a little. I'm really curious to know what you changed now!

Comment is about Grey Morning (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Cynthia - thanks for the feedback, and the kind words. Yes, I hadn't thought about the poetry-photography link but I do agree with you now I consider it. This poem was the closing poem of an informal 'compilation' I worked on which had as its emphasis themes such as light, shade and all ideas that stem from them such as life, death, elation, depression, etc.

I just wanted these simple emotions to be expressed in poem-form, and these are similar to those I often feel when examining powerful photographs which draw attention to light, darkness or both in contrast. So yes, you've made a very good point there.

And yes, I am very new. Only just joined a couple of days ago!

Comment is about Orange Garden (blog)

Original item by David Blake

Thanks for your time guys

Comment is about 2012 (blog)

Original item by Ludo

Nick - thanks for the feedback. 'Heals the pain' was left intentionally open to interpretation, but in my mind this 'garden' is a kind of heaven-like place where one can rest from the stresses of life and rehabilitate from the wear and tear of life's journey.

This is something I came up with in 2010, a time around where I still hadn't written much poetry for a while, so the words and meter were a little loose and improvised. Since then I've written quite a lot which is more restrained and ordered. And that I shall post up soon. Thanks again!

Comment is about Orange Garden (blog)

Original item by David Blake

'scrums' is excellent, and does exactly as you intended. I enjoyed this work, highlighting such responsive encounters that have no reason for being except a high antennae sensitivity, a kind of mutual receptivity. Would you consider simply: 'a girl with caramel skin'? It avoids the rhythmic hiccup of 'caramel for skin'.

Comment is about The Girl on the Jubilee Line (blog)

Original item by Mark Niel

There are some lovely metaphors in this, and some intriguing ideas like 'a new purity full of the garden'. The poem requires more than one quick look. I would think that the art of photography clearly complements the gift of poetic skill ... sensitive observation and all that.

Are you new? Or have I been off-line too long?

Comment is about Orange Garden (blog)

Original item by David Blake

Good one, and very topical. I like the formal structure which is tight with good metre and rhyme. May I suggest: 'tossed in air' to keep the strident beat really intact?

Comment is about Vermin (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

Not a recent one, but still changed the title. '50 Shades...' has ruined certain words forever.

Comment is about Grey Morning (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

I hope they do more of these, I enjoyed every minute of it..

Comment is about Rhymechester! Tony Walsh heads night for Manchester poets (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Thank you for the comments which I'm finding very useful. Regarding the use of the word "scrums": this poem describes a real encounter and as such I'm trying to be true to the events that happened. When the girl left the train, it was packed and she had to push her way through the pack of commuters at the door. I struggled for the word and eventually settled for "scrum" as I hoped it would add a new, contrasting image to the sleepiness of some of the verses and would again bring the poem back to the reality of the day. It was a forceful, not graceful exit. However, if the word is taking away from the poem, I'd be grateful for suggestions.

How about "she melts through the scrum to the platform"?

Comment is about The Girl on the Jubilee Line (blog)

Original item by Mark Niel

By the way...I was born in Paignton - the less fashionable neighbour across the bay from Torquay. But Paigntonians always maintain that Torquay was built for them to look at! Nothing "fawlty" in that point of view.

Comment is about Hotel Fawlty Towers (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Proving it isn't necessary to labour a point.
Brevity is beauty here!

Comment is about Lily going by (blog)

Original item by Harry O`N eill

Agree with Harry in general, and more specifically with his comment about "scrums".
With the "wave/wave" before...why not "weaves"
(I see her doing that gracefully)?

Comment is about The Girl on the Jubilee Line (blog)

Original item by Mark Niel

Hi John, I had two pictures ready for the 'Snow Job' the other is a bit of a give-a-way since it shows a giant snow foot! Bit too obvious. This excited one from 'USA' seemed far more rude and therefore possibly captivating. It gained your attention anyway! Carry on with the wonderful songs and things, We all love 'em to bits. ta for comments, ta muchly, nick

Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)

Original item by John Coopey

It is great to find one who may declare his piss-offedness so strongly and yet I feel that those who carry power may take more notice if your grammar and errudition were more accurate and therefore scruptious. I like what you say and you say it well but ... yes there's always a bloody but, if you wish to be heard by those that are in a position to make change happen - you have to jump through the hoops! Not perfect, never perfect but that is the way of LIFE dear boy, take care, continue to explain yourself, it is refreshing - ta muchly, nick, p.s. sorry this is so long.

Comment is about The Sad Loss (blog)

Original item by Noetic-fret!

Thank you for reading and the comments made.

Philip - I have thousands upon thousands of poems, being a very furious writer from a very young age and now am finding myself putting little collections together... which then get bigger beyond my intention! Watch this space eh? hee hee

cheers

Comment is about Meta (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Heals the pain of what? Have you ever considered laying up your thoughts in foraml context, inside the box of rhyme, meter etc.? That would not make it any stronger but could possibly show off your control of skill! Just a thought, ta muchly, nick.

Comment is about Orange Garden (blog)

Original item by David Blake

In the beginning I read this as a poem but later decided it was a powerful belief. I fear that I err on the side of science but do enjoy your work. ta muchly, nick.

Comment is about In the Beginning Was the Word... (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Nice :)

Comment is about Past Lives (blog)

Original item by Steve Higgins

I like the slow, dreamy, pace of this ...the `judder` the recognition, and then the lapse back into the dreaminess...followed by the contrast of the angular, fidgety, contrastivefinal stanza.

But that `scrums` in the penultimate stanza seems out of kilter with the previous four.

Comment is about The Girl on the Jubilee Line (blog)

Original item by Mark Niel

Sounds like a good night with some interesting poetry. I'd be very intrigued to hear a poem about a man, his wife and a one legged girl - it all sounds very off beat.

Enjoyed the review.

x

Comment is about Romance, satire and politics as Liverpool puts on a show (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

... I might add that I'd be more than happy to check out "The New (You)"

Comment is about Yvonne Brunton (poet profile)

Original item by Yvonne Brunton

Hello Yvonne,
Glad you liked Old Ladies.
We had a Festival for the Over 50's in York last year where I did a spot of 'poetry'. (I was, in fact, over-qualified for a Festival of the Over 50's.)

Comment is about Yvonne Brunton (poet profile)

Original item by Yvonne Brunton

Ha ha! Bollocks! Its a load of old bollocks! Not litrally of course :)

Comment is about A Daol Fo... (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Inspiring!

Comment is about Huami (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Brilliant, thanks for this, just applied!

Comment is about Step right up: chance to perform on poetry stage at Glastonbury (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Hahaa!! Blimey! Took me a minute! :D

Excellent stuff Is :D

Comment is about How does it feel ... to be a part of your body? (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Re, a media report yesterday about BBC censorship of that laugh-aloud series:
If Fawlty Towers ever opened again
There's one thing that I wager
There'd be no sign or sound I ken
Of that non-PC old major!!

Comment is about Hotel Fawlty Towers (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Heh heh - I've only written from that perspective once - in my early days on WOL - I've posted a link. I will try to have another bash to see if I can do better :)

http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=4933

Comment is about How does it feel ... to be a part of your body? (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Thank you Greg. it's always nice to be appreciated by a connoisseur!

Comment is about The Girl on the Jubilee Line (blog)

Original item by Mark Niel

Brief encounter on the Jubilee Line: I'm a connoisseur of train poems and the hopes and possibilities they offer, and like this a lot, Mark.

Comment is about The Girl on the Jubilee Line (blog)

Original item by Mark Niel

Anyone know when the next end of the world date is? Well done Ludo. Take care, Tony.

Comment is about 2012 (blog)

Original item by Ludo

The Poetry School attracts 1,000 poets a year, and is against both elitism and parochialism, its director, Ollie Dawson, affirmed last night at the launch of its spring term courses in the hospitable Tea House Theatre, amid the frozen wastes of Vauxhall and nearby rumbling of trains. The Poetry School itself is located close by, in Lambeth Walk. Reading were three Poetry School students from the previous term: Edward Doegar, who was also appearing at the latest Poetry Review launch tonight, Sue Robbins, and John Canfield, who said disarmingly that all his poems had been “workshopped, commented upon, improved … that’s my way of spreading the blame”. Canfield has a poem about Ringo in the forthcoming Seren Beatles anthology, Newspaper Taxis. Tutor Chris McCabe’s poems were inspired by his young son; his huge number of early baby names, including Little Big Boy, Koala Boy, and Our Little Prince, and as source material for the title, You’re Meat, Book. McCabe’s course, Collaborations, “the unknown alchemical terrain of working with other poets”, was all above board, with no plagiarism issues, he was quick to add. The launch evening was serenely and sublimely concluded by the Poetry School’s founder, Mimi Khalvati, with poems about the inclement weather, mouse-lemurs, ghostfish, and souls that travel on horseback.

Review is about Poetry School: Spring Term Launch & Poetry Reading on 23 Jan 2013 (event)

Haiku-like in its brevity and content.

Comment is about Across the sea (blog)

Original item by Carla Tombacco

Welcome aboard, Claire. Glad you sorted it. Yes, the layout looks fine and the content reads beautifully. Stunning final line. Thanks.

Comment is about Claire Booker (poet profile)

Original item by Claire Booker

Hehe - I ALMOST wrote one from the perspective of my tits :D But it wouldn't have been very big...

;D

Gwan - have a go!

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Hehe - I ALMOST wrote one from the perspective of my tits :D But it wouldn't have been very big...

;D

Gwan - have a go!

Comment is about How does it feel ... to be a part of your body? (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Hehe - yeh, you got it, it's written from the perspective of a pair of eyes :D Hope you all enjoyed it - I've never written a riddle before! Great fun!

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read, puzzle, and comment ;D

Comment is about Huami (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Thanks for the laugh John! Take care, Tony.

Comment is about Hotel Fawlty Towers (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Rhymes abound within your poetic skin - I'm glad you've let us in. and a decent portion to boot, liked it plenty, ta muchly, nick

Comment is about In Your Skin (blog)

Original item by Simon Austin

Time, Geography, Voice, Air, Sight, Water, all in such a brief instant, goodlystuff, ta muchly, nick

Comment is about Across the sea (blog)

Original item by Carla Tombacco

Chuckle muscle exercised [exorcised] again, Et Stow Raw Fly. ta muchly, nick

Comment is about Hotel Fawlty Towers (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

A beautifully understated raving of beauty left to the mind of us mere mortals and your loyal reader. ta muchly, nick

Comment is about Lily going by (blog)

Original item by Harry O`N eill